Climbing the Abyss

[Nanashi]

Good day,

I decided to re-introduce myself because i disappeared and to state my actual situation, tell my tale (please read me on that), have support, suggestion and show my plan of action.

First off, i was this person.

Now im a little better and a little worser in some ways. Im still a bad person with my prejudices, selfishness, hypocrisy and big mouth. The body is the same thin, no-muscle, horrible hair and now with some bizarre problem in my left leg ("shin-splits"?).

The change is: Got a real job and moved to my own place, i pay rents but i dont need to look for foreigners anymore and i dont depend on my parents. I feel more independent and im busy all the time, but im content with my situation.

On the bad side, my girlfriend has getting angry with me randomly sometimes, im feeling like im her exhaust valve, she always come to her senses, apologize and ask me for help to make her become a little calmer, but im a little lost in how to help her. My last efforts appeared to have a positive result, lets see what will happen.

And now to the real problem, my "Abyss": My new apartment is very humble, i cant pay for something bigger with the same freedom. I live underground, have problems with moisture, noises and even security (the walls are made of wood, a simple kick will make then come apart), dont have a gatekeeper or anything to protect me, besides myself.

I was keeping low profile, being polite with every person i met, keeping my place shut and secure, minding my own bussiness...Then...Today when i was going for work i met three people looking like thugs, when i closed the door of the building like everyday they stopped me and told me to keep the door open because they were staying at someones place, i didnt believed then and i was with my girlfriend so i could not take any risks, then i told then to come with me to pick up the key with that person so that i could close de door before me and they could stay outside (thats the proprietary orders). They started to be offensive mocking me and saying im not a "security officer", and that i should "mind my own business", in the end the most agressive of then agreed to go pick the key but not without trash talking me all the way to the apartment (wich is in the same floor as mine). Case solved, they decided to threaten me as i was leaving. Nothing more happened, i sended a e-mail to the proprietary telling the tale in a very disapointed tone but now im here at work, and i feel very insecure, i suffered bullying as a child and im feeling the same weakness, the same "unfairness" feelings...I thought that i overcomed that.

I talked with my girlfriend about that and she was not fine with that matter, but the ending of our conversation was unexpected, she told me that i should attend to my security problems in a more offensive way, we agreed that if i did that she may be in risk too and she said that she feels lazy and dont like the idea of training but after that, its a different ground now...
Now im here, still feeling the same weakness, the same unfairness, the same bullying feelings...But at same time i feel a little revolt and a need to rebelion.
I want to become strong, agile and courageous and never feel this weakness again.
Im going to write my plan of action now, please, feel free to show me what you think and what you feel, your perceptions can help me alot.

              Best regards,

                 Nanashi

[Nanashi]

Like promissed, heres the plan of action. I have a lot of sweat to drop today, lets see how everything goes...

[level250geek]

I saw your post, and I immediately thought of the scene where Bruce Wayne makes his final triumphant climb in The Dark Knight Rises. Good luck with everything. I know you can turn it around.

[Nanashi]

Hahahaha thanks for the reference, now that you mentioned it, i thought in a bunch of funny similarities (black avatar, the climb, feeling breaked and even the lower leg problem), i will really try to inspire myself on this, maybe i should work on my "bat-voice", huh?
I just expect to dont find any Banes...I mean...Im not ready...I just adopted the darkness! Hahahaha.
Anyway, thanks for the support.