Depressed, possibly alcoholic math teacher is getting old, flabby, and sore - help me, fellow nerds!

[AhaElNakedLama]

Hello NF.

 

My name is Adam.  I'm a 32 year-old married father from St. Louis, MO (USA) standing 5'8" and ~155lbs (20-22% body fat, according to the Navy measurement).  By day I teach math to gifted but severely underprivileged middle school boys in the inner city.  On the weekends I am a part of the St. Louis Gaelic Athletic Club (http://www.stlgac.com/) playing the ancient Irish sport of hurling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurling) and I play & sing in a bluegrass group (mandolin, guitar, and learning fiddle).  By night?  Once my son's in bed and if my wife's otherwise engaged, I drink.  70-120 ounces of beer  per day, on average.  Why?  I don't know.  I just do.  I take antidepressants daily, but still regularly feel listless, uneasy, and semi-suicidal.

 

Strictly in terms of fitness, I've always been a small-but-in-shape guy.  From puberty until ~3 years ago I was 5'8", 140lbs, able to run a sub-5:30 mile on a moment's notice, regularly played 3-4 hour sessions of Ultimate, biked 8-10 miles 5 days/week as a commute, etc.  Since I've hit 30, however, things have started to slow down: my endurance and burst speed - once my hallmarks on the hurling pitch - are noticeably reduced.  My once naturally taut abs are turning soft and flabby, with a hint of gut overflowing my belt buckle.  The other day I tried to run a half-mile with my dog at a 7:00 mile pace; after a 1/4 mile I was so winded I had to sit down.  My knees hurt constantly.  It makes me unhappy, and that leads me to drink, which leads to depression, and so on...

 

Dork cred?  Archetypal lifetime video gamer, D&D, Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, etc.  My brother-in-law runs his own game development company (http://greaterthangames.com/) and I help playtest.  Studied physics.  Built my computer and run Linux.  Can code in Python and am learning Perl.

 

My goals, for the next 30 days:

- Move to a 90% paleo diet (it's difficult at school, since I eat lunch with the students)

- Limit my drinking to 5 beers per week

- Make an initial appointment with a registered therapist

- "Work out," in some meaningful form, 5 days per week (combo of bodyweight and running to start)

 

From lurking it seems that this is a wonderfully supportive and positive community - the kind of thing I've been lacking but so desperately need.  I can't do this alone.  Help?

  

 

 

 

   

[budroux2w]

I'm a drinker myself (having one now).. and i know why i drink, that's a demon i have to face during this whole process.  I think once you find out why you drink, the meaning will get lost in a "really, that's why?"  Then it's finding out what to do to get away from that reason.  Personally, i'm not to the point of getting rid of the reason, but i'm getting close.  I'm new as well, and not even a long time lurker, but i'm liking the support system that this site has. It takes a lot of courage to open up like you did, and that's a major step.

[Mr. Decay]

Tony Stark was once an alcoholic. He nearly lost it all. His position as leader of the Avengers, his company, his butler. Tony Stark was able to defeat his demons with the help of friends like Bethany Cabe. WE can be YOUR Bethany Cabe! I didn't read anything involving that character post "Demon in a Bottle" so I'm going to go ahead and say she was a great help all around (disclaimer in case she became a villain or something later on lol). We can be your support team though dude. Make a MyFitnessPal account if you don't already have one and ADD ME! I'm MadMisterMod and I'm ready to hold you accountable! 

[Mr. Decay]

Also, you're 32. That's hardly old. 

[jammon1372]

Gosh, I must be ancient at 41  I totally understand allot of where you are coming from though, while it isnt "supposed" to be a high stress job you have a very tough job within the STL school system.  Stick around and join in the conversations and tibits you pick up from others can be really motivating. I also sent you a PM

[Nikola]

I'm new here too, but I got your back. Maybe this quote, and you'll know where it's from, will help:

 

Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I'm all right."

 Give yourself a break. You are brand new in this moment. And you have an army of nerds behind you.

[AhaElNakedLama]

Tony Stark was once an alcoholic. He nearly lost it all. His position as leader of the Avengers, his company, his butler. Tony Stark was able to defeat his demons with the help of friends like Bethany Cabe. WE can be YOUR Bethany Cabe! I didn't read anything involving that character post "Demon in a Bottle" so I'm going to go ahead and say she was a great help all around (disclaimer in case she became a villain or something later on lol). We can be your support team though dude. Make a MyFitnessPal account if you don't already have one and ADD ME! I'm MadMisterMod and I'm ready to hold you accountable! 

 

Thanks.  I've added you as a friend on MFP, for which I just registered.

 

Also, you're 32. That's hardly old. 

 

I know, but by comparison to even 2-3 years ago I feel old physically.  Plus I'm starting to get grumpy and crotchety... and my hair is graying rapidly.

 

Gosh, I must be ancient at 41  I totally understand allot of where you are coming from though, while it isnt "supposed" to be a high stress job you have a very tough job within the STL school system.  Stick around and join in the conversations and tibits you pick up from others can be really motivating. I also sent you a PM

 

...and I received the PM.  If you're ever in the Maplewood area, come by The Bottleworks on a Sunday from 3pm-6pm.  I'll be there playing bluegrass with my buddies.  Also, thanks for the support re: teaching in north STL.  It's hard some days.

 

I'm new here too, but I got your back. Maybe this quote, and you'll know where it's from, will help:

 

Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I'm all right."

 Give yourself a break. You are brand new in this moment. And you have an army of nerds behind you.

 

Thank you for reminding me to be nice to myself.  The last few days have been very rough.  This morning I got up at 5:45, took the dog on a 45 minute walk, then did the "Beginner Bodyweight Workout." I ate scrambled eggs with garden-fresh greens and onion (instead of my usual bagel and cream cheese).  You know what?  I feel amazing.

[level250geek]

You're very active, and you seem to have many good things going for you. I bet you get, "But why are you so depressed? What's so wrong with your life?" a lot, don't you? Yeah, I get that too. I'm happily married, have the best job I've ever had, and lots of hobbies. But, I still struggle with depression and anxiety. I have good days and bad days. I have a huge problem with self-worth. I look in the mirror and see a failure.

 

In other words: I understand. You don't understand why you drink. That's part of it. Not understanding why you're struggling. There might not be a reason why you drink. You might just drink because you need something to do. Who knows? But you know it's something that needs to change and you know it. There, you've already started off on the right foot.

 

I think you'll get better in time. If you feel better about yourself, you'll feel better. In the meantime, you have joined a great community. Nerds, geeks, dorks, whatever you want to call us--we're used to being left-out. We know how it feels to the weird kid with no friends, and we don't wish that on anyone.

 

Feel free to add me as a friend on this site, and drop me a line anytime. As far as your fitness goals, take a look at the 6-week challenges/real-life RPG. It's fun, and keeps you engaged in your fitness goals.

 

http://nerdfitnessrebellion.com/index.php?/page/index.html/_/challenges/real-life-roleplaying-making-your-nf-characte-r13

[Mr. Decay]

On the topic of depression, I completely understand being depressed. I've had problems with depression my entire life, struggling with worry, and anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, that would just come out of nowhere. It's shameful, I feel to admit it, but I had been a cutter for a good chunk of my early adulthood and didn't realize exactly how precious everything was until I almost went through with "the deed". Luckily I had people to save me, and when it was all over people had new insight, and so did I. I still experience random occurrences of heavy depression, despite all the good things in my life. I don't particularly believe in psychiatric medicine but I fear that I'll always have to fight it, at least a little bit, without the help of medication. In the recent months (say four months give or take) I've started dabbling in Buddhism.. Not for spiritual awakening or because I need religious guidance, but for a way to focus and clear my mind; to regain perspective. It may be a worthwhile endeavor to look into.