gotta find a new beat

[jenlady]

wanted to start off by saying I'm SUPER excited to start the 6 week challenge 

 

I was wondering if anyone could help me with this dilemma I'm facing. I feel like my group of friends are really holding me back from being all I can be. i'm in my sophomore year, and my university which i attend is located in country which i didn't enjoy too much freshman year. (I had a boyfriend and didn't get out much) this year i decided to move off campus to the urban city about 20 min from the main campus.

 

my friend group in the city goes to an art school nearby- being artsy person myself, i love how they are all so creative and unique, BUT..

our activities mostly include: just sitting around smoking pot and painting while i study. they hardly sleep, don't eat right, don't work out, take adderall and drink heavily. now as a result my drinking was getting out of control even when i limited myself to weekends, my depression was getting worse. i'm on depression meds now i'm soooo done with this lifestyle and ready for a change.

 

i'm considering moving back to my main campus in the country for my junior year. the thing is, i don't know who i would live with because i basically no friends there. i know i could join backpacking club which i would love, but i'm really discouraged because i don't wanna be that loser who goes in blind their junior year.

 

I don't know what i should do. I'm not a shy person, but I want to be surrounded by active people who are happy and excited about life and no longer surrounded by people who drag me down. I just never know how to to find them!

haaalp?

[Irish Oisin]

It's YOUR junior year, so maybe being very independent wouldn't be a bad idea?

 

I'm a firm believer of doing things alone if you need to. I travel on my own, and that includes all over Europe, America and Australia. I exercise alone, I hike alone and I have little day trips alone. Now, I have plenty of friends, but they aren't into exercising or are in couples so won't travel with their one single friend. I'm so happy doing these things alone because I'm doing them, and making positive changes in myself rather than worrying about other people.

 

Join a backpacking club is a great idea, it'll get you away from pot smoking lazy adderall takers!!

[jenlady]

thanks I think it would be a ton of fun! I seriously am sick of sitting like a dud doing nothing and going to "parties" that are just a bunch of dirty people drinking..boringgggg

[Michael_Blacksmith]

As someone who lives out in the middle of nowhere I totally understand where you are coming from, I have to drive an hour and half to any form of a social life or to see "friends". My "friends" are also pot smoking drunks and when I show up after working out they play it off like it is no big deal. My solution is fairly simple, I joined a CrossFit gym to get involved with a better kind of community, updated my online dating profile to indicate I working out and staying fit and taking care of myself is important and am looking for like mind people to spend time with (Also indicate looking for new friends only), and lastly trying to surf through meet-ups to find groups that I feel I can resonate with. 

 

It is hard, darn hard, but you sound like you know what you are looking for so try your best to go out and find it. There are people out there that will support you, and push you in your lifestyle choices, but they can be hard to find. I think that looking at the backpacking club is a place to start! See if they have a message board and see if you can post a note saying that you are looking for a roommate who supports and lives a active and healthy lifestyle and maybe you will find the perfect situation. 

 

One thing that helps me with depression is working out. When I was doing bodyweight I didn't really get that much of a release, but when I joined CrossFit and started pushing myself really hard it helps bring up, and let go a lot of emotions that can build up and get stored in the body. It leaves me really sore, but approach it with a warrior mentality and you will be kicking those pills before you know it!

 

All the best luck to you

[Irish Oisin]

thanks I think it would be a ton of fun! I seriously am sick of sitting like a dud doing nothing and going to "parties" that are just a bunch of dirty people drinking..boringgggg

 

Parties can be very boring indeed, people sitting around getting drunk or high and then waking up the next day feeling like crap. Meanwhile, you don't drink or smoke and you get up the next day feeling fresh as a daisy and do something with your time. It's the only way to go!!

[OrangeJorwell]

I would join the backpacking club. I can't imagine anyone really caring that you joined when you're a junior. If it's fun and you meet cool people, then awesome. And if not, at least you tried, and you can try something else.

[WordSmith]

Get out and do your own thing. It will be way better for you.

[I-Jo]

Find a forum with activities you like (a la Nerd Fitness) then look for other activities you like to do- there is a forum for it too- I promise you.  If there is an online forum for strippers (hysterical and great Friday night and a beer type material) they will have one for hiking.

 

Almost all my friends I have met through internet or meeting people at the gym- or through other actives   I don't have friends that don't do what I do- because when I moved here I knew NO ONE.  And it was GREAT.  I started riding a motorcycle- guess what- forum- made lots of new friends- even one of my best friends who I've gone on ridiculous random road trips with- met on line.  My BF- actually met through a bike forum.   it's great- because you already know you have shit in common.   And I have dance buddies- horse buddies- gym buddies and bike buddies.   

I started a new job in May- I literally decided to change parts of who I was and say fuck the world.  I have great friends- and great things going on- but I was open to meeting new people and doing new things.   

 

Being the new guy with no friends can be great- because you can start over- and you aren't saddled by the "oh she's friends with so and so" you can be that cool kid whose friends with everyone if you want... or you can do your own thing and not hang with anyone- it's all up to you and there is no RIGHT or wrong way to do it!!

[Leonine]

I think getting involved on your campus is a wonderful place to start! The backpacking idea is awesome, and I'm sure there are so many other clubs that you could be interested in too that would be worth checking out. Of course, everyone's different (and every group you'll find is probably different), so it'll just take some experimenting to find a group that you feel really comfortable and connected with.

 

Whatever you do, don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone; for example, I never considered myself a Greek Life person, but when I went to school I joined a sorority, and it was easily one of the best moves of my college career. But, it was something I never, ever expected! I know plenty of other people who have found great friends through service organizations, skiing clubs, you name it. Just keep your mind open and your head up! Life's too short to live with people who are dragging you down.

[jenlady]

Thank you! I have also considered joining a sorority, but I'm really hesitant. I'm pretty liberal and open minded and I heard that most of the sorority mottos are "preparation for marriage" lol, not my thing. then again, I am friends with a few girls in sororities and they say they really enjoy it and it's a great way to meet people. idk. thank you for all the tips everyone.

 

I still really enjoy pot every once in while spiritually, emotionally, I'm not sure there's something about it that connects me to nature and makes me realize things that really matter and things I really need to focus on. drinking on the other hand isn't really something that makes me feel good about anything haha. 

 

i don't know about meeting people online. i just feel really weird about it. i met one girl online and she's actually a good friend of mine now, but i'd rather meet people in person for some reason. i don't really know why tho ?? i did find a message board through backpacking club, but i don't really know where to go from here. they post funny things and sometimes i'll comment but their meetings are basically over for the year wa waaaa! next year hopefully.

[I-Jo]

well you meet THROUGH on line and different events LOL

 

at some point you take it off line- because well- that's how EVENT's and things happen... I've been here for less than a few months- and I'm already making connections and plans to met people.

[JuiceeTarget]

You've got to find your tribe. That's not the easiest thing to do. I think the backpacking club is a GREAT place to start. And keep your mind open, you'll find your tribe.

[Fishercat]

I had friends similar to yours in college. I found in order to do well in school I had to study at the library or other on campus locations.

You should join the backpacking club. If they are not meeting now you may find a local backpacking club that is meeting. Around here we have the AMC. You can go out hiking on your own. When you hike by yourself it is a lot easier to meet people.

Also, if you want to find new friends try visiting a small restaurant/cafe at the same time every day. Perhaps it will be good place for you to study. You will find you will see the same people everyday. I know lots of people including myself who have made good friends this way. Its not like a bar where everyone is just trying to hook up.

[jenlady]

I had friends similar to yours in college. I found in order to do well in school I had to study at the library or other on campus locations.

You should join the backpacking club. If they are not meeting now you may find a local backpacking club that is meeting. Around here we have the AMC. You can go out hiking on your own. When you hike by yourself it is a lot easier to meet people.

Also, if you want to find new friends try visiting a small restaurant/cafe at the same time every day. Perhaps it will be good place for you to study. You will find you will see the same people everyday. I know lots of people including myself who have made good friends this way. Its not like a bar where everyone is just trying to hook up.

Thanks, yeah I do study at the lib a lot. It's like I go study alone and work out and do my own thing, and then as a distressor I listen to music and smoke with my friends. But then sometimes I wake up foggy headed with a dry throat, and I'm thinking ugghghgh why did I do that last night. And I'm becoming more increasingly frustrated with people that don't care about themselves, their body, or getting a good education/good job. And the last part is a great idea, in fact I think I'll head over to the cute little coffee shop to finish my homework thanks.