New, confused, and uncertain of what to do...

[SombraMalamutt]

I have a feeling that I'm gonna be writing a lot.  But here goes nothin'...

 

I'm not a fitness person by any stretch of the imagination.  I'm not a health person.  I've never been thin a day in my life.  But when I was a kid I was totally okay with that.  Why?  Because I played, I had friends, I had fun...I wasn't being held back from anything I wanted to do because I was fat.  I could do it anyways.  Granted the highest weight I had was 230 (I have no idea how much I weight now) so as far as fat people go, I didn't really have a reason to be held back from the things I wanted to do.  I rode horses, played volleyball, tennis, soccer...whatever.  I can't say I enjoyed playing sports, but I did it because my mom thought it would help me lose weight.  I did like horseback riding though and would like to get back into it.

 

When I would go to the doctor as a kid, I kept being told that I was "obese" and "pre-diabetic".  The nurses (most of whom were friends with my dad; he's an OBGYN though he's retired now) kept trying to make me feel better by saying it was "baby weight" and it would come off "soon".  After a while I just got numb to anything I was being told.  I don't know why, but I haven't been able to care about my health for a while.  I recognize that health hasn't been a big deal to me and as I got older, it got less and less of a priority.

 

Right now I don't really care much about my health.  Physical or mental health.  My mental health is far worse than my physical health though I'm sure doctors and my parents care far more about my physical appearance.  I'm fat and therefore I "look" unhealthy.  If I were thin, I would look healthy, and thus...profit?  I dunno.  I assume this is how this works.  But my mental health deteriorates day by day and I seriously don't think anyone around me gets where I'm coming from.  A good amount of my friends seem very optimistic and outgoing or they have their own problems to worry about (I'm the sort that doesn't want to burden others with my problems as well) and my parents aren't the most understanding people.  If I talk to my dad, the conversation usually turns on him and...I can't exactly be upset with the reason why.  It's a valid reason.  He's currently working his way through 2 forms of cancer and is worried about me when he's not around anymore.  I don't really like talking about that because I don't want to think about him dying right now.  Even though he's a no-nonsense sort of person, he's really the only one in my family that's in my corner.  My mother is the "I must always be right" type.  It's her way or the highway.  If I want to talk about things she does or says that hurts me her response is "Well if you don't like it, leave".  I would like to...what does she think I've been applying to jobs and doing illustration commissions for? 

 

At the end of the day, none of that changes the fact that I don't like me.  If I had a choice between choosing myself to be my friend and jumping off the bridge, I'd probably choose jumping off a bridge.  I'm not a plesant person to be around and I don't see why my friends think I am.  But I don't like myself.  On a scale of 1-100 my self esteem is at a level of -10.  I had weight loss in the back of my mind for the longest time.  A big part of that is typically losing weight is shown as becoming a different person and I just don't want to be me anymore.  I'm terribly unhappy, but none of that ever had to do with my weight.  Again, until I went to college, I was completely fine with being fat.  I don't think that fat automatically means bad, evil, lazy, unhealthy, etc.  I also don't think that a fat person is automatically an ugly person.  Being fat wasn't going to stop me from doing the things I wanted to.  I got interested in cosplay in high school but didn't really get into the convention scene until college.  I made a cosplay in high school, wore it to school for halloween but never again after that.  Being fat didn't stop me from doing horseback riding.  Horses are tough animals.  Not to mention...they're animals.  If they don't like something, they won't hesitate to let you know (believe me, I've ridden a few nasty horses).  So I don't like hearing people say they can't do something because they're fat...
 

But...

 

Then I really started getting interested in cosplaying.  I found tons of anime characters that I wanted to cosplay.  Both human and non human (like Pokemon, Digimon, etc.).  Initially I was more interested in the animal cosplay more.  Usually people do the thing where they turn the critters into humans and...that's cool and all, but where's the actual Pikachu cosplay?  I wanted to see more actual Pikachus.  So I started teaching myself how to make mascot costumes (so if we haven't figured this out by now from this paragraph and my icon, I'm an avid anime fan as well as a part of the furry fandom).  But I also found cosplayers like Yaya Han and a lot of my friends are big into the cosplay scene.  The one thing I learned quickly was that "good cosplayers" aren't good necessarily because their costumes are good...they're good because they're conventionally beautiful or look like the character.  Well I'm fat...and I'm black.  That's like 50 strikes against me in online cosplay communities.  I purposefully sought out blogs dedicated to plus size and black cosplayers.  There's a lot of fantastic plus size and black cosplayers but no matter how good the costumes, I can't escape the fact the work I do would be less than because I'm not the "right size" or the "right race".  I purposefully tried getting into the body positivity movement.  In general, I like a lot of what's said in those places.  They're right.  This is my body.  I can do with it what I wish.  I don't owe health to anyone.  But even within those spaces that are supposed to be "safe" you still get hit with the reality that the general public doesn't want you to exist.  That you're worthless until you strive to meet a certain standard. 

 

When it comes to wanting to lose weight, I can't say I want to do it for myself or my health.  To do so would be lying.  I want to do it because I'm vain as heck and if I can't change the fact that I'm black, I can change the shape of my body.  I still wanna cosplay and I don't want to only stick with animal costumes.  Yes I love my fursuits.  I love learning to make them.  But I want to cosplay people to.  And some humanoid citters.  I designed my version of Rainbow Dash's gala dress and I want to make it and wear it.  The design is gorgeous and I'm really happy with it because I am not a clothing or costume designer but it turned out perfect.  And this is the reason why I do not fit into many weight loss spaces.  I tried joining this site called SparkPeople, but...every time I attempt to bring up my motives I just get met with a backlash that I'm "doing it for the wrong reason".  Or that if I don't "really want to lose weight" I should "stop giving into the pressures of society; don't do something you don't want to do".  I supposed they have a point.  But society has pressures.  I give into them.  I don't know if I can call it a "choice" or not, but I can feel the weight of how much my existance as a fat person isn't wanted.  I'm not stupid.  I'm just tired.  I'm tired of the 20 diet and weight loss ads per half a second on every conceivable form of media.  I'm tired of my mother poking and prodding my stomach and pretending to be all cute about it.  I know it's there.  I live with it.  I see it.  I can poke at it myself.  I'm tired of being told my reasonings are wrong.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm saying the wrong things.  I'm tired of feeling like I don't fit in anywhere...

 

I just want ot be a different person...I want to be the person that can make people smile.  It's really funny...When I thought that, I thought of MLP and the song "Smile" that Pinkie Pie sings.  Pinkie was always my least favorite of the main 6 because she's that sort of outgoing type that can be really annoying.  Always in your face, forcing you to do something that you don't wish to do or that makes you uncomfortable.  She's not doing that on purpose though.  She just thinks she knows what can cheer you up.  Most times she can.  Artistically, she's the most fun pony to draw because she's the most expressive but that's besides the point.  While she's not my favorite, she's probably the one I want to be more like.  No...she is the one I want to be more like.  There's so much that people do to hurt each other.  I don't care about the differences between people.  Don't care if you're fat, thin, black, white, straight, gay, transgender, Christian, Atheist, etc.  We're all human here and we all deserve respect.  Every person has a story.  You don't know where people are coming from or where they're going.  Just respect that a person has their own story to write.  I just want to do something in life that can make people happy.  I have an idea on what that is, but...how am I ever going to make someone else happy if I can't even put a smile on my face?

 

The other thing though is that I want to be stronger.  I don't know how but I do.  I have absolutely no mental strength.  I think of dying quite a bit.  The only reason I don't go to therapy is because I am the worst at talking about my issues in a face to face setting.  I don't like it.  I don't really want to do it.  I feel like I shouldn't have to go to therapy because literally nothing bad has happened in my life to warrent me feeling like absolute crap.  Whenever I hear about people's pasts and how they can work past it I just wonder, how?  The worst thing that's happened to me in life was having to have my gallbladder removed.  That's it.  What's wrong with me that I just can't be happy?  I figure if I can't have mental strength then I want physical strength.  It's a good thing I actually like working with weights then.

 

In general though, I don't like much types of exercise.  It's not fun and feels like a chore.  Not to mention I don't understand when people say they feel "good" and "energized" after exercising.  I feel like crap.  Tired and sore.  I don't get how this feels good, but to each their own I suppose.  Then I feel like crap because I get winded easily.  Admittedly I'm a giver-upper sort.  If I don't see the results in any way, shape, or form I just give up.  The only time I lost weight in my life was when I was having issues with my gallbladder and actively avoided most food because the tiniest mistake could set of long nights of harsh chest pain.  After I got it taken out, I did eat somethings that I couldn't have before.  But that disappointed my mom 'cause I gained some weight back after I'd lost weight I didn't even know I lost.  Like...how do you lose 60 pounds but not notice that you lost it?  I get bothered about what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat so much by my parents (both of whom aren't thin either...only thin person in my family is my younger brother), that sometimes I opt out of eating just to avoid listening to them complain about what I'm eating.  When I'm told a second banana in a single day is a "bad" idea I just have to throw up my hands say "I'm done" and walk away.  Of course not eating is terrible.  When I don't eat then I just feel amazingly weak and shaky.  But what am I supposed to do here?  If I eat, I'm pretty much told I shouldn't because I "just ate" (even if "just ate" meant 5 hours ago).  If I don't eat, then I'm told to eat.  I can't win here.

 

I know jack squat about food or anything.  All I know is I don't want to give up all my cosplay ideas.  I can deal with racists that come my way...mostly 'cause if you call them out in a public space, people will give 'em a lashing they won't forget.  This ain't the 50's anymore.  Racism ain't cool.  But being fat?  Totally okay to bash a fattie.  And a fat woman?  Oh god, even worse!  My friends have the mental strength to deal with people like that.  Not to mention they're quick with the comebacks (and some of them will fight you if you dare insult their friends...I have one friend who apparently got suspended from C2E2 'cause he fought this guy who said his friend was "too fat" to cosplay some character).  Me?  It's easy to walk all over me.  You talk bad about the furry fandom, I will fight to defend that, but you say something ill about me personally...I probably wouldn't be able to handle it.  I could put up a nice front at first, but will probably have my entire convention experience ruined by it.  I've just thought about giving up the idea of cosplaying.  I've already tossed so many ideas away because I don't have the body for it and I don't have the confidence in myself to pull off those costumes with the body I have. 

 

Anyways TL;DR

• I know nothing about exercise.
• I'm not healthy.
• I'm incredibly unhappy.
• I want to cosplay.
• I want to be a different person.
• Don't know what to do.
• I'm stuck.

Anyways for something less ranty and sad (for all the people that made it through that mess), for nerdy stuff, I'm more of an anime fan.  I've wanted to get into gaming, but I don't have money for most games and I suck at most games anyways.  But I've always been a huge Pokemon fan and will be picking up X and Y when they come out (also a 3DS 'cause I don't have one).  But I'm more intersted in puzzle games than anything else.

 

Also a fan of tokusatsu (Japanese live action shows that Power Rangers are derived from...basic description but yeah).  I have friends who are huge fans of Super Sentai and Kamen Rider and they got me into it.

 

I'm also an illustrator and character designer.  My degree is in traditional/hand drawn animation and I'm still working on portfolio pieces.  I'm spending this year doing freelance work but between coming up with pieces to sell at cons, I'm gonna be working on some parts for a character design portfolio.  I'm seriously considering trying for Nickelodeon's artist program.  I don't think I have strong enough portfolio pieces now but I can make some new work.

 

Any-who, I have no idea if I fit in anywhere on this site but I figured it wouldn't hurt to join...

[Eats-Own-Tail]

first of all, hi i just read your post. its very interesting.

 

i have mental health problems myself. i am on a lot of medication for that, plus some physical stuff like thyroid and diabetes.

 

i think its great that you have an interest and a profession.

 

this site is awesome for support and you can find out alot about diet and fitness here.

 

i know exactly how you feel about being stuck, i feel like that alot too.

 

i also know what its like to want to make other people happy. but im over that now because i finally thought "what about me ?? when do i get to be happy ??"

 

ok so im not very good at giving advice. but there are plenty of people here who are and im hoping they can point you in the right direction;

 

welcome to nerd fitness

[redcat]

First of all *hugs* you seem to be dealing with a lot internally. I also experienced the "I'm just tired and frankly don't care, but still don't like who I am" problem at one point. Part of it was just being under the weight of too much stress and the other part is not really knowing in what direction to go. 

 

I think that if your reason for wanting to lose weight is to make your cosplay experience more enjoyable than that's valid: it's still you that you're doing it for, not someone else and that's the important part. 

 

With all things though, it takes time, and you have to be willing to put in the effort for it. Nothing changes immediately but little by little you can re-design yourself, think of it in terms of your costume designs: first you have to do your research and decide on a style that you like (don't like running then don't, try weight lifting or something else, don't like counting calories - then don't just try to make better choices), then you have to make yourself a pattern to follow (decide how you're going to fit these changes into your life, step by step and super detailed if need be), then proceed with creating (put it in to action and keep going with it you can't wear a dress that's half done right?) At the end of your "project" you'll have a great new you. I think a lot of the other things that bother you - the tiredness or the unhappiness might dissolve during the process of reinventing yourself but you need to give it a fair chance; I know you said you like to give up but if you throw in the towel you're quitting your own project... no one else is going to pick it up and finish it for you.

 

If you find that you're too weighted down by your stresses though - there's nothing wrong with going to talk to a therapist, even if you think others are worse off than you - doesn't matter: go, vent to someone who's neutral and won't poke your stomach or tell you to leave if you don't like it (I've had that happen to me also) - for once go and have an hour where it's just about YOU - you can say whatever is bugging you and no one has the right to judge or make you feel bad for it. If you have issues voicing it - journal it ahead of time and then go over the journal with the therapist.

 

Bottom line: focus on you and what will make you happy. 

 

p.s. - in other items: that's super cool that you're drawing some stuff for conventions, I've been working with some friends to help them craft jewelry for their convention stand - I have to say it's a pretty fun project. I've never been to a convention but I'm always trying to figure out what I'd go as if I ever got the courage to cosplay. You should join the Adventurer's guild on here - it's a good place to start when you're not sure what it is you like to do Check out this article on making a "character" if you haven't seen it yet: it's fun to do

[Remoth]

Sounds like to me like you beat yourself up too much. I used to do the same thing to myself in high school and for a couple years after. I've since then realized that life is too damn short to be unhappy. It was time to start doing what I wanted to do and to stop being so hard on myself. The things I want to do require me to be in fair shape if I want to do them well, so I'm taking it upon myself to improve myself so I can do those things.

As for being depressed and unhappy, I found that a large part of it was that i was bored. I never did anything but work and play games. Now on my days off, I try to keep myself busy. I go out with my friends, so quading, sledding, etc. If you be lazy and don't do anything, I find you start thinking about yourself more and become depressed about what you have become, so get busy and don't give yourself time to think like that.

You said you liked cosplay and that you could so it way better if you were in better shape? There's your goal! You have a reason that you want to get in shape! Use that reason to motivate yourself and start changing your life. Don't think of it as a chore. Yes you get tired and sore after, but it all goes away. That stuff is only temporary. Changing your life for the better? That can be permanent, if you keep at it. It only takes a few weeks of making yourself do it before it starts to become habit and you start wanting to do it. Keeping track of your workouts and monitoring your progress is a great way of making it more fun and making it feel worth it.

If you start eating right, you don't ever have to worry about eating too much. Take more veggies and less or no carbs. I guarantee you that if you just pig out on veggies instead, you won't be taking in as many calories, and you won't get hungry as much. Instead of a chocolate bar, have an apple. Etc. you'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel after just eating good food.

You can do it. You just need to believe in yourself. Read a bunch of Steve's articles. They are very motivating!

Ps- I myself am 400lbs and an super stoked at changing my life for the better!

[Eats-Own-Tail]

." As for being depressed and unhappy, I found that a large part of it was that i was bored. I never did anything but work and play games. Now on my days off, I try to keep myself busy. I go out with my friends, so quading, sledding, etc. If you be lazy and don't do anything, I find you start thinking about yourself more and become depressed about what you have become, so get busy and don't give yourself time to think like that."

 

thats fantastic advice i could use myself

[alienjenn]

I want to say more... I'm on my phone now with a cracked screen... Replying so I can find you later

Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2

[SombraMalamutt]

I would still say that losing weight for cosplay is still "for" everyone else.  Rather than it being something I can be excited to do, I want to do it to avoid being ridiculed.  I can't avoid all the ridicule obviously.  My skin color will make that tough enough for me but again, people are a little less tolerant of racist comments than they are about those ridiculing fat people.  I dunno.  If someone makes a crack about my skin color, that's completely on them.  They're just a racist dick.  I can't change my skin color/race (without copious amounts of skin bleaching and then subsequent surgeries to change the "African" features of my face...ain't nobody got money or time for that).  But we're spoon fed all this info about how bad fat people are, how lazy they are, how wrong they are that...I dunno...while I would never want to be friends with a person who could only be friends with people of a certain body type, it'd be better to just appease the masses.  Whether those masses are my parents or the overall cosplay community.

 

In terms of eating habits mine are...weird to say the least.  I don't overeat.  At least I do my best not to.  Sometimes I undereat.  When I get into really depressive moods, I don't have an appetite at all.  Sometimes still I make the conscious decision not to eat when I don't want to deal with my mother's BS.  When I go out with friends especially, I don't make the best food decisions.  And I'm totally okay with that.  I go out with friends to have fun.  I don't feel bad about eating foods I like.  If I do decide to eat something that's deemed "bad", I'm totally okay with admitting that that was my decision.  But I do my best to make good choices too.  Or at least better ones.  Decent...semi-competant food choices.  Sort of.  Depends on the day of the week.  I do like my breads and pastas.  And my "aisu"...ice cream (the "aisu" thing has become a running joke with me and my friends who are into/know about Kamen Rider).  I could stand to fix some of my eating habits.  Mostly because even though the gallbladder issues are resolved, now that I don't have one, depending on what I can eat, I now have minor digestive issues and frequent stomach aches.  Cutting back oily foods and sweets would help.  I'm not super keen on the idea of completely cutting foods out of my diet.  I'm fine with cutting back on some things though.  In terms of things that I have changed, I'm trying to use turkey more instead of beef or other meats.  Either turkey or chicken.  A friend of mine introduced me to turkey bacon because due to her own digestive issues she cannot eat pork.  I really like it too.  Same with turkey burgers.  In terms of what I drink, I've cut back on juice.  I don't think I've ever been too big on soda anyways (aside from some flavors of Ramune).  But I still cannot stand water.  I don't know what it is, but I cannot stand the taste of plain water.  If I need to clear my pallette I'll drink plain water but most times I have to put Crystal Light in it.  I usually can't stomach more than a glass of plain water at a time.  I generally don't do the food shopping in the house 'cause...I don't have money but I should make a shopping list of my own and ask my dad to take me to the store and buy it all.

 

In terms of "laziness" that will depend on the day.  From at least the start of this year I've been busy in my own way.  I've got a list of conventions I'm working artist alley at and I need a good stock of work to sell.  So from the start of the year until now I've completed 12 buttons and 15 charms, I have 9 other buttons sketched out, a few pony and pokemon charms (not sure how many though), finished 5 commissions, currently working on a 6th, have 10 med. sized fox tails sewn and 6 large tails (small ones are stuffed and need to be closed up the big ones aren't), and got back to working on a color pencil piece I'd started last year.  Personal work included designing a new character and work on 2 costumes.  For fun I've gone to a few meet ups with a local anime group and I'll go to the anime club at my college on Tuesdays.  I feel like I've done more this year than in previous years but still it doesn't feel like enough.  I can only work so fast on art though.  Do too much too quickly and I'm prone to get burned out and completely frustrated and flustered (but then that's when I can switch over to sewing).  I do exercise in between drawing things though.  Especially when I get a little stuck on a picture or just feel like getting up and moving.  I don't like most exercise but I do like dancing.  Mostly forms of hip hop dancing.  Dancing's fun.  I have a list of tutorials and dance videos I like just so I can learn stuff.  But I've gotta pick one thing and try learning it first.  Can't learn everything at once.  Should start with tutting.  I like weights too.  I don't know if I'd say using weights are "fun" but I like them.

[redcat]

TBH I'm appalled that anyone would criticize you for the color of your skin - cosplay or otherwise. It's just as crappy that they say anything at all about your weight. I'd suggest dumping those forums or putting those people on a permanent block list, there's no reason to listen to people that shoot their mouth off like that.

[SombraMalamutt]

I did have to block one guy on tumblr for a similar reason.  The guy ran a "bad cosplay" blog which was really just an excuse to make fun of fat cosplayers, black cosplayers, people in fandoms he/she didn't like, or women in "skimpy" costumes.  Because I made the mistake of defending some of the people in one picture they felt the need to tell me that they'd put any pictures of me on their blog.  Lucky for me, I don't really have any cosplay shots out there.  I cosplayed in public all of once and the only picture I know that's online is one that a good friend of mine put on facebook.  So they can try to put me on their blog.  It probably won't work.

 

Also got into heated debates about what makes a "good" cosplay with another guy.  I didn't have to block him but we just stopped talking after a while.  He thought that a cosplay was only good if you looked like the character and thus fat cosplayers and people cosplaying outside their race weren't "good" because they don't "look right".  I...obviously disagreed.

 

But I've got a costume I'm working on for Anime Central this year.  Head is about 45% done, tail is 95% done.  Bodysuit should be pretty straight forward once I find a old pair of clothes I can make a duct tape dummy out of.  But yeah...it's a mascot suit so it's an easy thing to "hide" behind... 

 

Most of my cosplay fear just comes from seeing posts and threads on Facebook, Tumblr, or elsewhere bashing cosplayers that basically "look like me".  Seeing that people throw racial slurs in their direction without hesitation.  So I'm just very hesitant to put myself in any position where I would be subjected to that much scrutiny.

 

And on the subject on creating characters, I know jack about D&D (anime nerd remember?) so I don't think I could successfully "relate" to any of those critters (save a few...I'm more apt to relating to characters with more animalistic traits in their designs; werewolves, satyrs, centaurs, etc.).  I could pick a character/alter ego but it would probably be one I already have.

[Remoth]

You cannot change how everyone thinks about things. All you can do is not give a damn about what other people think. That's the most important part! You need to think more positive about yourself. How are you ever going to improve your life if you are always feeling down about yourself?

How would it feel to look in the mirror and look just like the character/whatever you are cosplaying, instead of a bigger version of them? Would that not be amazing? Would that not make you feel good? You need to do this for YOURSELF. It sounds like you have a specific list of excuses that you bring up every time you think about improving yourself.

The race excuse: I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but this one should not bother you. Like you said, we are in the age of racial equality. Times have never been better for all races. Yes there are still many people who are racially biased and still have so much hate for other races, but that should not prevent you from doing what you want to do. There are always people who are going to treat you bad no matter who you are, all you can do is ignore them. Push away the hate and concentrate on the positive that you get from your friends and on here.

Overweight excuse: this is the same as the race excuse. The only difference is that this is entirely your choice to be this way and is actually bad for you. It is generally unaccepted because you are choosing an unhealthy lifestyle that only inconveniences others and yourself, like smokers. The fact that you don't want to be overweight anymore should be your motivation for changing that. Losing weight would do nothing but help you throughout all aspects of your life.

Eating habits excuse: this is a bad one. You show very little ambition to change your eating habits. This simply won't do if you wish to improve yourself. If you want to change, you need to change all aspects of your life that make you the unhealthy way you are. You say you don't want to cut things out completely, but if those things are nothing but empty calories or straight sugar, it should probably go. Eating healthy is the biggest thing you can do to becoming healthy. As Steve always says,"you can't outrun your fork!" You need to grow up your taste buds and adopt a little discipline.

Exercise is hard: there are many kinds of exercise. You need to find what you like. Not everybody likes to run at a wall for an hour straight, or bike in place. You said you like weights, so maybe that's the way to go. Strength training is show popular. You don't need any weights and if you do it all in a circuit, it doesn't get tedious. It's going to be hard. It's supposed to. If its easy, it's not doing anything for you.

The only thing I can end with is that it's all up to you. If you want to improve yourself, everyone here will support you all the way. However, you need to make the conscious decision to improve yourself. How can we help you If you don't want to help yourself?

[SombraMalamutt]

Not to derail the topic and bring it to race debates, but while things are better, they certainly aren't equal.  Yeah, things are miles better than in the 20's, 30's, 50's, 60's.  But please don't say they're "equal".  We haven't gotten to equal just yet.  Better does not mean equal.  I'm well aware that things are better and I'm well aware that my fear and paranoia are mostly unwarranted.  But that doesn't make the fear/paranoia are less real to me.  It's just another thing I personally need to work through.

 

Back on topic...

 

Yeah, I read the "you can't outrun a fork" deal.  I also read that Steve isn't a certified health expert nor is he a doctor and that another rule of the "rebellion" is to question everything including works on this site.  So even in conjuction with this site's rules, I'm allowed to question.  If I weren't, I probably wouldn't have joined the site.  I also read the article that mentioned not going cold turkey.  I also know that other people on other websites (particularly SparkPeople) have their own "successes" with weight loss while not doing this Paleo diet deal and I know that not everyone on this site is on the Paleo diet either.  I know I'm allowed to find the mixture of exercises that I like coupled with finding better choices that I like.  I'm allowed to find healthy foods that taste good too.  I'm also allowed to take things in strides.  I might be an impatient person, but I know I'm allowed to take things slow.  Slow and steady win the race remember?  Also because I choose some ice cream once in a while doesn't mean I don't have "mature" taste buds (whatever that means).  Please don't talk down to me, 'kay?  And please don't put words in my mouth:

 

I could stand to fix some of my eating habits.  Mostly because even though the gallbladder issues are resolved, now that I don't have one, depending on what I can eat, I now have minor digestive issues and frequent stomach aches.  Cutting back oily foods and sweets would help.

 

The fact that I don't want to completely cut everything out of my life especially not at once does not mean that I don't want to change my habits.  Not cutting back on foods doesn't mean that I would eat them everyday or every week.  It means I want to eat them far less and in much smaller quantities.  I am not obligated to eat foods that taste like crap just because they're "good for you".  I have every right to find things I enjoy.  In both exercise and food.

 

Also I already mentioned a type of exercise I like.  Dancing.  Specifically hip hop.  Even more specifically tutting, gliding, waving, popping, and choreography.  Also para para and tech-para.  Also 2 Kamen Rider related routines, IXA-cise and the Kangaroo "Dance" (those I didn't mention before).  And yes the weights too.  I also like exercise bikes.

 

I must make it known that even if I'm soft spoken in person, I'm blunt as heck online and sometimes a sarcastic dick.  I'm working on the sarcasm bit though because that often negates the points I'm trying to make.  Not to mention I regret the sarcasm quite a bit later on.  So, if you're gonna read what I say, read what I say.  If you don't know what I mean, then ask me.  One of my pet peeves is people making baseless assumptions.  You have basic info on me.  The absolute basics.  I'm female, I'm fat, I'm black, I'm a furry, and I'm an anime fan.  That's it.  Don't speak down to me.  Even if you've got some senority over me in age or membership on this site, do not speak down to me.  I'm not stupid and I do not appreciate it.  Don't assume you know my habits in regards to eating or exercise.  You weren't active and lazy and that's how you got fat?  Cool.  But don't assume that what happened to you is the same for me.  I don't appreciate it one bit.

[SombraMalamutt]

I get that.

 

For the most part I am being polite.  I just don't appreciate the assumptions.  That much is neither helpful nor supportive.  I understand coming at things from personal experience.  We're all human and we all do it.  Sometimes it's the only way to try to relate to the next person.  I also understand that one person's personal experience is not the personal experience of the next person and we cannot treat our own personal experiences like they're everyone's personal experiences.

[redcat]

You can make whatever sort of race you want. I'm more of a video gamer and anime watcher than a D&D fan myself. If you want to be a level 1 Pikachu to start with then level up your Pikachu lol it's up to you. On the subject of exercise what if you set aside some time to work on new para para routines each week? Some of those routines are awesome workouts (I like Para Para Para Night cracks me up ... It's those zebra pants I tell you!) Diet (as in lifestyle) any improvement is good improvement as long you keep challenging yourself and moving forward.

[SombraMalamutt]

I don't know how, but choosing a pokemon totally slipped my mind.  ^^;

 

I'll figure out a "character".  If I decide not to use a premade race, then I have a character that would be perfect.  My red panda character, Bonfire.  She's a dancer and I'd love to get a costume made of her specifically so I can dance as her.  She also has the exact opposite of my personality.  She's outgoing, sassy, edgy take no nonsense kinda gal.  Don't know how the leveling deal would work with her but I can figure it out.  Then again I can always make her a newbie dancer and she can learn with me.  Something like that.

 

I do actually need to finish learning the rest of the routine for

.  It's a not a para routine, but it's fun.  The first half of it I got down.  Just gotta learn the second half.  And most likely refresh my memory on the first half.  I've got a ton of para para, tech-para, and general simple choreo (and one difficult choreo) videos saved.  It's too tough to try to learn more than one at the same time though so I wanna focus on finishing learning the rest of Climax Jump before jumping into a new one.

 

I just read the article on goal setting and I need to try to use some of those tips in setting my own goals.

[alienjenn]

hey girl

 

I can't say that I understand half of what you were talking about (I have only recently heard this word cosplay and still don't know what it means... para? choreo? is this english you are speaking?! j/k LOL) 

 

but I understand being fat... and a chick... and having people make assumptions... and having a self image that isn't entirely what it should be... 

 

I understand people who are buttheads.... 

 

 

it's all about baby steps... you said you can clean up your diet but don't want to eliminate things... that's ok... I have lost 70# cleaning up my diet and not eliminating things (although I am about to do some eliminations to try and figure out these dumb gut issues)... you have some things you like to do which could be called exercise... (I don't dance... so... for me... that would be called torture LOL) that's ok... we are all different... and not everyone likes the same things... as long as you get your heart rate up and sweat some... it's all good!!

 

the point is to find something you like to do and do it!

 

do it because in the end it will make you feel better... 

 

I have suffered with depression for >20 years... I understand that when I am actively working on making myself into the  the best possible me... that my brain releases all those happy fun chemicals ... and I understand that your body will work the same way.... when you work to better yourself the endorphins are awesome

 

there is a new challenge coming up... you read the article... pick some smart goals... and work on them... it's all about baby steps... two steps forward and one step back is still one (net) step forward  

 

 

 

you can be what you want to be... if you want to be a picachu... then be the best damn picachu you can be... work on your spark jump thing and electric hugs and whatnot (sorry... I am trying here... but... I don't really understand pokemon either! LOL) if you want to be a cosplay... then be the best one you can be (or do the best one you can do???) 

 

don't let the negative words of others impact your favorite thing... but... be the best that you can be... and ignore.... what is it they say... "haters gonna hate"... jerks are going to be jerks... buttfaces are going to be buttfaces... if you want support... we will help you

 

I love that you make stuff and you craft and such there is so much power in that that you don't even realize... you can craft your own reality... you can design your life and you can be marvelous

 

 

hugs

[redcat]

The leveling up part is just when you complete one of your 6 week challenges - at the end of the completed challenge you become level 2 then 3 after the next challenge you complete, so say some goals you could set that are attainable in a 6 week period (just brainstorming here): learn 6 new dance routines ( 1 per week), drink more water x# of glasses per day (try squeezing a lemon or a lime into it -- it totally helps), substitute one unhealthy meal per day with one containing lots of veggies, and then for a life goal maybe write down 3 things everyday that make YOU happy(???) The attributes for Bonfire you have to set up yourself, (if you think of it in terms of Pokemon it's like your AGI stat gets a perma boost from using an item so you assign points to your 6 week goals then grade yourself on how you did and award yourself accordingly. I think a red panda is an awesome character idea, and I like that your character seems to be the happy go-lucky sort that you eventually want to make yourself into, that will make it fun

[Remoth]

I apologize for any rudeness I may have come across with. I agree that everyone is different and needs their own way of levelling up. I was trying to offer advice based on my own experiences. It's up to you whether you want it or not. Again, I apologize.

[redcat]

I like this idea: craft your own reality & design your life & be marvelous -- well said alienjenn!

 

I love that you make stuff and you craft and such there is so much power in that that you don't even realize... you can craft your own reality... you can design your life and you can be marvelous

[redcat]

**side note** I was just poking through your playlist you linked and now I know what tuts are - yay learned something new!

[hearthsinger]

First of all, you're not alone in wanting to get fit for cosplay and that's a GREAT motivator. Sometimes people outside of fandom just don't "get it." I write a blog about cosplay and fandom as motivators to get healthy and it's been a huge help to me to use my love of different things to inspire or "jedi-mind trick" myself into workout out. Don't like yoga or Tai Chi? PRETEND YOU'RE LEARNING TO WATER BENDING! Don't like sprints or interval training on the elliptical machine? Watch a show like Xena where they have fighting music and whenever you hear that music, you better be bustin' your ass right alongside the warrior princess!

 

The key to what makes "good" cosplayers notable is being able to "fit" into the character's mold and SCREW the world if you let your ethnicity get in the way of becoming your favorite heroes! Even Yaya Han does characters that aren't Asian. I saw an AMAZING black Sindel from Mortal Kombat and my reaction was definitely not "awww almost." I can understand why it gets to you, but like you said, that's an aspect of yourself that you can't change. You need to find a way to do what you love! It will enrich your life so much more. When I started out, I was NOT into working out. I did it because I knew something had to change to get to where I wanted to be both physically and healthwise for myself as a person AND as a blossoming cosplayer.

 

All that said, I'm a huge MLP fan and my boyfriend and I are doing a Dash/Soarin cosplay. I've been working out like crazy to get ready for it and crafting up a storm. Maybe try using the character you want to portray as an inspiration? Dash is so sporty and physical that I tried to embrace that in myself- setting records, tracking my times, etc. She's spunky and she says what she thinks- so I started challenging myself to do that too! Even when I really feel like Fluttershy. I even started running because I felt like it was a fun "cosplay" inspired workout. 

 

Girl, you are gonna work this out! Start small and don't let this overwhelm you. <3 I can't wait to see what you do!

[SombraMalamutt]

hey girl

 

I can't say that I understand half of what you were talking about (I have only recently heard this word cosplay and still don't know what it means... para? choreo? is this english you are speaking?! j/k LOL) 

 

...

 

I love that you make stuff and you craft and such there is so much power in that that you don't even realize... you can craft your own reality... you can design your life and you can be marvelous

 

 

hugs

 

Haha, it's just a lot of dancing terms...types...stuff. XD

 

Except cosplay.  That's just a costuming deal. ^^;

 

I might not realize the power in crafting in those terms, but I do recognize that feeling of making something with your own two hands.  I'm mostly a digital illustrator so I don't hold most of my drawings in my hands aside from the sketches.  Making a costume is far more rewarding (I think that's the right word).

 

The leveling up part is just when you complete one of your 6 week challenges - at the end of the completed challenge you become level 2 then 3 after the next challenge you complete, so say some goals you could set that are attainable in a 6 week period (just brainstorming here): learn 6 new dance routines ( 1 per week), drink more water x# of glasses per day (try squeezing a lemon or a lime into it -- it totally helps), substitute one unhealthy meal per day with one containing lots of veggies, and then for a life goal maybe write down 3 things everyday that make YOU happy(???) The attributes for Bonfire you have to set up yourself, (if you think of it in terms of Pokemon it's like your AGI stat gets a perma boost from using an item so you assign points to your 6 week goals then grade yourself on how you did and award yourself accordingly. I think a red panda is an awesome character idea, and I like that your character seems to be the happy go-lucky sort that you eventually want to make yourself into, that will make it fun

 

Don't know about doing 6 routines in 6 weeks.  I think I could handle 3 or 4 though depending on how long the routine is.  Also I was thinking of following tutorials I have saved and maybe each week I could pick a tutorial and work on those skills. 

 

I wouldn't say Bonfire is "happy-go-lucky".  She's just very confident in herself.

 

 

First of all, you're not alone in wanting to get fit for cosplay and that's a GREAT motivator. Sometimes people outside of fandom just don't "get it." I write a blog about cosplay and fandom as motivators to get healthy and it's been a huge help to me to use my love of different things to inspire or "jedi-mind trick" myself into workout out. Don't like yoga or Tai Chi? PRETEND YOU'RE LEARNING TO WATER BENDING! Don't like sprints or interval training on the elliptical machine? Watch a show like Xena where they have fighting music and whenever you hear that music, you better be bustin' your ass right alongside the warrior princess!

 

The key to what makes "good" cosplayers notable is being able to "fit" into the character's mold and SCREW the world if you let your ethnicity get in the way of becoming your favorite heroes! Even Yaya Han does characters that aren't Asian. I saw an AMAZING black Sindel from Mortal Kombat and my reaction was definitely not "awww almost." I can understand why it gets to you, but like you said, that's an aspect of yourself that you can't change. You need to find a way to do what you love! It will enrich your life so much more. When I started out, I was NOT into working out. I did it because I knew something had to change to get to where I wanted to be both physically and healthwise for myself as a person AND as a blossoming cosplayer.

 

All that said, I'm a huge MLP fan and my boyfriend and I are doing a Dash/Soarin cosplay. I've been working out like crazy to get ready for it and crafting up a storm. Maybe try using the character you want to portray as an inspiration? Dash is so sporty and physical that I tried to embrace that in myself- setting records, tracking my times, etc. She's spunky and she says what she thinks- so I started challenging myself to do that too! Even when I really feel like Fluttershy. I even started running because I felt like it was a fun "cosplay" inspired workout. 

 

Girl, you are gonna work this out! Start small and don't let this overwhelm you. <3 I can't wait to see what you do!

 

My mom is definitely in the "don't get it" camp.  She get's why I want to make costumes.  She just doesn't get why I want to look a certain way before wearing them.  Personally I barely get that one myself.  I clearly don't think that fat people shouldn't cosplay.  Heck, my favorite TARDIS cosplayer of all time is a plus size girl who altered her prom dress into this...masterpiece is the only word to describe it.  She's so gorgeous.  But I just don't have the confidence for it (much to most of my friend's dismay and especially after seeing all the hateful comments she got..).

 

A lot of the characters I want to portray don't really have personality or physical traits that I "want to" have.  Not to mention a lot of the characters I want to portray, I wanna to a genderbent version of them.  Or they're animal characters.  The only ones I can think of for personal "inspiration" would be Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.  I just wanted to make and wear Dash's gala dress.  Didn't think about "playing" her character.  But I did for Pinkie because even though she's my least favorite, she's the most expressive and fun of the bunch.  I think she might be the only character I want to cosplay 'cause of personality.  Her and Ankh from Kamen Rider OOO.  But just because he's so snide and sassy.  Not necessarily good traits but they'd be really fun to play. ^^;

 

I think my own characters would be the ones I emulate in working out.  Mostly 'cause of the dancing deal.

[redcat]

Don't know about doing 6 routines in 6 weeks.  I think I could handle 3 or 4 though depending on how long the routine is.  Also I was thinking of following tutorials I have saved and maybe each week I could pick a tutorial and work on those skills. 

 

I wouldn't say Bonfire is "happy-go-lucky".  She's just very confident in herself.

 

Well I was just throwing ideas out there - absolutely adjust for what you think is reasonable for 6 weeks. TBH if it was me I'd pick one one and work on it for the whole 6 weeks...I love to dance but I suffer from being rhythmically challenged as my friends like to call it... thankfully I'm not quite as bad as

 but you get the idea... hahahahaha

 

My best friend always says happy goes hand in hand with confident. Grab the confidence

[alienjenn]

Haha, it's just a lot of dancing terms...types...stuff. XD

Except cosplay. That's just a costuming deal. ^^;

I might not realize the power in crafting in those terms, but I do recognize that feeling of making something with your own two hands. I'm mostly a digital illustrator so I don't hold most of my drawings in my hands aside from the sketches. Making a costume is far more rewarding (I think that's the right word).

.

crafting of any sort is powerful... My daughter and I sing... We think of an idea... mold it... Shape it.... Fire it.... Breathe life in it.... There is nothing that we hold in our hands.... But we can bring you to tears... Make you laugh.... Break your heart... Make you feel joy...

We create reality with our craft

It doesn't matter if you hold your art in your hands or it stays on the computer screen... You create reality with your craft....

I believe that the power of life and death is in our tongue... We can shape our existence with our thoughts and our words....

So be the best you that you can be

Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2

[Nicca]

@teabunneh, I LOVE your posts and your profile. You seem awesome. Cheers

@OP, I never thought I was overweight during childhood/early teenhood either, and then suddenly came to realize... these high cheekbones ain't the only reason I have a cherub smile.  Your attitude towards getting in shape seems extraordinary and I could use a little of the motivation you've got! (I too work and game and that's about it.)

 

Welcome to the adventure!

[SombraMalamutt]

@teabunneh, I LOVE your posts and your profile. You seem awesome. Cheers

@OP, I never thought I was overweight during childhood/early teenhood either, and then suddenly came to realize... these high cheekbones ain't the only reason I have a cherub smile.  Your attitude towards getting in shape seems extraordinary and I could use a little of the motivation you've got! (I too work and game and that's about it.)

 

Welcome to the adventure!

 

Nah, I knew I was fat as a kid.  I just didn't care.  In the media being fat meant that no one wanted to be your friend and that you were lazy and didn't do anything.  The only way to please the masses was to become thin and then mystically everyone would care about you.  But I had friends who liked me for me.  I still have friends who like me for me.  I just want my parents (mother especially) to shut up about my weight. :/