MaestraAnji returns.

[MaestraAnji]

When I joined the rebellion, I first did so as a lurker in 2012. 

 

I was skeptical of anything weight loss related, especially from people that seem so happy about it.

 

Working out has been associated with nothing but pain, dull aches and sharp aches of someone who should not be doing that.  Food is delicious and sitting down worrying about every little thing was not something I was interested in starting to do - especially considering that I had so much more of everything else to worry about - bills, being a retail jockey, trying to find a way into better paying work and a slew of other problems.

 

Then in 2013, for the decision of it being a new year for a new me, I made my first challenge list and lasted all of two weeks.

 

My life shattered shortly thereafter. 

 

My parents began the process of divorce and hours began drying at my job. Pain became a regular way of life for me, headaches, joint pain, stomach trouble, you name it - I had some sort of issue with it. Motivation dried and all efforts for physical health were dropped for the sake of keeping my mental state together. 

 

The last three months have been the most insane, including confrontations with my mother - who was my primary caretaker for most of my formative years and is an emotional and physical abuser. I have been living on a shift a week for this time, funds garnished by the generosity of loved ones  and now this has been capped by the official diagnosis - I am gluten intolerant.

 

In a general sense, this is the lowest point I have ever been at. My pain is near constant, I can no longer rely on foods that I used to use for immediate comfort lest I cause myself more pain, my only blood family left are my father and brothers and my job is beginning to fall in on itself - if the treatment of their workers is any indication.

 

I have to go slow -  my impatience is damning and frustrating but I have to. There is too much for me to do and to attack any issue with full energy risks a large, final burnout. I have to be careful. I am uninsured, with no savings working on little money and too much uncertainty.

 

I only have two options: climb or drown.

 

I have myself and whatever I have internally that has let me get this far.

 

This is my rebellion.

 

 

[deepdarkgreen]

Welcome back, MaestraAnji. It sounds a bit like you are in survival mode - there's a lot going on. I've been there, it's tough. Mental fortitude and sheer determination can get you through it. I hope that you have people IRL to help you through these difficult times - sometimes we make our own family.

 

I've had both jobs where I was on my feet all day and I commute about 4 hours a day on public transportation - and that is a lot of physical stress, combined with the mental and emotional stress you have. If you have a tennis ball or foam noodle, or anything of that nature, you might try rolling out your muscles. One of my favorites is to lie down on my back, place two tennis balls at that place where your neck meets your shoulder, and just relax. It takes the knots out - amazing.

 

Above all, be gentle with yourself. Do what you need to do to keep your head above water. You can do it!