Half Woot Half Frustration

[Sirlias]

So as a long time lurker of this website I want to thank everyone on here for helping motivate us silent rebels. Over the course of 2015 (I literally started my leveling up process on 1/1/2015 as a new years resolution) I have lost 60 lbs and according to simplistic body fat composition calculations only about 3-5 lbs of that have been muscle. I have done this with a combination of low carb dieting and strength training and I feel great. WOOT!

 

Now for the frustration. My wife started leveling up at the exact same time as I did, but unfortunately, she was on a medication that we later found out made it next to impossible for her to lose weight. In the first six months, even though we were eating the same low carb diet and doing the same strength training program, she ended up gaining 6 pounds. We have since weened her off the medication (nasty stuff she was on to treat an anxiety disorder that she has under better control now than she did on the meds, and yes we consulted a doctor before weening her off) and she has started to lose weight but much slower than I did. 

 

My frustration comes in that I am feeling really guilty because of the success I am seeing. I hate how well it is working for me to then look at her and see how frustrated and tired she has become (six months is a long time to not see improvement). I'm not really sure what to do and have even thought about putting some of the weight back on so we could be losing more together but she doesn't like that idea. We both knew her journey was going to be longer than mine but I don't think either of us realized how hard it would be when I get to switch to maintenance (or even muscle building mode) and she is still eating this restrictive diet. I guess I'm just looking for advice from anyone here.

 

Thanks for reading this.

[GoldLynx]

Maybe figure out how much harder it is for her to lose weight than it is for you, then make a sort of function out of it. For example, if it takes her 5 times as long as you to lose weight, when she loses a pound you both agree she has lost "five" pounds. Of course it won't change anything physically, but at least you can correct for the medication and feel like you're progressing together. Just a thought.

[Dradis]

So as a long time lurker of this website I want to thank everyone on here for helping motivate us silent rebels. Over the course of 2015 (I literally started my leveling up process on 1/1/2015 as a new years resolution) I have lost 60 lbs and according to simplistic body fat composition calculations only about 3-5 lbs of that have been muscle. I have done this with a combination of low carb dieting and strength training and I feel great. WOOT!

 

Now for the frustration. My wife started leveling up at the exact same time as I did, but unfortunately, she was on a medication that we later found out made it next to impossible for her to lose weight. In the first six months, even though we were eating the same low carb diet and doing the same strength training program, she ended up gaining 6 pounds. We have since weened her off the medication (nasty stuff she was on to treat an anxiety disorder that she has under better control now than she did on the meds, and yes we consulted a doctor before weening her off) and she has started to lose weight but much slower than I did. 

 

My frustration comes in that I am feeling really guilty because of the success I am seeing. I hate how well it is working for me to then look at her and see how frustrated and tired she has become (six months is a long time to not see improvement). I'm not really sure what to do and have even thought about putting some of the weight back on so we could be losing more together but she doesn't like that idea. We both new her journey was going to be longer than mine but I don't think either of us realized how hard it would be when I get to switch to maintenance (or even muscle building mode) and she is still eating this restrictive diet. I guess I'm just looking for advice from anyone here.

 

Thanks for reading this.

 

Its great and very nice of you that you are considering her so much in this. Kudos for that.

I'm in a similar position. I'm at weight i'm fairly happy with and i tend to cycle between short periods of bulking and short periods of cutting (i know this isn't the most ideal way but i'm happy with it). What i have tried to do is eat the same things as my fiance at the same times (eg, meals together) but unless asked i keep my bulking/cutting status to myself. If bulking i tend to eat my calories out of sight and out of knowledge of my fiance. I can't think of anything worse than being on a restricted diet and having to watch your other half stuff their face.

So, i tend to consume a lot of calories during the work day when we aren't together.

[Norgaard]

Don't feel guilty. use your success to help her get her own!.

 

its a long life journey, be each others mentors and keep rocking!

 

great with the medicine cut as well

[Sirlias]

GoldLynx,

 

That is an interesting idea. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks.

 

Dradis,

 

All of my extra eating is done while I'm at work. I feel terrible eating anything in front of her that she can't have. I've still got 20 lbs to go so it's not a huge issue now but with the weight loss I've already seen I wanted to get some advise before it becomes a real problem. It also kind of stinks to not feel ok with being excited about my success around her. I feel like I'm rubbing it in.

 

Norgaard,

 

Thanks for the boost.

[Maeghaan]

Its great and very nice of you that you are considering her so much in this. Kudos for that.

I'm in a similar position. I'm at weight i'm fairly happy with and i tend to cycle between short periods of bulking and short periods of cutting (i know this isn't the most ideal way but i'm happy with it). What i have tried to do is eat the same things as my fiance at the same times (eg, meals together) but unless asked i keep my bulking/cutting status to myself. If bulking i tend to eat my calories out of sight and out of knowledge of my fiance. I can't think of anything worse than being on a restricted diet and having to watch your other half stuff their face.

So, i tend to consume a lot of calories during the work day when we aren't together.

 

As someone who has been in the position of watching their significant other have great success while I didn't, I would really recommend this. Offering to gain weight to then lose it again would, to me, feel really patronizing. Also, my will power to continue with what I was doing would falter significantly if I watched him eat way more than I was every day, especially things like snack foods that I dearly wanted but couldn't have, so I would give up. I wouldn't give her updates unless asked. The exception is if you hit an awesome milestone you'd been aiming towards; you get to be happy when you kick ass!

[Sirlias]

Maeghaan,

 

Thanks. I didn't even think about it being patronizing. I was able to keep the numbers to myself for a good chunk of the weight loss, about 6 months, but when I had to switch out my entire wardrobe to what I was wearing way back in college and highschool she asked and I could tell the answer was hard for her to hear.

 

Don't get me wrong, she is very supportive and happy for me, but I can tell it's hard on her.

[Maeghaan]

Maeghaan,

 

Thanks. I didn't even think about it being patronizing. I was able to keep the numbers to myself for a good chunk of the weight loss, about 6 months, but when I had to switch out my entire wardrobe to what I was wearing way back in college and highschool she asked and I could tell the answer was hard for her to hear.

 

Don't get me wrong, she is very supportive and happy for me, but I can tell it's hard on her.

 

It's not that you don't get to share happy stuff, but every day updates would not be ideal. There's certain things that can be done, like not mentioning how much you had to eat for bulking or something like that, but hitting milestones like that are something you SHOULD be happy about, and she should be happy for that as well. Any hard feelings I've had about my boyfriend hitting a milestone are mine to deal with at that point. It's about a balance, right? And if all else fails, you can always ask her directly what she would like for you to do.