Violence as a cure: the quest to heal and accept myself - 2021

[arcaneinvictus]

Hey congrats on keeping it going! It's easy to beat yourself over small things at times, but you've got this!

 

Also, it really sucks that you've moved away from your BJJ gym, I hope you find another one soon! ?

[Unix]

21 hours ago, arcaneinvictus said:

Hey congrats on keeping it going! It's easy to beat yourself over small things at times, but you've got this!

 

Also, it really sucks that you've moved away from your BJJ gym, I hope you find another one soon! ?

I really can't, there is nothing in this area. But it could be way worse

[Unix]

Day 20 - Friday

 

Nutrition: 0

It actually went somehow good but i ate 2 chocolate balls, one orange and some shrimps

 

Waking up early: -1

Meh. But i am getting pretty good at waking up at 4 and not being tired, like at all. In the evening i don't really do much except stretching and training so i prefer going to bed earlier

Stretching:  1

Done!

 

Weight measurements: 0
Last week: 125.1kg now 125.8kg lol

Weight loss: 0

1kg per week 

Books and mindmapping: -1

as always xD

 

Split personality: 1
Yesterday i fell asleep while doing it. But it was still nice

 

Teeth: 2

Done!

 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 3

[Unix]

Day 21 - Saturday

 

Nutrition: 0

Chhheeeeeat day!

 

Waking up early: 0

It went weird. But nothing to signal

Stretching:  1

Done!

 

Weight measurements: 0
Last week: 125.1kg now 125.8kg lol

Weight loss: 0

1kg per week 

Books and mindmapping: 0

Better than last time!

 

Split personality: 1

gonna do it before sleeping

 

Teeth: 2

Done!

 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 5

[Unix]

Day 22 - Sunday

 

Nutrition: -1

Uhm, it wasn't too bad, but still bad!

 

Waking up early: -1

Uhm, pretty bad. Woke up at 9:50 xD

Stretching:  1

Done! I also did 50 push ups, but this is not for now

 

Weight measurements: 0
Last week: 125.1kg now 125.8kg lol

Weight loss: 0

1kg per week 

Books and mindmapping: 0

Did one timer

 

Split personality: 1

gonna do it before sleeping, again!

 

Teeth: 2

Done!

 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 3

[Unix]

Day 23 - Monday

 

Nutrition: -1

Meh, i am not really doing bad but eating like this won't make me lose weight...

 

Waking up early: -1

yesterday i went to bed very late, so the waking up was bad

Stretching:  1

Done! Also did a simple arms workout

 

Weight measurements: 0
Last week: 125.1kg now 125.8kg lol

Weight loss: 0

1kg per week 

Books and mindmapping: 0

Helped my sister with homework!

 

Split personality: 1

Its about to come

 

Teeth: 2

Done!

 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 5

 

I am finding a hard time to update the challenge togheder with this, i mean, they are basically the same thing

[Jean]

1 hour ago, Unix said:

I am finding a hard time to update the challenge togheder with this, i mean, they are basically the same thing

I had the same situation a few years ago, ultimately, I choose one and dropped regular updates in the other. Challenges have more participation and draw more support. Battlelogs have a more intimate feeling for me. Don't feel obligated to do both at the same time.

[juliebarkley]

I use my battle log to plan out long-term goals and break them down into short-term goals, and the challenges for doing the short-term goals. You can use them however you wish. But as Jean said, you will get more eyes and more participation in a challenge, so if getting to know people is one of your goals, it might be the better place to prioritize for updating.

[vicious]

23 hours ago, Unix said:

Day 23 - Monday

 

Nutrition: -1

Meh, i am not really doing bad but eating like this won't make me lose weight...

 

Personally I've found that struggling with food can arise from a combination of eating the wrong food and at the wrong times. Are there certain times of the day where you find that you're naturally more hungry, or times when you're less hungry? It can really help to time your meals. Also, prepping meals the night before can help to remove temptation when you've already got your healthy meal ready to go. Which foods fill you up the most? Try to have those more regularly.

 

I'm also a big fan of trying to acknowledge and accept the more violent side of myself, it's what gave me my username ? keep it up.

 

[Unix]

13 hours ago, vicious said:

 

Personally I've found that struggling with food can arise from a combination of eating the wrong food and at the wrong times. Are there certain times of the day where you find that you're naturally more hungry, or times when you're less hungry? It can really help to time your meals. Also, prepping meals the night before can help to remove temptation when you've already got your healthy meal ready to go. Which foods fill you up the most? Try to have those more regularly.

 

I'm also a big fan of trying to acknowledge and accept the more violent side of myself, it's what gave me my username ? keep it up.

 

 

Its also because my parents live with me. I can't stop them from buying junk food, and its very tempting when it is so easily accessible. I have a mostly protein and meat lifestyle now, trying to cut carbs as much as i can. When i eat carbs i kinda feel sick and devoid of energy, things that do not happen with proteins.  And i eat them every day, the problem is that i add something tasty as well ? But i started doing weight training as well, so now its going better

 

Yah, you definetly should try my tecnique, its working wonders for me. I haven't felt this stable in my whole life

[Unix]

On 12/7/2021 at 3:19 AM, juliebarkley said:

I use my battle log to plan out long-term goals and break them down into short-term goals, and the challenges for doing the short-term goals. You can use them however you wish. But as Jean said, you will get more eyes and more participation in a challenge, so if getting to know people is one of your goals, it might be the better place to prioritize for updating.

yeah, Perhaps i could just copypaste it. I like it here as well ;D

[Unix]

Day 23 - Tuesday

 

Nutrition: -1

it was good but i still ate fruit 

 

Waking up early: -1

meh.

Stretching:  1

Done! Also did 100 squats 

 

Weight measurements: 0
Last week: 125.1kg now 125.8kg lol

Weight loss: 0

1kg per week 

Books and mindmapping: 0

watched the fight club 

 

Split personality: 1

done!

 

Teeth: 2

Done!

 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 3

I was about to write it yesterday, then i started talking with a friend and forgot 

[vicious]

8 hours ago, Unix said:

 

Its also because my parents live with me. I can't stop them from buying junk food, and its very tempting when it is so easily accessible. I have a mostly protein and meat lifestyle now, trying to cut carbs as much as i can. When i eat carbs i kinda feel sick and devoid of energy, things that do not happen with proteins.  And i eat them every day, the problem is that i add something tasty as well ? But i started doing weight training as well, so now its going better

 

Does that happen for sugary junk food or with all carbs? I have pretty much the opposite diet from you, my diet is vegan and mostly whole foods carbs like fruits, vegetables, brown rice, beans, whole grain oats etc.  It's good that we both have something that works for us though.

[Unix]

On 12/8/2021 at 7:14 PM, vicious said:

 

Does that happen for sugary junk food or with all carbs? I have pretty much the opposite diet from you, my diet is vegan and mostly whole foods carbs like fruits, vegetables, brown rice, beans, whole grain oats etc.  It's good that we both have something that works for us though.

well, it happens mostly with junk stuff but also i can feel negative effects from eting carbs when i don't need to. I am feeling quite down these days, so this is the best i am going to upload ?

[Unix]

I kinda fell down but its fine, as long as i keep getting up

 

Day 29 - Monday

 

Nutrition: -1

Not good, didn't had breakfast 

 

Waking up early: -1

nop, but i like the song "losing yourself" as a wakeup tune

Stretching:  1

Done! Also trained my arms

 

Weight measurements: 0
Last week: 125.1kg now 125.8kg lol

Weight loss: 0

1kg per week 

Books and mindmapping: 0

didn't had the time 

 

Split personality: 1

gonna do it now

 

Teeth: 2

Done!

 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 3

 

Tomorrow theater time

[Jean]

9 hours ago, Unix said:

I kinda fell down but its fine, as long as i keep getting up

This. You're doing good, keep on going and enjoy the theater.

[Unix]

Day 31 - Wednesday                      [Weight :     123.5kg    [Wednesday]]

Challenge Day 10

 

Stretching: 1

Done!

 

Workout   : 1

105 squats

 

Waking up: -1

I failed as usual but its ok, i am getting better at going to bed early

 

Meal 1:  0  Didn't had enough time to eat 

Meal 2:-1  I went pretty crazy. Perhaps a habit to develop is to not stop at the kitchen as soon as i get home 

 

Studying: 0

Cooking: 0

Memory Training: 0

These  ones are lets say work in progress

 

Split personality: 1

Novelty of the day: 1

Gonna do the dark half talk now. I should move it to a different time of the day though . Novelty of the day: guess i thought of something like a new series or an episode of something new every day, but i realized that i learn new stuff pretty much every day via yt, so at the moment idk on how to handle this 
 

Challenge special 1: 0

Challenge special 2: 0

This one is a work in progress as well. For now lets just keep it here

Teeth: 2 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 5

[Unix]

Day 32 - Thursday [Weight :     123.5kg    [Wednesday]]

Challenge Day 11

 

Stretching: -1         Workout   : -1

Ops!

 

Waking up: -1

hehehehehe

 

Meal one:  0                 Meal two: -1

First meal was too small. Second was a mess

 

Studying: 0

Cooking: 0

Memory Training: 0

These  ones are lets say work in progress 

 

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 1

Gonna do the dark half talk now. I should move it to a different time of the day though. But, busy day, not much time to think
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 1           Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 1           Habit Four :0

This one is a work in progress as well. For now lets just keep it here

Teeth: 2 

Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 3

Could have been worse!

[Unix]

Day 33 - Friday [Weight  : 000.0kg]

Challenge Day 12

 

Stretching: 1        Workout   : 0

Didn't had any workout planned

 

Waking up: 1

I made it!after like 3 weeks i woke up at 5

 

Meal one:  1                 Meal two: -1

First meal was perfect. Second was bad

 

Studying: 0

Cooking: 1

Memory Training: 0

I cooked as soon as i got up

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 0

Gonna do the dark half talk now. Still need to find another time for it
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 1           Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 0          Habit Four :0

This one is a work in progress as well. For now lets just keep it here

Teeth: 2                                      Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 8

Today was pretty good

[Unix]

Day 34 - Saturday  [Weight  : 000.0kg]

Challenge Day 13

 

Stretching: 1        Workout   : 1

40m of cardio and stretching. I want to get into kettlebell training, bought some books on it. Need more research 

 

Waking up: 1

Haven't planned it. Woke up at 7:30

 

Meal one:  1                 Meal two: 1

Cheat day!

 

Studying: 0

Cooking: 0

Memory Training: 0

Haven't done anything productive

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 0

Gonna do the dark half talk now
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 0         Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 0          Habit Four :0

This one is a work in progress as well. For now lets just keep it here

Teeth: 2                                      Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 9

I had a relaxing day, talked to a friend as well

[Unix]

Day 35 - Sunday[Weight  : 000.0kg]

Challenge Day 14

 

Stretching: 1        Workout   : 1

40m of cardio and stretching. I have done 50 kettlebell swings to start

 

Waking up: 1       Addiction: -1

Haven't planned it. Woke up at 8:00

 

Meal one:  -1                Meal two:  -1

Horrible horrible day. I usually treat sundays like a second cheat day -.-

 

Studying: 0

Cooking: 0

Memory Training: 0

Haven't done anything productive

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 0

Gonna do the dark half talk now
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 0         Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 0          Habit Four :0

This one is a work in progress as well. For now lets just keep it here

Teeth: 2                                      Update this topic: 1

Done!

 

Day total : 4

I hate sundays -.-

[Unix]

Day 35 - Monday [Weight  : 000.0kg]

Challenge Day 15

 

Stretching: 1         Workout   : 1

Stretching and done 5x10 kettlebell swing 

 

Waking up: -1       Addiction:  1            Addiction free days:  1

I woke up so late, it sucks. But i didn't relapsed into my addiction  i might add a counter to it  

 

Meal one:  0            Meal two:  -1          Cooking: 0

Woke up late=haven't ate breakfast. Second meal was kinda of a mess. 

 

Memory Training: 0                                   Studying: 0

Haven't done anything productive

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 0

Gonna do the dark half talk afterwards
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 0         Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 0          Habit Four :0

Work in progress

Teeth: 2                                      Update this topic: 1

Done!

Day total : 5

It went pretty good. Not productive, but good

[Unix]

Day 35 - Wednesday[Weight  : 000.0kg]

Challenge Day 17

 

Stretching: -1       Workout   : -1

Uhm, it was very bad. Haven't done anything

 

Waking up: -1       Addiction:  -1           Addiction free days:  0

nop

 

Meal one:  -1          Meal two:  -1          Cooking: 0

Woke up late=haven't ate breakfast, bad wake up 

 

Memory Training: 0                                   Studying: 0

Haven't done anything productive, as always xD

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 0

Gonna do the dark half talk afterwards
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 0         Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 0          Habit Four :0

Work in progress

Teeth: 2                                      Update this topic: 1

Done!

Day total : -2

Actually it wasn't bad. But i haven't been productive

[Unix]

Day 36 - Thursday[Weight  : 000.0kg]

Challenge Day 18

 

Stretching: 1       Workout   : 1

Have done 50 kettlebell swings and streched

 

Waking up: -1       Addiction:  -1           Addiction free days:  0

nopeee

 

Meal one:  -1          Meal two:  -1          Cooking: 0

Woke up late=haven't ate breakfast, bad wake up 

 

Memory Training: 0                                   Studying: 0

This one is a costant for now. Gotta see how to improve it 

Split personality: 1            Novelty of the day: 0

Talked with the buddie. He actually came up with a cool idea of creating a mental space full of different rooms with different equipment. Like, one room for sports to get motivated, one for eating etc.. I also visualised him when not in complete darkness and with my eyes open. Its definetly harder
 

Challenge special 1: 0         Habit one: 1        Habit three:0

Challenge special 2: 0         Habit two: 0          Habit Four :0

Habit one is the habit of not stopping in the kitchen as soon as i come home. I haven't ate that well, but i still didn't went to the kitchen as the first thing

 

Teeth: 2                                      Update this topic: 1

Done!

Day total : 3

Not a bad day. Christmas coming soon  But my challenge is a true disaster, i need clearer goal i think to make it work 

[Unix]

day 41, i fell off the vagon. Time to get on it again