At The Bottom Looking Up

[Torik]

So, I'm going to release my sob story unto you all. It's not as bad as others, but for me, it is. And I've hit the bottom point, I thought I had hit the bottom last year, and lo and behold it got lower (higher?). Note: This is super long. I just need to get it all out. I'll put a big bold spot where I get back to this current restart.

 

TL;DR: Was active as child, got made fun of for smelling, downhill slide to gaining weight. Had gallbladder issue that lost 30lbs before surgery, tried losing weight, stopped, started last year, aunt passed away, another downhill to gain more weight.

 

I was a cute kid. Around 10, my oldest sister took some photos of me in black and white, and I am the cutest little girl posing near a tree in a cemetery in a tiny Massachusetts town you ever did see. That tiny Massachusetts town? Also a downfall. As far back as I remember, I can't remember liking how I looked. In 2nd grade, a kid made fun of me by saying I smelled like a skunk.

 

Normally, this ONE remark would be forgotten by the numerous people in any class of school. But not in this tiny town. There were probably a total of 50 kids in my grade, 15 probably in my classroom. Everyone remembered. I had no friends. I became reclusive and it has effected me to this day.

 

I got into softball when I was a bit older. I'd already gained some weight, but I wasn't super huge. I was tall and it didn't completely show. Then I learned I had a knee condition. Osgood Schlatter's Disease. Doctor said to stop softball and hobbies with repetitive knee motion. A year later I was told I didn't have to stop riding my bicycle. Which by then had been under my younger sister's care and stolen.

 

The food cooked at home wasn't healthy, I was overloaded on sugar, and nothing that was healthy tasted good. So I got heavier, and heavier. Had to move during High School just as I was making friends. So that didn't help. Then came the new school, then came college where I could eat anything I wanted at the cafeteria. I attempted to work out, but I didn't have my heart in it.

 

Depression hit. I failed courses, I nearly got kicked out of college. After a year or two, my family convinced me to go to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me and gave me medication. So, that's well and good. But does nothing for my weight.

 

So then I go down to work at Disney World. (Yeah, you heard me.) It was going fine, then I started to have incredible nausea and a pain that doubled me over. And they would be at the same time. I could handle one, but not both at the same time. So I often had to throw up anything I had in my stomach so I could deal with the pain. One bite too many of anything fried or dairy and I was out of the game for the rest of the day. Got to the point I had a roommate drive me to the hospital. Missed work because of that, and was told it seemed to be a gallbladder thing, and I had to see a specialist to see if it needed to get taken out.

 

30 lbs (13.6kg) later I got my gallbladder out. Had to leave the program. Back to Maryland, didn't go back to school. My mom joined a gym and added me on. We had a personal trainer even. But for some reason, again my heart was just not in it. Back to Florida, craziness ensued, got my first boyfriend.

 

Went to Vermont with a job that paid more than I had ever seen (I mean, not A LOT, but more than I'd ever made) and closer to my siblings. Boyfriend moved up after a few months. Got our own place.

 

NOW WE GET TO LAST YEAR...

 

Last year in June, I started eating better. Mostly veggies, salads were my lunch every day. Mostly romaine, with some spinach added later, chicken, maybe some cheese, and a bit of balsamic vinaigrette. I started loosing weight! I added in the Couch to 5K program, for a week I stayed the same then I started loosing again. I lost about 25lbs (11.3kg). June to October, I'd lost half of what my goal was to get a tattoo for the weight loss journey.

 

End of October I learned my Aunt was likely not going to make it, and probably within the week. Early November, she passed away. She was the first close family member I knew and loved who had passed away. I lost it. I couldn't keep it up, I fell to food, I stopped running, claiming it was getting too cold, even got a gym membership and then say I have no time for it.

 

I've gone up to my now highest of weight of 325lbs (147.4kg). I had "tried" over that time to get back into it all. I bought a dress this past weekend and realized just how LARGE I was. Now much these extra pounds look like. It's hard to tell I weigh as much as I do. I tell my friends my weight, and they can't believe it. Which probably is another reason I never bothered. I don't care about the weight. I want to lose the inches. I want to be strong.

 

So, I've signed up for a 5K in October. When I did my C25K stuff I could do 5K in just over 30 minutes. About 40. I'm doing it with a coworker, and today is the first day we're doing something. We both said "let me know any time I'll join you!" I decided yesterday we needed to decide days we're doing it together.

[Draegon (Liam P Boyle)]

Best of luck to you