maeggieakamegan Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 As I'm typing this now, my heart is beating faster than normal and it enrages me. Literally have been staring at the screen, trying to talk myself out of doing this but here I am typing away. Actually if it wasn't for friends and family pushing me, I wouldn't be posting this in the first place. Apparently being told "you're being selfish by not sharing it" WAY too many times by WAY too many people makes me feel guilty, and can't have that Why the fuck do I care so much? I worked too damn hard to not show it off, right? Ugggghhhh!!! So here's some perspective, back in high school and years afterward was when I weighed my heaviest. Granted I didn't start my weightloss until much later, but of course I despised getting my picture taken (like most of us) so my senior pictures are the only reference I have as far as before pictures. I FUCKING HATE LOOKING AT THEM!!!! No, seriously, if I didn't have to worry about my mother, I'd rip them all up to shreds. Sometimes seeing those pictures reminds me that I'm still that person, that FAT person. Then when looking in the mirror, I still see her, "Oh Fat Megan, there you are, how horrible it is to see you again." But alas, after years of struggling with losing the weight and medical issues, getting fed up with no results, then trying one last time, I made the lifestyle change. Reflecting now, I feel ashamed about the person I was then. How in the hell did I live life back then? And now, like I did back then, all I want to do is "cover-up" the part of my past. Forget it ever happened, block it from my mind, and move on. I never want to be that lazy ass person again. Scratch that, I WILL never be that lazy ass person again. Well, I don't want to write a novel here (not a writer anyway), so I'll get to it. Here are my before and current pictures (definitely not "after", not done by a long shot) P.S. I apologize for my language, this is a touchy subject for me Also I'm wearing my favorite T Shirt in the picture, "Fight the Dead, Fear the Living" Can't wait for October!! Quote Link to comment
This is Seth Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Hey now! That's some great progress you've got brewing there! Keep up the good work and maybe you'll figure out what you want your "after" picture to look like. Quote You ever see those guys who look like they totally used to be in shape? I'm working to get back to that... Link to comment
Morrigainz Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Wow! Fantastic progress! Huge props and high-fives to you!! Yeah!!!!! Quote Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17 SWOLE BUCKS: 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Link to comment
Duck Dropping Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Wow! It is great to see that you have found the power inside yourself to make that lifestyle change you wanted so much. It is great to see others who have been able to dig deep and find the courage to make the shift to a healthier life. Great job! Quote Level 1 Warforged: Neophyte of the Empty Hand “The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.†Link to comment
Guest Dirty Deads Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 You are freaking adorable..errr... I mean AWESOME!! Seriously, great work. Quote Link to comment
Barfly Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 OMG! That is a world of change! Keep up the good fantastic work! Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
Omega v1.1 Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 That's amazing progress and congratulations to you for posting the pictures, it's a very brave thing to (metaphorically) stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and show such a personal side of yourself. You should be very, very proud of yourself! And don't be ashamed of the old you. Who we were in the past helps define who we are now- even if it's someone we know we never want to be again. Any time you get doubts or start worrying that you can't achieve something, look back at who you were and regain your confidence knowing how far you've come. As you said: I WILL never be that lazy ass person again. Keep moving forward and keep kicking arse! Quote I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. My returning challenge Link to comment
Vian Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 What Etchi said! I know how it feels to look at the "old you" and feel so ashamed and full of regret that you were ever that person. My feelings don't stem from weight, but from other choices I made (getting married too young to the wrong guy). It's a daily struggle to remember that if I hadn't gone through that experience, it wouldn't have taught me the lessons that I learned (the hard way, which makes them stick all the better!) and I wouldn't be the much more well-rounded person I am now. It will get easier over time as you start to feel more and more like your new body belongs to you. Awesome job! Quote "When I can no more stir my soul to move, and life is but the ashes of a fire; When I can but remember that my heart once used to live and love, long and aspire - O be thou then the first, the one thou art; Be thou the calling before all answering love, and in me wake hope, fear, boundless desire." - George MacDonald Link to comment
direrael Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 That's amazing! Serious kudos to you! Quote Current challenge - fighting the Bane of a broken back Link to comment
Anivair Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Excellent stuff! Personally, while I hate seeing my before pictures, I sort of also love it so i can see the after pictures and be impressed. Quote Level 3 Human Ranger STR: 9 DEX: 5.25 STA: 14.5 CON: 5.5 WIS: 16 CHA: 5.5 My Current Challenge Link to comment
tsornin Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 That is awesome work! Great job and keep it up! Quote Half-Elf Ranger (Lvl 2)STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 2 | WIS 1 | CHA 3 “What you can do is often simply a matter of what you will do.â€Challenge | Battle Log Link to comment
sumdawgtwigg Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 Great work! Quote "It's always the ones that don't do anything that try to bring you down" - Henry Rollins "There is no meantime, there is only now" - The Ditty Bops Trail Blazing Elf Ranger Sumdawgtwigg Level 3 STR-3 DEX-4 STA-4 CON-3 WIS-5 CHA-2 Fitocracy My Game Blog DO IT CHALLENGE! Link to comment
maeggieakamegan Posted June 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 Thanks everyone! I'm starting to realize that I need to use my anger of the past and apply it to the present to reach my goals. Looking back, I never thought I would be where I'm at right now. You are freaking adorable..errr... I mean AWESOME!! Seriously, great work. Adorable? Come on, now! I'm not a child here! Uggghhhh, my instructor did the same thing last night. He asked me, "So what, you're like 17, right?" I know, I know, should take it as a compliment, but still, people perceive me as being a kid. I'M A GROWN UP, DAMN IT!!! Got the bills to prove it, lol. Quote Link to comment
Guest Dirty Deads Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 Thanks everyone! I'm starting to realize that I need to use my anger of the past and apply it to the present to reach my goals. Looking back, I never thought I would be where I'm at right now. Adorable? Come on, now! I'm not a child here! Uggghhhh, my instructor did the same thing last night. He asked me, "So what, you're like 17, right?" I know, I know, should take it as a compliment, but still, people perceive me as being a kid. I'M A GROWN UP, DAMN IT!!! Got the bills to prove it, lol. I was just messing with you based on our previous conversation. Quote Link to comment
StarGazer Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 You have clearly made tremendous strides and should be so VERY proud of how you've changed yourself for the better and of the person you are shaping yourself into. You may hate looking at old pictures of yourself (and I totally get that), but it can also serve as a healthy reminder of how far you've come and how strongly you don't want to go back. Motivation to keep pushing forward! Go you! Quote Link to comment
Morrigainz Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 Personally I love being adorable and I milk it for all it's worth. Quote Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17 SWOLE BUCKS: 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Link to comment
maeggieakamegan Posted June 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 I work with a lot of older people and that's all I get, "Young lady, you soooo adorable" Then getting approached at a bar, "You're smile is so adorable". Can't escape it! When being asked for my ID, I always say "But I'm 40, why do you need to see my ID?" Love messing with the bouncers Quote Link to comment
raggedsweater Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 I can see that it took you a lot of effort and a bit of courage to post your high school photo and talk about it. I really hope that you find the strength to accept you as you were. You don't have to hate yourself past or present. Just know where you came from and where you want to go. What I'd be concerned about is what other people who may be overweight would get from your story. If they are large, should they hate themselves and let that be the motivation for their change? What happens to their self-image when they run into obstacles or struggle? It's a dangerous mentality, even if you are looking back at the past. It's great that you made progress and changed. But it still causes more harm than good holding onto that resentment and hate of your former self. You were beautiful before just as you are now. Just not everyone was able to see it... perhaps you still can't. Sorry to lecture... but I feel really strongly about this. I did not have a weight problem growing up, but I did have terrible acne (still do) and with keloid scars on my face, chest and back. I am still trying to accept my scars for what they are - i.e., not representative of who I am. I rarely ever take my shirt off in public, because of the stares I get. People will look and some ask directly what happened or what they are. Over time, however, I've learned to cope better with them and I'm trying to look at myself in the mirror and just accept it. I can't change the scars, but I can change my perception of them. You can't change your past, but you can also change your perception about yourself. Quote | LVL1 | Human | Ranger/Monk | Neutral Good w/ chaotic tendencies|| Male | 33 years | 5'7" |168 lbs | Right-handed || STR: 3 | DEX: 2 | STA: 3 | CON: 2 | WIS: 4 | CHA: 2 |Progress Photos Album Character attributes: Especially self-critical and self-condemning. Possesses strong polymathic potential, but circumstances, time and the will toward achieving that potential remain in constant fluctuation. Indecisiveness leads to indecision and determination must be coupled with foreseeable goals. Emotional quotient and empathic ability is high. However, with indifferent resignation, can be detached from people and places . Link to comment
maeggieakamegan Posted June 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 I can see that it took you a lot of effort and a bit of courage to post your high school photo and talk about it. I really hope that you find the strength to accept you as you were. You don't have to hate yourself past or present. Just know where you came from and where you want to go. What I'd be concerned about is what other people who may be overweight would get from your story. If they are large, should they hate themselves and let that be the motivation for their change? What happens to their self-image when they run into obstacles or struggle? It's a dangerous mentality, even if you are looking back at the past. It's great that you made progress and changed. But it still causes more harm than good holding onto that resentment and hate of your former self. You were beautiful before just as you are now. Just not everyone was able to see it... perhaps you still can't. Sorry to lecture... but I feel really strongly about this. I did not have a weight problem growing up, but I did have terrible acne (still do) and with keloid scars on my face, chest and back. I am still trying to accept my scars for what they are - i.e., not representative of who I am. I rarely ever take my shirt off in public, because of the stares I get. People will look and some ask directly what happened or what they are. Over time, however, I've learned to cope better with them and I'm trying to look at myself in the mirror and just accept it. I can't change the scars, but I can change my perception of them. You can't change your past, but you can also change your perception about yourself. First off, I don't feel like you're lecturing at all. From your signature and also the post, you know where I'm coming from when I talk about my past. I never said I hated myself now or even back then. What I hate is the condition that I let myself get to, the way I just accepted and settled for the condition when I knew I had/have so many things going against me (medical wise). Back then, I couldn't have cared less about diabetes, heart disease, stroke, etc (all of which run in my family). I was lazy and didn't want to put in the work, granted I wanted to be thinner (even prayed for it and of course that didn't get me anywhere) but forget it if I had to work for it. That's what I hate, the mentality that I had back then. And like everything else, my mentality dictated what my body looked like. That's what my before picture represents to me. Quote Link to comment
porchcricket13 Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 I get the "cute" thing a lot, I'm 32 and got id'd to buy a lighter today. I hate it!!! You look awesome! Quote And in this existence, I'll stay persistent And I'll make a difference, and I will have lived it- MFTP Battle Log Link to comment
maeggieakamegan Posted June 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2013 I get the "cute" thing a lot, I'm 32 and got id'd to buy a lighter today. I hate it!!! You look awesome! Thank you, so you're telling me I should expect to hear "cute" and "adorable" for years to come? Great lol Quote Link to comment
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