Defining Discipline

[Defining]

Need to set up a better morning routine so I don't just waste the day!

 

Week 4:

Mon: 12km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 9km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Wed: 13km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Thurs: 6km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout (I'm getting sick! WTF!)

Fri: 5km, 2hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 140g protein, 4veg + 2fruit, no physio no workout (it hurt to breathe )

Sat: 8km, 4hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout (feeling better, still sick)

Sun: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 63km

G2: 6hrs video

G3: 0hrs tidying

G4: 6 days met intake goals

BG5: almost all physio, no workout (and I'm still sick, bah humbug)

[Defining]

WHY the eff did I get a cold? I barely saw any people at all this week, have been sleeping 8+hrs/night, stayed hydrated, and have been trying to avoid stress. Blargh.

[Jean]

Did you wear a beanie and warm socks?

 

Sending honey and warm herbal tea.

 

[Defining]

Week 5:

Mon: 10km, 0hrs video, 10hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 11km, 2hrs video, 2hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Wed: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Thurs: 11km, 4hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Fri: 8km, 3hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sat: 9km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sun: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout!

 

Week End:

G1: 69km

G2: 9hrs video

G3: 12hrs tidying

G4: 7 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 1 workout (YAY!)

[Defining]

Week 6:

Mon: 10km, 3hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 10km, 2hrs video, 2hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Wed: 10km, 2hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Thurs: 11km, 0hrs video, 2hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Fri: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sat: 10km, 0hrs video, 2hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sun: 10km, 2hrs video, 1hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 71km

G2: 9hrs video

G3: 7hrs tidying

G4: 7 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 2 workouts

[Defining]

Week 7:

Mon: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 10km, 1hrs video, 3hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Wed: 10km, 2hrs video, 1hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Thurs: 10km, 2hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Fri: 10km, 0hrs video, 6hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sat: 12km, 3hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sun: 13km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 75km

G2: 8hrs video

G3: 10hrs tidying

G4: 7 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 3 workouts

[Defining]

Week 8:

Mon: 14km, 0hrs video, 1hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Wed: 9km, 4hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Thurs: 10km, 0hrs video, 2hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Fri: 11km, 2hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sat: 10km, 0hrs video, 4hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sun: 12km, 3hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 76km

G2: 9hrs video

G3: 7hrs tidying

G4: 7 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 3 workouts

[Defining]

Week 9:

Mon: 11km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 12km, 2hrs video, 4hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Wed: 10km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Thurs: 9km, 4hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 120g protein, 3veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Fri: 6km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 80g protein, 3veg + 0fruit, physio no workout 

Sat: 2km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 40g protein, 2veg + 0fruit, no physio no workout 

Sun: 5km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 60g protein, 2veg + 0fruit, no physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 55km

G2: 6hrs video

G3: 4hrs tidying

G4: 3 days met intake goals

BG5: 5 physio, 1 workout

 

I have no idea what I have, my throat & mouth are killing me, have been since Wed night. If it doesn't clear up in a few days I'll go to a walk-in, but it's started to get better today.

[Jean]

On 4/15/2019 at 10:12 PM, Defining said:

I have no idea what I have, my throat & mouth are killing me, have been since Wed night. If it doesn't clear up in a few days I'll go to a walk-in, but it's started to get better today.

 

Any news on that front? I hope it's over by now but I'm still checking, just in case.

 

You seem quite good at keeping up with your goals, it's nice to see you on track.

[Defining]

Week 10:

Mon: 9km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 100g protein, 4veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 14km, 3hrs video, 2hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Wed: 11km, 0hrs video, 3hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Thurs: 9km, 4hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Fri: 10km, 6hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sat: 12km, 0hrs video, 4hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sun: 13km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

 

Week End:

G1: 78km

G2: 13hrs video

G3: 9hrs tidying

G4: 6 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 4 workout

 

Aaaaand we're back on track!

[Defining]

Week 11:

Mon: 13km, 0hrs video, 8hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Tues: 11km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Wed: 9km, 5hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Thurs: 16km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Fri: 10km, 3hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sat: 11km, 0hrs video, 6hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sun: 12km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 82km

G2: 8hrs video

G3: 14hrs tidying

G4: 7 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 4 workout

 

Dude, we're on week 12 - last week for the Newt Challenge. WTF DID THE FIRST HALF OF 2019 GO?!?!?

[Defining]

Week 12:

Mon: 15km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Tues: 12km, 0hrs video, 3hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Wed: 13km, 2hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout

Thurs: 10km, 0hrs video, 5hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

Fri: 11km, 0hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio AND workout 

Sat: 14km, 2hrs video, 4hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout 

Sun: 12km, 5hrs video, 0hrs tidying, 160g protein, 6veg + 2fruit, physio no workout

 

Week End:

G1: 87km

G2: 9hrs video

G3: 12hrs tidying

G4: 7 days met intake goals

BG5: all physio, 4 workout

 

Well. That's all she wrote for the 12 week challenge. I started a 4 week goal thread as well this cycle (starting to cut kcal through a 5:2 style diet, adding in more consistent workouts, staying hydrated, and trying to find a few local communities to start engaging with). and am working on that.

 

On the list for this week:

1) attend a toastmaster meeting - I don't think this one will be the right fit, but I gotta start somewhere!

2) design my exercise plans for the next 8-10 months; I'd like to programme in a bit more structure, and may need to integrate some athletic stuff for future goals

3) check out a softball game; I've never done a team sport before, but I'm intrigued, and am thinking would like to get my training dialed in to give it a shot next year!

4) do some research on becoming an audiobook narrator - I already have all the kit, and the flexible schedule...seems like a good fit?

5) get my rates together for video work & SM consulting on the side; since I already have a couple potential clients lined up, I should really get on that

6) keep on keeping on with the habits I've been working on for the last 12 weeks

8) build on the previous habits with the 4 week goals

9) don't forget my 'actual job' - ie. selling real estate, since that (in theory) is what pays the bills most weeks

 

[Jean]

On 5/6/2019 at 9:28 PM, Defining said:

1) attend a toastmaster meeting - I don't think this one will be the right fit, but I gotta start somewhere!

 

You've got me intrigued, what even is one of those?

 

On 5/6/2019 at 9:28 PM, Defining said:

5) get my rates together for video work & SM consulting on the side; since I already have a couple potential clients lined up, I should really get on that

 

I know my mind is weird but Urban Dictionary approves with it on this one... is SM consulting really what I think it is?

 

The real important part, though, is that your plan looks awesome. Enjoy every step of it.

[Defining]

51 minutes ago, Jean said:

I know my mind is weird but Urban Dictionary approves with it on this one... is SM consulting really what I think it is?

LOL, I didn't even think of that. No, in this context SM stands for 'social media'. The other is a possible income stream for some, but I don't think I could pull it off.

 

Toastmasters is a speech-making club - effectively a way to practice public speaking. I really enjoy public speaking, so I thought it'd be a good fit; but after attending last night, I think they're likely too formulaic for my own interests.

[Jean]

3 minutes ago, Defining said:

LOL, I didn't even think of that. No, in this context SM stands for 'social media'. The other is a possible income stream for some, but I don't think I could pull it off.

They can be combined but social media seems like the better income stream avenue, somehow.

 

4 minutes ago, Defining said:

Toastmasters is a speech-making club - effectively a way to practice public speaking. I really enjoy public speaking, so I thought it'd be a good fit; but after attending last night, I think they're likely too formulaic for my own interests.

Politics? Also, any kind of event organizing. I'm sure there are people who'd pay to have someone do their speach at their wedding. The perfect deal looks like public speaker, though. Since you're pretty good at building your writings here, I'm sure you'd have some success in it.

[Defining]

1) Toastmasters was a bust - too structured for my tastes, and realistically speaking I'm already happy with my public speaking skills  

2) Still need to design my exercise plans; will just do them this afternoon, since I apparently put it off for all of last week!

3) Softball game tomorrow (unless it rains, because I'm not THAT into it yet )

4) Looks like the audiobook rates would barely cover the hours - 4-6hrs/ hour of finished product. Maybe fun to do on the side, but not actually a good use of time I think.

5) Consulting rates are done, but looking at them I'm almost wondering if I even want to offer those services - with a full client list, I wouldn't have much time to spare!

6) Habits are going well, but I've been feeling very fatigued lately - something to look into maybe.

8) 5:2 and hydration are going well, I'm falling down on working out every day. Just bought some extra weight plates so that it'll be easier/faster to swap between movements.

9) SO BUSY with work, holy crap

 

This week:

(today) - exercise plan & (tomorrow) - softball game

1) time audit this week - I'm pretty sure I'm spending too much time reading again

2) Keep on keeping on with the habits

3) Go through 50 Tough Questions You Never Ask Yourself, But Should

4) Have a think about what activities 'energise' me, rather than motivate me

[Jean]

7 hours ago, Defining said:

50 Tough Questions You Never Ask Yourself, But Should

Thanks for that, there's good food for thought in there.

 

Also: 

7 hours ago, Defining said:

realistically speaking I'm already happy with my public speaking skills  

Shouldn't that be a ""? I mean, more time for other endeavours, then, where you can even put your public speaking skills to use.

 

7 hours ago, Defining said:

SO BUSY with work, holy crap

Take care.

[Defining]

On 5/13/2019 at 11:46 PM, Jean said:

Shouldn't that be a ""? I mean, more time for other endeavours, then, where you can even put your public speaking skills to use.

This phase is more about finding a community/group of people to spend time with - and while I appreciate integrating skill development, that's not the goal for me right now.

 

I may have an 'in' for a softball team THIS year! I've been reassured that zero athletic ability is required, so....*shrug*  I could do worse things with my time?

 

Things that 'energize' me. Um. The fact that I have difficulty answering this question is probably not a good thing:

I like learning about health, fitness, nutrition, body functions & anatomy, etc. I follow a lot of finance management stuff, but I feel like that's mostly out of necessity. I like the science behind cooking & baking. I enjoy talking about sex and sexuality. I've really enjoyed learning more about building and home maintenance through work. I love filmmaking and the art & logistics that go into it, as well as the narrative structure and underlying meanings. I like learning how things are made/work. I read a lot.* I often get distracted by philosophical implications and inferred meanings in day to day life. I take gratification from deconstructing details to inform the whole. I find a lot of value from experimenting with different lifestyle styles, and learning about how they interrelate. I like filling in gaps for 'things you don't know you don't know'; both for myself, and others.

 

Maybe I should start a non-profit to make 'adulting' educational videos.  Huh. But actually. Long-term, I wouldn't mind organising a 'bootcamp' for teens that could fill in the gaps caused by household variations/incomplete education in schools. Food for future thought.

 

*A LOT. The time audit tells me that: yes, I spend WAY too much time reading. I clearly need more structure in my day to day routines.

 

50 tough questions was less useful than I hoped, but it was a good reminder that I haven't done anything that I'd say contributed to my personal 'success' in the last few years. If MY definition of 'success' is: accomplishing something that makes you proud, but not at the expense of other areas of your life that are important to you.....well, fuck. That's definitely not me. If I use someone else's that I like: progressive realisation of a worthy ideal....I'm still not anywhere close. Hell, I don't know that I've ever really felt successful by those definitions.

 

So next steps for me:

1) Keep on keeping on (5:2, workouts, work, hydration, video work, etc.)

2) Follow up re: softball

3) Consider what would be a 'worthy ideal' for myself, and/or something I'd like to accomplish that I'd be able to look at and say 'I'm proud of that'

 

I feel like this is some kind of stupid circular logic, where I tried to find 'passions' to get away from 'interests',  because those seemed too wide. But that led me to 'energising' that fell back into 'interests' and has now devolved back into 'what do I really care about', which...ffs, I dunno. Everything. Nothing. I'm back to existential nihilism, wrapped in a delicious package of absurdism. Whatever. It's cool. I can do this.

 

[Jean]

I'm kinda stepping into things that are none of my business, here, so don't hesitate to send me off if it's feeling intrusive or unwanted.

 

 

7 hours ago, Defining said:

3) Consider what would be a 'worthy ideal' for myself, and/or something I'd like to accomplish that I'd be able to look at and say 'I'm proud of that'

 

There's another way to look at that and that is "how do I change my mindset to become proud of what I do?". Sometimes, we're just setting expectations way too high for ourselves, by reading your last post, there's probably a lot of things you could be proud of in your everyday life. If it's a matter of the importance of what you do, things are built one step at a time. Sure, we can be proud of the final result, grand achievement of unlocking wisdom yet unknown to humanity, curing all world diseases or ending war forever but every step on the way matters too. If we can see ourselves on the way, becoming a better person, gathering the tools of happiness, radiating it around us and creating positive circumstances for others to be happy around us, we can be proud of that too.

 

The problem with "being proud" and "worthy ideals" is that their definition really relies on us. Someone would have an ideal, think it worthy and be proud of it and you would not, maybe because everytime you do, you look at a bigger picture and find your achievements insignificants in comparison. It's the whole "being happy of what you have" vs "acquiering what makes you happy" thought debate: it's really not much of an objective quantifiable thing, more of a choice.

 

Of course, how people around you react to what you do has an effect on the feelings of contentment and "proudness" one can have too. That's an important part of feeling worthy, which in turn plays a big part in valuing our achievements. Most of it still relies on our shoulders, though. Life has that big "whatever" nihilistic feeling to it because it's all just a big sandbox anyway: there's no intrisic objectives to it, we're free to decide what's important and what is not. We do things, we don't do things, it doesn't matter until we decide it does. Or we can learn to live with the feeling of existential nihilism wrapped inside us, you seem to be pretty good at that, it works too.

 

Have fun softballing and enjoy yourself.

[Defining]

12 hours ago, Jean said:

There's another way to look at that and that is "how do I change my mindset to become proud of what I do?"

 

It's really not much of an objective quantifiable thing, more of a choice.

 

Of course, how people around you react to what you do has an effect on the feelings of contentment and "proudness" one can have too.

Thanks for your thoughts! I'm ok with striving for more, rather than retconning my values to find an opportunity to be 'proud' of previous accomplishments. And of course it's not objective! I don't measure myself by other people's standards, nor in my personal opinion do I think that anyone should. 

 

I firmly believe that our best meter stick is ourselves, with each individual life and context changing the meaning and intention behind actions (with a caveat for events than only affect the individual - obviously anything that affects other people needs to be held to objective moral parameters). For one person getting out of debt and reading 50 books/year would be fantastic goals - for myself, those are way below my basic 'status quo'. Can I judge them simply because they are coming from a different position? Of course not, those are huge accomplishments for that individual, and my opinion is irrelevant. By the same token I refuse to consider my own goals and accomplishments according to someone else's context - it has to be what would make ME proud, not what someone else thinks is worthy.

[Jean]

Can you be proud of yourself, though? That's a genuine question, you can very well have that ability or not and, by that, I mean that if we compare ourselves to what we can do, as we should, then there's always a next thing that we can do. Our self that will evaluate our actions will be better than ourself. She will have more abilities to do things, she could have done more so what we did, to her, was trivial. She wasn't the one to do the thing, though, the one taking action in the now is our self of now, with all of her shortcomings.

 

I personally think that being happy is worthy of pride. That setting a path that shows to others around me that, yes, the absurdities of modern life are not a fatality and that, yes, we can be happy, is a worthy endeavour and that, by doing that, I exhude a happiness that radiates and makes it easier for people around me to be themselves happy.

 

That's the standard by which I evaluate whether I did good or not. It can happen everyday and that, in itself, makes me somewhat happy. It's mine, but what is yours? What is it in what you do today that sounds to you like you aren't making enough of a difference? Will your life itself be the breakthrough in which you can take pride or do you have to wait 'till that one moment when it finally happens - maybe the last moment of them all?

[Defining]

Yup, I get what you're trying to say - but to me the concepts of happiness, satisfaction, pride, worth, accomplishment, 'doing well', and success are all different things. And not always connected.

[Deckard Gainz]

On 5/20/2019 at 2:34 PM, Defining said:

hings that 'energize' me. Um. The fact that I have difficulty answering this question is probably not a good thing:

I like learning about health, fitness, nutrition, body functions & anatomy, etc. I follow a lot of finance management stuff, but I feel like that's mostly out of necessity. I like the science behind cooking & baking. I enjoy talking about sex and sexuality. I've really enjoyed learning more about building and home maintenance through work. I love filmmaking and the art & logistics that go into it, as well as the narrative structure and underlying meanings. I like learning how things are made/work. I read a lot.* I often get distracted by philosophical implications and inferred meanings in day to day life. I take gratification from deconstructing details to inform the whole. I find a lot of value from experimenting with different lifestyle styles, and learning about how they interrelate. I like filling in gaps for 'things you don't know you don't know'; both for myself, and others.

...

'what do I really care about', which...ffs, I dunno. Everything. Nothing. I'm back to existential nihilism, wrapped in a delicious package of absurdism. Whatever. It's cool. I can do this.

 

Hi I'm perching on your log. I'm here for pretty much all of this (except maybe the finance stuff - ironic only because I work for a financial organization). 

 

I read some past posts and looked into that "50 tough questions" and if it makes you feel better, I couldn't even manage to define success for myself. With all those different interests, does it seem difficult to focus on any one of them enough to excel enough to instill pride in yourself? That's me projecting, but just curious. I don't find it unusual or bad to not be able to easily identify things that 'energize' you. I have difficulty with this one too. Everything can be exhausting at times, even pursuit of our passions.

 

I personally find some value in existentialism and/or nihilism (and a few other adjacent philosophies) for keeping my stress levels low. If nothing matters, there's no point in getting upset, but there's no point in getting extremely excited either. Then again, if nothing matters, everything matters, and you can pick and choose whatever you want to be important to you. That can read as retconning your values, but if you're saying yourself that you don't have any, or you have them all, what use are those extremes? Cherrypick a few that happen to overlap with the things you've actually done and call it a day. Change them whenever you like, because nothing and everything matters.

 

Ok, so I read your log from the beginning, and I want to go back to the whole "motivations vs actual things" argument. I'm totally with you that the actual things are more important than the reasons for things (paraphrased a bit). Our actions are far more important than the reasons for our actions. So maybe you can use observations of your actual actions to decide what an outside observer would perceive you to care about. If they see you reading about X topic for 4 hours a day, it would be natural to assume you care more deeply about that thing than something you spend less of your time doing. I don't know if that's helpful, but it seems like a place to start.

[Defining]

On 5/22/2019 at 9:25 AM, Deckard Gainz said:

With all those different interests, does it seem difficult to focus on any one of them enough to excel enough to instill pride in yourself? That's me projecting, but just curious.

Totally! A bit more info copied/pasted from one of my other threads:

Spoiler

There are loads of topics that I'm INTERESTED IN, but my MO is to study something until I've hit a satisfactory-to-me breadth of knowledge on the topic, and then move on to something else (occasionally updating as needed). So one of my challenges in finding a long term community has often been that by the time I've met a couple people that I actually don't mind hanging out with, I'm already fatigued by the interest that originally brought us together. Some of those relationships weather the ravages of time due to other compatibilities - but not many.

 

I want to try something DIFFERENT, not just continue the same strategies I've tried in the past; but I have no idea where to look, how to compilate, or how to identify what I could get excited about. Blargh.

 

------

 

For leveling up my life; I'm going to put some thought towards finding a tribe. I am feeling without direction or engagement, and need to make some changes. Since I don't need much social interaction, I tend not to seek it out much; plus last year, I gave myself permission to quit any activities I wasn't really enjoying, as a 'rest period' to reset. But I've found that my social life has shrunk to an uncomfortable degree - and I'm not really getting excited about doing much at all. So I need to start experimenting with where/how to find people that I'm willing/interested to spend time around. If only I wasn't an arrogant SOB that didn't like small talk. I recharge away from people, but became very comfortable starting convos with strangers when I travelled after uni, so fortunately I don't have any anxiety around this goal. Just....chagrin.

 

On 5/22/2019 at 9:25 AM, Deckard Gainz said:

So maybe you can use observations of your actual actions to decide what an outside observer would perceive you to care about. If they see you reading about X topic for 4 hours a day, it would be natural to assume you care more deeply about that thing than something you spend less of your time doing. I don't know if that's helpful, but it seems like a place to start.

100% helpful! That's actually part of the reason I did a time audit last week. I do really enjoy reading, but I generally think of it as a coping mechanism/self soothing, which is why I'm a little concerned about the 'time spent reading' numbers creeping up. It's effectively escapism for me. I walk the dogs both because that's what responsible dog owners do, and because it gets me out of the house (since I work from home). Everything else is kind of just putzing around or work. 

 

I'm just feeling directionless, and figured that if I could find a goal/energising interest it would help me structure my plans for the next little while, and maybe offer some kind of purpose to push through the day-to-day grind. Doesn't need to be all encompassing, but I'm also watching myself shoot my own ideas down in my head, so I'm clearly really bad at this part! 

[Deckard Gainz]

Why not filmmaking? It sounds like it's one of the few interests you can pursue to an appreciable, and possibly even lucrative degree, as well as being creative and expressive. It sounds like you already have a head start on it with whatever video work you were doing for your job. A very good friend of mine actually recently got hired as a spokesperson for a video software company as a result of the hundreds of hours he put into his tutorials for Adobe Premeire/After Effects and some other stuff, just a side project he did in his free time. There are all sorts of local video shows/challenges/competitions he participates in for fun, some of which I've had the pleasure of being a part of. One was a contest where you get a topic and then you have 48 hours to create a short film around. It's pretty interesting stuff!