Properly Thanking Loved Ones for Their Support of My Epic Quest

[ETFnerd]

I've written about many of my successes this year in reaching my goals for fitness and wellness. For me it was a life-saving event as my health was eroding at an accelerated pace. As I get further into my recovery, I find myself reflecting on my loved ones who supported me and made it possible for me to succeed.

My wife was home raising a 3-year old and a newborn. If I had stayed home from the gym, I could have spent more time with her, helping her change diapers, and doing necessary chores around the house. My wife knew the gravity of my health situation and encouraged me to go work out. She shops for healthier foods, cooks my meals, washes tons of sweaty workout clothes, and so much more. She takes on a larger load than is her share and does it gladly to see me recover.

My children were largely unaffected because I decided to drop my work gym membership and went to the local gym after they were asleep. I made sure to come home for dinner to put them to bed every night, and to spend all the time I could with them whenever I was home. I was also able to be more active, go out to more places, climb the monkey bars and ferry them around on my shoulders. They said I farted a lot from all the protein I was eating.

My greater family just watched, astonished that I got it done.

The community here at nerdfitness provided company throughout my journey, encouragement, advice, support and friendship.

I wanted to start this thread to collect suggestions about what I might do to properly thank my support groups (mainly my wife) for what they had done for me in my road to health.

Can you help a brother out?

[Guest guest4729]

I've written about many of my successes this year in reaching my goals for fitness and wellness. For me it was a life-saving event as my health was eroding at an accelerated pace. As I get further into my recovery, I find myself reflecting on my loved ones who supported me and made it possible for me to succeed.

My wife was home raising a 3-year old and a newborn. If I had stayed home from the gym, I could have spent more time with her, helping her change diapers, and doing necessary chores around the house. My wife knew the gravity of my health situation and encouraged me to go work out. She shops for healthier foods, cooks my meals, washes tons of sweaty workout clothes, and so much more. She takes on a larger load than is her share and does it gladly to see me recover.

My children were largely unaffected because I decided to drop my work gym membership and went to the local gym after they were asleep. I made sure to come home for dinner to put them to bed every night, and to spend all the time I could with them whenever I was home. I was also able to be more active, go out to more places, climb the monkey bars and ferry them around on my shoulders. They said I farted a lot from all the protein I was eating.

My greater family just watched, astonished that I got it done.

The community here at nerdfitness provided company throughout my journey, encouragement, advice, support and friendship.

I wanted to start this thread to collect suggestions about what I might do to properly thank my support groups (mainly my wife) for what they had done for me in my road to health.

Can you help a brother out?

This might be one of those times where you actually just sit them down and tell them how much their support means to you! If someone supports me through something so big that I did on my own, I know that words of thanks mean everything. "Thank you for being there, thank you for supporting me, thank you for being my rock when I was in a hard place. Your help means the world to me." is certainly something that would probably move your wife (possibly to tears? I have no clue! Haha.)

[Hermione Gainser]

Heh, I had no idea how Epic your Epic Quest really was. Kudos for the hard work. It takes cajones to make such changes.

Now, to the people who helped...I'd say this forum post is a good way to express that for the awesome NF folks. For your wife, I second awsd00... first, tell her exactly that. I got a little verklempt reading it myself (then again, I cry at Folgers commercials... don't judge me!). Otherwise, or additionally, do the same for her. How is she doing? Can you do anything to let her have some time off... a girls weekend, a her weekend, spa, massage.. something like that.. if that's what she likes. Or maybe a little getaway for you guys doing a bunch of stuff she enjoys.. I think anything you do with this as the intention behind it will be great. Honestly.

[jdanger]

I got a little verklempt

It's posts like these that make me happy I decided to make that Miss Laura thing a thing.

[jdanger]

Oh, and I don't really have any real insight for you ETF but since it's you I might suggest dancing with the wife in random places. Like the middle of the street. Something like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9LRnEaMYBo

Yup, I can work it in juuuust about anywhere.

[ETFnerd]

I like to grind when I dance... preferably wearing Marky Mark stretchy briefs... my Boston peeps, shout out!!!

[bigm141414]

I like to grind when I dance... preferably wearing Marky Mark stretchy briefs... my Boston peeps, shout out!!!

That's a disturbing image that's not leaving my head for a while.....

[ETFnerd]

That's a disturbing image that's not leaving my head for a while.....

You know you're down with the Funky Bunch...

[jdanger]

I was just helping convey the spirit of the idea. The style (or lack thereof) of the specific approach is totally up to you.

[Mama T]

jdanger Notebook bombing #234987.

and oh, Mahky Mahk. if i knew moving to Boston would make his name a more frequent part of my daily life, i would've moved here yeahs ago.

[ETFnerd]

For the ladies... just imagine my face superimposed over his...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj3joGzdyqk

[The Tin Man]

It's funny because one of my first thoughts was "I wonder what ETFnerd will say in response to this, I'm sure he will have many thoughtful ideas." Then I realized you started the thread. There tends to be that effect when I expect to (and usually do) see a response from you in every. single. thread.

To answer your question I agree with the others to find a way to lighten your wife's burdens like she did for you. She sounds like a wonderful woman and it sounds like you two have a strong relationship. Other than finding ways to help her out, just be there. She did a lot for you by taking care of the kids, but you also missed "just you two" time together going to work out after the kids went to bed. You still need to exercise but think about giving some of that time back to your wife and your relationship.

[ETFnerd]

There tends to be that effect when I expect to (and usually do) see a response from you in every. single. thread.

Like slim shady, there's an army of etfnerds... or I'm just in everybody's business...

[ETFnerd]

(then again, I cry at Folgers commercials... don't judge me!)

For me it's "Little House on the Prairie". Every episode has me teary-eyed by the end. I don't even like Laura Ingalls and I thought Nellie (Oleson?) was hot. And Laura's Mom was hot too. Nellie's Mom, not so much...

[Hermione Gainser]

It's posts like these that make me happy I decided to make that Miss Laura thing a thing.

I don't like to disappoint.

Oh, and I don't really have any real insight for you ETF but since it's you I might suggest dancing with the wife in random places. Like the middle of the street. Something like this.

http-~~-//www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9LRnEaMYBo

Yup, I can work it in juuuust about anywhere.

And obviously, neither do you.

[Hermione Gainser]

For me it's "Little House on the Prairie". Every episode has me teary-eyed by the end. I don't even like Laura Ingalls and I thought Nellie (Oleson?) was hot. And Laura's Mom was hot too. Nellie's Mom, not so much...

HAHAHAHA Nothing like a little hot prairie action.

Also... I'm not sure where to go with the Mahky Mahk stuff... other than... maybe I'll watch one of his many movies. Preferably one in which he is shirtless.

[ebm1224]

I like to grind when I dance... preferably wearing Marky Mark stretchy briefs... my Boston peeps, shout out!!!

how do you properly thank your wife? by never doing this ^^^ again.

in reality, though, i really like all the suggestions so far. another way to think of it, though, is that, because of all the changes you've made, you'll be around for your wife and family for many more (healthy) years than you otherwise would have. that's more years together, more years to be a good husband/father/etc. it's important to thank those that supported you along the way but keep in mind that you simply being around means alot to the people who love you.

[jdanger]

And obviously, neither do you.

I live to serve.

[jessie75]

There are lots of super awesome suggestions up there. A simple thank you to your wife would go a long way especially if you were specific about it. And maybe something nice to memorialize it? Something small but meaningful that will remind you both of the triumph. If she even likes jewelry.

[bigm141414]

Have you tried using your new found muscles and fitness to carry the wife to the bedroom? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink....

[ETFnerd]

Thanks for all your comments so far. My wedding anniversary is near Christmas so I usually combine the anniversary/Christmas gift. This year i got her this:

I guess here I'd like to see whether there is anything I could do for her outside of giving her "things". Last night I sat down to tell her how much she means to me and how I appreciated what she had done for me and her response was: "Can you take out the trash?". I still think she heard me.

I don't think she'd be comfortable being away from the kids. In the 4+ years we've had them we've never had a babysitter and I'm nervous about leaving them in other people's hands... yeah, I feel life Robert DeNiro in Meet the Parents. I don't think my daughters are going to appreciate it when I'm tailing the limo to their proms and camouflaged in the planter to pop out at midnight to tell cinderella that the ball is over and we're going home. I was a guy at the prom so I know how I operated, and besides, I saw American Pie which to a parent of young daughters is a horror movie. Knowing how I am, wouldn't you be afraid for your daughters?

I keep rolling in my mind the suggestion about doing more of her chores and lightening her load. I kind of wish I hadn't asked the question because I really don't want to. I'm self-important and think that I've scheduled all my time out so there's no room for that, but that's not really true. The reality is that I am really comfortable with how I've set up my life and this is throwing a real monkey wrench in the works. What to give up? It's tough, but that is what the spirit of giving and sacrifice is, isn't it. I'll have to give it more thought, and hopefully it won't be more thought on how to weasel out of it...

Many thanks for your continued support and advice. It is much appreciated.

[Hermione Gainser]

See... my boyfriend keeps missing the whole jewelry thing. You'd think, "Buy me jewelry" in response to such questions would be pretty clear. *sigh* I digress.

I remember being a teenage girl. Hopefully you can teach said daughters to have gumption. Gumption goes a long way in encouraging young ladies to say "Oh hell nawwwwww" to some inappropriate fellas. Also... now I understand why my dad was pissed when I said I saw American Pie in theaters. Gotcha. That makes sense.

You know... if you guys are in a good place and things work for you then there's no reason to make drastic changes or take on long term responsibilities (unless, of course, your wife is like "get that spandexed ass in here and do the fn dishes!") but maybe just making a nice dinner for her one night and then following Bigm's advice (bow chicka wow wow) could be nice. Then again, I think the simple act of saying Thank You is all sorts of great. I hope she heard it loud and clear.

[Oogiem]

Last night I sat down to tell her how much she means to me and how I appreciated what she had done for me and her response was: "Can you take out the trash?". I still think she heard me.

Sometimes the best love you can show is to do the things that seem mundane and irrelevant. A lot of FLyLady's stuff is a bit off the wall but her thing about love is making sure there's always toilet paper in the bathroom (as a metaphor for all that running a house implies) is actually really good.

[ebm1224]

a quote that always sticks with me...kinda the reverse of your situation but i think it still applies:

wife: you never tell me that you love me!

husband: of course i do! i changed the oil, didn't i?

beautiful ring btw.

oh, and my american pie story: me - 14ish years old, hadn't seen the movie and didn't quite "get" what was supposed to be so bad about it. my parents didn't know either. we rented it while on vacation. you remember the first scene? with the tube sock? yeah. both my parents and me, sitting on the couch and that opening scene. my mom and i didn't get what was going on...but my dad figured it out just in time and left the room. i don't think i saw him until the next morning.