Asperger/Autism/PDD/HFA Safe Space

[Bekah]

I see the need for such a thread...being that there are at least 2 of us here in Nerd Fitness Forum Land, and I suspect a much larger percentage of undiagnosed individuals exist among the anti-social, introverted nerd population. 

The internet has been a great blessing for many of us who are extremely isolated in our everyday "real" lives, but even here we can and do feel alone among those who understand the unwritten rules and "common sense" that is foreign to us. We welcome questions, concerns, comments and conversation, but be aware that if you find something offensive, this is OUR space and you have the ability to leave and not participate here, and there will be no trolling/negativity towards others, just like everywhere else on the NF forums. 

If you aren't sure what Asperger's/HFA et al. actually is...
Here is a very comprehensive list of the characteristics of someone with Aspergers/High Functioning Autism: 
(for female specific traits: click here)
Personal / Physical

• Repetitive routines or rituals 
• Can engage in tasks (sometimes mudane ones) for hours and hours
• Flat, or blank expression much of the time
• Doesn't always recognize faces right away (even close loved ones)
• Strong sensitivity to sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell (e.g. fabrics—won’t wear certain things, fluorescent lights)
• Sensitivity to the texture of foods 
• Eccentric personality
• Idiosyncratic attachment to inanimate objects
• Being "in their own world" / Preoccupied with their own agenda
• Highly gifted in one or more areas, e.g. math, music, etc
• Single-mindedness
• Likes and dislikes can be very rigid
• Can spend hours in the library researching, loves learning and information
• May have difficulty staying in college despite a high level of intelligence
• Limited interests / Intense focus on one or two subjects
• Unusual preoccupations
• Collects things
• Clumsiness / Uncoordinated motor movements
• Speech and language peculiarities / hyperlexia (little professors) or, early in life may have a speech impediment
• Non-verbal communication problems: difficulty reading body language, facial expression and tone
• Word repetition (they may frequently repeat what you've just said)
• Excellent rote memory

 

FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE:

1. Focus and diligence â€“ The Asperger ability to focus on tasks for a long period of time without needing supervision or incentive is legendary.
2. Internal motivation â€“ as opposed to being motivated by praise, money, bills or acceptance. This ensures a job done with conscience, with personal pride.
3. Independent, unique thinking â€“ people with AS tend to spend a lot of time alone and will likely have developed their own unique thoughts as opposed to a ‘herd’ mentality.
4. Higher fluid intelligence â€“ scientists in Japan have recently discovered that AS children have a higher fluid intelligence than non-autistic children. Fluid intelligence is "the ability to find meaning in confusion and solve new problems. It is the ability to draw inferences and understand the relationships of various concepts, independent of acquired knowledge.†(Wikipedia 2009) Experts say that those with AS have a higher than average general IQ as well.
5. Visual, three-dimensional thinking â€“ some with AS are very visual in their thought processes, which lends itself to countless useful and creative applications.
6. Attention to detail â€“ sometimes with painstaking perfection.
7. Honesty â€“ the value of being able to say “the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.â€
8. Logic over emotion â€“ although people with AS are very emotional at times, we spend so much time ‘computing’ in our minds that we get quite good at it. We can be very logical in our approach to problem-solving. 

Relationships

• We Can often be distant physically and/or emotionally.
• Often are attracted to another purely because they are attracted to us
• Alternatively, we can be obsessive
• May have a hard time saying I love you, showing physical affection
• We can be very critical
• We takes things personally
• We can be very loyal to one person
• Often times we will make no motions to keep a friendships going
• We need to withdraw and have solitude
• Men in particular find emotions messy and unquantifiable; If partner tries to share her love for him, he may find her need to “connect†smothering
• Our attention is narrowly focused on our own interests
• Men with undiagnosed AS often feel as if their partner is being ungrateful or “bitchy†when she complains he is uncaring or never listens to her
• He can become quite defensive when she asks for clarification or a little sympathy. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse (usually not physical abuse) as the man attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world.

Social Interactions

• Desire for friendships and social contact but difficulty acquiring and maintaining them
• Shuts down in social situations
• Social withdrawal / may avoid social gatherings
• Lack of interest in other people
• Lack of empathy at times
• Difficulty understanding others’ feelings
• Can obsess about having friends to prove they’re “normalâ€
• Rigid social behavior due to an inability to spontaneously adapt to variations in social situations
• Has an urge to inform that can result in being blunt / insulting
• Preoccupied with their own agenda 
• Great difficulty with small-talk and chatter   

[kaelvan]

I have too many of these checked off

[SevenofSeven]

Hey guys, yes just me again, two boys, one Aspie, one HFA, myself having many traits of Aspergers but not enough to have a clinical diagnosis.

Great idea this thread, well thought Bekah!

I'm kinda glad it's here my Aspie kid is 16 and at the moment is driving everyone absolutely nuts. I think the weather finally changing up, holiday season upon us, he has finished work and the fact that he and I are off on our 3.5 week adventure has thrown him into over drive. He has constantly been fighting with his brothers and generally been a mess. Today he found out he couldn't get a tattoo because the shop won't ink anyone under 18 even with parental consent, instant meltdown.

Nothing you guys can do, but just needed to get that off my chest, I love him dearly and he is such a great kid, but sometimes it's hard to remember these things in the middle of breaking up yet another fight.

May I just add you guys make my world a lot better.

[Bekah]

Hi y'all  

Kaelvan

 

I have too many of these checked off

 

I was wondering...obviously I'm not a psychiatrist, but  
I read the female checklist before my diagnosis and was like OH MY GOD!!! I literally had EVERY single one of those but like one, and even that was something I did as a child! LOL! 
 

Hey guys, yes just me again, two boys, one Aspie, one HFA, myself having many traits of Aspergers but not enough to have a clinical diagnosis.

Great idea this thread, well thought Bekah!

I'm kinda glad it's here my Aspie kid is 16 and at the moment is driving everyone absolutely nuts. I think the weather finally changing up, holiday season upon us, he has finished work and the fact that he and I are off on our 3.5 week adventure has thrown him into over drive. He has constantly been fighting with his brothers and generally been a mess. Today he found out he couldn't get a tattoo because the shop won't ink anyone under 18 even with parental consent, instant meltdown.

Nothing you guys can do, but just needed to get that off my chest, I love him dearly and he is such a great kid, but sometimes it's hard to remember these things in the middle of breaking up yet another fight.

May I just add you guys make my world a lot better.

Thanks honey, you make mine better too and yeah, right there with you on 16 year old Aspie boys, I think J.J. may not make it to 17! LOL! 

[Artinum]

Diagnosed in the very early days, when I was thirteen. My mother was enormously relieved to find out there was a name for my condition.

 

With regards to emotions, particularly in relationships, I find I simply don't know how to react to them. The more commonplace ones I've learned to deal with - if someone's bored, irritable, happy, etc, that's fine. But bereavement? Anger? Crying fits? I'm utterly lost. I've been called cold and unfeeling before because I don't know how to connect. I know you're sad. I know what sad is like as I've been there myself enough times. But I don't know the rules for interacting with sad people.

 

And babies - good grief, no. Get those things away from me! They cry, they smell, you can't talk to them and you can't even leave the things alone without getting into trouble.

[Machete]

Hey guys, yes just me again, two boys, one Aspie, one HFA, myself having many traits of Aspergers but not enough to have a clinical diagnosis.

Great idea this thread, well thought Bekah!

I'm kinda glad it's here my Aspie kid is 16 and at the moment is driving everyone absolutely nuts. I think the weather finally changing up, holiday season upon us, he has finished work and the fact that he and I are off on our 3.5 week adventure has thrown him into over drive. He has constantly been fighting with his brothers and generally been a mess. Today he found out he couldn't get a tattoo because the shop won't ink anyone under 18 even with parental consent, instant meltdown.

 

When I was 17 I threw a petty totally uncalled-for tantrum at the City Hall because my papers didn't go through or something. My mom was probably really embarrassed, and I only recently realized it and would like to apologize to her for that specifically, but I think she already forgot all about it the next day. Moms are just the best.

 

Diagnosed in the very early days, when I was thirteen. My mother was enormously relieved to find out there was a name for my condition.

 

With regards to emotions, particularly in relationships, I find I simply don't know how to react to them. The more commonplace ones I've learned to deal with - if someone's bored, irritable, happy, etc, that's fine. But bereavement? Anger? Crying fits? I'm utterly lost. I've been called cold and unfeeling before because I don't know how to connect. I know you're sad. I know what sad is like as I've been there myself enough times. But I don't know the rules for interacting with sad people.

 

And babies - good grief, no. Get those things away from me! They cry, they smell, you can't talk to them and you can't even leave the things alone without getting into trouble.

 

But you're like a superhero to us. Haha. What about weddings and funerals? Very uncomfortable. I feel like an asshole for not being happy / sad like everyone else (or at least expressing it). I saw everyone crying at a funeral when I was 10, and I tried as much as I could to do likewise. A few years ago I was the best man at my cousin's wedding. Speech was started off with "I don't believe in love..." Probably wasn't the place for that.

 

On the other hand though, I'm great with babies. They don't lie to you, they want what they want with no manipulation involved, they're never offended by something you inadvertently said, and you can patronize them all day and they'll never realize it. And some of them are really cute.

[Artinum]

Weddings are ghastly tedium. Funerals are unpleasant - and complicated. While I don't know how to interact with emotional people, I do have a tendency to pick up their emotions. I was laughing and crying at the same funeral once (not at the same time). I take comfort in the thought that my own funeral will be a breeze for me.

 

On the other hand though, I'm great with babies. They don't lie to you, they want what they want with no manipulation involved, they're never offended by something you inadvertently said, and you can patronize them all day and they'll never realize it. And some of them are really cute.

 

You've just described cats. Except cats patronise you, and nearly all of them are cute.

[Machete]

Weddings are ghastly tedium. Funerals are unpleasant - and complicated. While I don't know how to interact with emotional people, I do have a tendency to pick up their emotions. I was laughing and crying at the same funeral once (not at the same time). I take comfort in the thought that my own funeral will be a breeze for me.

 

 

You've just described cats. Except cats patronise you, and nearly all of them are cute.

 

I take it you haven't been in a deathmatch with a feral cat then. (You've been in a deathmatch with a feral baby perhaps?) Haha

[Guzzi]

If you aren't sure what Asperger's/HFA et al. actually is...

Here is a very comprehensive list of the characteristics of someone with Aspergers/High Functioning Autism:

(for female specific traits: click here)

Personal / Physical

• Repetitive routines or rituals
• Can engage in tasks (sometimes mudane ones) for hours and hours
• Flat, or blank expression much of the time
• Doesn't always recognize faces right away (even close loved ones)
• Strong sensitivity to sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell (e.g. fabrics—won’t wear certain things, fluorescent lights)
• Sensitivity to the texture of foods
• Eccentric personality
• Idiosyncratic attachment to inanimate objects
• Being "in their own world" / Preoccupied with their own agenda
• Highly gifted in one or more areas, e.g. math, music, etc
• Single-mindedness
• Likes and dislikes can be very rigid
• Can spend hours in the library researching, loves learning and information
• May have difficulty staying in college despite a high level of intelligence
• Limited interests / Intense focus on one or two subjects
• Unusual preoccupations
• Collects things
• Clumsiness / Uncoordinated motor movements
• Speech and language peculiarities / hyperlexia (little professors) or, early in life may have a speech impediment
• Non-verbal communication problems: difficulty reading body language, facial expression and tone
• Word repetition (they may frequently repeat what you've just said)
• Excellent rote memory

So much of this applies to my wee brother. He's intelligent and articulate, but he can't tell you the days of the week or months of the year in sequence.

He can become obsessed with a subject and spend hours/days/weeks learning about it, then he loses interest and it drops off his radar and gets forgotten.

He disappears off into his own world and can spend hours not communicating with other people. He sooooo often repeats back what you say to him as if he needs to better understand your question "Are you going to the park?" - "Am I going to the park?" (With raised eyebrows)

He is absolutely rigid in his opinions. NOTHING will sway him once he has formed an idea or opinion, and the only proof or evidence that he required to support his beliefs is that he himself believes them.

And he either has no concept of social rules, or he applies them in bizarre ways, and as for understanding other people and their emotional needs/reactions....? Forget it.

It's incredibly frustrating! For him and for us, especially as he has never been diagnosed. We tried to get him diagnosed once before and it resulted in a diagnosis of ADHD, but that just doesn't quite seem to fit.

I was just saying to the bf that I need to go online and see if there are is any advice or support out there. The poor guy needs some help, and we as a family need it too.

Sent from my stoopid phone which hates me I swear.

[kaelvan]

I hate how the older I get, more and more certain textures affect me. Also, light and sound really affecting me now.

[Machete]

I hate how the older I get, more and more certain textures affect me. Also, light and sound really affecting me now.

 

[Salivanth]

One massive positive; Asperger's REALLY helps me in losing weight. I'm very high-functioning, but it definitely has helped me so far. Aspergers allows my diet to be precise and unyielding, with very little exertion of willpower or discipline. I just dogmatically do what needs to be done. I almost never have cheat days, because that's the way I decided it would be the best to do it. I've been called extremely disciplined (One person even called me the most disciplined person with food she'd ever met) just by doing what I assumed was a reasonable approach, and being consistent about it over eight months. If you can get past the hump where you get bored of something after a few days/weeks, Aspergers helps a great deal with maintaining focus and rigidity when it comes to diet and workout schedules. It simply needs to be done, so I do it. It doesn't matter if it's Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas, the diet stands.

Naturally, this has been an extremely useful trait to have, and I expect this single-mindedness to continue to help in future. Consistency, after all, is the most important trait to getting stronger.

[Machete]

It's all so simple. We just need to fix our diets and take supplements.

 

[Guzzi]

It's all so simple. We just need to fix our diets and take supplements...

Yeah Machete. F*cks sake, get with the program.

Sent from my stoopid phone which hates me I swear.

[Bekah]

grrrrr I hate that shit! (Jenny McCarthy's tripe)

Had a total meltdown today Damn Xmas celebration crap, ugh.

[kaelvan]

grrrrr I hate that shit! (Jenny McCarthy's tripe)

Had a total meltdown today Damn Xmas celebration crap, ugh.

My mom had one with me last night because I couldn't stay still. End up sitting and crying over it. Nice being told I'm miserable brat.

[Bekah]

My mom had one with me last night because I couldn't stay still. End up sitting and crying over it. Nice being told I'm miserable brat.

I love you, and your mom pisses me off. Just sayin' 

[kaelvan]

I love you, and your mom pisses me off. Just sayin'

My mom's got her issues (mostly with her mom). I just got to figure out a way to get out my house... With little left of my sanity

[Machete]

Anybody see this movie? Someone showed it to me and said it reminded her so much of me. I think that's what eventually made me get a diagnosis. It's cute and sad at the same time.

 

[Bekah]

Anybody see this movie? Someone showed it to me and said it reminded her so much of me. I think that's what eventually made me get a diagnosis. It's cute and sad at the same time.

 

I LOVED that movie! I am not sure who recommended it to me, but I definitely saw myself in it too. 

[justtrish]

Checking in to say hi to fellow autistics!  We will rule the world some day!  Has anyone read Marcus Sakey's Brilliance?  His wife has a Master's in Child Development with an emphasis in autism and he was inspired to create that novel based on some of the incredible intellectual strengths so many autistics have.  Of course, he's exaggerated it quite a bit.

[Bekah]

Checking in to say hi to fellow autistics!  We will rule the world some day!  Has anyone read Marcus Sakey's Brilliance?  His wife has a Master's in Child Development with an emphasis in autism and he was inspired to create that novel based on some of the incredible intellectual strengths so many autistics have.  Of course, he's exaggerated it quite a bit.

Have not read it. I will see if I can find it at the library Thanks for the review and hi! 

[kaelvan]

Anybody see this movie? Someone showed it to me and said it reminded her so much of me. I think that's what eventually made me get a diagnosis. It's cute and sad at the same time.

 

Haven't seen, but I will put this on my list of movies to watch

[Machete]

My brother put this on my wall a while back. The problem I see is that most people experience most of these things to some degree. (Especially ones who like to think of themselves as bad-asses who apparently don't feel pain and are not afraid of anything. And don't like cuddling. Haha)

 

[kaelvan]

My brother put this on my wall a while back. The problem I see is that most people experience most of these things to some degree. (Especially ones who like to think of themselves as bad-asses who apparently don't feel pain and are not afraid of anything. And don't like cuddling. Haha)

 

I'm not much huggy touchy person.