LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Bekah]

ahhh gotcha! Thank you!

[Hit]

Welcome to the fun-house Noor!

 

 

 

That last sentence is the reason why your first paragraph can never be a fixed rule. If we don't (as a society) take any interest in bedroom activities, we also give carte blanche to incest, domestic abuse, the spread of STIs and (through a lack of education) an increase in unwanted pregnancy.

 

I think you mean pedophilia and not "incest". Anyway, I feel there's a big difference between understanding that people are having sex, and "not taking interest". Or at least, there's an implied difference in what nubbins was trying to say. If you understand that people will have sex, you can educate them about consent, STI's, pregnancy, and all the other things that comes with having sex. You can do all that without caring about the details of their sex life or how they like to get down and dirty. 

 

[Bekah]

totally ot...hit thats a great picture of you

[Hit]

thank you and lets take a second to appreciate the irony of disregarding the things i said to talk about how pretty i am  

[Bekah]

thank you and lets take a second to appreciate the irony of disregarding the things i said to talk about how pretty i am

. I "liked" it

[StarRuby]

Hi lovelies!

 

I'm here, I currently identify as a lesbian but also pan-cuddly and poly-cuddly. I will cuddle with anyone, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. Everyone is my cuddling preference. 

 

Anyway, enough about cuddling! 

 

I popped in to say hi, and also excited to meet and talk to other people who share my interests and share my excitement about fitness. I don't actually know how to meet other lesbians outside of the internet. Short of wearing an "I'm a lesbian" tee shirt, I don't quite know what to do. 

[Cupcake_Kim]

Hi lovelies!

I'm here, I currently identify as a lesbian but also pan-cuddly and poly-cuddly. I will cuddle with anyone, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. Everyone is my cuddling preference.

Anyway, enough about cuddling!

I popped in to say hi, and also excited to meet and talk to other people who share my interests and share my excitement about fitness. I don't actually know how to meet other lesbians outside of the internet. Short of wearing an "I'm a lesbian" tee shirt, I don't quite know what to do.

We are opposites. I hate to cuddle, and even though I may be attracted to someone, the thought of cuddling is off-putting with very few exceptions (current partner is an exception). Lol.

I know what you mean about meeting lesbians though, I don't have a big flashing "I'm gay" sign flashing over my head, and unfortunately tend to stay off the gaydar, so meeting women was often very difficult for me in the past.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Bekah]

Hi lovelies!

 

I'm here, I currently identify as a lesbian but also pan-cuddly and poly-cuddly. I will cuddle with anyone, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. Everyone is my cuddling preference. 

 

Anyway, enough about cuddling! 

 

I popped in to say hi, and also excited to meet and talk to other people who share my interests and share my excitement about fitness. I don't actually know how to meet other lesbians outside of the internet. Short of wearing an "I'm a lesbian" tee shirt, I don't quite know what to do.

hi I don't have any answers, but I can comisserate. I love to cuddle too

[Jett]

Well, don't ask me. x_x I'm the girl who thought she was marrying a nice guy and ended up with a (still equally nice) transwoman instead. Good thing I'm pansexual. o_O;

 

But, actually, there are probably LGBT support/social groups around where you live? (I'm assuming this, because I've yet to live anywhere that there weren't.) It's at least worth a look, if you're trying to find a lady friend.

[Bekah]

Well, don't ask me. x_x I'm the girl who thought she was marrying a nice guy and ended up with a (still equally nice) transwoman instead. Good thing I'm pansexual. o_O;

But, actually, there are probably LGBT support/social groups around where you live? (I'm assuming this, because I've yet to live anywhere that there weren't.) It's at least worth a look, if you're trying to find a lady friend.

this is a good idea! *off to Google*

ok back from Googling...if a Meetup uses LESBIANS in all caps repeatedly through their blurb, that means they are not inclusive of trans/bi females yes? I would hate to show up and have misunderstood that implication....bc while I have attraction to women, I am not solely attracted to them...aka not a lesbian.

and that is the only group of such kind in the area,

[Artinum]

this is a good idea! *off to Google*

ok back from Googling...if a Meetup uses LESBIANS in all caps repeatedly through their blurb, that means they are not inclusive of trans/bi females yes? I would hate to show up and have misunderstood that implication....bc while I have attraction to women, I am not solely attracted to them...aka not a lesbian.

and that is the only group of such kind in the area,

 

You could ask, I suppose. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll know.

[Hit]

 

 

if a Meetup uses LESBIANS in all caps repeatedly through their blurb, that means they are not inclusive of trans/bi females yes?

 

Bi folk maybe, but i wouldn't assume LESBIANS means no trans women. But I also would have my doubts about any group that feels the need to shout their orientation like that.

[shaeon]

 

Hi lovelies!

 

I'm here, I currently identify as a lesbian but also pan-cuddly and poly-cuddly. I will cuddle with anyone, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. Everyone is my cuddling preference. 

 

Anyway, enough about cuddling! 

 

I popped in to say hi, and also excited to meet and talk to other people who share my interests and share my excitement about fitness. I don't actually know how to meet other lesbians outside of the internet. Short of wearing an "I'm a lesbian" tee shirt, I don't quite know what to do. 

 

Greetings! I like cuddles too, though only with ladies. 

And I feel ya on not being recognized as lesbian. The only thing that's worked for me other than meeting girls online is meeting girls and casually outing myself, maybe by referring to an ex. People tend to out themselves right back, especially if they are interested. 

But there's nothing wrong with meeting women online! 

 

this is a good idea! *off to Google*

ok back from Googling...if a Meetup uses LESBIANS in all caps repeatedly through their blurb, that means they are not inclusive of trans/bi females yes? I would hate to show up and have misunderstood that implication....bc while I have attraction to women, I am not solely attracted to them...aka not a lesbian.

and that is the only group of such kind in the area,

Be wary of anyone saying "if someone does THIS, then that means THIS THING." For all you know, these lesbians could be totally inclusive, but just really damn excited about their Meetup group. Don't assume there's some rule governing whether the way they wrote their name means anything.

So I would say just ask. I joined a local LGBT Meetup, and any group worth hanging out with will gladly answer your questions and clarify things that the description of their group does not make clear.

[kaelvan]

Speaking of which of lesbians and dating, I was think of making a goal for this year of going on a date (even if it goes no where). Be good way to taking a step toward not having to hiding I'm lesbian. It's getting really tiring after awhile to watch my wording, having to bite my tongue when there's a comment about a possible boyfriend, and being paranoid people secretly know I'm a lesbian.

[kaelvan]

Also, what is dear flying spaghetti monster is a girl color? And does that mean this neutral brown this hat I borrowed from my brother is a guy color? Sometimes my mom makes no sense.

[Bekah]

Also, what is dear flying spaghetti monster is a girl color? And does that mean this neutral brown this hat I borrowed from my brother is a guy color? Sometimes my mom makes no sense.

People completely out of touch with gender equality think that certain colors are indicative of either end of the gender binary, and some are neutral...and these are purely based on your assigned at birth gender for these folks. This is changing with the increase of people supportive of a gender spectrum, but for your mom---

Girl colors: pinks, corals, most pastels, purples.

Boy colors: blues, reds (can be both depending on type of clothing...ie. red polo= boy, red button up silk shirt=girl) brighter colors, grays, blacks, browns (also depending on type of clothing...brown tshirt=boys, brown cardigan=girls) totally arbitrary and varies slightly with each person, but in terms of babies and denoting gender, pink=girl, blue=boy, yellow or green=either (bought when people dont know the sex of the baby prior to birth)

of course this is just a generalization, not an exhaustive list.

[shaeon]

Speaking of which of lesbians and dating, I was think of making a goal for this year of going on a date (even if it goes no where). Be good way to taking a step toward not having to hiding I'm lesbian. It's getting really tiring after awhile to watch my wording, having to bite my tongue when there's a comment about a possible boyfriend, and being paranoid people secretly know I'm a lesbian.

I am trying to get BACK into dating. Long story short, but I went through the break up of a long term relationship over 3 years ago - we had been together for 11 years. In the time since the breakup, I've had one sex partner (who got obsessive and jealous immediately, and so that was a disaster and I ended it VERY quickly), two dates that went nowhere, and an ill-advised crush that also went nowhere. I've made excuses, but I know one of the big reasons why I haven't dated much is because the break up went pretty badly for me, and I don't want to get hurt again. But being single for this long isn't feeling all that great either, so it's kind of becoming an issue of what hurts more. 

Anyway. I've been talking a lot with a guy friend who is also single and dating online. He's done it a lot more aggressively than I have, and so it helps to talk about it with him and kind of get over some of my hang-ups about online dating. So if you want to talk about it, let me know. I'm not sure I feel confident enough to set "get a date" as a goal in a 6 week challenge or anything. But I'm with you on just feeling the need to get out there and make it happen.

[HeroicRower]

Hi, it looks like I'm jumping into this thread pretty late, but I'm so glad that there's an LGBTQA space on here I'm an 18 year old lesbian/nerd/student studying in Tel Aviv - which, apparently, is one of the biggest gay cities in the world, although I still have yet to find a date to echo one of the posters above, going on a date seems like a really good goal for 2015. I mean, I've been out for a few years, I feel like at this point the big thing that's stopping me is my own fear.

 

Also, I was reading some of the conversation about local LGBT meetups, and I wanted to add that I joined my city's rugby team a few weeks ago, and let me just say that everybody on rugby is gay. Seriously. Everybody. Well, not all, but I would estimate 50-70%. (Unfortunately, the cute rugby player who convinced me to join was one of the few not gay members...) but it's still a great change of pace to be surrounded by similar people, when usually it's the opposite. Of course, this is my experience in women's rugby, but I've heard similar things about the men's team. It appears rugby is a gathering ground for non-cis/hetero people - who knew?

[shaeon]

Hi, it looks like I'm jumping into this thread pretty late, but I'm so glad that there's an LGBTQA space on here I'm an 18 year old lesbian/nerd/student studying in Tel Aviv - which, apparently, is one of the biggest gay cities in the world, although I still have yet to find a date to echo one of the posters above, going on a date seems like a really good goal for 2015. I mean, I've been out for a few years, I feel like at this point the big thing that's stopping me is my own fear.

 

Also, I was reading some of the conversation about local LGBT meetups, and I wanted to add that I joined my city's rugby team a few weeks ago, and let me just say that everybody on rugby is gay. Seriously. Everybody. Well, not all, but I would estimate 50-70%. (Unfortunately, the cute rugby player who convinced me to join was one of the few not gay members...) but it's still a great change of pace to be surrounded by similar people, when usually it's the opposite. Of course, this is my experience in women's rugby, but I've heard similar things about the men's team. It appears rugby is a gathering ground for non-cis/hetero people - who knew?

 

Welcome! Fear is indeed a thing that can stop you. I agree totally. 

 

That's interesting about rugby. Here in Alabama, I was told that women's softball games were good places to meet gay women, which made me feel annoyed - I don't care for softball, I don't care to sit around watching softball and pretending that I care. But then I was told that roller derby bouts are also good places to meet lesbians. I'm thinking of attending my first bout this weekend.

[kaelvan]

I'm tempted to go see roller derby match. Though I'm bit nervous of running into a certain asshole from my past.

But putting going on a date for the 6 week challenge is way out of my comfort zone. I'm still trying to find a hair dresser I'll be comfortable with. Maybe after this next 6 weeks I'll be crazy and do that.

Also, what would be a dating site anyway for lgbt? I've had bad experiences with dating sites.

[shaeon]

Most of the major dating sites have options for gay, lesbian, and bisexual. I use OK Cupid. I like it pretty well. I'm also on Match but don't really use it. Men show up in the F/F on Match all the time. I think this is a flaw in Match.com in general - I signed up and realized a day later that it showed me as a man seeking women. Either it's too easy to accidentally change this setting or the system itself tends to screw that setting up.

I'm also learning that pretty much all of them come with the downside that some people act ridiculous. My biggest issue is people who chat for a while but drop off the minute I suggest that we meet up. This is where talking to a friend about it helps - he reassured me that that's common. Likewise, people who do show interest in a date but never manage to schedule and kind of string you along instead of just letting you know when they are available. The best advice I've gotten is don't take it personally and message a lot of people. 

[kaelvan]

I manage to make an account on Okcupid (a start at least), but I have no clue what to write about myself. I'm always bad at anything to do with writing about myself.

[Candace Koller]

http://bluenationreview.com/breaking-gay-marriage-ban-struck-texas/

 

Texas is making progress! Yes!

[shaeon]

http://bluenationreview.com/breaking-gay-marriage-ban-struck-texas/

 

Texas is making progress! Yes!

 

I had a feeling that once we legalized gay marriage here in Alabama, a domino effect was going to set in. Many people, including those of us here in Alabama, figured we would go last, kicking and screaming. I figure a lot will change soon just because people will realize that if Alabama can do it, everyone else can too.

 I feel a mix of excitement and disbelief every time I look at the map of same-sex marriage in the United States over on wikipedia. Look at Alabama, hanging out with Florida, just a couple of blue states surrounded by yellow and red! Atlanta? You may be a better city for gay people to live in than Birmingham, but we still beat you to it. New Orleans? Oh come on New Orleans! Get the rest of Louisiana in line! 

[Thrillho]

Thanks to Facebook...

 

Person 1: "The Pope has said that 'trans people', by going against God's will, are as dangerous to global peace and stability as nuclear weapons."
Person 2:"... does that mean countries will stockpile large quantities of dormant trans people, in an attempt to terrify other nations into submission?"
Person 3: "We cannot have a trans person gap! START RECRUITING!"