Men ONLY please...

[Guest Snake McClain]

female advice hijack: bruce, don't pursue anything with that girl. sounds way too complicated and she's basically setting herself up to where, if she does get back w/ her ex, she can just be like, 'well i TOLD you this might happen..." if it's already complicated before a first date, it probably won't get any easier moving forward.

sorry for responding to a guy's forum, but figured a girl's advice might be useful.

Mama T out.

this is kind of what i was thinking. it's just sort of nutty right now. Thanks M.

EDIT: I think secretly Matilda just wants to date me. *hehe* (not true)

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

It's funny, my mom is in the same situation as this chick. She has my little brother and lives with his dad, who she is no longer with. She is with this other guy who she really likes. He's a cool dude and he is great with my little brother and great to her. That's my experience and what I am basing everything else I say on.

For the kid thing, you have to decide whether you'd be open to being a step dad or not. If you guys do end up dating and it gets serious, she'll introduce you to the kid down the line and it will be a deal breaker whether or not you two get along, mesh, you like him/her, whatever. Once she finds someone she wants to be with long term, I imagine she would have the kid's dad move out and that new person move in at some point. If you're not open to being in that role, I'd say bounce now. If you are, go with it and it will sort itself out later if the relationship gets to the meeting the kid point.

With her not offering a time, she may not know when she is free. Mom's lives revolve around their kid, and they know this. They won't make plans until they know they are free. Even then I imagine single moms would get to know a guy pretty well first before actually dating him. They want to be sure that it's likely the guy will be a good fit with their kid from both a role model perspective as well as just getting along. They won't go out with a guy unless they think there's a good chance of it working out, which takes time. My mom was friends with this guy in a community they were both involved in for a year or two in a small group atmosphere before they started dating. So, don't be scared off by the not offering another time thing. She'll likely take things very slow.

With the whole convoluted responses, it kinda goes with the above stuff. She's in an odd arrangement/situation with the ex and she probably doesn't know exactly what she wants herself. I have a feeling the same type of thing went on with my mom.

So, in the end, I'd probably say don't be too aggressive with the trying to get the date part going right away. Go with the flow of getting to know her and talking a bunch and see where it progresses.

[NukeTheUnicorns]

I second what Matilda said. Even if she's cute, she sounds waaay too complicated.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

female advice hijack: bruce, don't pursue anything with that girl. sounds way too complicated and she's basically setting herself up to where, if she does get back w/ her ex, she can just be like, 'well i TOLD you this might happen..." if it's already complicated before a first date, it probably won't get any easier moving forward.

sorry for responding to a guy's forum, but figured a girl's advice might be useful.

Mama T out.

This posted while I was doing my response. I don't think this is great advice. For all you know this is the girl for you. Get to know her before you make a decision.

[Guest Snake McClain]

It's funny, my mom is in the same situation as this chick. She has my little brother and lives with his dad, who she is no longer with. She is with this other guy who she really likes. He's a cool dude and he is great with my little brother and great to her. That's my experience and what I am basing everything else I say on.

For the kid thing, you have to decide whether you'd be open to being a step dad or not. If you guys do end up dating and it gets serious, she'll introduce you to the kid down the line and it will be a deal breaker whether or not you two get along, mesh, you like him/her, whatever. Once she finds someone she wants to be with long term, I imagine she would have the kid's dad move out and that new person move in at some point. If you're not open to being in that role, I'd say bounce now. If you are, go with it and it will sort itself out later if the relationship gets to the meeting the kid point.

With her not offering a time, she may not know when she is free. Mom's lives revolve around their kid, and they know this. They won't make plans until they know they are free. Even then I imagine single moms would get to know a guy pretty well first before actually dating him. They want to be sure that it's likely the guy will be a good fit with their kid from both a role model perspective as well as just getting along. They won't go out with a guy unless they think there's a good chance of it working out, which takes time. My mom was friends with this guy in a community they were both involved in for a year or two in a small group atmosphere before they started dating. So, don't be scared off by the not offering another time thing. She'll likely take things very slow.

With the whole convoluted responses, it kinda goes with the above stuff. She's in an odd arrangement/situation with the ex and she probably doesn't know exactly what she wants herself. I have a feeling the same type of thing went on with my mom.

So, in the end, I'd probably say don't be too aggressive with the trying to get the date part going right away. Go with the flow of getting to know her and talking a bunch and see where it progresses.

That is very sound advice. I've been trying to keep in mind she's busy with her kid. I understand. i have single sisters with kids. it's cool. and I don't mind being a stepdad/dad. I understand the role and can fill it as I had a stepdad but he was lame so i would be better. that said I think this is solid input to take in. It's just hard to gauge everything she says. But yeah maybe backing off at on is a great idea. not completely just maybe realizing it isn't going to go like other people ive dated. Thanks broski. *rap hands*

I second what Matilda said. Even if she's cute, she sounds waaay too complicated.

Cute has nothing to do with it. I don't date or talk to women because of looks alone. Personality goes a long way for me. I've been down the "date the hot chic" role and it is a living nightmare. No thanks. but I definitely see what you and Mdogg are saying. Just such a hard situation to gauge.

[Mama T]

This posted while I was doing my response. I don't think this is great advice. For all you know this is the girl for you. Get to know her before you make a decision.

corey, after reading your post, i can see where you're coming from. i tend to like a more straight-forward, non-messy situation, hence my advice that if they've only hung out once, it might not be worth his time to pursue. but, like you said, i suppose it wouldn't hurt to keep in touch with her and see if anything happens.

see, guys and girls CAN co-exist!

[Guest Snake McClain]

corey, after reading your post, i can see where you're coming from. i tend to like a more straight-forward, non-messy situation, hence my advice that if they've only hung out once, it might not be worth his time to pursue. but, like you said, i suppose it wouldn't hurt to keep in touch with her and see if anything happens.

see, guys and girls CAN co-exist!

I also like a non-messy situation which is the only reason I even considered it could be just too effed up to think about.

and no they can't.

[Relosa]

I have some experience being in a relationship with a single mother, so I figured I'd chime in a bit.

If you're interested in her and want to persue something you just need to take it really slow and see how things work out. She probably is just super busy and doesn't know when she'll be free. That and if you do get into a relationship with her you just need to expect to be #2 in her life because that kid is priority #1 right now. So, things would be tough and difficult when it comes to getting together and spending time together. When I was in my relationship we were lucky if we got to go on a date together once a week. So, it's tough.

And for her not sure about when she is free. You through out that you want to go on a date. If she's really interested she'll figure something out. For now I would just be friendly and easy going about stuff. If it works it works, if it doesn't, well she's not the only one out there.

[scotticus]

I think that Mama-T and CoreyD are both weighing in with equally valid perspectives. One thing that they haven't addressed though, is your previous posts re: being pretty much at you max, nearing burn-out, etc. I think it would be worthwhile to evaluate how much additional complication you can handle right now. If everything goes great, that's one thing. But if the situation get's messy/weird, it could add a significant amount of stress to what you're already dealing with. Add to that the complication that's inherent in all matters of love and tingly bits it could be a lot to add to an already very full plate.

That said, if she's really hanging back and taking it slow, that could actually be good. It'll give you some time to sort out your present situation before having to tackle relationship issues, etc.

[ETFnerd]

i love mamaT but this men's only club is going to sh!t... I think we need to take the conversation back directly onto d!ck topics wall to wall to clear the air... carry on...

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

My dick, is supersize, you're dick, is like 2 fries.

[aj_rock]

2 Frys from futurama would be a great achievement.

To add the obviously shallow and morally irresponsible response to Brucie's situation, DON'T get 'seriously' involved, just uhhh enjoy the company?

But no really, neither of you are in a good situation for seriousness, but, ermmm, stress relief, is always good for fighting burn out

[ETFnerd]

My dick, is supersize, you're dick, is like 2 fries.

I love that song...

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I love that song...

It's in my top 20 on my iPhone I think and hence rolls around in my shuffle a lot during my runs.

[Guest Snake McClain]

I think that Mama-T and CoreyD are both weighing in with equally valid perspectives. One thing that they haven't addressed though, is your previous posts re: being pretty much at you max, nearing burn-out, etc. I think it would be worthwhile to evaluate how much additional complication you can handle right now. If everything goes great, that's one thing. But if the situation get's messy/weird, it could add a significant amount of stress to what you're already dealing with. Add to that the complication that's inherent in all matters of love and tingly bits it could be a lot to add to an already very full plate.

That said, if she's really hanging back and taking it slow, that could actually be good. It'll give you some time to sort out your present situation before having to tackle relationship issues, etc.

i agree. this is good advice. slow is good. and i'm okay with that.

Also

My d!ck got the late night fee, yo d!ck got the H-I-V

[Conk]

I am way late to the party, but yeah, I use the Bond shower quite frequently, though not always daily.

I always do it right after a workout (Growth Hormone increases), or if I feel like I am getting sick (immune system increases). I'd say I average about 4-5 Bond showers weekly.

I recommend it often because I think you can see the results literally in days, or so it was for me.

Aslo, no way am I willing to date a single mom right now. I am 21, and I am really hoping to snag a virgin church girl. I've been close a few times, but I am still searching right now.

[aj_rock]

Aslo, no way am I willing to date a single mom right now. I am 21, and I am really hoping to snag a virgin church girl. I've been close a few times, but I am still searching right now.

Would you hate me forever if I told you I beat you to it?

Do I also get +1 because it was the pastor's daughter

In my defense, I dated her through my last year of highschool, and we subsequently broke up because I left for school.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

and I am really hoping to snag a virgin church girl. I've been close a few times, but I am still searching right now.

That's what I did.

[Guest Snake McClain]

i guess you youngins can do that. us old folk have to seek out other options.

to be honest i wouldnt want some virgin church girl. one i like women with some experience. two because i'm not a church goer so that would cause conflict. lol. the whole thing would do me bad. also i like women a bit older than 21. like...26+...not that you asked.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

i guess you youngins can do that. us old folk have to seek out other options.

They're still out there at 18.

[Guest Snake McClain]

They're still out there at 18.

...uhm...nah i'm good. lol

[macnip78]

Bruce, not sure if this was posted already or not but if you are really interested in this girl you are going to have to be friends first (admittedly I skimmed the responses and did see the mention of 'taking it slow' at one point). Dating a mom is hard work. Mom's tend to look past looks/chemistry (which it seems you two have) and look for dad/family potential. Which means she will want to know if you have a good head on your shoulders, job, career path, etc. These feelings are multiplied by a thousand if the ex was a waste. So, if you are interested in her, it will take work probably a lot of work but it could definitely be worth it. Get to know her whole story before you make any decisions.

Also, just a general FYI, all relationships are complicated. There are no 'easy' relationships. Relationships require work and effort from both parties involved. If you are in an 'easy' relationship then you just haven't found the subject matter that will cause your first fight.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Bruce, not sure if this was posted already or not but if you are really interested in this girl you are going to have to be friends first (admittedly I skimmed the responses and did see the mention of 'taking it slow' at one point). Dating a mom is hard work. Mom's tend to look past looks/chemistry (which it seems you two have) and look for dad/family potential. Which means she will want to know if you have a good head on your shoulders, job, career path, etc. These feelings are multiplied by a thousand if the ex was a waste. So, if you are interested in her, it will take work probably a lot of work but it could definitely be worth it. Get to know her whole story before you make any decisions.

Also, just a general FYI, all relationships are complicated. There are no 'easy' relationships. Relationships require work and effort from both parties involved. If you are in an 'easy' relationship then you just haven't found the subject matter that will cause your first fight.

Actually last night I asked her sort of a tough question. I asked if she is still sleeping witht he guy and of course (of course meaning exactly what would happen to me) is that she IS sleeping with the guy still. Like why the F*** are you out meeting people and telling them you want to go out or even talking to me? how are you even broken up if you have a kid, live together and still mess with each other? lol

So yeah no dating that girl. See guys this is the sort of draw I get. Welcome to my dating life. *shakes head*

[macnip78]

Actually last night I asked her sort of a tough question. I asked if she is still sleeping witht he guy and of course (of course meaning exactly what would happen to me) is that she IS sleeping with the guy still. Like why the F*** are you out meeting people and telling them you want to go out or even talking to me? how are you even broken up if you have a kid, live together and still mess with each other? lol

So yeah no dating that girl. See guys this is the sort of draw I get. Welcome to my dating life. *shakes head*

Umm...yeah. I would definitely pass on that...good call Bruce

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Actually last night I asked her sort of a tough question. I asked if she is still sleeping witht he guy and of course (of course meaning exactly what would happen to me) is that she IS sleeping with the guy still. Like why the F*** are you out meeting people and telling them you want to go out or even talking to me? how are you even broken up if you have a kid, live together and still mess with each other? lol

So yeah no dating that girl. See guys this is the sort of draw I get. Welcome to my dating life. *shakes head*

That sucks, maybe next time.