Need Some Tips for Being the Only Healthy Eater

[Katariana]

Ok, so, here's the Earttth....

 

Sorry, that pops into my head when I start off with "Ok, so..". Annnyways

 

My husband I live together, but Im really the only one concerned with eating healthier. He's pretty active/thin and it's just not in his goals to eat healthy. He's totally supportive of my decision to eat healthy - as long as I respect his decision to eat whatever he wants.

 

For the most part we just buy different groceries. We work opposite shifts, so we cook separate meals as well. This makes me eating healthier (normally Paleo) pretty simple. 

 

However, I have difficulty in a few areas. For one, if we do get time together, he loves to go out to eat. Sometimes I can choose a healthier option - sometimes it's just fast food, and there's not much to choose from. I do okay (ish) about passing it up and just eating something when we get back home, but, he tends to take this as me "making a fuss" when fast food won't really hurt if its "just this once". Except, just this once is like three times a week. The other issue is that if I am sitting in the car/restaurant thinking of what I'd like back at the house, and his french fries smell amazing...its much harder not to eat them or get my own order.

 

I realize having some now and again isn't the end of the world...but when its multiple times a week, it's just not what I want.

 

That brings me to my second issue which is that when he buys his own groceries it tends to be a lot of pre-packaged and junk food. And I really mean cabinets stocked up with donuts, brownies, chips, soda, little debbie snack cakes, corndogs, pizza.... it's a lot. 

 

I feel like I have pretty average self control. I don't just dig in every time I see them, I can actually go a week or two without really caring that it's there. The problem is when I do care - it's hard to stare all that in the face and just walk away. And I'm not super great at "I'll just have one".

 

I'd really like advice on ways (or tips if anyone has them) to try to eat healthier when my partner doesn't. Asking him to change really hasn't worked in the past five years, so, I don't think that's really an option.

 

I also realize there are habits of my own to change (like just never eating fast food with him, choosing healthier options at restaurants, making my own choices to not eat the junk food thats in the house).  I'm just looking for some tips on ways this might be easier. As I said, most of the time I enjoy eating healthy so much it's not an issue, but it can cause dilemmas in us going out, and it does make resisting temptation more difficult.

 

I saw on a different thread someone post about how significant others like to bring you special treats, and when you're trying to eat healthy and they bring you sweets that can be hard. So instead just get them to bring you a special treat that's not a sweet. I had never - ever- thought of that. I already asked my husband to stop bringing me candy or wine for a surprise, but instead get me a magazine (something I love but never spend the money on).

 

It's other tips along those lines I'm hoping to find. I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing these issues with their partner. What works for you???

[I-Jo]

Subscribed.

 

my SO could care less about eating healthy- eats like a 5 year old.  It's very annoying.  I manage fine on my own.  I'd love to have become a "convert" so it wasn't an issue if we were both on the same track- but that's his business- not mine.

 

I'm happy I don't live with him currently- I think it would be a different ball of wax if we shared living space.  I feel for you.  

 

My only thoughts would be to have your space and his space in the pantry- preferably different space entirely that way when you open the pantry- you can't even see his stuff.   If you have the tall narrow ones- put your stuff at eye level and his stuff two or three shelves below and common food in the middle.  I know for me SEEING junk food is usually enough to spark a craving and I resist for a week or two and then I have one piece and it's a cycle of trying to get "out" of it.  

 

Good luck!

[Katariana]

Thanks! That's what its like for me too, I can do pretty well for a while, but then there's just that one day you don't resist, and suddenly you're in a cycle you have to break out of. I'll see if he'd be willing to move our stuff around, that's a great suggestion!

[PrincessHeather]

The shelf thing is pretty solid advice. When I implemented that, it actually forced my hubby to confront the types of things he was eating vs what I was. His shelf looked like processed garbage (cause it was) and mine was full of things he could recognize as natural or healthy. My shelf was full of ingredients for cooking things, his was full of stuff with long list of artificial ingredients. He's started to make better choices as a result.

 

I eat fairly strict paleo, but I also do most of the cooking. My husband has learned that I don't shop for, cook, or prep anything I won't be eating. I put a lot of effort into providing a lot of healthy options, and if he wants to not utilize them, it's on him to make it happen.

 

Over time, it's just gotten easier to say no to all the crappy things other people might be eating around me. It's just a matter of building a habit of saying no. And sticking to my guns about what I can "cheat" with and what is always going to be off the table, and not worrying if that causes an issue for hubby or friends we're out with. Everyone else is free to do what they want, but I have found success doing what I do and I'm not going to change it. Hubby got used to it, and now only suggests places where he knows that there is at least one solid option for me when we eat out.

[Relic]

a while back I used this little self control tactic to resist eating the junk in my house:

I had a bag of spinach in the fridge and every time I had a junk food craving I would take out a few leaves and eat them. Sometimes I would end up eating spinach 6 times in ten minutes but it did help distract me from the craving and by the third or fourth day I was getting cravings much less often.

[Katariana]

`i might try that! i actually used a similar technique to get me un-addicted to chocolate (anytime I really wanted it, I ate PB instead - figured it was better for me than just candy, but still tasted "sweet") sadly, I ended up with a peanut butter addiction but i dont think a spinach addiction would be nearly as bad

[Shoshie]

Mmm, for chocolate I just try to have stuff around that's 75% cocoa or higher.  It's also expensive, which gives insentive for buying less.  But there are way worse things than having a square of Lindt 85% chocolate.  And, while I might grab a second, that's usually all the chocolate I can take.  It's full of fat, but pretty low on sugar (about 2g carbohydrates per square).  Also delicious.

 

The spinach idea is interesting, though.  I may try that. 

 

I'm also a big fan of seaweed snacks and kale chips for mindless salty crunchy foods. 

 

Basically, what helps me is making sure that there are delicious, readily available healthy foods at my disposal.  Makes it less likely that I'm going to grab M&Ms if there's some Lindt chocolate hanging out nearby.  Same with potato chips and seaweed snacks (I seriously love seaweed snacks way too much).

[Spider-Dan]

I have trouble with the self control thing too. I have a three year old who really needs every single calorie he can get.

So, I make sure his food is in a separate place from mine. He has his own shelf in the cabinet. So when I see this, my brain says, "Nope! Not your shelf". This helps me a lot.

[I-Jo]

Thanks! That's what its like for me too, I can do pretty well for a while, but then there's just that one day you don't resist, and suddenly you're in a cycle you have to break out of. I'll see if he'd be willing to move our stuff around, that's a great suggestion!

 

The other thing I do- which is more a personal and mental thing is how I set up my weeks/months in relation to my food essentially.  I don't eat die hard paleo- I just can't. It's expensive and it doesn't fit into my lifestyle well.  But that doesn't mean I can't do a good job of being 'semi-paleo' LOL  one of those things is- say alcohol- if I drink I ONLY drink it on Friday/Saturday.   Same with sushi- if I am going to have it (which I don't every week) it ONLY happens on the weekend.  I don't allow myself to eat it during the week.  that might help you too.  

 

 

 

 

the physical separation makes things much more simple- that's for damn sure.  

I have trouble with the self control thing too. I have a three year old who really needs every single calorie he can get.

So, I make sure his food is in a separate place from mine. He has his own shelf in the cabinet. So when I see this, my brain says, "Nope! Not your shelf". This helps me a lot.

[Katariana]

I'm in the same situation! Though it is mostly because my wife is pregnant. There have been numerous other times where I have tried to go healthy, but her and my mother and sister and father brought it down. Here's what I did:

 

Step 1: Wait until the food in the house is just GONE.

Step 2: Either shop alone, or go with them to put your input on food in.

Step 3: Constantly "nag" them on healthy foods.

Step 4: Fill cart with healthy, allow little to no room for unhealthy.

Step 5: Point out healthy things they also like to eat.

Step 6: Profit???

 

Seems like a good plan. Sadly, my husband and I work different shifts so sometimes he prefers his own food (and we don't cook the same meals) and snacks he can easily take to work. I may try to start getting him to eat healthier too, and hopefully get him to buy less junk overall. However, I'm also trying to respect his decisions, even if I disagree with them. Walking that line can be hard, but I'm working on it. I already got him to say that once we have kids (sometime in the far far future) we will eat as a family and it will be healthy.

 

I have trouble with the self control thing too. I have a three year old who really needs every single calorie he can get.

So, I make sure his food is in a separate place from mine. He has his own shelf in the cabinet. So when I see this, my brain says, "Nope! Not your shelf". This helps me a lot.

 

Yup! I tried a version of this with my husband and his was on a higher shelf (that was harder for me to see since Im short). However, I figured out pretty fast if I was dying for something and it was up there, Id be climbing on the counters to get it to it, thinking "well, tonight he can share!". It was difficult because I could still see his food so I always had to resist, and as Steve has said before, people have limited willpower. Eventually my willpower bar just ran out.

The other thing I do- which is more a personal and mental thing is how I set up my weeks/months in relation to my food essentially.  I don't eat die hard paleo- I just can't. It's expensive and it doesn't fit into my lifestyle well.  But that doesn't mean I can't do a good job of being 'semi-paleo' LOL  one of those things is- say alcohol- if I drink I ONLY drink it on Friday/Saturday.   Same with sushi- if I am going to have it (which I don't every week) it ONLY happens on the weekend.  I don't allow myself to eat it during the week.  that might help you too.  

 

 

 

 

the physical separation makes things much more simple- that's for damn sure.  

 

I think I might try the rotation thing eventually, once I get out of the habit of eating non-Paleo foods my husband has during the week. This was my original plan (if I eat 90-100% Paleo Sun-Thur, then Fri/Sat I can have something non-Paleo, like beer or a favorite food). But, if I'm also doing it during the week then Im a lot less strict than I'd like to be.

 

 

However, I did arrange our cabinets last night - I moved my food across the kitchen. Now I won't ever have to see his food and have it tempt me. I'll still know its there, but hopefully "out of sight out of mind" will be a big factor.

 

Thanks everyone!

[Spider-Dan]

Go for it!

[Pookie]

I make food I don't want/not meant to be eating not "mine"

 

I cannot eat the food as it isn't MY food.

 

Its a neat mental trick to play on myself, I used to be obsessed with crisps (US = chips) I completely stopped having them when I was losing a lot of weight, now I am living with my fiancé, he wants them, which is fair enough. I have managed, over the last year and a half to maybe have had 2 packets?

Because I tell myself they are his, I would have to ask and I have the horrible feelings of nobody-saw-me-doesn't-count... so if I have to ask, it has to count. Stops me in my tracks

 

... or I feel very guilty for "stealing" food is the other option that comes out from eating "his" food.

[Spider-Dan]

I make food I don't want/not meant to be eating not "mine"

 

I cannot eat the food as it isn't MY food.

 

This is what i do too.

[Katariana]

Haha I guess I have less regard for my husbands feelings! 

 

If its his food and I eat it (without asking) Im sort of like "oh well" (He is never at the house when I am, I am always home alone, so texting/calling him at work to ask to eat something seems pretty dumb)

 

Then again, he tends to laugh and say its adorable Im eating all of his food....Now I almost wish he was less okay with it.

 

I think its also harder being home alone a lot - its easier to go back for seconds or eat something unhealthy when on one is watching. I know it doesn't mean it doesn't count and you still are accountable to yourself, Im just saying it is a little bit easier. 

[Zorch]

Step 5: Point out healthy things they also like to eat.

I'd put a heavy emphasis on this.  One thing that seems to recur with almost everyone, whether it be people eating Paleo, vegetarian, or simply eating healthier in whatever way they choose, is there tends to be some resistance, usually of the "I wouldn't want to miss out on that!" variety.  To this end, it's a far easier showing someone all the awesome things they CAN eat, instead of making a laundry list of things that are off limits.  Will this get rid of 100% of the junk right away?  Not necessarily - but it should make it easier to steer things in a positive direction.

 

As far as going out to eat, most chain restaurants you can get something pretty healthy - like grilled chicken or steak with some veggies - the oil may not be perfectly paleo, but it's a pretty decent meal overall.  If you're strictly eating "fast" food, Most of the chains do offer some sort of salad now, and while many of them are less than amazing in terms of taste, they're definitely healthier than a burger+fries.

[BarefootViking]

OK short rant then what I do...

 

My wife has been fighting with her weight the whole time we have been together.  She will diet really hard, work out every day, buy into whatever weight loss product is hot and really stick with it, for about a month or two.  Then she burns out, or something happens like she will get a cold or get busy at work and it falls apart.  Then she is back to eating not horrible, but not ideal either.  But I have to say the on-again off-again, never knowing what to make for breakfast/dinner is annoying as all hell.

 

I on the other hand have never eaten particularly well, but never over did it on the junk food.  Pepsi was my bane for a long time and I will still have one when we go out to eat from time to time.  But since I have started getting serious the old eating habits are sliding away. 

 

The soda went first and that was easy.  I simply made a mental association between drinking cola and looking seriously gross and obese. INSTANTLY I didn't want any.  Actually made me queasy to think about having a bottle.  So that is how I got over wanting the stuff that is really bad for me.

 

As for eating healty when the spouse/friends/family is not, I am not sure their is an answer since we can't just swap them out for heatly eating ones.

[Spider-Dan]

Nice job on the soda. That is usually a hard one for people. I hear you on Pepsi. Ever though I very rarely drink anything that isn't water or a protein shake I like a Pepsi every once in awhile. I still love the taste or that and a good root beer. Can't stand other sodas though. My soda drinking at this point is about the same as my alcohol consumption. I can count the number of alcoholic drinks I have in a year on two hands... and still have fingers left.

[Spider-Dan]

Haha I guess I have less regard for my husbands feelings! 

 

If its his food and I eat it (without asking) Im sort of like "oh well" (He is never at the house when I am, I am always home alone, so texting/calling him at work to ask to eat something seems pretty dumb)

 

Then again, he tends to laugh and say its adorable Im eating all of his food....Now I almost wish he was less okay with it.

 

I think its also harder being home alone a lot - its easier to go back for seconds or eat something unhealthy when on one is watching. I know it doesn't mean it doesn't count and you still are accountable to yourself, Im just saying it is a little bit easier. 

That's a good point. I usually don't eat with my spouse either. Maybe you should try packing a lunch and eating away from home? Maybe that is a little excessive though. I dunno.

[I-Jo]

I actually have a food shelf in my fridge that's mine alone.  certain stuff is "house food"  like the beer- it all goes on the top shelf- but so does juice and my yogurt.

 

But ALL- literally ALL my food goes on MY shelf.  He can't eat it- and it's already pre-containered up and ready to go in pre-portioned sizes.  I literally make enough for dinner and lunches- and if I eat one that I'm not supposed to... guess what. I have to go hungry.  So I make sure I have enough in each container- and I have enough scoobie snacks (almonds fruit/veggies, hard boiled eggs etc etc) to fill the time between real 'meals'

 

I've noted it makes a big difference vs just filling up a big container with the food and throwing it in the fridge.  That might help.

[Katariana]

Wow, thats actually a great idea !  I already plan out my meals, but normally I just refer to my planner and cook up what Im supposed to eat. Cooking it ahead of time and prepackaging it sounds like a great plan!!!  

 

We have different shelves in the fridge too, and Im not actually normally tempted by his food in the fridge (for the most part its just as healthy as what I eat). Its normally stuff he keeps in the cabinets and on top of the fridge.

 

I think with all of these tips its already getting better though. It used to be hard to keep myself from occasionally eating a few different items he would buy, but now its more like one food item he has might really tempt me, but the rest of it Im not bothered by. (Right now its cereal, I love cereal with extra sugar poured on top)

 

I like the idea of just associating food with feeling bad though. If I can just get it through my head "Hey, when I eat this, I feel like crap" then I wont be tempted anymore. And its true - even the sugary cereal makes me have a huge sugar rush then crash and I feel groggy forever afterwards.

[I-Jo]

I think you get used to it as long as the OTHER in the house isn't pushy.  I live with a male roommate who eats crappy (well he eats what I cook and then buys everything else so he doesn't shop)- and I have a BF who I see 2 days out of the week (Wed/Thurs).  I have absolutely no issue turning down crap food at this point- you just get used to it- I think just flexing those discipline muscles really helps- so just keep at it- even if you take a tiny back step- you have to keep at it.   (we used to have a rule in our house ice cream = running.  if you run- you can have some ice cream- but no icea cream unless you included it in your workout lol- but if I don't SEE the junk food- I don't get tempted either so it's one of those sort it out and see what works for you deals)

 

It takes some getting used too- you have to cook more than you think. (Least I did- but that might be because I have the roommie).

 

 I cook on Sundays and Wednesdays Thursdays.  This really developed out of the fact my schedule is 3 or 4 days a week: leave at 7 AM and I don't get home till 11 PM.  I simple do NOT have time to deal with this.   I buy the big bag of baby carrots (yup I"m THAT busy I can't be bothered to cut my own- and I don't care)  I prepackage them into individual sammich baggies- this lasts two weeks.  Cheese- I cut up at week intervals on Sunday.  All food is precooked and ready to go come Monday morning.   It takes up about 2 hours of my day all said and done- shopping cooking and clean up on Sunday. 

 

I'm prepared- I don't have a choice to make a bad decision. If I skip cooking by a day- I'm scrambling- I go hungry and I have to pay for food at lunch or between jobs.  And I can come up with a wicked "healthy" meal on the go- but it's not the same- and it's an expensive mistake.

 

Planning and being prepared are the keys to success when it comes to food.  lol  you can do it!!!   

 

 

 

(Side note: for a sugar fix- try pink lady apples- they are wicked sweet)  

[Elder]

I am lucky enough to live by myself so I can fill the fridge and cupboards with all the healthy things I want.  I remember living with other people who didn't eat healthy and it is so hard to stay on track when there are so many temptations around.  My biggest hurdle now is when I am around people (97% of my friends/family are not healthy eaters) it's hard for me to keep the "healthy food" mentality.

 

 One thing I have started doing is making sweet potato chips or kale chips or other healthy snacks by the bags full and leaving them in the fridge for when I have cravings.  Kind of like your spinach thing above.  I also bring batches to family/friend gatherings instead of junk food or baking, you know when they say bring something to munch on, this way I have something to eat and everyone has something new to try.  It's always a good conversation starter too...it's usually "what crazy thing has Jen brought this time?" and off we go!

 

 

Kudos to all you people who are eating healthy and living with others!

[Katariana]

Yeah, things are really getting better. Got to see my husband for a while today and although we planned a fondue dinner together, for the most part I stuck to the meat portion. We did also have a cheese fondue (which isnt Paleo) but I only had a few pieces of bread dunked in it, then called it quits. My husband also got fast food with me in the car and I managed to avoid eating any, plus he got my favorite girl scout cookies and I asked him to just hide them from me and not eat them in front of me (possibly extreme)  and he said sure. Things are working, if even slowly.

 

I think Im getting more okay with saying "no" which is hard for me, and  my cravings are going down in general. You guys have been a lot of help!

[traabbit]

On the topic of trying to get your SO to eat better:

 

I run into this issue too. My SO is super supportive of my healthy eating, but is not at a point in his life where he wants to eat healthier. One thing that I have tried to do in order to help him out is when I am packing my lunch for the next day, often times I will pack a lunch for him as well. Then, if he remembers to take it, I at least gave him one meal to eat where he is not going to a fast food place.

 

The my shelf thing has been a great idea in my house for months. Before doing Paleo, I was on weight watchers and I would often make a cubbie full of my SO's stuff and the rest of the kitchen cupboards would be mine. It seemed to work out really well!

[insideitsraining]

My hubby is exactly the same way! But I buy all of the groceries in our house, so I still get him the crap he wants (to some extent) but I make sure I don't get anything that won't temp me. I also keep our house stoked with healthy things that I really love to eat so that if I get a craving, I can eat it instead.