Dealing with Negativity

[Arbite]

While my friends are reasonably supportive of the healthy changes I am making in my life, I'm still having trouble with my family.

My mother insists that I shouldn't be eating less carbs and higher brotein. That my liver will some how explode or that I will cease to function completely. It's getting to the point where she's very agressive about it. On top of that she seems to believe that the weights will cause me to become so bulky that I won't fit through doorways, and that by doing free running I'm going to break every bone in my body.

It's really starting to get to me, and rather a bit disheartening when my own mum is trying to discourage me from doing activities I enjoy. Can anyone suggest ways to deal with this?

[notanartmajor]

Well, it's entirely possible to break your bones by freerunning, but other than that she's way off base of course.

Hypertrophy doesn't happen by accident. You really need to train specifically for it, it's difficult, and if you're a woman it's even more difficult and you're going to need chemical assistance to get any large amount of bulk on you.

High protein diet is not bad for you, see here for more information.

[CyningaDena]

It sounds like the claims she's making are coming from an emotional place rather than a rational one. I don't know if showing her research is the way to address that...it might require a good heart-to-heart conversation instead about what scares her so much about your lifestyle changes. As in, "Mom, do you trust me to make smart decisions about my life? Do you think I'm just doing this because it's the bandwagon all the cool kids are on? Then what is it that's really bothering you about this."

I don't think this is a "fitness" issue so much as it's a relationship issue, and you deal with it the same way you would any other relationship issue -- with lots of love and patience (even when they're driving you BONKERS), and by establishing a safe space where both people can lay out their points of view and their evidence and their concerns without being attacked. Ideally, your mom would be establishing the space for an honest conversation like that; since it sounds like she's not, though...that task might fall to you.

Best of luck to you! It's tough when the folks do bonehead things out of love.

[Eurydice]

Say "Thanks for your input, I'll be sure to keep that in mind," and then change the subject. If she won't let it go, say "Wow, look at the time," and hang up/go home/otherwise terminate the interaction. It won't take her long to get the picture.

[realbrickwall]

CD is spot-on here. Your mother could have a sufficient intellect to subscribe to Scientology and still not think any of those things were true. Her rationality is not what's causing her to believe that low carbs will kill you, or that you will be able to reach 4' width at the shoulders from weight-lifting. She is feeling something, and acting on those feelings.

[notanartmajor]

Trying to have rational discussion with my mom (who is convinced weight training = hernias and crippledness) did nothing, but empirical evidence tends to help. YMMV.

[coonskee]

I think the heart-to-heart is the best way to go. Also, try to point out often that you feel a lot better/happier (hopefully that is the truth) because, in the end,that will probably win her over the most.

My mom was very against me starting to eat mostly paleo and starting to lift heavy (for me) things, but I keep pointing out how happy I am now, and she's chilled on the criticism for now.

[Arbite]

It sounds like the claims she's making are coming from an emotional place rather than a rational one. I don't know if showing her research is the way to address that...it might require a good heart-to-heart conversation instead about what scares her so much about your lifestyle changes. As in, "Mom, do you trust me to make smart decisions about my life? Do you think I'm just doing this because it's the bandwagon all the cool kids are on? Then what is it that's really bothering you about this."

I don't think this is a "fitness" issue so much as it's a relationship issue, and you deal with it the same way you would any other relationship issue -- with lots of love and patience (even when they're driving you BONKERS), and by establishing a safe space where both people can lay out their points of view and their evidence and their concerns without being attacked. Ideally, your mom would be establishing the space for an honest conversation like that; since it sounds like she's not, though...that task might fall to you.

Best of luck to you! It's tough when the folks do bonehead things out of love.

Well, I'm trying the love and patience route, but she still is being negative. But it's much better than when I tried logic. I had shown her the medical studies and techniques and she ended up simmering for a week afterwards.

[shortstuff]

Well, I'm trying the love and patience route, but she still is being negative. But it's much better than when I tried logic. I had shown her the medical studies and techniques and she ended up simmering for a week afterwards.

Try out different things and see what works best, if it's the medical side of things than to for it, or if it's the love and patience than use that. One day when she sees how happy you are, she will get over it, or at the very lest won't be as bad

[Eurydice]

Well, I'm trying the love and patience route, but she still is being negative. But it's much better than when I tried logic. I had shown her the medical studies and techniques and she ended up simmering for a week afterwards.

To be honest, that doesn't sound so much like she's worried about you because she loves you, though I'm sure that's a big part of it; it sounds like she's got her ego invested in the argument now and she wants to be right. In which case there may be nothing you can do besides find creative ways to avoid the subject, because she's not right, and there's no way to make her right unless you're a lot more clever about that sort of thing than I am.