LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Madam_Patella]

Did you people know that there is a "Coming Out Sim" it's about a japanese boy who is or is not coming out to his parents because it's multiple choice it is up to you. I don't want to spoil too much so just play it.

 

http://ncase.itch.io/coming-out-simulator-2014 by Nicky Case

 

Thanks for sharing this! It was very... enlightening for me. 

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Did you people know that there is a "Coming Out Sim" it's about a japanese boy who is or is not coming out to his parents because it's multiple choice it is up to you. I don't want to spoil too much so just play it.

 

http://ncase.itch.io/coming-out-simulator-2014 by Nicky Case

 

Should there be a trigger warning for this, or did I just end up picking the most brutal options?...

 

Because holy shit wow. When you make Nicky come out to his mom initially, some of her replies are so freaking accurate (and ignorant) it hurts. While I was clicking through options and reading the resulting responses from both his parents, all I could think was "THIS IS WHY THE SUICIDE RATE AMONG LGBTQ YOUTH IS SO FUCKING HIGH" x_x

 

At least this made me grateful that my own coming-out-to-the-parents experiences weren't quite as bad as this?

 

Now, is there a more gentle version of this game for coming out at work?

[SjardisDead]

Should there be a trigger warning for this, or did I just end up picking the most brutal options?...

 

Because holy shit wow. When you make Nicky come out to his mom initially, some of her replies are so freaking accurate (and ignorant) it hurts. While I was clicking through options and reading the resulting responses from both his parents, all I could think was "THIS IS WHY THE SUICIDE RATE AMONG LGBTQ YOUTH IS SO FUCKING HIGH" x_x

 

At least this made me grateful that my own coming-out-to-the-parents experiences weren't quite as bad as this?

 

Now, is there a more gentle version of this game for coming out at work?

 

I am not gay nor did I ever had a coming out of any kind so I don't know how acurate this is especially

 

That I am able to make his mother vomit, when I am telling her that Jack and Nicky both like it up the ass.

Yep that happens and Nicky got punched by his farther and was transferred to a different school.

So not quite the perfect flowers and rainbows and gay unicorns ending. I like that it is not trying to show a perfect place but actualy shows one of the worst case scenarios.

[Artinum]

What a bizarre idea. Is the aim to put people off coming out altogether?

[Madam_Patella]

For me it was more about seeing what my own responses were to the different options.

I think that the beginning (parents' bad response) is more about getting the player to mentally prepare for the worst-case scenario before showing them the (not so bad) 'truth' that the beginning will always be rough, but that doesn't mean that it has to end that way. Coming out is almost always, at the least, awkward and, when it's worse, painful emotionally,mentally, and sometimes physically. Despite how hard coming out can be, it's not the action that will fix everything. You will still have to deal with life afterwards, just without hiding that part of yourself. As for my play-through, I got a small idea about where I am on the whole idea of my coming out through my thoughts during the beginning (playing through the narrator's perspective) and the order that I chose to hear the stories at the end (when narrator tells you what happened after the events of the story you had seen).

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

I am not gay nor did I ever had a coming out of any kind so I don't know how acurate this is especially

 

That I am able to make his mother vomit, when I am telling her that Jack and Nicky both like it up the ass.

Yep that happens and Nicky got punched by his farther and was transferred to a different school.

So not quite the perfect flowers and rainbows and gay unicorns ending. I like that it is not trying to show a perfect place but actualy shows one of the worst case scenarios.

 

Whaaaaaat? I made his mother vomit just by having Nicky come out politely with no graphic descriptions of any kind lol! Still got punched in the face by his father, though.

 

The part that bugged me the most was the similarities between this game's events and the Leelah Alcorn suicide story: extremely negative (and ignorant) reaction from the parents, outright denial, isolation from friends via forced changing of schools and social media bans. I do realize that it's a worse case scenario, but it's still a scenario that happens far too often. Having said this, I have nothing against the game itself for having such a scenario in there since it's merely a dose of (harsh) reality*, but a quick note warning people of this might be in order, just so they can mentally prepare--especially if they happen to be in a similar situation.

 

I'm glad that Nicky survived in RL if he had to put up with all this shit, so under a certain light I can see how the game's message can be a positive one: all you need to do is GTFO/survive and then things can get better eventually.

 

It's just really shitty that you might lose your family over something that you have no control over :\

 

 

 

 

* By "reality" I'm referring to an extremely negative reaction from family in general, since I realize that not all the events in the game were real ;P

 

 

For me it was more about seeing what my own responses were to the different options.

I think that the beginning (parents' bad response) is more about getting the player to mentally prepare for the worst-case scenario before showing them the (not so bad) 'truth' that the beginning will always be rough, but that doesn't mean that it has to end that way. Coming out is almost always, at the least, awkward and, when it's worse, painful emotionally,mentally, and sometimes physically. Despite how hard coming out can be, it's not the action that will fix everything. You will still have to deal with life afterwards, just without hiding that part of yourself. As for my play-through, I got a small idea about where I am on the whole idea of my coming out through my thoughts during the beginning (playing through the narrator's perspective) and the order that I chose to hear the stories at the end (when narrator tells you what happened after the events of the story you had seen).

 

Hmm. Good point. I might have rushed through the game a little bit by not hesitating with the coming out process, since I've already done it almost everywhere in RL by now. You know what they say about hindsight being 20/20

[Artinum]

My coming out to my parents was more of a sitcom.

 

Me: Mum, I have something to tell you and I don't know how you're going to react.

Mum (suddenly stern): It's not drugs, is it?

Me (startled): What? No! I'm gay!

Mum: Oh, is that all?*

 

(* Not what she actually said, but along those lines - it was a long time ago!)

[Jett]

Whaaaaaat? I made his mother vomit just by having Nicky come out politely with no graphic descriptions of any kind lol! Still got punched in the face by his father, though.

I suspect you get the vomit/punch scenario no matter what you do. I got it, too. Did anyone NOT get it?!

 

I think this is mostly just Nicky sharing his coming-out story in his own unique way. And wow, what a shitty experience. I think his goal is probably to share his experience with people who are straight and don't need to come out, to give them an idea of what it is like. It may also be to help some queer people feel a little better about their own experience, because at least it wasn't that bad.

 

It's kind of working, too, because I know that at least my parents would never use physical violence against me. My in-laws wouldn't strike their child, either. I expect a lot of yelling and crying, but at least no violence. I don't really think we'll be disowned, either, but we may not really see much of them for a long time. I know our parents love us, but I also know it will take a lot of processing for them before they can accept it.

[SjardisDead]

So first things first, you can make daddy eat the vomit you can also have a coming out without beeing punched.

 

 

I have the feeling I owe you a laugh since my earlyer post made you a bit depreesed or something

 

 

 

I would actually like to have a lesbian girlfriend or a girl who can finish off spiders by herself (maybe I should search for Australian girls, after all they survived in a country where everything wants to kill you and also has the ability to do so)

 

Btw. is there really a lesbian/ gay phone tree (heard about it also in The L Word)?

[Spark]

I'm fairly upset with my state right now, and since it's a conservative one (Arkansas) it's difficult for me to find anyone to talk to. The senate and the house here just passed a "religious freedoms" act, and the governor promises to sign it into law. It's pretty standard as far as stone-age draconian bullshit goes, and it's really got me pissed off. I know that mine isn't a reaction that's new or different to these kinds of laws, but I'm ashamed to say that it didn't hit me this hard until I found out that it was happening in my own back yard.

 

I dunno. It just sucks, particularly because I love this state otherwise. To my GLBTQ friends...avoid Arkansas, I guess, despite all the other attractions here. /sigh

 

Someday people in the USA are gonna look back and say "what the hell were they thinking?", never realizing that "they" could be their neighbors (until it's too late).

[Nubbins McGee]

I'm fairly upset with my state right now, and since it's a conservative one (Arkansas)...

I heard about this on the radio and was both surprised and not surprised.  When I was at U of A, oh, like 25 years ago, Fayetteville was lesbian city, USA.   I mean seriously, I remember being told the per capita lesbian population was higher than San Francisco.  Whether that was true or not, I don't know, but my observations would have supported that.  

 

Fast forward ten years to me living in Ft. Smith, and I knew more openly gay men there than I have anywhere else I've ever been.  I had four openly gay men (two of them a couple) working for me out of maybe 15 or so guys.

 

On the other hand, intolerance for anyone different reaches some pretty dizzying heights there in the buckle of the ol' bible belt with some folks. (Thankfully, not all.) So... like I said: Surprised and not surprised.  

[Jett]

Indiana's working on the same sort of thing. SOOO glad I don't live there anymore!

 

It's just... it's so stupid. I get where the people who wrote the bill are coming from, but the obvious results of the bill are just so very, very not okay. I can't tell if they're trying to be assholes, or just that oblivious. Ugh.

[Latsu Swagneel]

Indiana's working on the same sort of thing. SOOO glad I don't live there anymore!

 

It's just... it's so stupid. I get where the people who wrote the bill are coming from, but the obvious results of the bill are just so very, very not okay. I can't tell if they're trying to be assholes, or just that oblivious. Ugh.

Well...not to be a jerk, Indiana passed their bill last week, bringing attention to the idea of these laws.

I am surprisingly pleased with my state, NY, governor's resulting executive order, prohibiting state funded travel to Indiana until their law is off the books.

[Jett]

It's true that the law is already passed, but the governor says he's willing to "clarify" it. The reactions of other states and also the federal government, basically refusing to allow federal/state monies to be used in any way that would benefit Indiana, is likely to cause some compromise in how the law is actually carried out. I'm cautiously optimisitic, especially since all specifically anti-gay things have been removed from the law already. However, I feel sorry for Indiana. This has only solidified it's reputation as a backwards place to live, and it's a pretty poor state already. These "economic sanctions" (that's basically what they are) are only going to hurt the state and the average Hoosier.

[FortuneDays]

fff

[Jett]

Hoooo kay, 132 pages, DONE.

 

Hello everyone. I'm FortuneDays. I don't know what I am, but it's not cis. Current options are: genderfluid, genderqueer with cyclical dysphoria, or FtM in denial (?).

Hiya, FD. You read the WHOLE THING? Damn...

 

I think we probably have very similar gender identities. Which is nice. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

I'd be more amused by the Indiana/Arkansas laws if it wasn't f*cking over the general populace of those states. :/

[FortuneDays]

ffffff

[Jett]

True, and I really hope you're right. That's my gut instinct on this whole thing, but Hoosiers have occasionally done some really stupid things in the name of "religion". So it'll probably work out for the best, but that edge case where it doesn't is what I'm worried about.

[FortuneDays]

ffffff

[Jett]

That bugged me about it, too. (I haven't signed up for it.) I have heard it said, however, that there's more co-ed involved than the sign-up page makes it look like. I'd like to know what it means in more detail, though.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Question for those of you who joined the nerd fitness academy -

 

On the sign-up page, you can choose the men's program OR the women's program. Is it actually different quests, info, etc. that the "other" gender people can't access? What about the "<Gender> Only" forums? Is this stuff actually restricted by gender in the website programming?

 

I was considering joining, but this enforced dichotomy is really bugging me. It's one thing to have men's and women's stuff in separate sections of the website, but quite another to say "you MUST CHOOSE the gendered fitness info you get, no mixing allowed" at a place supposedly so welcoming of differences as nerd fitness.

 

I'll point Spezzy here as she'll be able to let you know why it is, but I assume it is probably due to something like posting progress pictures being easier for some people knowing people of the opposite sex won't be seeing it.

[spezzy]

Question for those of you who joined the nerd fitness academy -

 

On the sign-up page, you can choose the men's program OR the women's program. Is it actually different quests, info, etc. that the "other" gender people can't access? What about the "<Gender> Only" forums? Is this stuff actually restricted by gender in the website programming?

 

I was considering joining, but this enforced dichotomy is really bugging me. It's one thing to have men's and women's stuff in separate sections of the website, but quite another to say "you MUST CHOOSE the gendered fitness info you get, no mixing allowed" at a place supposedly so welcoming of differences as nerd fitness.

 

 

That bugged me about it, too. (I haven't signed up for it.) I have heard it said, however, that there's more co-ed involved than the sign-up page makes it look like. I'd like to know what it means in more detail, though.

 

 

I'll point Spezzy here as she'll be able to let you know why it is, but I assume it is probably due to something like posting progress pictures being easier for some people knowing people of the opposite sex won't be seeing it.

 

Yes, and we've started a gender neutral forum but it's not really active, as there just aren't a lot of members.

The quests, etc are all the same as is the majority of the content. The biggest difference is some of the bonuses (interviews, information on periods, etc)

 

We changed it last year so that everyone can see videos of both steve AND I doing the exercises, so it's really not that specific to one or the other. There will be a lot of updates along this line in the coming year, though!

[kaelvan]

Curious your guys thoughts on acronym lgbttqqfagpbdsm. So far not loving the placement of some of the letters. Connecticut please stop trying to get us beaten up.

 

Also, I'm out to lot of people now. Feels awesome. My family will be my next task (helps my mom admits she has not being dealing with her depression, which explains why she been control freak for past few months).

[Jett]

Curious your guys thoughts on acronym lgbttqqfagpbdsm. So far not loving the placement of some of the letters.

This is why I started using the label "queer" meaning "anything non hertero-normative". Too many letters; too unweildly.

[qqemokitty]

I can't read this whole thread but I wanted to chime in as a lady currently dating another lady. By dating I mean living together for like 2 years now. But we both of us have dated men and women equally in the past. Are we gay, straight?! Neither?! Both?! Banana?!!!??!??!?

 

I dunno but I am an ally of all human beings and would love to get to know more gay/queer people since I don't know many outside of the ones in my family (of which there are many, somehow!).