New, confused, and uncertain of what to do...

[hearthsinger]

Nah, I knew I was fat as a kid.  I just didn't care.  In the media being fat meant that no one wanted to be your friend and that you were lazy and didn't do anything.  The only way to please the masses was to become thin and then mystically everyone would care about you.  But I had friends who liked me for me.  I still have friends who like me for me.  I just want my parents (mother especially) to shut up about my weight. :/

 

Well it's important that you want it for yourself. I know the feeling of being "pushed" by your parents to fix the issue. They're pushing because they care and they're worried, but sometimes what they say can be hurtful. I truly believe that even when I "tried" in the past I wasn't succeeding because in my mind, I wasn't READY to want this for myself. Wanting it yourself is what gets you through the challenging times. You'll need that strength to motivate you.

[SombraMalamutt]

Whether it's a "negative motivation" or "positive motivation" really is of no consequence.

 

They can "care" all they want, but when both of them would also be categorized as "obese" or "overweight" (by a BS scale nonetheless), they really don't have a say in the matter.  However if they choose to show their "caring" by poking, prodding, offering up amputating half my stomach or picking up an eating disorder/patterns of disordered eating as a form of "getting healthy" then I give up. 

 

I know there's a lot of articles on this website that say that being fat is the "norm" (IE being part of the empire) and in order to be "different" (being part of the rebellion) then you have to be "thin"/fit (pretty much the same thing in society's eyes).  I...disagree with all of that.  Being thin is the norm.  Socially speaking that is.  Being thin is "good".  Being thin is "beautiful".  It is "right".  Being fat is the last acceptable thing people can ridicule (key word here is "acceptable").  Fat people's bodies are considered evil, wrong, and what is wrong with this nation.  There is an imaginary war on obesity started over a national increase of only 7-14 lbs.  "War" is a powerful word as I'm sure everyone knows.  I'm sure I'm insulting someone by saying it, but I consider the health at every size/size acceptance movement(s) to be the true "rebellion".  Nerd Fitness is also part of the "empire".  Part of the overall "diet culture" that wishes to do away with/demonize fat bodies.  I know jack squat about Star Wars...why am I even using these analogies?

 

Physically I might not be what the majority of people consider "obese" (as people seem to only think you're "obese" when you're over 300 lbs. or something like that), but in the eyes of society, I'm still one of "those people" who need to be "eradicated".

 

So why not just go for the HAES movement?  For the most part I don't fully fit in there either.  For the sheer fact that even though there's a lot said in the size acceptance movement about accepting people of all sizes, there's a lot of body politics there that don't fit for me.  The movement is more for people who are size 22 and up and not really for people who are much smaller than that.  I'm one of those weird "in-betweenies".  Too big to be thought of as thin but too small to be thought of as "fat" (this would depend on who you talk to though...parents and doctors say I'm fat, friends would beg to differ even though I know they're just trying to "be nice").  It would be nice to be fully on one side of the scale or the other though...

 

So...pursing weight loss is my form of "giving up".  Particularly "giving up" on myself.  I'm no good at standing out.  I don't like it one bit.  I like blending in.  And while people here seem to think that being fat is a better way to blend in, the real way to blend in is to be thin.  Socially speaking if you're thin, you're acceptable.  People will like you better, people will think you're "healthier", you have a better chance of getting a job...you're just like everyone in the media.  People won't glare at you on the streets or give you dirty looks.  People won't question your food choices.  You're what people want you to be so people will leave you alone.  Granted being thin comes with a whole other host of issues that being fat doesn't have, but at least thin people aren't questioned about if they can or can't do something simple on the basis of their body size...

 

If I can use negative motivation to push my goals as a freelance artist forward (the goal to mostly get away from my nagging mother and/or to prove her wrong), then I'm sure I can do the same to change the physical shape of my body.  And if it doesn't work...then I guess it doesn't work (in this area).  But no harm in going for it, right?

[alienjenn]

I am fond of saying "fake it til you make it"

 

I don't think it matters what your initial motivation is...

 

 

 

really and honestly... 

 

 

what matters is that you become the best you... the healthiest you... the happiest you that you can be... 

[Preiselbeer]

I'm a little late to the party, but welcome  

 

I think alienjenn makes a great point--"fake it til you make it" all the way. When I start losing my internal motivation, if I can think of a goal outside of myself (beyond something like just 'lift x lbs more'), it's often enough to get me through to a point in my workout or my week where I start to feel that I'm just doing it for myself again. 

 

That said, motivation is a tricky thing, and you may find that as you progress (because with all of the wonderful support and resources here, you absolutely can and you will), your own motivations will change. I think this happens to a lot of people, and I think it's a great thing! We're people, we're not static--that would be oh-so-boring. I am absolutely a supporter of the fact that one can be healthy at any size, so maybe you can think about what you're doing as finding ways to make yourself healthier instead of trying to fit what you're describing as the expectations of some other people? Weight loss etc. will likely happen along the way, but you can stick it to all the people who sound like they're really getting on your last nerve because hey, ultimately, the only person you care about in all of this is YOU. 

 

On one final note, you mentioned the fact that you hate the taste of plain water. I think drinking more water with crystal light in place of some of the juice you're drinking is a great idea--it's a small change, and that's what this is all about. I too absolutely LOVE juice, and before I got to college and decided I was too cheap to buy it (and thus got out of the habit of buying it), I drank a lot of it. Now I usually have one glass in the morning with my breakfast (I like cranberry...man do I like cranberry), and then try to drink water, tea, etc. for the rest of the day. Do you like carbonation? Have you tried seltzer water like poland spring or polar that has the natural 'essence' flavor in it? It's light, but very noticeable. If you're not big on that by itself, you could also mix half juice with half seltzer (or regular water...I happen to think the seltzer makes it more interesting, but that's just me), and work down to more seltzer, less juice in the mix. This is a great way to sneak in more hydration without losing the juice flavor. I think this is especially good with apple juice or orange juice (and hey, most of the way to a celebratory mimosa!). Finally, sometimes I'll put a bunch of lemon and lime slices in my water bottle, or even lemon in mint (which is super refreshing). It goes a long way to flavoring the water, and I wind up drinking a lot more throughout the day. Anyway, just some thoughts...