This is bad...

[KellyElizabeth]

Ever since I went to visit my grandmother and she told me I need to lose about ten pounds, because (my cousin) is much more thin than me and I'm so heavy, I have lost all my drive to work out and eat right. I just don't care, I'd rather gain 10 pounds just to stick it to her.

[SpiralGalaxy]

Ouch, I can totally relate to the draining nature of that negativity. ::hugs::

My advice would be that weight is a totally meaningless number. Being fit and being awesome is what's important. Maybe try skipping the scale for a month, and focus on doing workouts and eating food that make you feel fit & awesome instead. Good luck!

[KellyElizabeth]

I don't weigh myself anyways, I don't use the scale. I don't believe in them because I am never the weight i want to be but in the clothes I like. My grandmother thinks women need to be thin, she doesn't care about healthy just thin. I'm already a size three in jeans, she's seriously the reason girls become anorexic.

[Ja_rossjr]

I don't weigh myself anyways, I don't use the scale. I don't believe in them because I am never the weight i want to be but in the clothes I like. My grandmother thinks women need to be thin, she doesn't care about healthy just thin. I'm already a size three in jeans, she's seriously the reason girls become anorexic.

There is your motivation right there. G-ma says you are to thin? Sorry you are not some Paris Hilton clone. You are doing great! Keep skipping the scale and keep being the awesome YOU want to be!

[Wooksquatch]

Different generations have different visions of healthy and this definitely can cause problems. Don't give up because someone else doesn't see how healthy and happy you are. As long as you are happy where you are then just keep on keeping on, don't change for anyone else. If you really want to stick it to grams bulk up and put on a few pounds of muscle then deadlift your "thin" cousin. Honestly I recommend just sticking with your current program and don't worry about anything anyone says.

[KellyElizabeth]

There is your motivation right there. G-ma says you are to thin? Sorry you are not some Paris Hilton clone. You are doing great! Keep skipping the scale and keep being the awesome YOU want to be!

No I'm too heavy according to her

[Wicked Pixie]

F*ck grandma.

[ponita]

Your grandma is but one of many people in your life that will judge you purely on appearances. Even if she lets up, someone else will do it. Learn now to blow them off because you're already an awesome nerd. Don't base your happiness on what others think of you, it's fruitless. To quote somebody else's avatar "Be Your Own Hero".

[Mordechaj]

Tell the old bat she should get younger.

[KellyElizabeth]

Yes but other people I can refuse to see or tell to f*ck off. I HAVE to deal with her.

[Eurydice]

Yes but other people I can refuse to see or tell to f*ck off. I HAVE to deal with her.

Okay, but no, seriously. The world is full of people you can't avoid. Many of those people will judge your appearance for no reason other than their own issues. If the only strategies you have to deal with them are refusing to see them or telling them to fuck off, that's going to be a way bigger source of problems for you than your toxic grandmother.

Believe me, I understand horrible family members. You either find ways to deal calmly and rationally with them or you suck up the therapy bills later in life.

[KellyElizabeth]

I'm already in therapy, that's not exactly new.

[Thilde]

I'm sorry your grandmother is having that attitude toward you and your goals. That is a really sucky thing for her to say to you, and I can totally see how it can be a giant drain sucking all your motivation down the tubes. What do you want to do now? I'm guessing it's pretty unlikely you can change her, so do you have any ideas about where you want to go from here?

[Seiferre]

So, I know exactly how you feel. My family constantly calls me fat, tells me I need to work out, etc. They have always been unsupportive and neglectful of me. Unfortunately, these are things that some people are dealt. But there are ways that it can make you stronger. For example, for me personally, being around these people has taught me how to easily brush off comments that are negative. It has taught me not to care about what others think and to carry on with my life the way I want to carry on with it. I can understand having to deal with your grandmother, but you don't have to listen to her also.

I work out in the bathroom because of my family. When I work out in public (In the living room), they constantly walk by and criticize me. They put me down, tell me I'll never get anywhere, and it's a really awful feeling. Even though I know that I want and need to drive myself to become better, it's still difficult to keep up your morale when these things are constantly happening around you. I would suggest that you find your 'space'. Now I don't have a bedroom, so the bathroom is my 'space', where they can't reach me and I can work on my goals in peace.

When your grandmother tells you those things, just try and stay positive until you don't have to face her anymore. Tell yourself "That may be what you think, but I don't think the same way." Stand by the things that you believe in and keep going to reach where you want to go. She isn't the only one living in that house!

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I say put on the 10 lbs, but make it muscle. Now that'll really screw with her view of women.

[Jkaylor]

I would take a woman that worked out any day over a skinny stick of a girl. Don't listen to your grandma, just bitch about her to your friends or family when she leaves. My grandmother is constantly telling me how much smarter and successful my cousins are, and it is pretty hard to hear. I just smile and then vent about it later to my friends. Don't let her negativity discourage you from reaching your goals, she is probably just jealous. Keep pounding the rock.

[realbrickwall]

Here is a proposed answer: "Okay, I will exercise and eat healthy"

Because those are things that are good for you. You personally may not lose weight (heck, you'll probably gain weight if you do serious strength training), but as long as you can honestly say you're doing those things, grandma really has no room to complain.

[caponerd48]

So, I know exactly how you feel. My family constantly calls me fat, tells me I need to work out, etc. They have always been unsupportive and neglectful of me. Unfortunately, these are things that some people are dealt. But there are ways that it can make you stronger. For example, for me personally, being around these people has taught me how to easily brush off comments that are negative. It has taught me not to care about what others think and to carry on with my life the way I want to carry on with it. I can understand having to deal with your grandmother, but you don't have to listen to her also.

I work out in the bathroom because of my family. When I work out in public (In the living room), they constantly walk by and criticize me. They put me down, tell me I'll never get anywhere, and it's a really awful feeling. Even though I know that I want and need to drive myself to become better, it's still difficult to keep up your morale when these things are constantly happening around you. I would suggest that you find your 'space'. Now I don't have a bedroom, so the bathroom is my 'space', where they can't reach me and I can work on my goals in peace.

When your grandmother tells you those things, just try and stay positive until you don't have to face her anymore. Tell yourself "That may be what you think, but I don't think the same way." Stand by the things that you believe in and keep going to reach where you want to go. She isn't the only one living in that house!

This, my friend is some intense dedication, the likes of which I can only aspire to. Next time I am considering skipping a workout I'm going to think about the fact that you are getting it done in the most humble of spaces.

My only two cents would be to add that no matter what anyone (even grandma) says, you are in this journey for yourself, and the trials and rewards of that journey are yours alone. Next time she gives you shit, just remember that you already know what you want, and it ain't what she wants. Even if it is, it is your body and your life in the end. Best of luck.

[Atalan]

I say put on the 10 lbs, but make it muscle. Now that'll really screw with her view of women.

I like the way CoreyD thinks.

[KellyElizabeth]

I get that in her warped twisted mind she thinks she's doing this out of love, because she honestly does, but it's exhausting. The residual effects of spending time with her cling to everything like her Estée Lauder perfume.

So to make myself feel better I dyed my hair, did yoga, and basically nothing all day. Tomorrow I get to go talk to financial aid at my school. Yay?

[Avistew]

CoreyD is right. Put on weight to spite her if you want, but make it muscle. Or better yet, if you can find it in yourself to ignore her and do whatever you wanted to begin with, do that.

Parents and grandparents have that ability to ask you to do something you're already doing and make you want to stop doing it. In this case it's a bit different (you want to be healthy, she wants you to be skinny) but a similar principle applies.

[coonskee]

I don't know you, but this is a tough love post. You may not like me for it. That's okay! I'm going to say it anyway, because I can.

The only person who can bring you success is you. The only person who can make you a good person, worthwhile to be around, happy, strong, fit, is you.

And, likewise, you are the only one who can demotivate yourself. If you feel like you don't want to get fit anymore, it's your fault, not the world's. It's not your grandma's fault you're losing steam. Yeah, she's kind of being a bitch. Yeah, she's "doing it out of love" (My mom did the exact same thing to me all through high school. I got into an Ivy League university, with an 8% admission rate for my college the year I entered, and the first time she told me she was proud of me in my life was 2 years later. She always told me I was too heavy, always does the EXACT opposite of what I need at the moment. Yes, she does it out of love. Yes, she's misguided. Yes, I love her more than the world anyway, even though her comments drove me to the point of suicidal impulses when I was in high school.).

There are toxic people everywhere in the world. There are people who will want to demotivate you out of sheer envy or maliciousness. There are people who feel better about themselves by making you feel like shit. There are people who genuinely WANT to help, they just do it in the worst way possible. You will be around at least one person like this your entire life, sometimes all three at once. Learn to deal with it, learn to be strong enough. You have it in you.

People suck dick. You do not. You are awesome, because you are here, and because you are a rebel.

So...Stop looking for excuses.

I've seen you on the boards before, and I've seen your sig, and it's AWESOME. And it's inspired me. So why don't you want to keep going anymore? Because it's been 8 weeks and your famliy hasn't seen it yet?

KEEP GOING.

*gets off soap box*

[Wicked Pixie]

I don't know you, but this is a tough love post. You may not like me for it. That's okay! I'm going to say it anyway, because I can.

The only person who can bring you success is you. The only person who can make you a good person, worthwhile to be around, happy, strong, fit, is you.

And, likewise, you are the only one who can demotivate yourself. If you feel like you don't want to get fit anymore, it's your fault, not the world's. It's not your grandma's fault you're losing steam. Yeah, she's kind of being a bitch. Yeah, she's "doing it out of love" (My mom did the exact same thing to me all through high school. I got into an Ivy League university, with an 8% admission rate for my college the year I entered, and the first time she told me she was proud of me in my life was 2 years later. She always told me I was too heavy, always does the EXACT opposite of what I need at the moment. Yes, she does it out of love. Yes, she's misguided. Yes, I love her more than the world anyway, even though her comments drove me to the point of suicidal impulses when I was in high school.).

There are toxic people everywhere in the world. There are people who will want to demotivate you out of sheer envy or maliciousness. There are people who feel better about themselves by making you feel like shit. There are people who genuinely WANT to help, they just do it in the worst way possible. You will be around at least one person like this your entire life, sometimes all three at once. Learn to deal with it, learn to be strong enough. You have it in you.

People suck dick. You do not. You are awesome, because you are here, and because you are a rebel.

So...Stop looking for excuses.

I've seen you on the boards before, and I've seen your sig, and it's AWESOME. And it's inspired me. So why don't you want to keep going anymore? Because it's been 8 weeks and your famliy hasn't seen it yet?

KEEP GOING.

*gets off soap box*

This, in all it's tough love glory!!!

Amen sister!!!

[Seiferre]

I just want to say that there are a lot of good people here giving great advice. It's up to you whether you take it or not. You posted the topic so you are putting that part of your life out there. We're just trying to help and (IMO) shooting us down will not help you in any way. At least try to consider our words, because it just seems to me like you're brushing it all off which makes little sense in the long run.

PS: Thanks caponerd~

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

You're right, this is bad.

If the circumstances are unavoidable, the only solution would be to change the lens through which you view them!

Of course, that isn't the easy way out. It's just the healthiest.

We all have varying degrees of stressors in our lives. The most effective way to deal with any stress is to reframe it from problem identified to benefit realized. The steps in between are for you to figure out.

If that sounds really inconsiderate or insensitive, that's my bad. I debated whether or not to post it, but I decided you'd probably prefer solutions over a pity party.

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