MEN ONLY THREAD part two

[Church]

First I'm told o switched programming too much then I'm told I was on a program for too long. Which is it (note sarcasm)

Exactly. *nods sagely*

[Guest Snake McClain]

so life update. I haven't really been active lately. just been handling some stuff.

My aunt died of cancer a week or so ago. That was shitty. But as some of you know a very close friend of mine died of cancer a few months back so i like to think i handled it all well. With all of that I have only been working part time at the gym. but TODAY i got a full time position that I have been sort of prodding for since i started working there. I start tomorrow. I sort of have a special lady friend that has been hanging in there with me through all of it (rather unexpectedly i might add) and...I just think it's weird how life has the ebbs and flows, ups and downs or whatever you want to call it, and if we just keep a good attitude and keep driving forward things like a death in the family can be easier if we are all strong and positive. Not having enough to live on is easier because we stay focused on what's next. Not to mention i helped some friends over a year ago financially and they came through to buy me some groceries.

It pays to be a good person.

[Artinum]

On balance, Snake, I think that warrants a "yay!". Especially the job progress.

And agreed on being a good person, though I've never seen the appeal of doing anything else.

[Guest Snake McClain]

And agreed on being a good person, though I've never seen the appeal of doing anything else.

Same here actually.

[Red1263]

High Fives on all Accounts, Snake!

o/\o

[Church]

Way to go man I'm glad it's all starting to go your way

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You're being so awsome I'm going to use your real name, Good for you Bruce! Glad you got the job, glad your lady friend came through, I'm sorry about your aunt.

[Guest Snake McClain]

hey gang.

So i want to talk about family. My closest friends and myself all sort of view us as family to each other. We aren't close really with the rest of our families so really what we would LIKE to do is stop seeing them on holidays and start just hanging out with each other. Doing our own thing on days like thanksgiving and such. And lately I've noticed a lot of other people want to do the same thing. Does this seem like a common thing to you guys?

And how do you say to your family, "Hey you guys are great and all buuuuuuuut we don't really get along and I know you dont really want to hang out so can we just not do this anymore?" or do you just make a slow disappearing act? I've done this once before and they didn't seem to care before too much that i quit coming around but made a big deal about it when i did again.

Just curious at what point is it okay to sort of just drift away. Or if a person even should. And if they do how much. I can't seem to find a lot of interesting mature information on the subject.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

hey gang.

So i want to talk about family. My closest friends and myself all sort of view us as family to each other. We aren't close really with the rest of our families so really what we would LIKE to do is stop seeing them on holidays and start just hanging out with each other. Doing our own thing on days like thanksgiving and such. And lately I've noticed a lot of other people want to do the same thing. Does this seem like a common thing to you guys?

And how do you say to your family, "Hey you guys are great and all buuuuuuuut we don't really get along and I know you dont really want to hang out so can we just not do this anymore?" or do you just make a slow disappearing act? I've done this once before and they didn't seem to care before too much that i quit coming around but made a big deal about it when i did again.

Just curious at what point is it okay to sort of just drift away. Or if a person even should. And if they do how much. I can't seem to find a lot of interesting mature information on the subject.

My friends look at each other as another family as well. There's about 7 of us in the group, plus significant others. Some of us are close to our biological families and some aren't, so doing a holiday together INSTEAD of with our biological families isn't really an option. What we do is have the holiday together at a later or earlier date. We have Friendsgiving, Friendsmas (tomorrow!), Friendscation, Framping, and New Years (we haven't got a good name for that yet). We go all out for all of them, not just random holidayish. I look forward to Friendgiving in particular more than the holiday with my biological family. That's how we handle it.

As for disappearing from your family, I don't have any experience to draw on because my wife and I are both close to ours. However, because of this, we have to miss some of the holidays on each side because we have to attend the holiday of our spouse's family. It's understood that we can't make everything because we're spending it with the one we care about and our own families aren't the only priority.

Your situation is similar, but a bit harder since you are not married to your friend. I imagine that if you aren't close to family, they shouldn't be offended if you say you have other plans. Just don't show up. If they invite you, tell the truth, that's always the best course. "I have plans with _____, she/he/we are close and they're the person i'd like to spend my holidays with." If they make a big deal, just hold your ground and say that it's your decision. You also don't have to do it with all holidays, spend some with the biological family and some with your friend family.

[67alecto]

Just curious at what point is it okay to sort of just drift away. Or if a person even should. And if they do how much. I can't seem to find a lot of interesting mature information on the subject.

I would say that when you determine the relationship is no longer healthy and aren't able or willing to work on it. Focus your energies on being happy in some other way.

That being said, in addition to getting most if not all of us together on Christmas and Thanksgiving, we also take family vacations almost every year (that is, my family, my mom, and my siblings and their spouses) where we rent a house down on Mobile Bay.

[Church]

Just a brief update on my (lack of a) love life. I'm not sure if I'm "in love" or just pining my life away. But after this last week it has been made abundantly clear that I have rather strong feelings for her, and that I need to tell her that "just friends" isn't going to work for me any more. It just hurts too much to hear about guys that aren't me. And I DO (and will continue to) hear about those guys, because we're best friends. It just kills me that she often seeks advice about other guys which I've given, because to lead her astray would go against everything that defines me as a man. So I give her sound advice, even when it hurts like nothing has ever hurt before.

But I really don't want to do this any more. I care deeply for her, and at this point she needs to know. So that we can either give it a shot, or we can go our separate ways, so that I can have closure and begin to heal (obviously I'd prefer the first outcome over the second)

So if they ever let me out of work, (so far there's no word if/when that'll happen), I'll have to talk with her and lay it all out.

Wish me luck gents.

P.S. - I'm SUPER sleep deprived, so I apologized if none of that made any sense

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

It makes plenty of sense Snake. You like this girl and you're tired of being in the friend zone. I'm sorry you're going through this again. I hope things go well when you speak your mind. If this is the same girl from back in the old thread, I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. In any case, if she says no, make sure you follow through and move on (easier typed than done, I know). I'm in your corner.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Man woot. Deadlift of 365! from my previous pr of 290. I feel strong! now i'm hungry. 

[Church]

Awesome dude! Holy cow, I felt like superman the first time I dead lifted more than I weigh (just a few weeks ago)! I can only imagine how badass you feel!

[Guest Snake McClain]

Awesome dude! Holy cow, I felt like superman the first time I dead lifted more than I weigh (just a few weeks ago)! I can only imagine how badass you feel!

 it was pretty crazy. basically someone got through to me that if i'm lifting 285 for multiple reps that i could probably do a lot more. I finally started to believe it myself. So we were lifting and I decided I was going to go for it. So i did 290. then 300. then 315 and then just made the jump to 365. it was amazing. It was weird though. when i hit the goal i was sort of like, 'oh. well that's done. what now?' but it was really REALLY hard. but i thought i would have been more excited. I'm more excited now than i was then. perhaps i was in shock?

[Red1263]

Man woot. Deadlift of 365! from my previous pr of 290. I feel strong! now i'm hungry. 

HOLY! SHNIKES!! Dude!! I couldn't even DREAM of deadlifting that! That's amazing!

[Artinum]

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That's Awesome dude! So happy for you. How goes the other issue?

[wildross]

 it was pretty crazy. basically someone got through to me that if i'm lifting 285 for multiple reps that i could probably do a lot more. I finally started to believe it myself. So we were lifting and I decided I was going to go for it. So i did 290. then 300. then 315 and then just made the jump to 365. it was amazing. It was weird though. when i hit the goal i was sort of like, 'oh. well that's done. what now?' but it was really REALLY hard. but i thought i would have been more excited. I'm more excited now than i was then. perhaps i was in shock?

 

Probably.  I know I get more pumped the further away I am.  Then I need the pictures/videos to prove to myself that I did it and watching them gets me pumped again.

[TheRedWriter]

I just started reading this site that I think is pretty damn impressive, called, "Post Masculine":
 

 

http://postmasculine.com/the-toxic-10-scale (the article I'm currently reading). 

 

It's targeted at men, specifically, and it's freshingly honest and mature.  Anyone else in here have a chance to read it or are currently familiar?

[Guest Snake McClain]

It makes plenty of sense Snake. You like this girl and you're tired of being in the friend zone. I'm sorry you're going through this again. I hope things go well when you speak your mind. If this is the same girl from back in the old thread, I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. In any case, if she says no, make sure you follow through and move on (easier typed than done, I know). I'm in your corner.

 

 

That's Awesome dude! So happy for you. How goes the other issue?

 

 

i'm sorry i'm really confused, what other issue? i am not having an issue with any girl/woman at all. the girl i was having issues with in the past (the one you are mentioning above) is long gone and in fact the last time i talked to her i had to tell her in no uncertain terms to never talk to me again. since then i met someone (first date was thanksgiving evening) and we've been doing great and are going to continue to. she was there for me when my aunt died and my family was going through a tough spot. she's the best, so i'm confused a bit here. elaborate?

[Corben]

Hi guys,

just breaking in here [CQ CQ ten four anyone?] LOL

 

I'm new to the site, and exercise/diet etc in general.

My 2 cents, on a couple of things:

 

I've been SEVERELY friend-zoned, several times, so I can commiserate.

 

Re shaving:

I haven't shaved anything for over a year now, but before that I used to use a straight, - with no cream or gel or anything - just water.  I can highly recommend it, just get your face balanced and it will take care of itself, no need for potions and lotions. If you're still using those plastic things, move to a DE safety razor first, get the hang of it, then step up to a straight. But really, going for the full beard has a few advantages:

 

[Guest Snake McClain]

Hi guys,

just breaking in here [CQ CQ ten four anyone?] LOL

 

I'm new to the site, and exercise/diet etc in general.

My 2 cents, on a couple of things:

 

I've been SEVERELY friend-zoned, several times, so I can commiserate.

 

Re shaving:

I haven't shaved anything for over a year now, but before that I used to use a straight, - with no cream or gel or anything - just water.  I can highly recommend it, just get your face balanced and it will take care of itself, no need for potions and lotions. If you're still using those plastic things, move to a DE safety razor first, get the hang of it, then step up to a straight. But really, going for the full beard has a few advantages:

 

 

Oh lord. that first video is hilarious. amazing. hahah

[Guest Snake McClain]

Just a brief update on my (lack of a) love life. I'm not sure if I'm "in love" or just pining my life away. But after this last week it has been made abundantly clear that I have rather strong feelings for her, and that I need to tell her that "just friends" isn't going to work for me any more. It just hurts too much to hear about guys that aren't me. And I DO (and will continue to) hear about those guys, because we're best friends. It just kills me that she often seeks advice about other guys which I've given, because to lead her astray would go against everything that defines me as a man. So I give her sound advice, even when it hurts like nothing has ever hurt before. But I really don't want to do this any more. I care deeply for her, and at this point she needs to know. So that we can either give it a shot, or we can go our separate ways, so that I can have closure and begin to heal (obviously I'd prefer the first outcome over the second) So if they ever let me out of work, (so far there's no word if/when that'll happen), I'll have to talk with her and lay it all out. Wish me luck gents. P.S. - I'm SUPER sleep deprived, so I apologized if none of that made any sense

 

 

Alright, I had a really long response to this typed out and I hit the back button by mistake and deleted it. I'm a bit pissed. But I just saw this from you and church....

 

Buddy I love you but man I want to slap you right now. Dude you are totally friend zoned. But that doesn't mean you can't do something about it. First off "To lead her astray goes against everything that defines you as a man."? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Dude what DEFINES YOU AS A MAN should be, "Hey I want that thing. And as a MAN i'm going to FUCKING TAKE IT!" One way or another. Or you will "die trying". You want to get un-friend zoned? Go to the pick up artist community and look up how they get out of the friend zone. But I can tell you this it starts by not being a sissy. You don't want to give her bad advice, but Church buddy, you dont HAVE TO GIVE HER ANY ADVICE!!!!  Step one to get un friend zoned with this one is most likely going to be saying to her, "Hey you know what [insert her name here], I really don't want to hear this crap any more." 

 

You want this woman's attention in a "sexual way" (as in anything that isn't just friends), you need to adjust what you're doing. First off yes you need to tell her how you feel. But not yet. You need to slowly change how you are acting around her. Slowly doesn't mean over two months time...or hell even ONE months time. It can take two weeks. But you need to get out of the friend zone if you want a chance with her and I'm telling you this is completely possible. I'm being serious. google this "get out of the friend zone pick up community" you will find answers. Yes the pick up artist community is sleazy. But those efforts can also be used as TOOLS to get a woman's attention on YOU and then you can make that a meaningful relationship. The shit works. Think of the movie HITCH with will smith. he is using and teaching pick up artist tools but he is also trying to build long lasting relationships. Its totally easy and totally doable. how do i know this? Well i'll tell you my friend,

 

First off after my last relationship (the one everyone in this thread knows about) where i got used back and forth and was an idiot for it, she made a comment to me that really bothered me (later i found it to be completely untrue but still it rattled the cages of my confidence). She said she didn't think i could be attractive sexually. physically i'm attractive but not sexually. When we broke up what did i do? Literally started reading everything i possibly could about what makes women want a man. Pick up artist stuff. a book called "Attraction isnt a choice" (you can totally get this online for free just google it). Now that said i went ahead and started flirting with women. not hitting on them but FLIRTING. making them laugh...and then they started offering me their numbers. so i did this for a while to prove a point to myself. I litereally dated 12 different women in like 2 or 3 weeks. it was ridiculous. and they were throwing themselves at me. I did NOT accept these offers as that is where I am different than the pick up artist community. but i was having fun. Now....while all this is happening I've been getting really close to this young lady i know (not really young shes my age) and as we are becoming closer friends i was never friend zoned so this is where its a bit different, but still i'd be on dates and when i had a free minute i'd be texting her, so i realized (hey i dont want to date someone else i want to date her...weird). So what did i do? I stopped dating everyone else, and pursued what I could with this gal I'm seeing now. I was just myself but a confident, funny and Take what I want attitude version of it. And now i have a solid relationship with someone I've known for about a year. We have a friendship built on similar interests and backgrounds but I never put myself in "friend zone" territory. SO now you just have to find out to get out of the friend zone and then flirt your ass off with her. 

 

The number one rule here though is this. Be OUTCOME INDEPENDENT! You need to realize that there are a million different women on this earth. and if you lose this one as a friend or potential girlfriend whatever guess what...THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE! you have this attitude and it will come through and you wont seem needy. you'll seem AWESOME! 

 

I have some links for sites you can read if you feel like pursuing some information. I dont like to paste these sites on the forum because i'm not a fan of everything they promote just the tools they use to get a woman's attention. 

 

 

so in short. yes tell her. but wait until you've proven to her that you're a man she doesn't want to lose. and you do not prove that by buying her shit and being her best friend when she wines about men.

[Church]

Alright, I had a really long response to this typed out and I hit the back button by mistake and deleted it. I'm a bit pissed. But I just saw this from you and church....

 

Buddy I love you but man I want to slap you right now. Dude you are totally friend zoned. But that doesn't mean you can't do something about it. First off "To lead her astray goes against everything that defines you as a man."? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Dude what DEFINES YOU AS A MAN should be, "Hey I want that thing. And as a MAN i'm going to FUCKING TAKE IT!" One way or another. Or you will "die trying". You want to get un-friend zoned? Go to the pick up artist community and look up how they get out of the friend zone. But I can tell you this it starts by not being a sissy. You don't want to give her bad advice, but Church buddy, you dont HAVE TO GIVE HER ANY ADVICE!!!!  Step one to get un friend zoned with this one is most likely going to be saying to her, "Hey you know what [insert her name here], I really don't want to hear this crap any more." 

 

You want this woman's attention in a "sexual way" (as in anything that isn't just friends), you need to adjust what you're doing. First off yes you need to tell her how you feel. But not yet. You need to slowly change how you are acting around her. Slowly doesn't mean over two months time...or hell even ONE months time. It can take two weeks. But you need to get out of the friend zone if you want a chance with her and I'm telling you this is completely possible. I'm being serious. google this "get out of the friend zone pick up community" you will find answers. Yes the pick up artist community is sleazy. But those efforts can also be used as TOOLS to get a woman's attention on YOU and then you can make that a meaningful relationship. The shit works. Think of the movie HITCH with will smith. he is using and teaching pick up artist tools but he is also trying to build long lasting relationships. Its totally easy and totally doable. how do i know this? Well i'll tell you my friend,

 

First off after my last relationship (the one everyone in this thread knows about) where i got used back and forth and was an idiot for it, she made a comment to me that really bothered me (later i found it to be completely untrue but still it rattled the cages of my confidence). She said she didn't think i could be attractive sexually. physically i'm attractive but not sexually. When we broke up what did i do? Literally started reading everything i possibly could about what makes women want a man. Pick up artist stuff. a book called "Attraction isnt a choice" (you can totally get this online for free just google it). Now that said i went ahead and started flirting with women. not hitting on them but FLIRTING. making them laugh...and then they started offering me their numbers. so i did this for a while to prove a point to myself. I litereally dated 12 different women in like 2 or 3 weeks. it was ridiculous. and they were throwing themselves at me. I did NOT accept these offers as that is where I am different than the pick up artist community. but i was having fun. Now....while all this is happening I've been getting really close to this young lady i know (not really young shes my age) and as we are becoming closer friends i was never friend zoned so this is where its a bit different, but still i'd be on dates and when i had a free minute i'd be texting her, so i realized (hey i dont want to date someone else i want to date her...weird). So what did i do? I stopped dating everyone else, and pursued what I could with this gal I'm seeing now. I was just myself but a confident, funny and Take what I want attitude version of it. And now i have a solid relationship with someone I've known for about a year. We have a friendship built on similar interests and backgrounds but I never put myself in "friend zone" territory. SO now you just have to find out to get out of the friend zone and then flirt your ass off with her. 

 

The number one rule here though is this. Be OUTCOME INDEPENDENT! You need to realize that there are a million different women on this earth. and if you lose this one as a friend or potential girlfriend whatever guess what...THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE! you have this attitude and it will come through and you wont seem needy. you'll seem AWESOME! 

 

I have some links for sites you can read if you feel like pursuing some information. I dont like to paste these sites on the forum because i'm not a fan of everything they promote just the tools they use to get a woman's attention. 

 

 

so in short. yes tell her. but wait until you've proven to her that you're a man she doesn't want to lose. and you do not prove that by buying her shit and being her best friend when she wines about men.

 

I get what you're saying man, and now that I've had time to cool down a little  and get over my funk (working nights out of town through Christmas and New Years while this was happening was tough on me, but I'm better now that I get to go home in a few days) what you're saying is almost ridiculously obvious. The issues I was having (and am still kind of nagged by) with this girl, came about partly because it totally blindsided me. 

 

I've know for years that I liked her (we've been friends forever and I had a crippling crush on her in high school, to the point that I actually had to drop her as a math tutor. I still can't math very well). But she was telling me about this party she was at with her friends playing strip poker and I'm unclear about the exact order of events but she ended up texting me that she'd never had a guy touch her before, and it hurt. And something in there made me feel like my soul had been stabbed in the everything. And everything compounded and was exacerbated by the fact that I had no one to talk it out with, but had TONS of time to dwell on it in the solitude of night shift.

 

I'm still not sure what course of action to take. On one hand I want to spill my heart and hopefully give it a go, but on the other hand I want to pull away and gain some emotional distance (these things didn't hurt when I had distance), and on yet another hand I sometimes think I'd just be happier to say "f@*# it and move to China and become a monk in a temple and learn kung-fu-action-jesus magic.

 

I think part of the issue is that I don't really have much going on romantically, and shes right there figuratively speaking. But the horrible gut reaction I had to that text, and the follow up texts over several days, got me thinking that maybe I don't just like her, maybe I like her.

 

It's all very confusing (more than at the time of my initial post) and soul-crushing (less than at the time of my initial post). So what I'm going to do is this: If she can make time to see me face-to-face next week when I FINALLY get to come home (she claims to not know what her work schedule is like yet. she works three jobs and these tings are never set in stone.) I'll spill. If she can't then I'm done. I can't take this crap any more. One way or another things need to change.

 

On another note, I've apparently charmed a young lady rather thoroughly. There's a host of reasons why that's tragic and never going to bare-fruit, but I won't get in to them. I just have to figure out how to do that on purpose...