Fail, try again: fail, Try again: FAIL, and the sad thing?

[cats_and_coffee]

(I write this more for myself:)

 

I know how to succeed.

 

It's a sad realization that I keep coming circle back to.

 

I'm going to be 25 in April.  And I am no wear near where I wanted to be by this time. 

I'm large, unhealthy, and scared for my well-being.  I need to get healthier.  I keep trying certain ways of eaten, certain restrictions, exercise programs.  (I still plan on joining the academy as soon as I can)

But the thing is I know what works for me, I've done it.  It was a summer when I was only working part time.  I was 19, home for the summer between college semesters.  I went from an XXL to a Medium without realizing it.

I ate three meals a day and two snacks.  And I went on bike rides or walked.  I lived with my grandparents over the summer so I would get out and walk, or bike.  The exercise was maybe a half hour at best, broken up between a lot of sitting/standing and watching nature, or people watching.

 

Breakfast: meat, dairy, fruit (cheesy eggs and yogurt)
Lunch: Meat, dairy, fruit, grains, veggies (spinach salad, carrots, a sandwhich of meat and cheese, and grapes or a banana)
Snack: Pickle or carrots, or maybe a twizzler or two if I purchased a bag

Dinner: meat, grain, veggies (the one mealed I had with my grandparents)

Dessert?  Maybe cheese and crackers, maybe a handful of twizzler, or a cup of frozen yogurt.

I was shocked at the change, and then went back to school and ate ramen for almost every meal

It saddens me that I know what to do.  I've done it.  But for some reason I fight myself at the thought of not eating certain things at certain times. 

 

(note: the twizzler thing was like maybe once every few weeks)

What is holding me back: a good part of it is my addictions

I am addicted to carbs, particularly pasta.  I have realized that I will find any excuse for it: bad weather, bad day, lazy day, laundry day,
Sugar and caffeine.  I have gotten to the point where I will lose days to migrains because of not enough Sweets or Caffeine.  When I'm not plagued by it because of blood pressure, knots in my shoulders, or dehydration.

And food in general.  When I'm trying to make myself eat certain meals and not full meals in between I get angry and cranky.  I don't mean to.  I'm not even hungry I just want to.

So there, I've admitted it.  I keep trying all these different paths to get healthy, get to the point where my breathing is labored, where I'm not shrugging off each injury because I cannot avoid harming my joints.  But I already have a path that has worked. 

I know that was then and my metabolism has probably changed, but I haven't even given it a try.

Tonight after work: Grocery shopping and meal planning.  Going to walk to the grocery store a top of that.  (I used to maintain my pasta addiction with walking to the grocery store when it was an hour walk away before getting a car, now I live four blocks away, I think my knees and ankles can manage that)

[TMedina]

Good luck!  

 

And just so you know, being overly critical of yourself doesn't actually count as exercise.

[robhortn]

You can do it.  I know that sounds trite and its the standard motivational answer but you can.  Somtimes when you think about "the whole goal" its overwhelming.  For me, I have to break down decisions to the next day, the next meal or even the next forkful of food. Sometimest that helps me to break things down that way.  You got this though.

[cats_and_coffee]

It's a little hard.... One of the things that doesn't help is if I over think the food part (which isn't that hard for me) usually I end up convincing myself to skip that meal.  

I am still figuring out my new health insurance so I'm not sure if it covers this program I used to be in.  

I've come to accept that my relationship with food is not the healthiest.  That summer I mentioned was probably the healthiest it had ever been.  

 

Also: it's too bad it isn't an exercise, I'd be a professional at it.   

[TMedina]

Yeah, I have to keep something vaguely healthy around, otherwise I either skip or scarf down whatever's near by that may or may not be healthy.  And terrify the cats in the process.