Frustrated

[Yoshi]

Ok, so I've just finished my second year of college and after staying in the area after my freshman year, I decided to go home for the summer to spend some time with my family.

I love them, but my Dad is not supportive at all of my "power-lifting." He says he's never known any woman who lifts for strength rather than "tone." [He's of the typical mindset that I should be doing more reps, less weight. And even if that would work, I enjoy lifting my way.]

I'm just frustrated because I've explained everything to him, and he acts like it's not valid. [And for some reason, I gain muscle fairly easily on my arms. They're not actually that big. [Check my avatar if you're curious.] But they're not small either. So I guess this worries him for some reason.]

Living this way makes me happy, and I feel healthier. I guess that should be enough. But I think I'm just hurt by his fixation on how "butch" I'm going to get.

Girls, any similar experiences? Guys, any opinions? I'm just curious how you all deal with/ what you think of this type of mentality.

[>.<]

[Guest Gemeaux]

I love kickboxing and my dad thinks its dangerous . He has that the typical attitude that women are not as strong as men etc .

Guess my dad still sees me as his little girl .

[So Late So Soon]

If it makes you happy

[leadchipmunk]

Fathers usually seem to always see their daughters as their little girl. Because of this, they want their daughters to do the stereotypical girly things. If you work out, they'll want it to be "for tone" and contact sports are too rough and dangerous. The best you can do is try to explain to him the science, which you have tried. When that fails, politely tell him that you understand his concern/care but this is what you find enjoyable, it makes you happy and it keeps you healthy and you cannot ask for anything more than his acceptance of that.

I used to think similar to how he does until I learned that power lifting doesn't make girls huge and that women are just as, and in some cases more, capable than men when it comes to many sports.

[tigersheart]

Not all fathers do...but we are all different.

If you love your father, and he absolutely has a closed mind about it....listen politely, look at it from his point of view, then quietly go off and do what is in your heart to do.

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

Anyone else: *joke about anything I'm doing*

Me: Yup. *carries on*

[sylph]

Anyone else: *joke about anything I'm doing*

Me: Yup. *carries on*

Pretty much this.

[katscratch]

First, your arms are freaking hott.

Second, i can sympathize with how it's hard to not get approval from our parents-- my mom definitely has some old school ideas about choices i've made and friends i have, and oh boy did i get more and more of her opinions once i had a child Lots of them of the butch vs femme variety. I know, though, that it has nothing to do with her wanting me to be happy, and everything to do with her being in Mom mindset and still wanting to guide me toward what she thinks is best.

I think a lot of us here are here because we FINALLY are figuring out how to do what is best for US. And that will make some of our loved ones feel weird, but Yoshi, you're amazing and you're finding all sorts of ways every day to show yourself HOW amazing you are, so keep at it and even if your dad doesn't come around he will realize his badass daughter is still his daughter.

[Guest Tigger]

First, your arms are freaking hott.

^Second this <3

You know what? Some men juggle geese!

(I know that's not the proper use of that quote, but I think it can fit. Just keep on keepin' on )

[Yoshi]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the input and it's very encouraging.

[>.<]

[oystergirl]

As a mom who's daughter just finished her freshman year in college and came home and is trying to fit back into the family dynamic, I know how hard it is for everyone. YOU are now an adult. You have worked hard to do the school thing and do fitness and grow into a woman. While you have been away, you have changed, but most likely your father still sees YOU are a kid and he needs to protect you. He also probably has some pretty old fashioned ideas about what is appropriate for a YOUNG LADY...lmao!!!!

I am 48 years old and my mother still tells me it is inappropriate to lift weights, to go to rock concerts, to have a skirt that is above my knees, to travel to see friends without my husband, to scream and jump around while watching sports...its not lady like...

I smile--and nod and I do what the hell I want...and you should to...your dad is simply doing the best he can with the information he has--and you know better so remove your need for his approval in this area or you will only continue to beat yourself up over it and that simply isn't fair to YOU or him.

[wildross]

Well as the father of 3 grown daughters...

Yeah he's probably struggling with you being an adult. I don't like a lot of decisions my kids have made and I know at times it has come off wrong. Open sharing as suggested is the best you can do. And respectfully disgreeing where you must. And I know some people (including parents) never really succeed in letting others disagree. It is part of growing up.

Sent from my DROID4 using Tapatalk 2

[Leimanu]

Yup, everyone's right. Growing up and maturing is learning to take advice from others, experience life and take on the consequences, and learning to trust yourself. It's a lifetime journey. And parents can be the hardest part. At least they love you all the time.

I'm sure, at some point, your strength is going to come in handy, and then he'll be bragging to the whole neighborhood.

[tanrazz]

I would love to have your arms! Even under the fat, I can see the muscles even when I'm not flexing, and I'm hoping that when I've lost the weight I've wanted to, they'll end up looking like yours.

I don't have any similar experiences with my dad--he's just glad and proud that I'm active--but my boyfriend's been trying to lose weight, and his dad, a doctor, gives him a hard time because my boyfriend has been doing a lot of lifting. His dad had to lose weight to alleviate heart conditions, and he just went crazy on the treadmill and lost all the weight he had to. Thus, he believes cardio's the only way to do it and that strength training is just a huge waste of time. It frustrates me and my boyfriend because I lost a lot of weight thanks in large part to strength training and we both know that it will help him healthwise and fitness wise, across the board and in the long run.

It hurts sometimes to know who wants to stop us and frustrates us when we find out why, but in the end, if they really love us, they'll see that we knew what we were doing all along. You clearly have the physical strength down. I hope you can find the mental and emotional strength to continue doing what you know is right for you.

[pixieopower]

My mom initially was unsupportive of me lifting weights, then she needed help gardening because she couldn't lift a bag of dirt. He may balk now but when he does need help he will really appreciate all the work you are doing to make YOU a better person!

[slcathena]

Dad's are funny about the things they are okay with their daughters doing. A lot of times that is informed by age old stereotypes. I will never forget a few of those moments with my dad.

You should keep doing what you are doing and what works for you. Your arms are amazing, you should be proud of them. And while I understand that it's harder to just do your own thing when it's your dad, you need to.

Also, total tangent, but I love your sig line. I'm literally making it into a sign I can hang on my wall and see everyday.