Respawn point hard to find... looking for spirit rez

[smftexas86]

I have done this over and over so many times, I am getting quite tired of it. Its similiar to how i felt when my body was being camped and I just logged of because I was tired of it.

 

This year has been full of changes and I allowed them to get to my head and I almost threw all my progress away. I was down 90lbs before this year started, Through the holidays last year, I gained so much, I thought finding NF was the proper kick in the behind to get back on track.

 

I was motivated, worked my ass off, tried to get back on eating ok, but then, I met a girl, and diet, and working out was put on hold for fancy dinners, and hanging out with her. Once I realized things were bad, her and I even agreed to do whole30. Haha, i succeeded, I finished it, I did awesome, but mentally there was a problem. I did the whole, reintro thing, and found out, I really don't react to any foods. So I ate, and thought I just watch portions, throw more veggies in the mix and eat out less. 

 

Soon after this, I got a new position at work and put into a project that had me traveling the country quite a bit. Hell, I went from having 0 airline miles to 25k within just 5months. To me thats alot of traveling, considering the only bit I would fly would be to europe every couple of years.

 

During traveling, I tried a few times to eat as best as I could, but really, it was all pretty half assed (pardon my french, i am not child friendly most of the time). Since I couldn't do it right while traveling, I didn't even bother trying to do anything when I was home. There was a stretch where I thought I was pretty much done and I started SL 5x5 but then the final stretch of the project happened and it all failed.

 

That Project now has been over for a few weeks. I have been trying to be mindful as to what i eat, where and how much. But failing miserably. I am back in the same habits and mind set that I was when I started out at 310. I promised myself to just try my hardest during the holidays.

 

I got started on the academy a few weeks ago. The warm up alone gets me winded already, so I just did it for a week, added the cool down the next week and did as much as I could of the recruit workout for the first time yesterday.

 

I have been making it a point not to bring non paleo foods into the house and have been doing ok with what I eat while at home. I have 0 self control around food though, I constantly am craving fast food and other stuff, and don't have the ability to say no anymore. I feel like I am just out of will power at this point, I am having to once again loose 40lbs, and I am sick of the process.

 

Anyways, it's what I have to do, I don't feel like myself, I don't feel happy looking at myself, I am tired of this and just want to find a way to do this I will actually enjoy.

 

Oh well, here I am. One more time, respawning, almost all my gear is broken, the repair bill will be huge, but I have to get going, or else whats the point. 

[Liberator]

What's the point? Good question!

 

Everyone will have a different answer. You need to figure out yours.

 

My answer would be for self-care or love. I have had many years where I put others before myself. I had no strength and energy left in me to give to others. I realized I must first take care of myself in order to take care of others.

Read somewhere a quote saying:

 

Eat like you love yourself

Move like you love yourself

Speak like you love yourself

Act like you love yourself

 

To me it is a love affair with yourself, be kind and give it your best. You deserve it.

[Aegle]

It's great that you're expressing you're desire to "respawn." Remember that it doesn't matter how many bumps in the road you may encounter, what matters most is not letting those obstacles overcome you. It's not about the destination because good health has no end. Make the most out of your journey to becoming healthier so that you can become the best version of yourself.