ICB Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 I love a good joke. One of my favorite jokes ever recently got some air time on The Newsroom. (nsfw language)So: tell me your favorite joke! Long form jokes are great, but one-liners are cool too. Link to comment
ICB Posted August 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Most of my favorite one-liner jokes are from Mitch Hedberg. The one that gets me every time?I saw a wino eating grapes. I was like, dude! You have to wait. Link to comment
Guest ApptivGames Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Why are there only 239 beans in an Irish burrito? Because one more would make it too-farty! (say it out loud with a bad Irish accent, you'll get it...) Link to comment
leadchipmunk Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 http://homepage.eircom.net/~cronews/elep/elep.htmlI have all of them and then some memorized.My favorites:Q: Why do ducks have such wide, flat feet?A: To stomp out forest fires.Q: Why do elephants have such wide, flat feet?A: To put out flaming ducks.Q: Why are elephants' feet wrinkled?A: To give ants a chance.-------------------------------------------Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?A: So you don't see them when they're floating upside down in custard.Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in your custard?-------------------------------------------Q: Why do elephants wear green hats?A: So they can run across a pool table without being seen.-------------------------------------------Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?A: 2 in the front and 2 in the backQ: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?A: Can't get the fridge door closed.Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?A: There's a VW parked outside it.Q: How do you get 8 elephants in a fridge?A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOOQ: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?A: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all. Level 1 Woodwose STR 5 | DEX 2 | STA 1 | CON 2 | WIS 5 | CHA 4 WAR 0 | RNG 0 | SCT 0 | ASN 0 | MON 0 | DRU 0 | ADV 1 Current Challenge: Specialization is for Insects Previous Chapters: 1 Link to comment
blindasutsutsu Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 2 My personal favorite awful jokes (which are my favorite type): 3 guys walk into a bar...........4th one ducks. A jump lead walks into a bar.The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." Reach your limits and then surpass them.BlindasutsutsuMy Current Challenge:Class: RangerRace: HumanSTR:13.5 DEX:8.5 STA: 10.5 CON:6 WIS:5 CHA:6.5 Link to comment
Maj. Bloodnok Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 http://homepage.eircom.net/~cronews/elep/elep.htmlI have all of them and then some memorized.SNIPI'm stealing these to tell my kids tonight. "If you get into trouble, you can always eat something, blow something up, or throw penguins." - Jim Henson Link to comment
Maj. Bloodnok Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 A man came up to me the other day and said, "Major Bloodnok, your hair is getting thin." I answered, "So? Who wants fat hair?" "If you get into trouble, you can always eat something, blow something up, or throw penguins." - Jim Henson Link to comment
Kishi Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.::Ba-Dump CHING!:: Work like a farmer, train like an athlete, fight like a soldier. 2 Tim. 2:3-6 BATTLE! Link to comment
Absidey Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Q. What does a fish say after it swims into a cement wall?A. Dam! AbsideyLEVEL12STR11 DEX13 STA20CON29 WIS17 CHA11Fear is the mind-killer. Main Goal: Lose 20 Hip/Waist inches 95%95% Current Challenge Link to comment
GoGo Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.17. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects! Link to comment
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