Continue? (Yes / No)

[JesseNeon]

The author of this post would like to issue a polite warning to any who might have clicked this particular topic, and that warning will be issued shortly. In the meantime, it is highly recommended that you, a literate individual capable of various feats of internet wizardly and modern-day magic, either navigate away from this post, or open a new tab on your internet browser. If you've chosen the former, you can't be reading this anymore, and if you are, you're lying to yourself, to the voice in your head narrating this post, and to the internet at large - a pretty ballsy move, if I may say so myself. If you've chosen the latter, finish reading the sentence that follows this one, do as you're told, and return here. 

Sentence: In your new tab, navigate to the Tube of You's and search for your choice between A) 8-bit remixes of your favorite angsty songs, your favorite 90's angsty songs, or C) The soundtrack to Disney's Frozen.

 

Now that you've returned, if you chose option C), I regret to inform you that you have died, and are no longer able to continue reading. Unless you chose the following: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhCBds3_GVg, in which case you are free to continue.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

...

 

Terrible fucking way to introduce a post, am I right? 

It's like a piss-poor attempt at a Hitchhiker's Guide reference, until it tries to tie in a bunch of bullshit about the internet. I honestly don't even know why I wrote it.

That's a lie, I know exactly why I wrote it; For the most part, it was an attempt to be funny - Because that's just part of my life-long character; I'm the Chandler Bing, the John Dorian, the Fool, the Jester, the funny guy that everyone laughs at until he goes insane and enslaves the world with dark magic and makes everyone into evil fucking puppets...

 

...Alright, that last part might have been a little overboard. That happens sometimes when I've been drinking.

 

Did I mention I've been drinking? No? Well, I have. At this point, we're about... 9 beers in.

 

I know what you're thinking - "You type pretty good for someone who is supposedly 9 beers in." 

My response? Thank you, kind sir/madam. (I use a '/' between sir and madam because I'm not sure which you are, and not because I believe you to be some sort of dual-gender being). 

Truth is, writing is one of the few things I'm actually good at. One of the few things I have any passion for, or interest in. I'm not saying I'm any good at it, but I am saying that I'm better at it than your grandma is.

 

...If your grandma is some kind of famous author, if you could kindly go ahead and fuck off, that'd be great, because I'm talking about all the regular grandma's out there.

 

Why attack innocent old grannies and their ability to generate the written word? I have no gods damned idea. When I get angry, I feel the need to attack something or someone, and while I would normally take that aggression and focus it into video games, I just don't have the heart for it. Instead, I'm apparently going to take a cheap shot at your gran, and since you're likely in your mid-twenties, that means that statistically your parents are in their fifties-sixties, and since life expectancy in North America is between 78 and 82 years old. chances are good that your gran is either already dead, or won't make it to see your 40th birthday. 

 

...

 

Hey, listen, about that whole 'dead gramma' thing? 

I'm real sorry about that. See, when I get into a crap mood, I tend to fall into this awful spiral of terribly destructive moods and mindsets. Why? I have no idea, it just kind of happens.  I hate myself, I hate all the ideas I've ever had, I had the initial event/mistake/person who caused the whole world to tip into the precipice of darkness that is this shit spiral of crap-ass mood... I just hate everything. So, what do I do?

Jack,

 

Shit.

 

I eat, I lament, I mourn like someone has died, I eat more, and I rant and rave about anything that pushes even the lightest of buttons, because that's just what I do for some reason.

 

Stupid, right? I agree. 

That. Is why. I.

 

...

 

...

...

 

Am here.

 

Okay, no more of that extra spacing bullshit. It's annoying even to me as I write it, so I can only imagine how annoying it was for you to read it. 

 

But in all seriousness, that's why I'm here. I've been lurking here for a long ass time now, saying to myself 'Gee whizz, Self-man, these people sure are cool' while munching on flavored pretzels and remembering the days when I used to be able to grate cheese off my abs.

 

...Alright, my abs were never that defined, but I was actually a professional athlete for several years in my life, in killer shape, then I took an arrow to the knee*.

 

(*In this case, 'an arrow to the knee' means 'Failed at an ill-conceived acrobatic stunt and damaged my knee badly enough that it now pains me constantly.')

Fuuuuucking pity part, am I right?

 

'Woe is me, my leg hurts and I feel bad sometimes. Also, I like pretzels and other salty snacks.'

 

Trust me, I'm just as tired of it as you are - and you've only been dealing with it for about 9 minutes so far, while I've been dealing with it for the better part of 26  years now. 

 

I'm getting reaaaal tired of Self-Man and his bullshit. 

 

What I need is help. 

 

Mufasa needed it, the Beatles needed it, and I need it too. Am I comparing myself to Mufasa and the Beatles? 

 

...I'm going to say 'no' publicly, but if you ever ask me about my kingdom, I will tell you that it is everything the light touches. Except that shadowey place. 

 

You must never go there, Simb- I mean, reader.

 

Where was I?

 

I don't even know anymore. 

 

What I do know, is that I am quite possibly on the verge of some great things in my life; my business launching successfully, spending more time with my kids, and hopefully getting in better shape.

 

But what I really need is some encouragement.

 

So, please, if you can offer some, I would really appreciate it.

 

Let's message back and forth, let's get a dialogue of co-inspiration going.

 

I could really use a player two, three, four, five, six... 

 

 

[BeamofTheTurtle]

Emotional battles are just as real as fitness ones. Like in video games, we must armor ourselves, and choose our weapons. And, as the challenges grow harder, we must choose weapons with greater hit points, and armor with more defense- even if we've grown attached to a particular example of either.

 

Self pity is fine, in small doses. But, if you're remaining stuck in the circle- you need to rearm yourself. It can be done. You just have to find the right blacksmith This community has helped me so much, and I'm sure you'll find it'll help you, too.

 

Welcome to the Rebellion, Jesse!

[Ocelot]

[YES]

 

Your post made me laugh. I feel like you won't remember writing it. But I think it is a good job you did, because now you can reflect that you really do want to work on getting in shape, and then you can come and join the 6 week challenge or make a battle log! Welcome, hope to see more from you!

[Tayakin]

Ok. This post, is one of the best I have ever read! xD I was laughing (for real) out loud. JesseNeon, YOU ROCK!

 

I KNOW what it's like to drown in the pool of self-pity and be dragged down by the rock of "woe is me". I was a cadet at USMA in West Point, NY (its an Army officer training school), professional (though cheap) fighter, and went to the Jr Olympics at 17. Then I get injured in the military and became disabled. **Plays world smallest violin for myself**

 

I spent YEARS crying (both literally and metaphorically) over my injury screaming YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND at the world and eating pizza (similar to pretzels as in they both have ZERO nutritional value unless sodium is a mineral you need to survive like the alien from The Man Trap in Star Trek TOS). Finally, I too got sick and tired of listening to myself. I figured those around me were tired of it long before.

 

I JUST joined NF a few days ago and am doing the 6 week challenge as a Recruit. (http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/59204-challenge1-the-tutorial-level-computertay-begins-her-journey/) I won't lie, I am in MUCH worse shape than I realized!

 

But if we don't start making changes now, nothing will change.

 

So JesseNeon, let's do this!

 

Get on the Recruit 6 week challenge thread, make some Quests, and get going! http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/forum/410-recruit/

 

What do you have to lose? (Don't say pretzels...they can hang out with the pizza I had to stop shoving in my face.)

[Sulinar]

What everyone else said.

Also, next time you feel in a shite mood, get off your backside and go out for a walk. Or put on loud music and dance. Or sit on the couch and punch cushions. Something physical. I *guarantee* you will feel better. And if you don't, it's a few more calories used up. The key is not to think, not to listen to excuses, just go "la la la la la" really loudly so you can't think better of the idea while you remove your head from your navel, put on appropriate shoes etc. etc. and get out of the house.

[JesseNeon]

BeamofTheTurtle!

 

I do need to visit a new shop. I need me some serious wizard bling. We're talking Amulets of Face-Melting, a Staff of Awe, and some kind of jacket with pockets for deadly things and stuff. Mostly things, but there will definitely be some stuff as well. Posting this feels like I just walked into an adventurer's tavern, ordered a mead,  and dropped a map on the table and suddenly got the attention of a band of wandering warriors, which is great seeing as how it was really not a one-man operation. The Angst Wyrm will not go down easily, so I thank you for your support, and for the encouragement

Ocelot!

 

Oh, I remember alright. Nine beers is many beers, but it's not TOO many beers . I do plan to to try to join in on the next challenge, and I DON'T plan on disappearing anywhere any time soon. I'm glad you were entertained (It's kind of like my life long sidequest to be entertaining), and I appreciate the warm welcome!

Computertay!

 

YOUR FORMATTING IS AWESOME. ITS LIKE YOU GO FROM YELLING EXCITEDLY

To just kind of talking in a really energetic way! It makes me want to 

RUN LAPS AROUND THE MOON
and
SHIT FIRE ON THE HEARTS OF MY ENEMIES!
And I will check out the recruit forum! I'll also be posting some new goals and quests over the weekend, so look forward to those!

Sulinar!
 

What I said for everyone else.

 

SEE WHAT I DID THERE? 

 

But in all seriousness, no, you're right - I should start slam-dancing/fist punching/leg running away my crap moods. Even the great wizard Taylor the Swift recommends shake, shake, shaking bad moods out of yourself. 

[ShadowSilk]

Dammit, I think I'm out of handaxes.  Gave the last set to MsBlt.

 

*digs around in pack. mumbling to herself*

 

burnt out stubs of magic candles, dumb looking three bladed knife/boomerang thing, bat'leth, magic seed corn.....

 

AH-HA!

 

*Hands you a kidney belt with a picture of four faces on it*

 

This is the Supporting Belt of Awesome.  It was created by four mighty bardic wizards long, long ago.  Two of them died, but two, it is said, still remain.

See, it's got slots for potions, and sheaths, and handbags even.

 

 

Welcome to the fold, brother.  Now, what's this about a map?

[erosan]

No one so funny should be left behind, which is why we've got you covered. 

 

You can add another gunslinger to your Angst Wyrm slaying party.

 

Welcome, I'm sure you'll find this place will feel like home (or better, depending on how much do you like home).

[alienjenn]

Jesse... 

 

I say YES you need to respawn... 

 

and if you want encouragement check my signature... there is a link called backstory... read it... ruminate... 

 

and know that you have as much ability to overcome as I do (probably more... I don't have much ability... I am just more stubborn that 10,000 donkeys and not cute little cuddly petting zoo donkeys either but cantankerous old nasty donkeys)

 

 

so respawn... make some goals... start a challenge... continue posting.. maybe you fail... maybe you make your goals... but I know for certain that you will learn about yourself more than you ever knew... more than you ever thought you could learn... and then you can use that information to make BETTER goals and make a BETTER challenge 

 

and so it goes... and you build on it and you keep building and then before you know it you are a super hero and they are handing you the keys to the city!!