Harkness Rising

[Harkibald]

I wrote this in March but haven't felt particularly compelled to do much aside from switch around my job to one where I walk (a lot) more. I'm also actively being treated for the Lyme.

In order to respawn, I’m rewriting my BIG WHY for my membership in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion.

1. I'm sick. Literally sick. I've been dealing with Lyme Disease since 1997. While my active infection used to be under control, it is no longer. Leaving home for college, I was roughly 350lbs. I was 257lbs thirteen years later when first joining the rebellion in June 2016. This morning, I weighed in at 252.3 lbs.
2. I still don't dance as much. The only two things that have kept me sane and happy for the past 12 years are assorted pen and paper rpgs and swing dancing. Dancing has become a sort of mobile meditation for me. There's no thoughts of "Holy crap, you're fat as as hell. Unattractive.No one will ever like you" that usually go through my head. There's just me, my partner (generally), and the music. There's no past or future, there's just the dance. I’ve realized that part of my issue has been a combination of depression and not feeling well from the Lyme. But they feed each other. Feeling sad or sick equals not dancing equals feeling more sad, which results in even less dancing.
3. I'm a hypocrite. I've got a Masters in Public Health, an Associates in Paramedicine, and I'm hoping on becoming a Physician's Assistant. I'm trying to devote my life to convincing other people to be healthy and I still can't keep the cake away from my own face.
4. I'm still miserable. Whenever I look in the mirror or try on clothes, I get more an more depressed. Then I get angry and more upset because I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. It's making me alienate myself because I don't want to put myself in a situation where other people can see me or my emotions can be a burden to them. I’m removing myself from truly living my life.

So what do I want?

1. I want to be healthy. Aside from the tons of obesity-related illnesses that run in my family, my Lyme issues are lessened when I'm in better shape. It’s likely that I’m going to need some hardcore medications, some of which are probably going to be intravenous. Aside from the obvious shortcomings of trying to work out with a tube in my arm, these will sap my strength and cause all sorts of side effects that will make everyday life more difficult. It’s going to be hard work, but I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.
2. I want to dance. If I have more self-confidence, I'll ask more people to dance. If I ask more people to dance, I'll dance more and be happier. Not to mention it's damn good exercise and my partners deserve someone not soaked in sweat and out of breath. I also want to try out more forms of dancing. I've been able to try some awesome acrobatic stuff lately and it's been driving me nuts trying to find a place to continue learning it.
3. I want to be the hero I've always wanted to be. I want to lead by example. I want to be the guy who tells people "You can lose the weight. You can be healthy. I was there. I understand." I want to be able to dress up like a superhero and cheer up sick kids.
4. I don’t want to be miserable. I want to be proud of myself when looking in the mirror. I have scars that show how much I’ve been through and succeeded when others thought I would fail. I have some bad ass tattoos that represent everything from how long I’ve survived, to facing my fears, to not being ashamed to be a dude who likes unicorns.

But most of all, I want to be happy; because I f*****g deserve it.

[Harkibald]

What I do know: I need to keep exercise fun, or at least very short. I can dance, hike, or run around a playground for hours. Yet if you send me to the gym, I'll do the bare minimum and then get bored and leave. I need to keep a routine, because I can't just say "Oh here's some free time, let's work out!". I'm probably some sort of Druid/Adventurer hybrid, but I feel like some Warrior would really benefit me. Friendly barbarian perhaps? 

 

My normal routine is a little hectic: I work 7 days on, 7 off where I walk at least 9 miles/day but generally end up being about 11-12. The commute makes it so I have very little time between work and sleep, but then I go crazy from all the extra time on my week off.

 

I'm just not sure where to start, friends.

[SnowingScissors]

Hi there! Great big kudos to you for being able to recognize that you're unhappy with certain things and being willing to address them. One of the suggestions I might have to starting is, don't be overly critical of yourself. Something I learned was, I used to treat my body like sh*t because I thought I was sh*t. Why bother taking care of something you hate right? Why try to do things that point out just how limited your ability is? There was a time I cared only about the size of my pants. Unfortunately, even when I was at my smallest, I didn't look any different in the mirror. I love my flabby 239 lb body now more than I ever loved my 160 lb body a few years ago and my bigger body is able to do more! I'm stronger, more flexible, and my stamina is higher. I have total faith in your ability to achieve your goals, because you're able to recognize what it is you want to achieve. Start by focusing on why you're awesome and why you should respect your body. I'll be rooting for you!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[juliebarkley]

Welcome to the Rebellion!

 

Have a peek at the challenges in the Assassins, too. With your love of dancing and desire to try fun stuff to exercise yourself, you might fit in really well.

[Harkibald]

Assassins dance? This changes everything! But assassin is so... strong a word. What about liberator of souls?

[SkyGirl]

DUDE. May I say that your intro is one of the most inspirational I've ever read?

 

 

Lyme Disease is nothing to mess around with, and I'm so glad you have identified the activity (dance) that will make you happy and help you steer your body back toward health. Anything you can do to inspire yourself to dance more - or anything we can do to inspire you to dance more! - is a very, very good thing.

 

On 10/9/2017 at 11:41 AM, Harkibald said:

What I do know: I need to keep exercise fun, or at least very short. I can dance, hike, or run around a playground for hours. Yet if you send me to the gym, I'll do the bare minimum and then get bored and leave. I need to keep a routine, because I can't just say "Oh here's some free time, let's work out!". I'm probably some sort of Druid/Adventurer hybrid, but I feel like some Warrior would really benefit me. Friendly barbarian perhaps? 

 

My normal routine is a little hectic: I work 7 days on, 7 off where I walk at least 9 miles/day but generally end up being about 11-12. The commute makes it so I have very little time between work and sleep, but then I go crazy from all the extra time on my week off.

 

I'm just not sure where to start, friends.

 

We're just about to start a new 4-week challenge, and I think that's something that might help you with routine - at the beginning of each month (or so; there's a rest week in between) we set routines and/or goals and/or considerations for ourselves, and then keep threads to track our progress or maintenance with those goals. It might be too soon for you to know exactly what structured goals you need, but you could certainly start a challenge thread to document your thoughts as you organize them!

 

It looks like you've already encountered the Beginner's Guidebook, but here is the guide on the 4-week challenges so you can see if that would be helpful:

 

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/help.html/4-week-challenges/challenge-instructions-and-faq/ 

 

I agree with @juliebarkley that the Assassins might be a good fit for you, but because you mentioned being attracted to several different guilds, I'd also encourage you to come nose around the Rangers' challenges for this month - we're the gang that doesn't really fit in any one place, because we love to do ALL THE THINGS®. You will find people who walk, run, climb, dance, hike, swim, do yoga, do martial arts, meditate, go to counseling, practice outdoor survival skills, crawl through barbed wire, care for children and large animals, and travel - and you will often find several permutations of multiple activities in a single challenge.    I love to dance and have been thinking of trying to squeeze in a class next semester, so I will be following your adventures with great interest!

 

Again, WELCOME to the Rebellion and I am SO glad that you found your way here! I know that great things await you, and if I can help you find any information or get started, please let me know!