Losing weight is freaking me out

[Everstorm]

Ok, maybe this is weird, but for some reason I'm kinda freaking out about losing weight.  I've been trying to lose weight for years, without much success until recently.  Since going pseudo-Primal, I've been losing weight like nuts, as in 3-4 lbs a week.  On the one hand, I'm excited to see the scale finally moving in the right direction, but on the other hand, it scares me a little.  Partly I'm scared it won't last, that I'll gain it back or just plateau before I get where I want to be.  Partly I'm scared that I'll actually make it to the gorgeous skinny woman I've always wanted to be, but then what?  Who is that girl?  I've never been her before (at least not since puberty).  Is it weird that being fat is such a part of my identity?  How do I deal with that?  I think I've actually started undermining my diet lately, not because I want the food, but to slow down my weight loss.  And I don't want to do that.  At least, the sane part of me doesn't.

 

Help!

[SimplyTsundere]

First off, congrats on losing the weight in the first place. That's such a hard thing to do but the nextr hardest part will be KEEPING it off. I'm sure at one point you will plaeteau or you're find a place/weight/comfort zone you'll want to plaeteau at. I had a friend that was dropping major weight week after week and would've kept going but he was afraid of becoming unhealthy so he altered his diet to put some of it back on. Once he reached his ideal weight, he continued working out, afforded himself a few more "cheat" meals, but otherwise, continued on like normal.

 

As for identity recogniztion, you will still be the same person. Just thinner. It's at that point you may have to love yourself more than ever. If you're so used to being "fat", you're probably scared of the person you'll "become" and have a hard time adjusting to that. So you'll have to take everything one day at a time. Remind yourself no matter how much you weigh, how you look, you're still beautiful and a good person. Being fat or skinny doesn't define you. Just love yourself uncondtionally.

[Everstorm]

You're right.  I think I would do better if I stopped obsessing...and stopped weighing myself 10,000 times a day.  What will I do with all that extra time?  LOL

[ZachAcid]

Hey Phoenix, just remember when the weight comes off, and the foods not their, you are going to be you.  The hardest adjustment I found losing weight was realizing that I look good, seriously if you look at your self with positive self image, others will look/think about you the same way.  And obsessing over the weight loss is something I'm sure we've all done a few times.

[KiwiChick]

Your doing so well - keep up the awesome work!

I have lost about 30 lbs and I don't feel any different, thought I would but nope! I agree don't over think it. I prefer to measure cm's now rather than weight and find that is a mentally more healthy way for me to keep track on things without getting obsessed with the number on the scales.

[Everstorm]

I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one.  Maybe it just takes some getting used to.

[terrormortus]

I can't really add anymore advice that isn't what everyone else has said, but it is sorta mind blowing when you do lose all that weight.

 

That's a good thing though, just remember that.

[Rostov]

A lot of really good advice there.  The one thing I'd add is that even at the relatively rapid weight loss you're achieving at the moment, you will have some time to adapt because you still won't become that "gorgeous skinny woman" overnight.  Even at 3-4lbs per week, it'll take time, and I'd imagine that your weight loss will slow down a fair bit as you approach your goal weight.  It's not as if you're going to go to bed overweight and wake up slim.

 

But my experience has been the same as Athena's - it takes the mind a while to catch up.  But it's not something that's impossible to deal with, and certainly not something to worry too much about in advance.  If you're strong enough to lose the weight, you're strong enough to deal with the consequences.

[FalseAesop]

I've lost nearly 100 pounds now and it is just....   weird.   I've been taking photos of myself the start of every month, and every time I look at the latest ones I stare at them and think "Nothing's really changed."  Never mind the 100 pounds and 10" off my waist I don't 'see' it,  Until I side by side it with an older one, then the difference is stark.  

 

The truth is the change is dramatic, but for some reason I don't see it when I just look at myself in a mirror... until I look at specific things.  I have a jawline now, I didn't before.  I can see my collar bones, and the muscles in my neck, I can see my adam's apple now, I can look at my hands and wrists and see definition of muscles and bone that I plain couldn't see before.  I have ankles instead of kankles...   there is a difference, I huge difference, people have told me I look completely different.  

 

Every so often I see muscle moving under my skin where I never could before on say my forearms and it strikes me as weird, because I've been overweight for so long I just got used to it.   I guess my (to steal a term from The Matrix) residual self image is still what it used to be, and when I focus on the changes it just strikes me as weird.

 

Not bad weird, I'm thrilled, it always brings a smile to my face, or I'll just stare at myself in the mirror while making my adam's apple I hadn't seen in a over a decade bob up and down (don't judge me).

 

I wouldn't say I'm freaked out, but yeah I can empathise.

[cn3wton]

I am with falseAesop on this one.  I lost over 100 lbs and 10 pants sizes over the past year or so.

 

My friends and family always tell me how good I look, and how different.

 

I say embrace the change.  I went out and changed my haircut, I have had the same one since I was 10! One of my friends cuts my hair and she said that I didn't even look like the same person anymore.

 

They don't mean it in a bad way either.  Because your identity doesn't have to be determined by your weight.

 

On the other side I recently saw a doctor who told me I had to lose 20 more pounds (since 170 is supposedly the ideal weight for me).  After telling him I had just lost 100 he said "Good now you only have 20 more to go!".

 

I say that you need to change at a pace you are comfortable with. But remember that these changes will also come with a lot of new exciting experiences!

[Huntress]

Short and simple: Stop thinking. Women seem to have a bad habit of over-thinking. 

 

Mmm, gender stereotypes. Stay classy! Honestly, maybe she has these thoughts because she's a human adapting to her life changing. Not because of her reproductive organs.

[Everstorm]

Thinness doesn't come with rules.

I think that's part of my thinking, that I will have to become "the skinny bitch" to stay thin or something.  Or that people will think of me that way (which I suppose I can't help).

 

I've lost nearly 100 pounds now and it is just....   weird.   I've been taking photos of myself the start of every month, and every time I look at the latest ones I stare at them and think "Nothing's really changed."  Never mind the 100 pounds and 10" off my waist I don't 'see' it,  Until I side by side it with an older one, then the difference is stark.  

 

The truth is the change is dramatic, but for some reason I don't see it when I just look at myself in a mirror... until I look at specific things.  I have a jawline now, I didn't before.  I can see my collar bones, and the muscles in my neck, I can see my adam's apple now, I can look at my hands and wrists and see definition of muscles and bone that I plain couldn't see before.  I have ankles instead of kankles...   there is a difference, I huge difference, people have told me I look completely different.  

 

Every so often I see muscle moving under my skin where I never could before on say my forearms and it strikes me as weird, because I've been overweight for so long I just got used to it.   I guess my (to steal a term from The Matrix) residual self image is still what it used to be, and when I focus on the changes it just strikes me as weird.

 

Not bad weird, I'm thrilled, it always brings a smile to my face, or I'll just stare at myself in the mirror while making my adam's apple I hadn't seen in a over a decade bob up and down (don't judge me).

 

I wouldn't say I'm freaked out, but yeah I can empathise.

Aesop, you totally nailed it.  The numbers keep going down, but I don't see much difference in the mirror.  And fortunately/unfortunately, I'm one of those people who carries their weight very evenly, so I lose it very evenly as well.  It was nice when I didn't look as obese as I actually was, but it's depressing when I've lost so much weight and haven't come close to going down a pant size.

 

And the residual self image thing was dead on.  That's what I've been thinking about a lot lately.  I mean, losing the weight might change my life.  On the other hand, what if it doesn't change anything?  If I don't get a grip on how I think about who I am, I'll still be self-conscious, insecure, and depressed.  Just thinner.

 

You guys (all of you, and I know I haven't responded to everyone) have given me a lot to think about.  I think this process is going to have to be a complete metamorphosis, both inside and out, before I'll be the finished person I want to be.  That's kind of why I picked my user name.  I'm not a caterpillar growing wings to become a butterfly.  I'm having to burn everything to the ground and start over.  And that's cool.  But the process is pretty painful!

[I-Jo]

Mmm, gender stereotypes. Stay classy! Honestly, maybe she has these thoughts because she's a human adapting to her life changing. Not because of her reproductive organs.

 

 

 

I don't think it's a stretch to say the women tend to be "thinkers" and even the dreaded "over thinker"  I'd say it's more true than not- stereotypes exist for a reason.  

While I agree that ANY body can suffer from the over think/deep thinking- I've seen more women hang out in that emotional over thinking pit than men.  My friend is a clinical physiologist - we've had many long conversations about people who like to hang out in that world- they can get addicted to that sense of deepness.  Not always good place to be- I used to be like that quiet a bit- and I'm happy I'm not any more.  

 

anyway- on to the rest

 

 

And this is why a "I need/should weigh this much" is a bad mentality.

 

Right here.  

 

Because you don't know what THAT is supposed to be- it's some arbitrary number.

 

This is why I seriously like to focus on things that are actions.  Like I want to be able to run X miles at X speed... or lift X weight or do X number of burpees. 

 

It's a lot more concrete and it eliminates a lot of those questions. 

 

OP- keep doing what you are doing- take pride in buying smaller clothes- I have never had "weight loss goals"- I've always been pretty comfortable with myself- but I changed some diet things and have lost about 2 sizes- and let me tell you what- I've been bragging to anyone whose got any ears that my teal asstastic 200$ pants I bought for 25$ at TJMAX are a size 8.  It's a good feeling- even though it was honestly never a goal- I still take pride in it. 

 

I also kill my workouts- which is way more important to me.  It's important to me that I do sets of pull ups- it's important to me to do push up's and do lots of them well- I'm very functional/strength driven.    Maybe try focusing on some of that and as you lose weight those two will go hand in hand but you will stress less about the person you THINK you are supposed to be.

 

Remember life's a journey- stressing about where you will end when you get there- means you are going to miss some of the awesomeness that WILL happen along the way!

[Everstorm]

I don't think it's a stretch to say the women tend to be "thinkers" and even the dreaded "over thinker"  I'd say it's more true than not- stereotypes exist for a reason.  

While I agree that ANY body can suffer from the over think/deep thinking- I've seen more women hang out in that emotional over thinking pit than men.  My friend is a clinical physiologist - we've had many long conversations about people who like to hang out in that world- they can get addicted to that sense of deepness.  Not always good place to be- I used to be like that quiet a bit- and I'm happy I'm not any more.  

 

anyway- on to the rest

 

 

And this is why a "I need/should weigh this much" is a bad mentality.

 

Right here.  

 

Because you don't know what THAT is supposed to be- it's some arbitrary number.

 

This is why I seriously like to focus on things that are actions.  Like I want to be able to run X miles at X speed... or lift X weight or do X number of burpees. 

 

It's a lot more concrete and it eliminates a lot of those questions. 

 

OP- keep doing what you are doing- take pride in buying smaller clothes- I have never had "weight loss goals"- I've always been pretty comfortable with myself- but I changed some diet things and have lost about 2 sizes- and let me tell you what- I've been bragging to anyone whose got any ears that my teal asstastic 200$ pants I bought for 25$ at TJMAX are a size 8.  It's a good feeling- even though it was honestly never a goal- I still take pride in it. 

 

I also kill my workouts- which is way more important to me.  It's important to me that I do sets of pull ups- it's important to me to do push up's and do lots of them well- I'm very functional/strength driven.    Maybe try focusing on some of that and as you lose weight those two will go hand in hand but you will stress less about the person you THINK you are supposed to be.

 

Remember life's a journey- stressing about where you will end when you get there- means you are going to miss some of the awesomeness that WILL happen along the way!

Very true!  And maybe by celebrating the little achievements along the way, I'll have a healthier sense of self by the end.  Good point!  I truly hate doing strength training while I'm doing it, but I feel like Superwoman once the session is over.  So, I really need to switch my mentality to focus on the sense of accomplishment, not dread the hard work.  For this challenge, I'm actually charting my reps so I'll be able to visually see the improvement, not just guess, "Ummm...I'm pretty sure I'm better than when I started."  I think that visual aid will help a lot with my motivation and sense of victory.

[I-Jo]

I can tell you - and I am not saying this to brag- but merely to point out the awesomeness of success AND how important it is to document.

 

One of my favorite workouts is a real gut check- it's 1000 repititions. 

10 exerices, 10 reps each, 10 rounds- the goal is to finish it as quickly as you can.

 

The very first time I did it- I actually ran out of time- to finish but I"m not sure I could have finished anyway!! LOL

I got through 6 rounds- and almost every move I could modify at that point was being modified- I finally called it a night at 47 minutes- and 6 rounds- was gassed completely. 

 

A month later of continued training- I attempted it on a cloudy Sunday   I was in the aerobics room- no headphones- just dark room and me and two guys boxing. (This was a very clear vivid day for me if you can't tell)

 

51 minutes. 

 

I smashed the shit out of that workout- the whole thing- all 10 rounds.  with NO modifications- in 51 minutes.  So in an extra 4 minutes of time- I managed to complete 400 MORE reps than I did the first time.

 

It was literally the most amazing moment all year of my working out- it was incredible feeling.

 

I would HIGHLY suggest you start tracking- get a little journal- I don't repeat my HIIT workouts very often- it's usually just variations and most of the moves are repeated but how I string them together is different- but occasionally I go back and really tackle an older workout- it's great to know I'm doing it faster- or I'm doing more reps with heavier weight- OR i'm doing a more advanced variation (totally cool). But my lifting?  I ALWAYS track- how else do you know where you where and how much weight?  it gets complicated AND you need to be able to referance- LOOK see how much MORE I did just 6 weeks later!

 

You can't tell really unless you right this stuff down- plus- it gives you something to do while you are sitting there LOL

 

You can do it!!!! <thumbsup>

[I-Jo]

and yes- I'm sorry- I type too much.  I type like I talk. 

[BadWolf]

I sometimes wonder the same thing, but I figure I'll just take it as it comes. I'm still me, just a little more broke from buying clothes that fit.

[cn3wton]

I-Jo has a great point, writing your progress down helps you see it. Especially with exercise.  I often find myself thinking "Didn't I lift more last week?"  or the opposite.  Writing things down will help you keep track, and as long as you are trying hard you will see positive results.

[Vintage]

I don't remember ever freaking out after I started losing weight, but I had plenty of anxious thoughts when I was on the edge of making changes to my diet and fitness. I realized that even though I HATED being fat and it tortured me constantly, there were things that I used it for. There were reasons I had resisted making any changes for so long. So I eventually sat down and wrote down all the things that could remotely be called "upsides" to staying fat. These included thoughts like:

 

-When I'm interested in a guy and he's not interested in me, I blame it on my being fat and unattractive. But what if I lose weight and this continues to happen? I'd rather be able to blame my singleness on my being fat than there being something wrong with my personality.

 

-I used the fact that I hated how I looked to avoid putting myself out there. Friends would be going out to a bar or a party and I would stay in, telling myself that it was because I didn't have any clothes that made me look good and I didn't want to be the fat girl in the group. This was true, but it was also true that going out to these places was anxiety inducing and required a lot of effort and bravery for non-fat related reasons.

 

-Losing weight and keeping it off is hard. It's so much easier to be fat already - at that point, what's the big deal about eating a second scoop of ice cream? One more pound doesn't matter at this point.

 

Just acknowledging these things helped a lot. Plus then I was able to look rationally at what I was trading off and whether it was worth it. 

[SSquirrel]

That's an excellent point Vintage.  Some people wear their weight like a beard to hide behind.  If no one expects anything of you, they won't be disappointed when you don't accomplish anything.  It works with yourself too. 

 

I-Jo>There was a girl on my bus in 1st grade.  She and I BOTH got nicknamed Chatterbox heh.  Don't sweat all the talking/typing, part of who ya are.  You are not alone at all

[Everstorm]

I don't remember ever freaking out after I started losing weight, but I had plenty of anxious thoughts when I was on the edge of making changes to my diet and fitness. I realized that even though I HATED being fat and it tortured me constantly, there were things that I used it for. There were reasons I had resisted making any changes for so long. So I eventually sat down and wrote down all the things that could remotely be called "upsides" to staying fat. These included thoughts like:

 

-When I'm interested in a guy and he's not interested in me, I blame it on my being fat and unattractive. But what if I lose weight and this continues to happen? I'd rather be able to blame my singleness on my being fat than there being something wrong with my personality.

 

-I used the fact that I hated how I looked to avoid putting myself out there. Friends would be going out to a bar or a party and I would stay in, telling myself that it was because I didn't have any clothes that made me look good and I didn't want to be the fat girl in the group. This was true, but it was also true that going out to these places was anxiety inducing and required a lot of effort and bravery for non-fat related reasons.

 

-Losing weight and keeping it off is hard. It's so much easier to be fat already - at that point, what's the big deal about eating a second scoop of ice cream? One more pound doesn't matter at this point.

 

Just acknowledging these things helped a lot. Plus then I was able to look rationally at what I was trading off and whether it was worth it. 

That's really insightful.  I'm going to have to think about this side of it some more....

[Cameron]

Like others have said, it can take your mind longer to change than your body. You wouldn't think it, but you've spent your life in that old body, and even if you didn't like it, you were at least used to it. So when your body changes, it takes a while to become comfortable with those new changes.

 

Some people take this well, and want to go to the beach and strut their stuff. Others (and I'm partially in this category) still see themselves as the old them. They might have cut their body fat % in half, but when they look at themselves they don't see it. I'd say most people are a combination of the two, and probably have days where they want to strut at the beach, and days where they think they're just as bad as when they started.

 

Anyway, the point is that you just have to keep it up, and eventually you'll become comfortable in your "new" body.

[I-Jo]

Remember too there is no "I've arrived" moment.  People think that once they reach XX mile stone (often a certain weight) that that's it.  

 

It's just a goal- it's a stepping stone.... then you have to realize- what's next for me? 

 

This stuff is for life- you gotta think beyond that "when I get to this weight I'm going to be or do... whatever"  Think bigger!!! 

[Everstorm]

Like others have said, it can take your mind longer to change than your body. You wouldn't think it, but you've spent your life in that old body, and even if you didn't like it, you were at least used to it. So when your body changes, it takes a while to become comfortable with those new changes.

 

Some people take this well, and want to go to the beach and strut their stuff. Others (and I'm partially in this category) still see themselves as the old them. They might have cut their body fat % in half, but when they look at themselves they don't see it. I'd say most people are a combination of the two, and probably have days where they want to strut at the beach, and days where they think they're just as bad as when they started.

 

Anyway, the point is that you just have to keep it up, and eventually you'll become comfortable in your "new" body.

Thank you!  That's it exactly!

[Everstorm]

Remember too there is no "I've arrived" moment.  People think that once they reach XX mile stone (often a certain weight) that that's it.  

 

It's just a goal- it's a stepping stone.... then you have to realize- what's next for me? 

 

This stuff is for life- you gotta think beyond that "when I get to this weight I'm going to be or do... whatever"  Think bigger!!! 

Very true.  I've been thinking about that lately...and haven't come up with an answer, yet.  More soul searching to do.