Starting over, after baby

[rachelnerd]

Back in September of 2012, about to turn 34 and frustrated with my out-of-shape body and unhealthy habits, I decided to work out every day for 30 days. I did it. Then I decided to go every day until the end of the year. I did that too.

 

I joined a gym and for the entirety of 2013, I worked out three days a week. Even after becoming pregnant in August. This was the first time in my life I have ever maintained that kind of habit for a solid year.

 

I continued to work out 2-3 days a week for my entire pregnancy. I gave birth in April 2014 and felt like I was in the best shape of my life. I felt wonderful about myself and my body, something I had never felt during any of my other inactive pregnancies (this is my fourth child).

 

I vowed to get back to my good habits as soon as possible. The very day that I got my 6 week go-ahead, I went to the gym. Within a week or two, I noticed something felt wrong with my right knee.

 

I ignored it and tried to keep up with my old ways as much as possible, but I kept getting sidetracked: my gym buddy from the past 18 months quit the gym; my knee kept bugging me; my schedule with the new baby felt overwhelming.

 

I lost very little baby weight and I felt like I was losing all my progress.

 

Then, in mid October, my knee decided enough was enough and it blew up like a water balloon. For two weeks I could barely walk. I have been to countless doctor's appointments since then and finally got something of a diagnosis--a baker's cyst and a mysterious case of arthritis (mysterious b/c I am only 36, maybe not so mysterious because I also have colitis, and apparently that can trigger a type of autoimmune arthritis). The doctor said to try to stay off my feet as much as possible until my knee feels 100%.

 

It still doesn't feel 100%. I am still not losing baby weight. I am completely depressed and all my hard work from before the baby is feeling farther, and farther, and farther away.

 

Today was shaping up to be a particularly bad day, and then I got the latest email from NF. I decided to come on her and write my first post. I do very much need a respawn, but I'm not even sure what to do at this point, especially given my knee situation. I also very much need encouragement. I am fighting back tears just trying to write this.

 

I know that it's so easy from the outside to say, "Hey, you just had a baby, you're dealing with an injury, try not to be so hard on yourself." On the inside, though, I feel angry, disappointed, despairing...frankly, pretty pitiful. It's hard to see the road back to where I was. I almost had abs; I could almost do my first-ever pull-up...I've gotten so far away from those things, all over again, without even having achieved them. And it felt so damn good to be there, so close to exciting new goals, and working so much harder than I ever have.

 

Can anyone else relate?

[Chromaggia]

I can relate, I am in a similar situation (baby, injury limiting exercise, immune condition making things worse) sadly I can't offer much in the way of advice, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hopefully respawning will help you get your mojo back

[tseecka]

I've never had a baby, so I can't relate to that part; but I understand the feelings of disappointment and despair that you're feeling. You have just had a baby and you have been dealing with an injury, but that doesn't make the way you're feeling any less valid. 

I don't know precisely what your situation is outside of what you've laid out here but I would suggest maybe talking to your doctor, if you can, about other options. I know that there are likely a ton of people on these boards, too, who will have tons of good advice about ways to modify workouts and movements in order to protect your knee, while still helping you get back on that path. 

 

It sucks--a lot--to feel like you're having to start over. I get it; I'm dealing with the same thing, although my reasons for falling off the wagon are far less justifiable than yours. I guess the way I'm looking at it though is this:

 

Levelling up always feels awesome. When you're playing a game, of any sort, the moment that shimmer or arrow or whatever shows up telling you that you've increased a level is a sweet moment; and it doesn't matter if the level you've just reached is 2, 12, or 20. No matter what you're playing, no matter what level you're at, you get to pick new skills, distribute points, learn new abilities, wear new armour; the possibilities are endless. Even when you play a new game, start a new save file, it's still just as great to re-level to 2, 3, 4, as it was the first time. You get to pick new abilities from last time, try out a different path, or a different class; or, if you pick the same, you get to look forward to what is coming down the road with anticipation and excitement.

 

As long as you look at it the right way.

 

People always say, when it comes to fitness, that it's about what you achieve more than the number on the scale; I think that's true of levelling up, too. I think what people like you and I need to try our best to remember is that it isn't about what level we've reached. If we can stop focusing on what level we were, compared to where we are, and just hold tight to the feeling of accomplishment and excitement that comes from levelling no matter the game...I think we can do it. 

 

Easy to say, hard to do, but experience has taught me that the NF boards are one of the best places to be reminded of that constantly when you're having trouble maintaining it on your own. This is a great community, and if you stick around, you'll have the very best support group a nerd can ask for. Stay strong, believe in yourself, and good luck.

[rachelnerd]

Thank you both so much. Yes, it's good to know I'm not alone. And I do need to get my head out of the past and focus on what I can do here and now. This is all very encouraging and Tseecka especially, wow, thank you for taking so much time to write such a detailed and thoughtful post. A very nice introduction to these boards!