Rock-bottom Remainders

[Tyr the Conqueror]

So I dropped off of the NF Rebellion around Feb, due to frustration. After a few months, yes, I was feeling better, but as far as fat loss goes I hadn't really made progress. Obviously, I was doing something wrong, had cheat days for one, but it felt like something else was at work since I usually can make SOME visible progress usually whether it sticks or not. In March/April I started focusing on strength-training exercises and doing at least something every day. I was actually successful for a while, not losing much fat or slimming down, but I had visible muscle tone for the first time in my life and that was a pretty great win for me still.

 

Then my (paternal) grandma who had been suffering with Alzheimer's for years past away around April 9th, and I went back to west Texas for her funeral. We never really got along, but she was my grandma and it was painful to watch her decline all this time. Out west, people don't really do health food like the city folk do, so it's always been a serious challenge any time I'd go home and visit. I wasn't so much torn with depression and stopped working out because of it, but rather being back home just messed with my schedule, and when I came back to Dallas, I was never able to regain my previous drive and stick to a routine. Also, this year I hit rock bottom, career-wise. I've always struggled to pay bills as an artist, but I've always been persistent and determined to improve myself knowing I can get there. While I had a few projects in the spring, I've been more or less unemployed for a few months now, and to make matters worse, have worked out of my home I didn't realize how isolated I was. Being super busy with work, you don't have time to sit and sulk or feel lonely, but to find your friends have all started their lives getting married, finding someone, finding the jobs they want, seemingly all at the same time, I was hit with a lot of things and a lot of emotions all at once. I realized it the day I walked in from the store and just fell to my knees crying, and I couldn't stop. This went on for days off and on.

 

I should also say I've suffered from manic depression my whole life, though I've always worked to keep it in check and not dwell on it. It's not that I'm from a family ignorant of mental illness, but I am from a family that believes everyone has a challenge and it's not an excuse or a cop-out. WWII vets are awesome, and I owe my resilience to my (maternal) grandparents who have always taught me I have so much to be grateful for. I tend to fall into a month long depression around may, I don't know why but it's periodic. Even so, when I finally broke, it was June before I realized I had been deeply depressed for months, and that's when I realized my situation in its entirety, isolation, failure and all. After a much needed stay with my parents, and feeling obnoxiously needy reconnecting with old friends to combat the isolation, I knew I had to get myself together and fix this problem. A good lot of it I felt was work-related. I struggled to pay the bills not even doing what I loved to do, which was motion graphics for commercial/ad work. I was technically in a related industry, but I've always known I wanted to tell stories through animation and cartoons. Drawing made me happy, not making lower thirds and title cards for training videos. That was the first thing that needed to change. I needed to redirect my career path towards becoming a storyboard artist and spent the next month setting up my online presence, reconnecting, revamping my website, getting feedback, and churning out more content to post and add to my portfolio.

 

It's now July, and after getting great advice and tips from old professors and finding new leads, I'm racing to complete a storyboard sample for my portfolio to make a deadline by the beginning of August for some studios, complete a pencil test (unfortunately unpaid but potentially followed by paying gigs) and finish a fun illustration project for a card game. There's hardly any money in these projects, but they're a crucial next step. I've also got to focus on solving my short-term financial problem, as I can't ride my savings forever nor should I. And to round out everything, I need to get back into a fitness routine so I can be more productive and re-stabilize myself. It's all about balance. Here's to the next chapter of my life that's probably long overdue.

[zeroh13]

Depression's a bitch. It's definitely completely derailed me more than once. Kudos for pulling yourself together!

 

Good luck with your work. And welcome back!