how to become more social

[sumdawgtwigg]

Ive had a lot of trouble being social, making new friends, etc, my whole life. I just really dont know how to start conversations,approach people, or how to be approachable. Ive had people tell me that i put off an air that id rather hit you than talk to you. I really dont feel that way, think that way, or whatever. As i get more into being fit and active, i want to make more friends that do the same. It seems like every time i think ive made a new friend, they dissapear, or they never want to do anything. It makes me feel terrible! I just wanted any advice you guys could offer.

[wildross]

Keep looking. When you find a true friend it will be by accident.

Sent from my NookColor using Tapatalk 2

[sumdawgtwigg]

Keep looking. When you find a true friend it will be by accident.

Sent from my NookColor using Tapatalk 2

Wow, not what i was expecting to hear, but it makes sense. I have a few true friends already but I just wish there were more of them. lol

[Jaswandi]

Can I say something? I understand completely how you feel. I have always been very insecure about how my friends 'percieve' me, and as a result people would feel I put on 'airs'... but somewhere along the way I started realizing that I don't have to worry about people 'liking' me, because even if I keep trying to 'fit' to others' criteria of likability, and if they do end up liking it, they won't be liking the real 'me'.

Does that make sense?

I still struggle with these things; but I have found out that when I am myself, when I don't worry about whether or not people like me; then I'm a lot happier, and consequently people like me better.

So my advice is to relax and work on being more YOURSELF. And the right people will find you. Those who are compatible with the REAL you.

[sumdawgtwigg]

It makes a lot of sense jaswandi. I always felt like something was wrong with me or something. Like I'm just to strange to like or something. I guess I'll just try out your advice and learn to relax a little bit.

[leadchipmunk]

Everyone else has had good advice, and mine may be a bit radical.

Flirt.

Seriously, this is not a joke. Go out and needlessly flirt with random people that you have never met before and most likely never will meet again. This gets your confidence built up and makes you feel less awkward (isn't awkward an awkward looking word?) in social situations. And when people start to flirt back, it makes you feel better, therefore making you project a natural air of awesomeness and good feelings, making people like you more.

You may not want to follow this advice, but it has actually worked for me. I've gained a good deal of friends this way, at least one of those random people became my best friend.

[sumdawgtwigg]

So, chipmunk...that's a nice looking paragraph you wrote there...what are you doing later? I'm kidding, of course. lol

Thanks for the advice! I can see how it would work and everything but I'm not sure it's the best approach for me. It may end up getting me hung from the tree outside. lol

[Jaswandi]

LOL, awkward is surely an awkward looking word. I've thought about this before.

[Jaswandi]

seriously though, sumdawgtwigg, I am sure you are a first-rate dude. You don't need to work hard for people to like you. The right ones will like for you who you are, and accept you with all your little quirks, habits and manners. Be yourself.

Personally I've never had any experience with flirting though... so that might be worth a try.

[leadchipmunk]

So, chipmunk...that's a nice looking paragraph you wrote there...what are you doing later? I'm kidding, of course. lol

Thanks for the advice! I can see how it would work and everything but I'm not sure it's the best approach for me. It may end up getting me hung from the tree outside. lol

Sorry, I don't go for guys. You are pretty cute though...

As I said, you may not want to go for it. Some people aren't comfortable with mindless flirting, I wasn't for the longest time and just started doing it without meaning to and it worked wonders. Lately I've gone back to the antisocial, stay inside my head kinda person. Maybe I should go back to the flirting? Haha

seriously though, sumdawgtwigg, I am sure you are a first-rate dude. You don't need to work hard for people to like you. The right ones will like for you who you are, and accept you with all your little quirks, habits and manners. Be yourself.

Personally I've never had any experience with flirting though... so that might be worth a try.

If you feel up for it, I say try it. Don't go too out there with it, and avoid cliches. Don't walk up to a girl and say "Do you clean your pants with Windex? Cause I can see myself in them..." That is going to get you hit. Just talk to her, keep giving compliments (but do not lie) and make it natural.

Oh, and if you are a female, I would not recommend this. Men are creeps (if you cannot already tell by my comments), and will pounce on anything that even feigns interest. They should not be trusted. Haha

[TeaKwonDo]

Oh, and if you are a female, I would not recommend this. Men are creeps (if you cannot already tell by my comments), and will pounce on anything that even feigns interest. They should not be trusted. Haha

I dunno, man. Chicks love it when I flirt with them, 'cause when they're straight, they know it's not serious. =P And when they're not, well, everybody wins.

[sumdawgtwigg]

seriously though, sumdawgtwigg, I am sure you are a first-rate dude. You don't need to work hard for people to like you. The right ones will like for you who you are, and accept you with all your little quirks, habits and manners. Be yourself.

Personally I've never had any experience with flirting though... so that might be worth a try.

Thanks jas, i appreciate all the support. Ill def give your advice a go.

[leadchipmunk]

I dunno, man. Chicks love it when I flirt with them, 'cause when they're straight, they know it's not serious. =P And when they're not, well, everybody wins.

Haha. I meant girls flirting with guys...

But anyway... *Cue best Joey impression*

?

[jenas77]

I know exactly what you mean. I'm the same way. All I can say is relax, go out with some friendsor just go out somewhere like an event that has to do with maybe fitness you like or some other hobby. There will be people you'll have something in common with and should be able to get simple coversation with.

The past 6 days i've been in San Diego for a pt competition. I'm usually the quiet one on the team but I just relaxed and was myself. Iwent from being the person sitting by myself while everyone else was joking around to jumping across the bunk beds in the Marine corps barracks we stayed at. I actually enjoyed the trip and everyone made sure to let me know they want me to stay this way when wedo go home. I even made a few friends wifh people on the other teams.

[jenas77]

Everyone else has had good advice, and mine may be a bit radical.

Flirt.

Seriously, this is not a joke. Go out and needlessly flirt with random people that you have never met before and most likely never will meet again. This gets your confidence built up and makes you feel less awkward (isn't awkward an awkward looking word?) in social situations. And when people start to flirt back, it makes you feel better, therefore making you project a natural air of awesomeness and good feelings, making people like you

I agree. When It comes to guys i'm friends with we usually flirt all the time. like I said about me relaxing in San Diego and coming out of my shell I definitly flirted more. Apparently i'm losing my threatening unapproachable look because I got plenty of smiles, hugs, and even a little peck onthe cheek (major confidence boost). Just relax, be yourself, have fun, and don't let it bother you when some people don't like you that's just meas you are one person closer to finding a great friend. Personally I rather have a few great friends than a bunch of ok friends that dont totally like me fof who i am.

[Neit]

Can I say something? I understand completely how you feel. I have always been very insecure about how my friends 'percieve' me, and as a result people would feel I put on 'airs'... but somewhere along the way I started realizing that I don't have to worry about people 'liking' me, because even if I keep trying to 'fit' to others' criteria of likability, and if they do end up liking it, they won't be liking the real 'me'.

Does that make sense?

I still struggle with these things; but I have found out that when I am myself, when I don't worry about whether or not people like me; then I'm a lot happier, and consequently people like me better.

So my advice is to relax and work on being more YOURSELF. And the right people will find you. Those who are compatible with the REAL you.

Best advice right there.

I had the same problem for years i always tried to be someone i wasn't and never had many friends due to being shy and not really knowing how to start up a conversation etc , Then one day i though Feck it i don't care anymore and just starting being me i still get uncomfortable at parties especially weddings for some reason. but i now at least can talk to others allot easier and honestly people with either like you or not just be ya self and don't worry to much .

[Guest Gemeaux]

I dunno, man. Chicks love it when I flirt with them, 'cause when they're straight, they know it's not serious. =P And when they're not, well, everybody wins.

How you doin

[VorJoshigan]

I dunno, man. Chicks love it when I flirt with them, 'cause when they're straight, they know it's not serious. =P And when they're not, well, everybody wins.

Everybody wins indeed.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand, I have a few concrete suggestions.

Exposure. You have to expose (but not in the dirty way!) yourself to people in order to meet people. Kind of obvious, but not always easy to do, I recommend Meetup.com for meeting other people who have meeting people as a goal.

Be interesting. Again, obvious but difficult. The trick here is to share with people what you're passionate about. Also, the only way to make really good friends is to share things that make you feel a little vulnerable. At the right time of course.

Ask questions. It's one thing to be a good listener, but you have to be an active listener. If you ask people about themselves, this is a very clear signal that you are interested in them. Please note that you MUST pay attention, and it helps to ask followup questions based on what they have said in response to previous questions.

Finally, make sure to balance between talking and listening. Too much talking and you come off as a self-important jackass. Too much listening and you come across as a uninteresting (though attentive) nobody.

Good luck!

[shadowkat]

Oh, I hear you. I've never quite understood how human interaction works. I can act it out, but I'm pretty sure people know I'm faking. I get on with people, but rarely make real friendships.

I used to want to fit in, but since I met my partner, I have my people. I have a few friends who I see infrequently, and I don't need more interaction than that - though they probably do. I don't think I'm a very good friend.

I like animals! I get on with them effortlessly!

No suggestions, really, but you're not alone. And thank god for internet forums - they make me feel like a sociable person!

[RaeVynn]

The best thing to do, is go do things that you enjoy. Look for things you can volunteer for, or get interested/involved in, whether it is a class on pottery, or a drama group, or a community garden thing. Other people that enjoy the same things will be there. Smile at them, say "Hey, how's it going?" occasionally, and maybe come up with a question or two about the common thing to ask them. It gets conversations going.

Don't be afraid to ask people questions. People LOVE when their opinion is asked, or if they can trot out some sort of expertise in something. Think produce aisle and cooking instructions "Hey, what is this thing? have you ever gotten one of these? how do you cook it?"

Running groups are pretty common, too. If you run, look into local running clubs. There's a source of people with a common interest! Just do remember to smile, okay?

[sumdawgtwigg]

Oh, I hear you. I've never quite understood how human interaction works. I can act it out, but I'm pretty sure people know I'm faking. I get on with people, but rarely make real friendships.

I used to want to fit in, but since I met my partner, I have my people. I have a few friends who I see infrequently, and I don't need more interaction than that - though they probably do. I don't think I'm a very good friend.

I like animals! I get on with them effortlessly!

No suggestions, really, but you're not alone. And thank god for internet forums - they make me feel like a sociable person!

That's exactly how I feel! Like people know I'm faking it, which, a lot of the time I am! This place def helps me feel a bit more sociable.

Thanks for the tips everyone. I'll def try to find a running group in my area. I'm already part of one but they are the friends that I've had forever. Not that there is anything wrong with them, I just want more people around, if that makes sense.