Taking up more space than I wanna

[jody]

My name is Jody, and I'm from Mesa Arizona.  I dunno why I live here, it's hot and I wither like a lettuce on a hot sandwich.  Oh yeah, I have kids.  And an ex-husband.  So I guess that's why I have to stay.  LoL  Four great kids, and I love them to pieces.  I share them with my ex 50/50, so every other week I'm without.  And then I stuff my emotional self with junk and sugar and anything chocolate, sulk around the apartment with my two cats, and generally feel sorry for myself because I'm fat and alone and well on my way to being the crazy cat lady.  Lol

I am pretty active in my church, so there's that.  I also love to doodle, but I have no talent whatsoever.  I mean, mostly stick figures.  I love horses, golden retrievers, dogs in general, cats, and pretty much anything with four legs and less.  (More than four legs?  You can keep it.  I don't want it!  LoL)  Um, I wasn't allowed to read books outside of school requirements as a kid, so I didn't learn about the wonders of fantasy novels until I was married to my now ex.  He introduced me to such books as Arrows of the Queen (and subsequent series) and Dragonriders of Pern.  I then went on to read other great books, from Eragon to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings books.  I am always open to series suggestions, love to read a good stand-alone, too.

I love movies, television, media in general.  My only exposure to comic characters has been on television, I've never read a comic, although I am loving the one posted online bi-weekly at Windstone Editions.  Very much love Windstones, especially griffons and dragons.  I love Spiderman (the cartoon from my youth, and the various movies made since).  My cats are Schmendrick (and his companion Molly passed away recently) and Zeus.  I am a big fan of Criminal Minds, Garcia being my most favorite female character on television besides Olivia Bensen on Law and Order SVU.  Um . . I recently discovered Dr. Who and am 3 episodes away from finishing the entire series on Netflix (classics and new).  Um . . . what other random tidbits could I share?

I love to quilt.  I love fabric.  And have a stash of fabric that could fill a whole bedroom.  (And it nearly does right now.)  I also just started making handmade journals, and simply love it.  Um . . . I love journals.  But I suck at writing.  And so I don't really write in them, but buy them all the stinkin' time.  Haha  Yeah.

Um, I'm just shy of 300 pounds.  I can't get up my one flight of stairs here at my apartment without huffing and puffing.  I've always had a pretty low self esteem, and have always thought I was fat, even when I was 130.  When I feel fat, I feel bad.  I feel bad, I eat garbage.  I eat garbage, I get fatter.  I get fatter, I feel worse.  It's a bad cycle.  I feel like there aren't any exercises out there that I can do without causing cardiac arrest, or ending up on the floor unable to move.  I know I have to start slow, and build up from there.  I live a pretty sedentary life, really.  Between the reading, watching television, and the desk job (yup, I sit all day for work, too), I'm pretty immobile.  I can barely walk to the mailbox (about 200 feet away from my apartment) without being all hunched over and hobbling like an old lady.  Man, it's bad.

Um, so now you've heard about my whole life story huh?  Yup, I tend to ramble.  There's that, too.  With words, not with my feet.

I want to lose some weight, because I need to be able to be here for my kids as they grow up.  I want to feel and be healthier.  I want to see my face again, it's hidden. Surrounded by so much chub I can't see my features anymore.  I want to be able to see my toes without bending over.  And I'd like to be able to walk in the grocery store again, without needing the stupid scooter, without getting so out of breathe that I can't talk with my kid and shop at the same time.  I am not diabetic yet, but I'm scared of becoming one.  And I want to stop thinking I don't have any worth as a human being because all I do is take up the space of three people, and don't contribute anything good out there.  I consume.  I don't contribute.  Dunno if that makes sense.

I wanna figure out what my "happy exercise" is.  I haven't liked anything I've tried so far, and have no idea what there is out there that I might like.  And no idea how to find out.  I can't afford to spend bunches of bucks on various things trying to find out.  I feel stuck.

So there I am.  Novel kept on going after it's end, huh!  Ok.  I'm closing.  But please, if you think you wanna cheer me on, give me a cattle prod poke once in a while, get in touch!  I could use all the help and support I can get!

The pain of being fat and unhealthy is finally more than the pain of getting healthy again.  I will do whatever it takes, whatever I am capable of doing.

[Pavelluvs2eat]

Hey, and welcome. I am a big Mercedes Lackey fan too, have you read any Terry Pratchett? Very different, but I love his books.

 

As for exercise, well, it does sound like that is a tough one. Perhaps a simple bodyweight routine would be good? But probably nothing that would stress your knees overly, because if you're anything like some of my friends who have been heavy your knees might not be in great shape? I love bodyweight exercises because I can do them at home with whatever music I want and nobody can see me sweating and panting like a dog during a fox hunt. Or maybe you'd like swimming or something in that vein, something low-impact? Whatever it is, I would guess you'd like to be able to keep it up on the weeks you have your kids. Perhaps even an exercise routine that involves some kind of play that you could do with your kids on those weeks. These are just ideas, I don't have any specifics and for that I'm sorry. But hopefully it sparks something, or you can google search some more in this line of thought? If you have an exceptionally nice doctor, perhaps they would have some reasonable suggestions.

 

We'll do what we can to have you fit as a Herald, perhaps just in time to be Chosen?

[Papa Raf C]

If you're really lost at the moment, the bestest, simplest thing you can do is to walk everyday. Stick with this for 3 weeks.

 

If you're not feeling it, try jumping every day for 3 weeks.

 

If still not feeling it, just keep trying new stuff but make sure that before you decide to change your activity, give it 3 weeks worth of a chance.

 

A workout can absolutely be anything. What's more important is to learn to stick with something regardless of how much you do not like it, because even when you do find your "happy exercise", it will not always be sugar and peaches. You will have bad days where you'll feel so sucky and heavy, too lethargic or sore to get yourself off your bed. You'll probably get some injuries along the way as well, but learning to plow through hardship is the best exercise and training you can give yourself.

 

Also, trying new stuff is half the fun of getting fit.

 

Hi Jody, and welcome to the forums!

[goodbye_farewell]

Welcome to NF!

It may be easier to find your "happy exercise" once you have some of the weight off. I don't usually advocate diet only without exercise, but in this case it may work for you in the beginning. At almost 300 lbs, you probably have a fairly high TDEE even being sedentary. Perhaps focus all your energy on your diet. Exercise your willpower muscles! Set a calorie limit, track your intake, and watch the pounds fall away. After you've lost a bit of weight (and formed better diet habits), incorporate some exercise. Perhaps some strength training to insure you do not lose muscle along with the fat.  Baby steps!

[Guzzi]

^^^Wot they said.

 

First off, you're not alone, ok? So many people on here have been exactly where you are right now, and they're testament to that fact that anyone can change, if they want to.  One lady on here who is an absolute inspiration to me is AlienJenn.  Here's her story if you haven't already read it.

 

The best advice that anyone can give you right now is to change your relationship with food.  It sounds like you're an emotional eater, and fill up on crap when things are tough.  Well, first thing to do is to remove the temptation.  Chuck that stuff out!  All the candy, chips, soda... Chuck it!  If it's not in the house you can't possibly be tempted to binge on it.  And if you're going to tell me that you need to have it in the house for the kids, then think about this - by having that stuff in the house are you setting them up to follow in your footsteps?  The last thing you want is for your kids to end up with the same health and mobility problems that you're trying to escape from.  I'm not saying that they can't have any, but perhaps the inconvenience of having to walk to the store to get a can of soda or a pack of chips would be a slight deterrent???

 

The next thing I'd suggest for you to do is to walk.  I know you can't walk far, but set yourself a target and do it every day.  Imagine how great it will feel the first time you walk to that post box without feeling out of breath!  What I found worked great for me was to get a pedometer.  Just wear it for a couple of days to see what your normal daily steps are, then set yourself a goal of achieving, say 25% more than that.  Then after a while up your target again and aim for even more.

 

You will get there.  You've got the right attitude and with this lot to help you along the way, how could you fail!

 

Hope to see you around.

[Papa Raf C]

Amen to that, Guzzi.

Also, I feel you with regards to the lifestyle, Jody. I was a software developer before, and my time was always split between eat, work, sleep, and lots of overtime. Eating was my hobby and sleep was my escape from the gruelling, unsatisfying work and life that I had.

Then one day, just like you, I just got fed up about who I was at that point in my life. If I was able to find it in myself to break that vicious cycle, then I know you can too.

Believe in yourself. You'll be surprised by what you're capable of.