Anti-fragility?

[Renate]

Dear rebels,

 

Currently I am dealing with some (relatively) serious obstacles.

 

Most of them are mental ones. They sound harmless, but when you are trying to achieve things under (far) less than ideal circumstances, they mean the world.

 

It all boils down to - how does one compartmentalise work/career/studies and personal things?

 

The next step will be of course, how does one to learn how to thrive in changing circumstances, since no matter how much I try to shield myself from drama... BOOM, there it is.

 

so yeah, I just need to become stronger.

 

Any tips and tricks? 

 

Thank you very much.

 

Best regards.

 

PS - I realise it is difficult to give tips or advice without any concrete information. 

[Renate]

Since this IS a respawn post:

 

I have been falling flat on my face for quite a few weeks now. Felt great and superhero-ish overcoming (but also falling down and coming back up!) until June or even mid-August. Then not so much.

 

Plan of Action:

 

I have my pomodoro lists. Going to wake up with a yoga-for-colds short video. Then do squats (and get water/healthy snack) in between study sessions.

 

The upside of this goddamn hellish cold that I have right now is that I do not taste anything, do not feel like eating. So I am mainly just eating to help my immunity...

[Kishi]

Well, if you don't want to get into the specifics, I won't force it. That being said, here are a couple of good breakdowns on the subject. If I do this right, one of those will link to Art of Manliness, which is kind of a neckbeardy site (don't read the comments) but the advice on the topic is sound and applicable.

 

But yeah, if you're sick right now then it's a good time to start looking at habits and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. What is your sleep like? What's your diet like? How is your training - is it too much or too little? And then, based on what you conclude on your answers, how can you build and develop these so that you can get good value out of them no matter what your situation is like?

 

The advice is kind of general, but yeah. The purpose of all of this is to make you an antifragile person - the kind of person who thrives on adversity. It's not that you never get knocked down, it's that you tuck and roll and get back on your feet, and eventually you get so good at it that you feed on the thing that's trying to knock you down. So to speak.

 

Anyway, I hope this helps!

[Jean]

11 hours ago, analoggirl said:

how does one compartmentalise work/career/studies and personal things?

 

This is my #1 battle too. My tips are the following:

 

1) Be understanding with yourself

Not everything can be handled at once, failure will happen. Failure isn't the end of the world, there's almost no short term consequence that puts your long term goals in jeopardy. Taking a day off is always an option: most anything can be accomplished in any field (work/career/studies and personal things) if you put your focus on it (but not all can be achieved at once). You can take today for personal things if you switch your focus tomorrow and work on the things you have let down. When things go wrong, don't dwell on it, get back on the horse. Today is your new starting point, you can't change the past and only what you do from now on matters for your current situation (of course, time spent with friends and family can and should always be cherished and is always a good investment).

 

1b) Nothing absolutely requires your constant attention

You could be rolled over by a truck today. The world will keep turning around when you're dead, people will handle whatever seemed so important and urgent when it happens. Everything can be dropped if you know why you're doing it.

 

1c) The oak breaks, the reed bends

You won't help anybody when you'll have drowned and will be burned-out on the side of the road. Take care of yourself over everything else. Staying in a healthy mental and physical shape should be your #1 priority. If that means loosing a few battles, so be it. Winning those battles would have cost you the war (Edit : your present job and/or situation isn't the war, it's a battle you can loose and bounce back from - or win, of course, battles can be won too ).

 

2) Look far, dream big

Setting priorities seems more important to me than building habbits. You are sitting on a plate supported by 4 pillars, right now (work, career, studies, personal life). Whenever you work on one of them, the others start crumbling. You have to switch your focus whenever it is necessary to stop the fall of one of them and build it again higher and sturdier, rinse and repeat. This means knowing your priorities: you will encounter setbacks, you have to know if they really matter and require you to work on them or if you can brush them aside because they won't prevent you to reach your distant goals. Important priorities will happen together too and you have to know in these situations what will be the one you'll be working on first. So, know what's really important to you. For me :

• Work is only important in that it supports my personal things and other objectives. My main areas of focus are building options (being able to find another work if I loose this one), earning enough money not to worry about it and not screwing enough to loose a job I like.
• Career, for me, is an insurance that I'll have enough job options providing enough money at any time. It trumps work in my priorities order provided that doesn't mean loosing all sources of income at once.
• Studies serve both for personal developpment and potential career builder. It's important to know why you are doing them and prioritize accordingly.
• Personal things are why you are alive. That's what really matters in the end, what is truly yours and your real impact. This trumps everything but the others act in support of it and must sometimes be prioritized. Remember, however, that when things go awry, your family will be there for you while your boss may be less understanding.

 

In short, you'll have to drop things from time to time. Be sure to realise that it's fully OK (learn to fall before you climb) and adapt your focus to determine what to drop, when. Of course, the most important rule in these kind of situations is "take care of yourself". You are working for your future self, be sure it'll be there to thank you.

 

[Renate]

 

Thank you for your responses.

 

On 12/9/2018 at 2:18 AM, Kishi said:

Well, if you don't want to get into the specifics, I won't force it. That being said, here are a couple of good breakdowns on the subject. If I do this right, one of those will link to Art of Manliness, which is kind of a neckbeardy site (don't read the comments) but the advice on the topic is sound and applicable.

I read a lot of Art of Manliness articles, particularly the philosopical/self-development ones. They are quite thought provoking.

Hahaha, neckbeardy is precisely the way to describe the comment section in particular.

 

Pretty much all of the self-development articles assume one can make oneself through ACTION (and self-reflection) [Just like NerdFitness], which is cool because I was not born with all the qualities needed to achieve my goals. Definitely recommend that website. Just had to ignore anything about male-specific body parts and I was good to go.

 

As for that article, I have not read it yet but I definitely will. Thank you. My first step is to become resilient, I think :p 

 

On 12/9/2018 at 2:18 AM, Kishi said:

But yeah, if you're sick right now then it's a good time to start looking at habits and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. What is your sleep like? What's your diet like? How is your training - is it too much or too little? And then, based on what you conclude on your answers, how can you build and develop these so that you can get good value out of them no matter what your situation is like?

 

The advice is kind of general, but yeah. The purpose of all of this is to make you an antifragile person - the kind of person who thrives on adversity. It's not that you never get knocked down, it's that you tuck and roll and get back on your feet, and eventually you get so good at it that you feed on the thing that's trying to knock you down. So to speak.

 

Anyway, I hope this helps!

If you don't mind, I will immediately write down my thoughts on the few pointers you gave me:

 

My sleep: Alright. If I have to believe the cheap fitness tracker I bought, I do not get enough deep sleep. Working on screen-free time before bed, in any case I already keep my phone away from my head so I cannot grab it first thing in the morning or fall asleep with it. Next step = becoming an eary sleeper & riser (again), because I seemed more rested than if I get the same amount of hours starting later in the evening.

 

Diet: I stopped snacking ALL THE TIME during my internship, feel better. Next stop is removing all the 'fake foods' that usually cause infections... If not for my weight/fitness, at least to get my immunity stronger because I am so tired of getting sick all the time, especially nearing deadlines  

 

Training: too little. I do keep moving nowadays even when life gets chaotic but it would be great if I can just stick to "a real exercise routine" no matter what. And not get discouraged if I will have to bike a lot that day to and fro for example.

 

I think I will add some specifics after my exam period ends (21st of December). There are a lot of little things  and I did not want a big, messy wall of text.  For now, this helps a lot, thanks!

 

On 12/9/2018 at 9:36 AM, Jean said:

 

This is my #1 battle too. My tips are the following:

 

1) Be understanding with yourself

Not everything can be handled at once, failure will happen. Failure isn't the end of the world, there's almost no short term consequence that puts your long term goals in jeopardy. Taking a day off is always an option: most anything can be accomplished in any field (work/career/studies and personal things) if you put your focus on it (but not all can be achieved at once). You can take today for personal things if you switch your focus tomorrow and work on the things you have let down. When things go wrong, don't dwell on it, get back on the horse. Today is your new starting point, you can't change the past and only what you do from now on matters for your current situation (of course, time spent with friends and family can and should always be cherished and is always a good investment).

 

1b) Nothing absolutely requires your constant attention

You could be rolled over by a truck today. The world will keep turning around when you're dead, people will handle whatever seemed so important and urgent when it happens. Everything can be dropped if you know why you're doing it.

 

1c) The oak breaks, the reed bends

You won't help anybody when you'll have drowned and will be burned-out on the side of the road. Take care of yourself over everything else. Staying in a healthy mental and physical shape should be your #1 priority. If that means loosing a few battles, so be it. Winning those battles would have cost you the war (Edit : your present job and/or situation isn't the war, it's a battle you can loose and bounce back from - or win, of course, battles can be won too ).

 

 

Yeah. I have been working on that number 1. Thanks.

 

Sidenote

I am really difficult with concentration. And with that, every other selfimprovement and education aspect of ANYTHING goes down the drain once there is some extra obstacle.

 

Even with things that interest me. I've found out there are a few NICHE topics that I can really settle into and focus on but goddamn it, where is that button? I think regularly exercising will help me with that, since it is easier to train your "discipline muscle" with something that does not require that much OTHER mental work, I suppose.

 

On 12/9/2018 at 9:36 AM, Jean said:

2) Look far, dream big

Setting priorities seems more important to me than building habbits. You are sitting on a plate supported by 4 pillars, right now (work, career, studies, personal life). Whenever you work on one of them, the others start crumbling. You have to switch your focus whenever it is necessary to stop the fall of one of them and build it again higher and sturdier, rinse and repeat. This means knowing your priorities: you will encounter setbacks, you have to know if they really matter and require you to work on them or if you can brush them aside because they won't prevent you to reach your distant goals. Important priorities will happen together too and you have to know in these situations what will be the one you'll be working on first. So, know what's really important to you. For me :

• Work is only important in that it supports my personal things and other objectives. My main areas of focus are building options (being able to find another work if I loose this one), earning enough money not to worry about it and not screwing enough to loose a job I like.
• Career, for me, is an insurance that I'll have enough job options providing enough money at any time. It trumps work in my priorities order provided that doesn't mean loosing all sources of income at once.
• Studies serve both for personal developpment and potential career builder. It's important to know why you are doing them and prioritize accordingly.
• Personal things are why you are alive. That's what really matters in the end, what is truly yours and your real impact. This trumps everything but the others act in support of it and must sometimes be prioritized. Remember, however, that when things go awry, your family will be there for you while your boss may be less understanding.

 

In short, you'll have to drop things from time to time. Be sure to realise that it's fully OK (learn to fall before you climb) and adapt your focus to determine what to drop, when. Of course, the most important rule in these kind of situations is "take care of yourself". You are working for your future self, be sure it'll be there to thank you.

 

 

Oh man, that visualisation hit home. The pillars and all others crumbling when you are not working on them. 

 

A few stray thoughts that I got while reading this:

• I suppose part of that is stress resistance. Just like in a real life-and-death situation, you have to do everything step by step as well without letting panic get to you.
• Since a couple of weeks I've integrated an Eisenhower matrix in my digital to-do list so I can visualise my priorities better. It seems to be helping.
• But I think doing a little traditional "end of the old year" recap of my "big dreams" priorities would do me good. 
• I do not need habits so much as much as I need the STRUCTURE that comes with habits. I have a character that can handle quite a lot IF there is a structure to my day, but it is tough implementing it on your own.

 

Alright, back to work. Plenty to think about before bed and/or after these deadlines I have. 

 

PS - Every time I say I am 'busy' or that I have deadlines, I find myself sounding pretentious haha, but I'm pretty sure that's me just being self-conscious. Alright. Less thinking, more doing.