a (re)introduction

[Skittle]

I've been trying to figure out what to say for a couple days now, and inspiration unleashed itself as I typed out today's SparkPeople entry. It says everything I needed it to, so I hope you don't mind that I'm cross-posting it here.

I don't make a secret of the fact that I'm totally obsessed with Nerd Fitness (<link>www.nerdfitness.com</link> ). Up til this point, I've made an excellent career out of lurking. And now that they have added an RPG element to their periodic challenges? Sign me up. I actually really REALLY wanted to get rid of my old NF account (from March), because that girl is a failure who doesn't follow through with her own dreams, and who dreamed big and then failed spectacularly. I was embarassed to be that girl, ashamed even. The NF community, I reasoned, are people who really, really want It (whatever It means to them) and I am clearly not one of those people. I'm an imposter. They'll know me as a fake right away.

Needless to say, fostering those feelings is not the correct path to success. I'm sort of grateful that you can't delete your NF profile. Because it's forcing me to face that girl-who-used-to-be-me, that girl I no longer want to enable. A quitter. A doubter. A laze-about-er. It's forcing me to confront the forums and make a stand, and say I Am No Longer That Girl. I may be a n00b, but I want It just as badly as these seasoned, educated Nerds who know what they are doing. It's ok to be up a creek without a paddle, if you're surrounded by people who are willing to help you get yourself back to shore.

Two days this week - two running days in a row - I woke up early, at six in the morning, to go for that day's c25k. Turns out, I kind of dig running in the moring. I'm waking up, the world around me is waking up...it's blissful. I don't know how else to describe it. I'm energized and ready for the day ahead by the time I get home and shower, and I'm at peace with myself throughout the remainder of the day, because I don't have my run looming over me all day, waiting for me when I get home. I can turn my attention to other things, treats like playing video games guilt-free, or curling up with a book without that nagging voice in the back of my mind whispering, "you should be running!"

It's wonderful, and I can't believe I never made the effort to rise early and run before. I'm definitely going to keep with it. What I like most is that running early keeps me honest.

TL;DR - Why do I think this time around will be any different? Because I'm going to force it to be different. I finally realized that I've been so desperate to impress other people (strangers, at that!!), I haven't concentrated on what I need to do for myself, to be the best self I can be.

Incidentally - back to NerdFitness - I'm going to start the next challenge as an Adventurer. I'll still be progressing through c25k, and then moving on to Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred...so I consider myself a fitness beginner. I'm testing the waters of multiple pools. But I'm pretty sure I'll become an Assassin.

Because yeah, I'm kind of a bada$$ when I want to be

[shoobie]

Welcome back!!! I'm trying to find the motivation to walk in the mornings!! (i cant run... my knees bang together and then the floor is suddenly my best friend). Just like you i have a hard time following through with stuff... I'm trying the whole creating a habit deal now... They say 3 weeks is all it takes to create the habit, after these 3 weeks the level of motivation needed is -way- lower! Keep up with the good work!! I gotta head out for a walk!

[bigkislowski]

I haven't concentrated on what I need to do for myself, to be the best self I can be.

Great mentality! I was saying that exact same thing to my sister last night.

I've heard good things about the C25K program. I'd love to know your thoughts on it as you go through it (easy to stick to? is it a challenge?)