Picky eaters and you

[shinigamiPUNCH]

I'm just curious how other parents deal with picky eaters.

I have two kids, Oddie age 5 and Snake age 10, and they are wonderfully supportive of my dietary choices. They understand that we can't have certain foods in the house because Mom is allergic / intolerant / can't handle herself and they've embraced Paleo eating pretty decently. They are very factual kids so they like to know why it is I say wheat is bad, so we have conversations about food all the time. They see eating healthier as an extension of the love we have for each other, so it's pretty cool.

However my kids are pretty darn picky. This irritates the heck out of me because I exclude food because they make me sick not because I don't like them. I try to make things the kids like when I have them (divorced, kids really live with Dad unfortunately) but it still seems like sometimes I have to almost make two meals because Oddie won't eat chicken drumsticks and Snake hates green beans. I'd like a little variety without having to say: "Eat it or you'll have to wait til the next meal."

It's a bummer when it's something that ends up being expensive - like making anything with almond flour.

Anyone have this issue?

[ryanmercer]

I'm not a parent with a picky eater, I am a picky eater. Most plants make me gag violently. If they are just picky give them no other option.

[wildross]

We have 5 kids (all grown). We went with "you are allowed to not like one thing, everything else, you eat or go hungry". They all survived.

[Guest guest4729]

Something similar was posted before here.

My two posts from that thread in regards to why kids can be picky eaters:

For the more scientific aspect behind it, I find this video helpful:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/science-picky-eaters.html

Glad that you like it! This concept also applies to things like eating spicy foods. Some people have more taste buds than others and some have much less. Ever wonder why your friends can eat super duper hot wings but you can only eat mild? It's most likely because of the amount of taste buds you have!

There are some people called "super tasters" who have tons of them and can barely stand hot foods at all. I lie somewhere in the middle - mild wings are enough to set my mouth on fire whereas other people around me just yawn.

Here's more about it:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2880471.stm

[citabean]

We always do the "You must take 2 no-thank-you bites" of the food... You 'll never know you might like how I prepared it this time."

A lot of the times, he'll give me a bit of resistance but once he tries it, he decides he likes it. Also, taste buds to change over time. What they think they may not like, because they didn't like it last time, they might actually enjoy this time.

[Shortkaik]

While I am not actually a parent, 50% of the time I live with two young girls (my boyfriend's kids). They are both very picky eaters. Generally, we don't make too much of an effort to avoid foods they don't like, because that's just too limiting. Sometimes they don't have to eat something if there are choices, for example, if there are carrots and green beans, you can have one or the other. But if there's only one veggie, you better eat it.

The BF allows them a dessert almost every night (something I was not raised with! ), but only if they finish their plates. Sometimes they dislike a food enough to miss out on dessert, so that's their choice. But that's pretty rare.

The other problem is that one of the girls will eat 2 bites and insist she is no longer hungry and throw her food out. Then an hour later, she's asking for a snack. We're having difficulty teaching her that she has to think about not just how hungry she is 'this very second', but how much she should eat to make it to the next meal. I worry she is not eating enough - and is wasting a lot of food in the process.

[Waldo]

While my son has not yet developed any pickyness, he's too young, this should be an interesting issue in the future as his mother is a VERY picky eater. A good % of her pickyness is due to underexposure ("I don't like X"...."have you ever had X?"....."well no, but.."), it has taken many years to make some baby steps, when I first met her she ate like 5 things (terrible for you too) and that was it, liked nothing else. I don't want my son to be very underexposed to food like that (I think my wife was raised on pretzels, pizza, ice cream, popcorn, and hamburgers) but we do avoid huge categories of food because of her (I do by default, I'm not very picky). About the only food we both won't eat is fish/seafood (find it, especially the smell, utterly repulsive), however the list is very, very long of things that I like that she won't touch, that I rarely, if ever, get to eat (Asian, Mexican, etc...).

[Pat G]

For the food that is being picked on my usual rule is 3 spoon fulls of it before you can give up. and the standard no dessert thing

Now i'm always being asked "how many spoons left dad" for EVERYTHING else....

[shinigamiPUNCH]

The other problem is that one of the girls will eat 2 bites and insist she is no longer hungry and throw her food out. Then an hour later, she's asking for a snack. We're having difficulty teaching her that she has to think about not just how hungry she is 'this very second', but how much she should eat to make it to the next meal. I worry she is not eating enough - and is wasting a lot of food in the process.

Yes my daughter does that all the time. When she gives me the "I'm full" speech I give her the "It's X amount of hours until our next meal" speech. I rarely let my kids have snacks outside of meal time, but when I do it's an automatic no when they didn't finish their meal. I just can't afford to throw food out.

I suppose I could just suck it up and stop catering to their pickiness. It's not like they have the ability to argue about meals at school or their Dad's house anyway.

[scotticus]

Our 18 month old daughter is quite picky, particularly with vegetables, so my wife and I are engaging in the time-honored tradition of tricking their kids into eating stuff that's good for them. My wife found a book called "Deceptively Delicious" that has helped us make sure that the baby eats enough veggies. Obviously we can't do this forever, but until will can converse and rationalize with her, it seems to be doing the trick.

[Shortkaik]

@scotticus I will look into that book for sure. For future plans... you know.

@shinigami I'm glad to hear we're not the only ones who follow that policy. If you don't finish your meal, then you aren't going to get more food. Hopefully they'll grow out of it! Last night was a good example, both girls chose to eat everything except the onions and green peppers, and accepted the "no dessert" consequence.

[scotticus]

@scotticus I will look into that book for sure. For future plans... you know.

@shinigami I'm glad to hear we're not the only ones who follow that policy. If you don't finish your meal, then you aren't going to get more food. Hopefully they'll grow out of it! Last night was a good example, both girls chose to eat everything except the onions and green peppers, and accepted the "no dessert" consequence.

Cool - it's a really neat book! Also, I should note that we're slowly transitioning to the "if you don't eat at one meal time, you have to wait until the next one" approach. We know that our little on isn't starving by any means, so it's more a matter of us developing enough strength to resist giving in and provide a snack when she gets cranky.

[m.lee]

I have Deceptively Delicious "just in case" but have never had to use it. My kids eat just about anything. And I am super picky (no wheat/no meat/no dairy). I had no money this summer and could only eat out of the garden and from the CSA farm share. My kids ate everything with no complaining. It was amazing. And as my son's eczema cleared up completely and my daughter started gaining weight (which is a good thing), they got to SEE how amazing veggies are. They help me prepare them, I let them pick what veggies they want (my son will pick broccoli and my daughter sweet potatoes and I don't care if they eat both, just a big helping of the one they chose).

Finally, if they don't eat their meals, they one and only option for snack before bed is an apple. My son is picky only because of food allergies. He is allergic to all nuts, soy, eggs, wheat, and dairy. And if I buy gluten free bread, he still won't eat it sometimes because he's scared of it. I do not care. It is expensive. If I can eat it or his sister will, that is fine. But I refuse to push food on either kid. I think battling being overweight for my entire life has made me fearful of ever making them eat.

I guess my point is, get them involved in the choices and the preparation. It makes them feel like they are a part of it. And since my dietary restrictions usually lead to 4 side dishes as our meal, I don't get upset if they eat 3 of them. I refuse to be a short order cook, but I'm not going to not let them have a say. End results is clean plates, tons of fruits and veggies eaten, and a happy after dinner time.

[Colin]

A few thoughts:

1) don't put food on their plates until they ask. Start serving yourself and eating. They will soon ask or even want to serve them selves.

2) If you do serve them, make sure the portion size is realistic. Especially if employing nothing else unless you finish your supper. They can always ask for more if they are still hungry, but I have now come to the realize the folly of trying to get a stuffed kid to finish their plate, because I over estimated their food needs.

[shinigamiPUNCH]

I read an article by FitBomb about transitioning their kids to Paleo. I liked how they told their kid that they could eat the meal they made or they would make him a plate of eggs. That way if I have left over chicken because they chose eggs, I can have it for lunch the next day. Eggs are relatively inexpensive so conceivably I would have less waste. And we would all get fed.

@Colin - I like your first thought. I think I'll try that. I get kind of sick of the Mother yelling: "Dinner time, children!" and no one comes running.

@m.lee - I totally agree getting them involved usually helps them be less picky. They love the CSA idea during the summer, just have to get them on board with the canned stuff for the winter. I really should make the time to keep them involved in food preparation and selection...

[Cookie]

We always do the "You must take 2 no-thank-you bites" of the food... You 'll never know you might like how I prepared it this time."

A lot of the times, he'll give me a bit of resistance but once he tries it, he decides he likes it. Also, taste buds to change over time. What they think they may not like, because they didn't like it last time, they might actually enjoy this time.

We do this too. We have a 3 year old who will eat just about anything, and a super picky 7 year old. I won't send him to bed hungry because he doesn't like his dinner, so his alternative is a large bag of steam fresh veges, which he often chooses. No fights, and no big hassle to give him another healthy (if not somewhat boring) choice.

[jediknightingale]

The "no-thank-you bites" idea is genius. Right now my 3 year old thinks that every time he eats a full plate of food he grows, so I am able to get him to eat most of the time by commenting on how his hands or feet grow with every bite. He also associates growth with age so whenever he finished a meal he asks "Mama, how older I am?"...so what if I lie and sometimes he believes he is 28? He ate, and that is the important thing. I know that eventually he will figure out my lies!

I did check with a pediatrician who told me to just go with the flow as far as picky eating is concerned. Children aren't trained (like many adults) to want to eat everything on their plates...trusting their appetite, or lack of, will avoid food issues later in their life. Other than that...I know that learning where my food came from and how it was prepared helped me to become way less picky. I was a geeky little kid who refused to eat animals, handheld foods, and vegetables that crunched. My sister was a texture eater, and so anything thick but not solid (jello, pudding, flan) had to be slowly introduced to her diet. Eventually she got used to the texture. Maybe asking your kids what bothers them about specific foods will allow you to address the topic and open their minds to new possibilities.

[Deis]

I used to be a picky eater. My mom gave up on me at the age of five or so, and fed me chips for every meal, so kudos on not giving in.

I had to train myself into liking vegetables as an adult, which came from frequent exposure to them. I've read that it takes up to thirty tastes for your tastebuds to stop going "WHAT IS THIS?! THIS IS NOT FOOD! GIMME MY FOOD!" and go "actually, this is quite nice...", and that was certainly true for me.

So yeah, I've never been a parent, but a method where kids are frequently able to try foods without feeling pressured to eat a whole plateful might be very successful. I dunno; you've had lots of good advice from people with a better idea of what they're talking about.

I would second finding out why your kids dislike something. In my case, I had a very weak stomach, and over-eating, especially of creamy textures or strong tastes, would make me very sick. My mother swore I did it on purpose, to punish her for trying to make me eat - actually, it was a natural consequence of being forced to overeat certain textures.

[Oogiem]

Not a parent but I can tell you what my mother did. She made the meals. If I didn't like what was served I could either make my own meal or go hungry. I also had the rule of I had to try 3 bites of everything no matter what. Plus later as a homeschooled kid whenever I studied a culture or read an interesting book my mother made me learn about the food. So I learned to drink coffee after reading about Saudia Arabia (one reason I love it very strong with cream and sugar).When I was reading Farley Mowat's "Never Cry Wolf" I had to make the mouse recipe that is in the book. Study Peru and we raised and butchered some guinea pigs. Reading about the southwest I had to eat rattlesnake that I caught and prepared. Study the Mongols and I had to try making fermented mare's milk. By making it part of everything else I was learning I learned to try all sorts of odd foods. But I still hate and won't eat cottage cheese ;-)

[beandip007]

Hi i'm new here and stumbled upon this thread. I have been a picky eater since, forever. I am 30 years old and I still eat like an 8 year old. I can tell you that I never made this up. As I have grown I have forced myself to like other foods, but it is extremely difficult. That eat it 30 times thing can work, but it is very hard. I can say it has been one of the most embarrassing things for me. I have trouble going to eat good regular foods with other people, and as far as my diet, that is another challenge. I have a horrendous hate for green foods, the ones I do like I get board of very easily, the only other thing I can do is cook those veggies down to nothing to where their taste and texture are all gone. I watched the videos up top, and this whole time I never knew why I was like that, but apparently I am a super taster. I can taste things to the back of my throat, especially spicy stuff. This has been an awesome thread, and to those who have kids. I am sorry for your challenge, I too will probably be faced with a pickey eater as well.

[AKLulu]

As far as the taking two bites and not being hungry anymore, with my nieces and nephews we just say, "Okay, we'll save it for later in-case you get hungry." If they come back and say they're hungry, we offer them their plate, and if they don't want that, they're definitely just fishing for some special treat. We were also always among the "No dessert if you don't eat your dinner" school of thought too.

[Fogo]

We broke and went down the bribery route. Luckily, my two girls are young enough that stickers are a pretty good incentive. We got each girl a small notebook, that when they try eating something new we give them a sticker to put in their food notebooks. It's worked surprisingly well, and in the last month since we've started this they've both practically tripled the types of foods they're willing to eat now. If it's something that they don't want that they tried before and liked, we'll just get out the sticker book and show them "see, remember how you got this sticker for trying that food, and you liked it that day?" Once we remind them, then they're happy eating it again.

I can understand though, since I've been a pretty picky eater my whole life too. I'm really trying to try more things, but there are still certain fruits & veggies I just can't stand. Maybe I should get a sticker book for myself…

[AKLulu]

That's a great idea, Fogo! Better than bribing with dessert!

[mandy75]

My kids will eat almost anything, Im the picky one.

[Rivanariko]

No kids here, but I was a VERY picky eater as a child. I don't know how my parents powered through it, but they never seemed to slack off on making me eat what was good for me. We had the "three bites" rule, and one pea on your spoon did not constitute a bite. I was a notorious under-eater, but we always kept any leftovers. If there was a significant amount of food left on my plate when I was done, it would get put in the fridge. If I was hungry again before bedtime, that's what I had to eat.

My parents were also realistic though. We never were forced to clean our plates, and we served ourselves. I hated (and still don't particularly like) meat, particularly red meat. Whenever we'd have steak for dinner, my mom would make three. One for my dad, one for my brother and one for her. I'd cut off a corner of her's, about 3-4 bites worth, and that was my meat. And then I'd eat all of the rolls and most of the fruit and/or veggie, depending on what it was. We also didn't have super-spicy foods and my mom tried to space out things that she knew that I couldn't stand. She made notes in her cookbooks about things that I liked, things that were "okay" or things that were difficult for me, so that she could plan accordingly. As I got older, my tastebuds matured, and I'll try just about anything now, though there are still a lot of things that I don't like. I still won't eat fish and probably never will as the smell still makes me nauseous, and I'm still not big on red meat, but I can stomach a hamburger and a bit of steak if it's super tender (texture was a big thing with meat for me, I hated how difficult it was for me to eat! Pasta I hardly had to chew!)

To put it into perspective, I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich without the crusts for lunch every day that I was in school. Starting in Kindergarten, ending when I graduated high school. Every. Day. While I was in college (where I moved from Oregon to North Carolina) I discovered that that wasn't practical, and a lot of events that I was attending and people who were feeding me would be offended if I didn't eat what they served, so I learned to get over it (except for grits. They're gross, I'm sorry). Before I finished school, I spent a month in India and didn't even know what I was eating half the time, I just picked something that sounded cool off of the menu.

So there's hope. I'm thankful to my parents for making me realize that just because I didn't love the taste of something didn't mean that I couldn't eat it, which helped me be more open minded as I've moved and traveled.

But I'm sorry, I am not trying Lutefisk. I see absolutely no reason to be THAT adventurous!