Being more positive

[sumdawgtwigg]

I really hate to say but I'm a bit of a downer all the time. I tend to look at the bad side of things all the time and if there is a situation where a bad outcome could happen, my mind automatically goes with that option. I realized tonight that I'm going through my life being miserable with this bad attitude. Hell, I can't even drive without thinking that someone is going to piss me off by following to close or something like that. I'll come up with different situations that could upset me for so many things and end up miserable just because of the thought of it happening. I wasn't like this when I was younger. i always found the bright side of everything and had a very upbeat attitude. Does anyone have this same problem? Did you have this problem and work your way out of it? I don't mean to sound dramatic but it's really starting to ruin my life in some ways. People stop hanging out with me or don't talk to me because I just make them miserable too. I really don't want to be like this anymore and just looking for a bit of advice. 

[Ensi]

Don't worry, there are plenty of people struggling with the same problem. The good side is that being negative is a habit that can be replaced with the habit of looking at the positive side of things! It can be a slow progress, but once you start it, you'll get there eventually.

 

I'd recommend you could start and observe your behaviour in situations that make you anxious. Let's say that you're driving your car and someone follows too close. What's the outcome? What is it about it that annoys you? I know it can be very annoying, but try and imagine what the person in that other car is thinking about. Maybe he doesn't understand that he's driving too close, or maybe he's in a hurry and wants to get home to eat gummy bears as soon as possible. Poor them, right? Try and converse your negative energy to positive energy, like in martial arts. You don't really want to waste your energy on the opponent, instead you just use their energy and guide them to the direction you wish them to go.

 

That's a start, I think. Observe, and if it's too much to look at the positive side of things, then look at things from a different point of view. Once you start looking for positive things, you will become better at it and soon you'll see more positive than negative things. And when they say "smile more", well... Try it. It does make you feel better

 

Good luck!

[Anarchist]

Smile. I read it in a book (59 seconds) that there is research that there is reverse causality in it. Means we smile when we are happy - but also, when we smile (even without any reason) it brings a happy mood. It works for me. I've to hold a smile for about 15 seconds and it just magically makes me a bit happier.

 

And another thing is we become happier by helping others. Try to help someone around. Donate some money or just do non-financial help to someone. Any help.. only thing is you have to go a bit out of your way. Help an old person cross the road, read to a blind person or just go spend some time chatting with some one who you know feels lonely... things like that. I've seen the effects of this one too. Just a little help to others instantly makes me happier.

 

And remember all unhappiness comes from either selfishness or insecurity. There's a proverb in India - "Good and bad never come from others"

[Elastigirl]

Everyday list 3 things you are thankful for. A fellow assassins challenge goal one time was to never complain-thats right for the entire 6 weeks! I think having that goal would really help get rid of the negativity habit. I haven't been brave enough to try that yet, but I have done the 3 things you are thankful for and when I catch myself being negative I try and stop it and change to positive.

[humanperson832]

What Elastigirl said. People who take the time to practice gratitude, even if it's as simple as being alive and well, tend to be happier than those who don't.

 

Every day, make a list of three things you're grateful for in your life. Not necessarily material things, but states of being or conditions. Once you get going, you tend to keep going, and you see that you actually have a lot to be happy about. It really helped me turn things around.

 

And it's also true that by helping others and making them happy, you really are helping yourself be happy. The Ben Franklin effect says that when you help someone, you end up liking them more and are more apt to help them in the future. You would think it would be the opposite, right? Wrong. Help others. You'll feel more positively towards others, and that has a funny way of helping you to feel more positively towards yourself.

[AlterStephen]

I agree with traipsing. Serving others is the easiest and fastest way to become happy yourself. I've found that to be true countless times.

[Dee Light]

Sounds like we're in a similar situation. I recently had a huge falling out with two of my oldest, greatest friends over my general negativity and bad attitude over the past few months. We haven't spoken in about a month, which is an extremely long time for us, and it's given me time to reflect. I found that part of my problem has been depression caused by a recent switch to a new medication, so I'd start there and see if that could be a contributing factor in your case.

 

Aside from that, I've been doing what others have suggested. I'm on Day 5 of writing down things for which I am grateful. Even the smallest things matter. I've had to literally stop and count to 10 when I feel my blood begin to boil over something that I know is insignificant. For example, I was waiting at a restaurant and it took 45 mins to get my order after I placed it. I was PISSED, but the people I was with weren't even phased by it. I gave myself a time out and 10 seconds to get over it. I wasn't all rainbows and sunshine afterwards, but I wasn't vocalizing my negative feelings and bringing down everyone around me, either. I've also started doing yoga to deal with anxiety which has helped TONS with my negative feelings and thoughts. I definitely recommend it.

 

You've gotten a lot of great advice from others, I really hope some of this helps when you put it in practice. You're doing the right thing by trying to figure out ways to change, so don't be too hard on yourself. No matter what anyone says, you're not a bad person for having a more pessimistic view on life and being cheerful all the time doesn't mean you're actually happy. But if your attitude is causing you distress and unhappiness, then kudos for pursuing an avenue to change.

[sumdawgtwigg]

Thanks so much for all the advice guys. It looks like a lot of you recommend writing down things i'm grateful for in addition to just smiling. Those two things will start being used immediately. I've been sitting here smiling the whole time i'm typing this. I have to say that it's made me feel a bit more cheery. I just don't want to go through my entire life being in a bad mood. Also, one day when i'm dead and gone i don't want people to say "Yeah, sumdawg, he was a miserable old bastard". 

 

@Dee light. Do you have any good recommendations for a yoga starting point? i've tried picking it up a couple times but have always felt a bit overwheled and couldn't keep up with some of the videos I'd looked at. 

[Dee Light]

I recommend the beginner videos at Do Yoga With Me if you're not that familiar with proper form or breathing. I like to watch the videos once before trying to do them because I have a hard time keeping up, too. This video is a great place to start, it might even make you a bit impatient. It's very slow and detailed, but thorough and covers all of the basics in flow.

[WifeyB]

Maybe I'm a bit more of a hard case... Chalk it up to being stubborn to a fault with a chip on my shoulder (at times.) But often positive reflection, or writing down things I'm thankful for just doesn't work. All that trying to internalize positive emotion gets me thinking things like "Let me see... What am I thankful for? I'm thankful you're such a jerk, Mr. too close diver. Because someone has to be the idiot and today, @sshole, that's you. Con-gratu-freakin-lations." But I'm not writing this to give a self-story on top of your post. I wanted to offer maybe a different thought. Try something that will 100% take your mind off EVERYTHING. If you can, take a nap. For me it's like hitting a reset button when the other stuff doesn't work. Or a really hard workout. When I'm at work, or other public place, walk outside and choose something totally not related to occupy your brain. Something about the fresh air and open space. I think all the other advice is spot on, do a the first! but stick these in your back pocket as a last ditch effort. Fall-back plan.

[sumdawgtwigg]

I recommend the beginner videos at Do Yoga With Me if you're not that familiar with proper form or breathing. I like to watch the videos once before trying to do them because I have a hard time keeping up, too. This video is a great place to start, it might even make you a bit impatient. It's very slow and detailed, but thorough and covers all of the basics in flow.

 

Thanks! I'll give them a try and let you know how it goes. My gym is closed for the holiday so tonight's a perfect time to try it out. 

[sumdawgtwigg]

Maybe I'm a bit more of a hard case... Chalk it up to being stubborn to a fault with a chip on my shoulder (at times.) But often positive reflection, or writing down things I'm thankful for just doesn't work. All that trying to internalize positive emotion gets me thinking things like "Let me see... What am I thankful for? I'm thankful you're such a jerk, Mr. too close diver. Because someone has to be the idiot and today, @sshole, that's you. Con-gratu-freakin-lations." But I'm not writing this to give a self-story on top of your post. I wanted to offer maybe a different thought. Try something that will 100% take your mind off EVERYTHING. If you can, take a nap. For me it's like hitting a reset button when the other stuff doesn't work. Or a really hard workout. When I'm at work, or other public place, walk outside and choose something totally not related to occupy your brain. Something about the fresh air and open space. I think all the other advice is spot on, do a the first! but stick these in your back pocket as a last ditch effort. Fall-back plan.

 

I'll def keep those in my back pocket. I appreciate it! 

[Dee Light]

Hey sumdawgtwigg, how'd it go?

[I-Jo]

I got through grumpy depressed periods (esp with all the rain we have had)- it's pure depression and there is nothing saying good things will do to help- you need to treat the depression.  And recognize- hey I'm depressed- I'm not just "ungrateful"

 

otherwise- I have found being positive- and smiling- making jokes- doing nice things for people- even when I don't want to- very helpful. My bestie and I- we would at the end of the day "tell me three good things that happened to you today"

 

becomes force of habit to see the positive in things no matter how craptastic they are. 

 

I'm nasty when I"m mean/tired/grumpy- so I have to try really hard to not be that way- EXCEPT I work in public service and I work at a gym- and it's almost helpful for me because I don't have time and can't afford to be so crotchety.  I HAVE to put on a good face.  The only time I'm really foul is when I can't work out- then I get super bent. 

But keeping busy always helps- and listening to the right music- also helpful.

 

I will get on the bike and go far away from peoples. That always helps too.

 

Or watch Despicable Me.  favorite movie evaaaaaa.  Minions always cheer me up. 

[sumdawgtwigg]

Hey sumdawgtwigg, how'd it go?

 

It went great! I decided to go on the slower video and had a great time. It was easily the best time i've had trying to do yoga at this point. I also looked into a TaiChi class that is on Thursdays. I took it once before and it really helped me get over a lot of things. Thanks again! 

 

I got through grumpy depressed periods (esp with all the rain we have had)- it's pure depression and there is nothing saying good things will do to help- you need to treat the depression.  And recognize- hey I'm depressed- I'm not just "ungrateful"

 

otherwise- I have found being positive- and smiling- making jokes- doing nice things for people- even when I don't want to- very helpful. My bestie and I- we would at the end of the day "tell me three good things that happened to you today"

 

becomes force of habit to see the positive in things no matter how craptastic they are. 

 

I'm nasty when I"m mean/tired/grumpy- so I have to try really hard to not be that way- EXCEPT I work in public service and I work at a gym- and it's almost helpful for me because I don't have time and can't afford to be so crotchety.  I HAVE to put on a good face.  The only time I'm really foul is when I can't work out- then I get super bent. 

But keeping busy always helps- and listening to the right music- also helpful.

 

I will get on the bike and go far away from peoples. That always helps too.

 

Or watch Despicable Me.  favorite movie evaaaaaa.  Minions always cheer me up. 

 

I'm right there with you on being in a bad mood because of the rain. If it stays dark and dreary for more than a day then I start getting in a funk. I get SAD as well and it makes winters very hard to get through, so thankfully i'm not dealing with that at the moment. I can see where having to be nice and polite would help you actually be that way. Bicycle or motorcycle? 

 

My cheer up movie is Step Brothers

[Krisis]

Everyday list 3 things you are thankful for. A fellow assassins challenge goal one time was to never complain-thats right for the entire 6 weeks! I think having that goal would really help get rid of the negativity habit. I haven't been brave enough to try that yet, but I have done the 3 things you are thankful for and when I catch myself being negative I try and stop it and change to positive.

 

Hey, there's an App for that  

 

No really.  I downloaded an app called "Happier" (free) and it's this concept - every day, you enter in 3 things that made you happier that day.  I've found it's made a huge difference in my mood in the last 2 months since I downloaded it.  Not so much the app itself, as the act of writing those things down.  I just like that I can do it in the app because it is easier than keeping a dedicated gratitude journal and also I can set the app to remind me at night to update.  

[sumdawgtwigg]

Hey, there's an App for that

 

No really.  I downloaded an app called "Happier" (free) and it's this concept - every day, you enter in 3 things that made you happier that day.  I've found it's made a huge difference in my mood in the last 2 months since I downloaded it.  Not so much the app itself, as the act of writing those things down.  I just like that I can do it in the app because it is easier than keeping a dedicated gratitude journal and also I can set the app to remind me at night to update.  

 

I'm getting that right now! Thanks