How do I hit on a dude, like a 'nice' girl?

[unicornassassin]

I've spent most of my adult life drunk and suffering from low self-esteem. Now I'm clueless about dating. And increasingly hotter, and increasingly lonelier, and... I'll just say it's been a looooooooooooong time...

There's this dude at my gym who's hot as hell. I think he might be interested, but he seems like the kind of guy who's too nice to hit on a girl at the gym.

I want a nice guy who doesn't go around hitting on anything that moves. I also don't want any guy that I have to throw myself at. I would like to be wooed at least once in my life.

I'm willing to be patient and see what happens, but are there any signals I can throw his way, or any signals I can read from him to know I shouldn't hold my breath?

Also, any good (non-sexist/stupid) dating books that you recommend? Because I am DUMB when it comes to dating.

[Bumblebee4]

Flirt flirt flirt!!! And by that I mean make sure to make eye contact occasionally and make sure it's accompanied by a quick smile and kind of turn away like you got caught checking him out!

Books I love...

Men Prefer Bitches (don't judge it by it's title. It will make you a better woman)

Act like a lady, think like a man by Steve Harvey (but only if you can really handle a man being honest about how a lot of them think)

My 2 cents but we all have our different ways.

[ETFnerd]

don't sleep with him for a month... if he's still around and into you, he may be worth taking a shot on...

gonna get a lot of broski hate for letting this one out...

[unicornassassin]

Flirt flirt flirt!!! And by that I mean make sure to make eye contact occasionally and make sure it's accompanied by a quick smile and kind of turn away like you got caught checking him out!

Books I love...

Men Prefer Bitches (don't judge it by it's title. It will make you a better woman)

Act like a lady, think like a man by Steve Harvey (but only if you can really handle a man being honest about how a lot of them think)

My 2 cents but we all have our different ways.

OK, I will try that flirting tip. I'm nervous! but I'll try it. That is terrible title, but I'll check it out. I need all the help I can get!

don't sleep with him for a month... if he's still around and into you, he may be worth taking a shot on...

gonna get a lot of broski hate for letting this one out...

I have to get a date, first! Ha...

[Bumblebee4]

don't sleep with him for a month... if he's still around and into you, he may be worth taking a shot on...

gonna get a lot of broski hate for letting this one out...

I totally agree with ETF here!

OK, I will try that flirting tip. I'm nervous! but I'll try it. That is terrible title, but I'll check it out. I need all the help I can get!

Nervous is the best time to flirt. Being nervous makes you look more girly and most guys actually like that! Just make sure you smile a lot while you're being nervous.

[admin]

don't sleep with him for a month... if he's still around and into you, he may be worth taking a shot on...

gonna get a lot of broski hate for letting this one out...

pretty sure she's asking how to talk to him to get the date, not when to sleep with him

lets start early: have you talked to him?

i don't like dating books.

[unicornassassin]

Yes, I have talked to him a few times He seems just as awkward as I am. He told me his mom got plastic surgery and I laughed at her... he didn't seem to hate me after that, so that's a good sign I guess... and I was having computer issues and he offered to help, which is also a good sign- a really really good sign? But I'm not going to buy the computer part I need, so that won't go anywhere.

[Wicked Pixie]

Ask him to spot you for a pr, if you work out alone!

I'm loving how sweet you are- I can't wait to hear how this progresses!

[katscratch]

i say those are good signs!!

[So Late So Soon]

Nervous is the best time to flirt. Being nervous makes you look more girly and most guys actually like that! Just make sure you smile a lot while you're being nervous.

Agreed, it is very cute when you can tell a girl is nervous, and he'll probably be more confident because of it. Just talk to him and if you can get the courage up you could always just ask him out.

[Bumblebee4]

If you are conversing again and you aren't too nervous to consciously do it, you could drop hints about places you go or like to do. For example, "I love to grab a protein shake at the smoothie place down the street. Have you ever tried them? The chunky monkey is to die for" but I also like Pixie's suggestion of having him spot you on an exercise. Nothing hotter than a guy making sure a girl doesn't hurt herself. (That came out really sexist but I'm not going to re-word it)

[leadchipmunk]

I'm going out on a limb here and just guessing about how the guy is. He seems awkward to you (nothing wrong with that), offered to fix your computer (nerd points), and seems to be a genuinely nice guy. Oh, and he seems into you. I'm guessing that he is at least slightly antisocial and relatively insecure about himself, and that is going to make him less likely to ask you out. Bite the bullet and walk up to him and say, "Hey, you seem like a nice guy and I love talking to you. Do you want to meet somewhere for dinner?" He will not know what to say, but the answer is going to end up some form of "yes" followed by further questions such as "where?" or "when?"

If he is truly the nice, nerdy guy that he sounds like, there will be plenty of time for him to woo you during the upcoming dates. You may have to start the ball rolling, but he will keep it going. Trust me, I am (mostly) speaking from personal experience.

[humanperson832]

1. Recognize that you are a divine goddess/child of the universe and he is a damn fool if he does not see that.

2. If he's shy, then it's all that much more important to give him openings (if you're the type of lady who insists on the dude doing the asking out).

ex. Ask him if he's seen such and such movie, and if he hasn't, say how much you want to see it and how none of your friends will go with you. If he doesn't take that, then he's either totally oblivious or not interested.

I think the biggest thing is confidence. If you act like he obviously should ask you out (which is 100% true), then he'll believe it.

[Red1263]

1. he is a damn fool if he does not see that.

Well, as a guy, I can say, that we're pretty much fools by default, so you have to give a guy a bone here.

2. If he's shy, then it's all that much more important to give him openings (if you're the type of lady who insists on the dude doing the asking out).

ex. Ask him if he's seen such and such movie, and if he hasn't, say how much you want to see it and how none of your friends will go with you. If he doesn't take that, then he's either totally oblivious or not interested.

I think the biggest thing is confidence. If you act like he obviously should ask you out (which is 100% true), then he'll believe it.

I think physical subtle hints are effective, like put your hand on his shoulder for a slightly than longer brief moment, longer than a pat, but short enough so that it's still considered short. If a girl wants me to know that she's interested, physical contact is the perverbial "Ton of Bricks" to hit him with.

[Guest Gemeaux]

Oh this is exciting ! But I have no idea how to hit on a guy . Keep us posted !

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I am here: http://tapatalk.com/map.php?110rg1

[shiggles]

Books I love...

Men Prefer Bitches (don't judge it by it's title. It will make you a better woman)

Act like a lady, think like a man by Steve Harvey (but only if you can really handle a man being honest about how a lot of them think)

Is that first one supposed to be "Why men love bitches"?

[leadchipmunk]

Well, as a guy, I can say, that we're pretty much fools by default, so you have to give a guy a bone here.

I'll second that.

[Guest Snake McClain]

as one of those nice guys who can't "hit on" someone or know when someone is flirting to save his life unless it's just completely obviouis here is my advice.

As said before FLIRT! Like crazy. Lot's of eye contact. LOTS.

1)Make it obvious you are trying to be around him. Say you're want some dumbells but there is a route that can be taken past him to go get them...take that route. say hi when you do.

2) I do not suggest wasting time in the gym DURING your workout to talk to him (wait til after when possible) but if you do or when you do talk to him. (Make up a reason to talk to him. Ask about form or an exercise idea or just make something up) touch his arm occasionally. Don't grab it. but if he says something and makes a joke when your laughing sort of slap him on the arm in a playful way. Not a "Gaston" from beauty and the beast slap. just a girlie thing. i'm sure you've seen it.

3) If he still isn't getting the point, or if you just feel ballsy just say hey, "hey do you want to go out sometime?" make sure you've established enough conversation that this man would know he can actually talk to you. Do NOT just walk up to him and say "hey wanna go out" with no "warm up".

I know I'm told I'm practically blind when women are interested in me. Sometimes I can tell. Sometimes I have no clue. Just go for it. I cannot tell you how many times I've looked back and said, "She was interested in me? Well I wish she would have said something." Just go for it. Talk to him. flirt with him. And if he isn't getting it just ask him out.

[unicornassassin]

1. Recognize that you are a divine goddess/child of the universe and he is a damn fool if he does not see that.

Awwwwwww, thanks!

Nothing hotter than a guy making sure a girl doesn't hurt herself. (That came out really sexist but I'm not going to re-word it)

No worries, I know what you mean

Ask about form or an exercise idea or just make something up) touch his arm occasionally. Don't grab it. but if he says something and makes a joke when your laughing sort of slap him on the arm in a playful way. .

Eeep! Touching him seems like such a big deal! And flirting! I am so out of my element. But I'm going to try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And even if he thinks I suck, or is gay, or is in a relationship, I'll have learned something.

And thanks everyone for reminding me that he's probably just as socially awkward as I am... I know that not all guys are suave ladies men with tons of confidence, but... well I guess I forget...

Thanks everyone! I think I'll see him tonight at the gym, so I'll give it a try and let you know what happens.

[rtalencar]

I've spent most of my adult life drunk and suffering from low self-esteem. Now I'm clueless about dating. And increasingly hotter, and increasingly lonelier, and... I'll just say it's been a looooooooooooong time...

There's this dude at my gym who's hot as hell. I think he might be interested, but he seems like the kind of guy who's too nice to hit on a girl at the gym.

I want a nice guy who doesn't go around hitting on anything that moves. I also don't want any guy that I have to throw myself at. I would like to be wooed at least once in my life.

I'm willing to be patient and see what happens, but are there any signals I can throw his way, or any signals I can read from him to know I shouldn't hold my breath?

Also, any good (non-sexist/stupid) dating books that you recommend? Because I am DUMB when it comes to dating.

- Invite the person to something you enjoy doing (hike, movie, bowling, parkour, lacrosse in ATVs, whatever)

- Enjoy yourself at said activity

???

- (Whether it works out with the guy or not) Profit!

[VorJoshigan]

My $.02 - ask him for help - any kind of help - even if you don't need it. Tips on form when working with iron are always good - and no matter how good your form is, it could probably be a little bit better. I know it's a form of lying, but it's just to get the ball rolling.

Another thing is that I would recommend you not focus on this one guy to the exclusion of all others. Try to adopt the mentality that you are a sexy beast, and that you could have your pick of men, but for some reason this one has caught your eye. Fake it til you make if if ya gotta.

I totally sympathize. I am absolutely terrified of asking a woman out.

[Bumblebee4]

Is that first one supposed to be "Why men love bitches"?

Yes! Thanks Shiggles. For some reason I always get that name wrong even though I think it's one of the best books for women to read.

[unicornassassin]

My $.02 - ask him for help - any kind of help - even if you don't need it. Tips on form when working with iron are always good - and no matter how good your form is, it could probably be a little bit better. I know it's a form of lying, but it's just to get the ball rolling.

Another thing is that I would recommend you not focus on this one guy to the exclusion of all others. Try to adopt the mentality that you are a sexy beast, and that you could have your pick of men, but for some reason this one has caught your eye. Fake it til you make if if ya gotta.

I totally sympathize. I am absolutely terrified of asking a woman out.

Yeah, I forgot to mention in my post that I was looking for general tips, too. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket by any means. But thanks for the reminder, I do tend to get tunnel vision sometimes.

[tigersheart]

gonna get a lot of broski hate for letting this one out...

Hell no! No hate for that, I have no respect for men who are out for one thing and can't wait.

But don't forget to be polite, a simple smile and hello can go a long way

[pixieopower]

I have no input to this thread really but I am interested in the advice. I am permanently in the friend zone with every guy I know, and the one I am madly in love with I am in friend zone so deep there is probably no escape. Kinda why I want to be a girlie girl.... maybe, MAYBE I can stay out of the friend zone if I am perceived to be a girl and not just one of the guys.