What We Mean When We Say We Need A Break

[girljen]

Parents, READ THIS.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-king/stay-at-home-parent_b_2558642.html

 

 

Or, TL;DR types, just read this:

 

Needing a break doesn't mean that I'm seeking a respite from my responsibilities or that I want to put my feet up. It means that I need a moment to feel like a human being in the midst of a relentless life where I don't belong to myself anymore; where I give my love and energy away, every moment of my existence, and can't figure out how to keep any for myself.

 

This was written by a stay-at-home mom, but it's important for all parents to remember that they are human, that they deserve to take care of themselves...and so do their partners.

[CrisciMalosh]

I am so very blessed, most of the year (summers are tough) in that my husband rushes home from work to spend time with our children.... to play with them, watch cartoons with them, overall keep them from pestering me so that I can have a break. He saw me through almost family shattering PPD, and kept up the habits he developed then to ease my burden. 

[wideeyed]

Parents, READ THIS.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-king/stay-at-home-parent_b_2558642.html

 

 

Or, TL;DR types, just read this:

 

This was written by a stay-at-home mom, but it's important for all parents to remember that they are human, that they deserve to take care of themselves...and so do their partners.

Thank you for the share. An unspoken goal of this challenge is working with my boys (including the really big one) on how important these things are for me. Also, I don't want my daughter-in-laws to hate me.

[CrisciMalosh]

Thank you for the share. An unspoken goal of this challenge is working with my boys (including the really big one) on how important these things are for me. Also, I don't want my daughter-in-laws to hate me.

 

That would be important... I wanted to like my m-i-l, but she makes it impossible. 

[l4dyh4wk]

"From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, there isn't a single second of my day where I'm not engaged and on call. There isn't a single moment where I am alone with my thoughts, where I'm not being touched and needed and where demands aren't being made of me. Not a single moment. Not when I'm brushing my teeth or showering or trying to find something clean to wear. Not even in the bathroom."

 

 

This for me is my biggest challenge. Ever. As a single parent, not being able to 'tag' out before I get the kids into bed, makes every day a struggle and I find myself wishing away their childhoods. I don't want to do that.. I don't want to be the screaming banshee mum that I sometimes become.. but by the end of the evening I find that I have nothing left.. no tolerance.. no patience.. no me.

 

[Krisis]

Love this article.

 

...Even though I really would like a vacation...

 

6-8 days... in England... or Hawaii... with husband and Toby at my mom's house?

 

Sign me up for that!  ;-)

[makuramis]

There's an interesting book published about this theme, the mother's burnout, by Violaine Gueritault 

[Lyridia]

Wow, just wow!  Yes, I feel this way, a lot actually.  Nice to see I'm not the only stay at home parent that feels this way sometimes.

[LittleMissSunshine]

You know, there's a reason I went back to work when a contract job landed serendipitously in my lap when my youngest was 2.5 - it wasn't just the money. Being home with the kids was burning me out. As much as I loved them, I was drowning, I was losing myself. When the contract came, it was like I found myself again, and I don't regret taking it. It's a tough job being a stay-at-home-parent (hell, being a parent in general!), not all Oprah and bonbons. I salute those who can keep down the fort at home - I am not one of them.

[pirateradio]

One of the things I tell anyone planning on having kids or about to have them is how much they change your life, at least if you are any kind of parent that is. It is one of the most scary, incredible, wonderful events in your life, and there just isn't an instruction manual for everything you face with them..... you face books that tell you if you don't feed them macrobiotically they'll end up in jail or something, those who tell you if you let your baby cry you are heroic (personally, find that a crock of dingo dooey...), in laws telling you they will grow up pigeon toed if they don't wear shoes outside, etc, etc......and it fries you. My wife was SAHM for my son's growing up, and it was intense, he was really bright,and had this mantra of "I don't want to sleep, I want to rest and play, rest and play all night long"..my wife says she didn't sleep for 4.5 years! She drove him all over, to a school far from our house, and then when the music took over, well, let's just say she rarely had a day off from that, she has never been to one of my company christmas parties because there was something going on, etc......

 

One of the biggest pieces of advice I have, looking back now with our son away at conservatory, is to give yourself a break as a parent. Not just some time off, but also forgive yourself for all the transgressions you either think you have done or really did, because you are human. You get tired, and if you snapped at the kids, or didn't want to play,or groaned when they wanted to watch some disney video for the hundredth time, it is okay, it means you are human. A therapist I worked with, to fix some serious crap from my past, who raised 4 kids who actually like each other, said if you get them off to college tying their shoelaces and able to go to the bathroom by themselves, you have done it well:). Also know that if you are questioning yourself, asking yourself if you are doing the right thing, it means you are probably a good parent, cause that is what good parents do.....as my therapist said, if you ever want to know who is a bad parent, if anyone ever tells you what a great parent they were, that they never had a moment of doubt, that is the bad parent, because obviously they never really parented if they can say that!

 

And yep, they do grow up, and if you love them, care for them, are involved in their lives, they will grow up and generally do okay, I promise:). I look at my son, who is now 6' 2, and remember that kid who fit in the crook of my arm, the piggy back rides trying to get him to sleep, singing to him until I was hoarse, and I realize that it was all so, so worth it, despite the cost, the sacrificing what many people consider 'necessities', he has turned into an incredible adult, and when he makes a smart aleck remark about something, I know a piece of me lives on in him:)

[Elastigirl]

One of the things I tell anyone planning on having kids or about to have them is how much they change your life, at least if you are any kind of parent that is. It is one of the most scary, incredible, wonderful events in your life, and there just isn't an instruction manual for everything you face with them..... you face books that tell you if you don't feed them macrobiotically they'll end up in jail or something, those who tell you if you let your baby cry you are heroic (personally, find that a crock of dingo dooey...), in laws telling you they will grow up pigeon toed if they don't wear shoes outside, etc, etc......and it fries you. My wife was SAHM for my son's growing up, and it was intense, he was really bright,and had this mantra of "I don't want to sleep, I want to rest and play, rest and play all night long"..my wife says she didn't sleep for 4.5 years! She drove him all over, to a school far from our house, and then when the music took over, well, let's just say she rarely had a day off from that, she has never been to one of my company christmas parties because there was something going on, etc......

 

One of the biggest pieces of advice I have, looking back now with our son away at conservatory, is to give yourself a break as a parent. Not just some time off, but also forgive yourself for all the transgressions you either think you have done or really did, because you are human. You get tired, and if you snapped at the kids, or didn't want to play,or groaned when they wanted to watch some disney video for the hundredth time, it is okay, it means you are human. A therapist I worked with, to fix some serious crap from my past, who raised 4 kids who actually like each other, said if you get them off to college tying their shoelaces and able to go to the bathroom by themselves, you have done it well:). Also know that if you are questioning yourself, asking yourself if you are doing the right thing, it means you are probably a good parent, cause that is what good parents do.....as my therapist said, if you ever want to know who is a bad parent, if anyone ever tells you what a great parent they were, that they never had a moment of doubt, that is the bad parent, because obviously they never really parented if they can say that!

 

And yep, they do grow up, and if you love them, care for them, are involved in their lives, they will grow up and generally do okay, I promise:). I look at my son, who is now 6' 2, and remember that kid who fit in the crook of my arm, the piggy back rides trying to get him to sleep, singing to him until I was hoarse, and I realize that it was all so, so worth it, despite the cost, the sacrificing what many people consider 'necessities', he has turned into an incredible adult, and when he makes a smart aleck remark about something, I know a piece of me lives on in him:)

This a 1000 x.  

[Delerey09]

I have a one year old and work about 20 hour/week out of the home and also do 85% of the child care and 100% of the housework.  My SO works full-time and also is a freelance DJ and can some days work 18 hours between his job and gigs.  He doesn't exactly "get it" when I say I need more time to myself and I always find myself feeling guilty about my feelings in the end.  I wish I could put him in my shoes for a month.

[snydergrl]

I know how you all feel. My husband works 64 hours on an average week. I know he works hard and I would not be able to do what he does. He's a real hero firefighter emt. I quit my job over a year ago when my mother who has tons of health problems fell and broke her arm making her immobile. I was already pennant with our third and last child at the time. Now I homeschool our ten year old daughter and take care of our sons 3yrs and 9 mo. Some days I just want to run away and I love my children dearly, and know that most days my mother appreciates some of what I do. But most days bed time is only a break for so long. Throw breastfeeding on the mix, and it's like you have no time our space for yourself.

[Waldo]

Part of the burden though is self-created and unnecessary. My wife (stay at home) and I do try to be mindful of overparenting. Kids don't need 24/7 attention. They may want 24/7 attention, but you have to find time for yourself. I'm a firm believer that overparenting is a negative both for the children and the parents. The best thing you can do for your children is to teach them how to be happy adults; the only way to do that is to lead by example.