Need some advice... or something.

[Grimspark]

I normally wouldn't post personal things like this but lately it seems that you guys are the only ones that can give me some objective comments.

My girlfriend (former? I'm not really sure at this point) told me to find another place to live recently. She told me in August but I thought things were getting better and it had passed. I guess not. When she said it a few days ago I thought maybe she was pissed at me (not sure why) and it would pass again. Over the past few days it seems as though I might actually have to leave.

I love her, but if she really wants me to leave I will. The problem I'm having is that we have a son. He's 2 and I can't imagine not being able to see him all day, every day if I want. He's just at that age where he understands that I'm not home and I know it worries him. The complaints about me are pretty universal I suppose.

The major complaint is that we no longer have a romantic relationship. 2 years ago, as some of you know, I had a stroke. That affected my sex drive quite a bit. While I'm not opposed to it, I need a little encouragement to get into it. Compound that with the fact that she always seems stressed (yet refuses to talk to me about it) and it stresses me out too. To the point where I have zero interest in making a move.

We can't go out together for a couple reasons (mostly on her part) and it seems that she resents the fact that I CAN go out with my friends once a week. I spend next to zero money when I go out and I'm over at my friends house (which is 5 minutes away) - no drinking, no drugs, no strippers. Most of the time we are either recording our podcast or playing video games. I don't get why this is an issue.

I don't see the world the way she does. I've become a very positive person over the past couple years. She's become increasingly negative (maybe that's my fault). I don't search for things around the house to do, i.e. cleaning. I cook dinner, I clean the kitchen every night. I tidy up a bit too on the weekends. I honestly don't think I'm unbearable to live with.

I know I have many flaws. One of which I will own up to is that I get focused. When I decide to do something I make sure it gets done. I know that excludes her some but I feel that if she wanted to be involved then she should get involved when I ask her about it.

I'm recently unemployed too. As in 3 weeks ago. I've applied at nearly every place around here. I'm making an active effort to find a new job. I've also applied to go to school. I don't know what I'm missing.

I don't know what the point of this is. I don't know if I want advice or what but please feel free to comment accordingly. Thanks.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

That sucks buddy, relationship troubles stink and they're always a pain to work through. If I have learned one thing though from being with my wife, it's that stuff gets worse if you don't talk about it. As much as I detest talking about our problems, it needs to happen in order for there to be a resolution instead of having it fester. Even if that resolution is a negative one it's best to get the resolution.

Advise below if you want it:

If you guys didn't have a son together, I would say that if you're not happy and it's not likely you can work out the problems, you should bounce. But you do have a kid and coming from a broken home myself (my parents split when I was a young teen, so I've seen them together happy, together fighting, and apart), I'd advise you to try to work things out and rediscover why the two of you are together. If you can work at it and be happy again, then it's worth the effort so that your kid can grow up in a home with both parents. Seek professional help if you have to. But if you can't work it out, don't stay and have an unhappy home, your kid would be worse off than if you split. Those were some of the worst times, seeing my parents miserable.

This is just from my experience from someone who had to live with it. your situation may be different.

[Grimspark]

Thanks. I agree with your advice 100%. Getting her to talk to me is so hard.

[ETFnerd]

I've got issues like everyone else does. We do our best to care for our loved ones the best way we can. Sometimes things don't go our way through a mixture of things within and outside our control. I think it helps to really reflect on the nature of the problem, be empathetic to the things that our loved ones are going through, and be willing to make sacrifices for the well-being of your family. If you try to live your life everyday such that you will have no regrets about what has transpired as you look back from further down the road, then I feel that you are living your life to the fullest. I wish you the best, and hope that your search for happiness is successful.

[Grimspark]

Thank you.

[ebm1224]

this is a really tough situation and i really feel for you on this. like has already been mentioned above, if you have means and access to a couselor, i think that would be great. alot of employers have them (maybe your insurance plan hasn't expired yet or maybe her work has one). also, schools offer counseling to students very often. Even inexpensive counseling by a doctoral student at a free of cheap clinic could be worth it. the reason i am so keen on the professional counseling thing is that you said you have a hard time getting her to open up to you. perhaps she'd open up better if she was "on the clock" with a counselor. if she doesn't want to go, you could always still go and tell her you'd love for her to join you. even if she doesn't right away, i bet if you started going she'd get curious and come along.

women go through alot of changes when they have a baby and since your stroke happened around the time you had a baby, it's possible that those issues are related. alot of women just don't feel as sexy after having a kid...some think of themselves only as "mommy," others are uncomfortable with their body either because of extra baby weight or simply because sometimes the hormones and such can change things. ultimately, it's not your fault if this is the case but if she's already feeling less than sexy and you don't get going like you used to, it might make her feel a little more detached from you than before.

just a couple thoughts there. ideally, you work things out but if not just know that you can still have a close and meaningful relationship with your son even if you don't live in the same house 24-7.