zenLara's journey

[SymphonicDan]

Last thing: the director of the conservatory is writing a musical for our next arts week (in march or april) and he has thought about writing an act where I could tap dance. This is very disturbing. On one side I think, hey, it's cool! I can ask my tap dance teachers to help me and make a simple but nice act. It could be very fun! But on the other side, I am nothing but a novice in tap dance, and a lot of bad things are currently going through my mind: I could be lost and stop, I could stumble and stop, I could appear ridiculous trying to dance like if I knew how    And to wrap up the thing: he has explained me he has already worked with tap dancers, "yes, with ludovico hombravella, do you know him?" F*** I know him, he is one of the best tap dancers here in Spain!

 

Haha, that's awesome, although even though I'm generally a confident person I definitely feel your apprehension here Due to human psychology (and actually building on some of the ideas in "Thinking Fast and Slow - have you had time yet to read any of that? ) people tend to greatly underestimate how positively others will view their performance in something that the person is good at. In this example, you will have a very critical opinion of any mistakes you might make, because you know how tap dances should work and have high expectations. The others (the audience) do not know what should happen in your tap dance, and have lower expectations. So quite often a performer will think that they have unerperformed - and they probably have, by their standards - but the audience will be literally 100% complimentary (as they enjoyed the performance and didn't notice any mistakes).

 

The exception are the people who are tap dancers and do know what's going on - in which case they'll empathise with the difficulty of performing and be pleased to see someone else involved in their art (whether or not they happen to be of a much higher level than you).

 

Also, even if the performance goes disastrously wrong (say you give up halfway through and storm off the stage and trip up on the stairs in the process - that's about as bad as it gets right?) the audience won't have their evening ruined and they'll feel sympathetic for you if anything.

 

I'd suggest you accurately advise the director of your skill (maybe you already have) (but don't exaggerate how amateur you are because that's not useful to them) and then trust their appraisal of whether it'd be good to have you perform - and it's still up to you whether you go for this

 

Ooh, 1000-posts

[Lara]

Haha, that's awesome, although even though I'm generally a confident person I definitely feel your apprehension here Due to human psychology (and actually building on some of the ideas in "Thinking Fast and Slow - have you had time yet to read any of that? ) people tend to greatly underestimate how positively others will view their performance in something that the person is good at. In this example, you will have a very critical opinion of any mistakes you might make, because you know how tap dances should work and have high expectations. The others (the audience) do not know what should happen in your tap dance, and have lower expectations. So quite often a performer will think that they have unerperformed - and they probably have, by their standards - but the audience will be literally 100% complimentary (as they enjoyed the performance and didn't notice any mistakes).

 

The exception are the people who are tap dancers and do know what's going on - in which case they'll empathise with the difficulty of performing and be pleased to see someone else involved in their art (whether or not they happen to be of a much higher level than you).

 

Also, even if the performance goes disastrously wrong (say you give up halfway through and storm off the stage and trip up on the stairs in the process - that's about as bad as it gets right?) the audience won't have their evening ruined and they'll feel sympathetic for you if anything.

 

I'd suggest you accurately advise the director of your skill (maybe you already have) (but don't exaggerate how amateur you are because that's not useful to them) and then trust their appraisal of whether it'd be good to have you perform - and it's still up to you whether you go for this

 

Ooh, 1000-posts

 

Although I agree on most of what you've said, this The exception are the people who are tap dancers and do know what's going on - in which case they'll empathise with the difficulty of performing and be pleased to see someone else involved in their art (whether or not they happen to be of a much higher level than you) is unfortunately not true. Dancers and musicians are veeeery critical with their colleagues and competitors most of time. I've been playing professionally for almost 20 years now, and believe me, people in the performing arts are usually far to being nice, specially if they play the same instrument you play. With dancers it can be even harder because the body image is involved. We usually call it the "artist ego" - I am sure there must be some clinical distorsion of the ego named like that

 

Anyway, this would not happen to me in this tap dance situation, because I would probably be the only tap dancer in the room/theather. But, there will be: my colleagues, my own pupils with their families, and basically the whole academy and families. Around 600, 700 people easily. If it goes wrong, omg, I don't want to get myself a bad nickname, like "the-she-thinks-she-can-dance-foolish-flute-teacher" and I am also rather afraid of my hyperperfecctionist personality... But if this goes well, it could be EPIC! So I am still thinking about it. I'll talk to my tapdance teacher next saturday to know what she thinks of it. The director already knows I am nothing but a beginner and I've told him it should be a very easy act. He told me we'll talk about it calmly (yesterday he just phoned me to make the proposal).

 

Falling flat on my face while leaving the stage after failing the act: thank your for the nightmare :lol:

 

Ooh, 1000-posts  Now I am a rebel!!!

[Barfly]

But really, you were always a rebel.

[Lara]

Yesterday the scholar year was officialy started. I did my best to keep calm and to save energy and I succeeded at it. I glided smoothly through the day, completing all the tasks in my to-do list before going to work. Today seems is gonna be more difficult, because I have some meetings in the morning besides my usual schedule in the afternoon-evening, so there will be almost no free time. So, prioritizing, my to-do list today will have only 3 things: breathing, reading my affirmations for anxiety and musical practice. No time for C25K

Another problem I have to face is the overthinking about work. Since the week started, at the same moment I wake up I have work tasks in my head. Or work conversations or work ideas or work whatever... And many times along the day I discover myself thinking more and more about it. This has always been like that, but this is obviously a great contributor to my anxiety and will have to put and end to it somehow.

 

Positive things yesterday:

 

- Finishing all my to-do tasks.

- Tap dance practice.

- Trout for lunch.

- Students talking about their summer activities.

- The rain.

[IronGlider]

Sound like you had a great start to the academic calendar, congrats!!1 :-)

 

I hear ya on overthinking, I often do this too, and I try not to. I link it to my prior perfectionist attitude, which I'm really bent on stopping these past few months because it gets quite ridiculous. 

 

This may seem a little cheesy, but I now want to see myself/be an 'optimalist' which is to basically approach and think things positively step by step. It may sound silly or simple, but I'm finding that is exactly what I need. I've been ensuring that all my current/future projects are approached with a more youthful, exuberant approach. I don't need to overthink the unnecessary or beat myself up in an unconstructive manner, just keep on going with the flow and prepare to strengthen for any critical hits, if they come...

 

Welldone of all the positive things, nice to see you getting straight into the productive mindset... :-)

[Lara]

Sound like you had a great start to the academic calendar, congrats!!1 :-)

 

I hear ya on overthinking, I often do this too, and I try not to. I link it to my prior perfectionist attitude, which I'm really bent on stopping these past few months because it gets quite ridiculous. 

 

This may seem a little cheesy, but I now want to see myself/be an 'optimalist' which is to basically approach and think things positively step by step. It may sound silly or simple, but I'm finding that is exactly what I need. I've been ensuring that all my current/future projects are approached with a more youthful, exuberant approach. I don't need to overthink the unnecessary or beat myself up in an unconstructive manner, just keep on going with the flow and prepare to strengthen for any critical hits, if they come...

 

Welldone of all the positive things, nice to see you getting straight into the productive mindset... :-)

 

Oh, perfectionism... And old friend of mine. I am working on it now, and the affirmation thing seems to keep it at bay rather well.

About overthinking, I've found 2 ways to face it: 1) awareness. It's difficult to do, but I try remember to be in the moment, as teached by my beloved Andy in the meditation sessions, and it works because this type of overthinking is kind of automatic and it goes on and on unnoticed. So everytime I notice it, I dismiss it. And it goes away for a while. 2) I have to acknowlege that good things of life have at least the same importance than bad ones. As I have tendency to focus onto bad things, it would be difficult for me to directly switch to a positive, optimistic way of thinking because I would find it "false", so I am in a previous phase, one I can believe in: good things and bad things should be given the same value, and I have to try not to favour the negative ones. It seems to be working for me.

 

I see you are full of energy for your new challenge! You know I wish you the best, right? You are gonna rock it, it would be impossible for you not to!!!

 

-----

 

Positive things yesterday:

 

- Got a lot of work but managed to keep my stress low. This is a big thing

- Had a nice talk with one of the oldest students. Last year he was thinking of studying business administration after finishing highschool, but I made him think about the kind of job he would be doing when he'd finish studying. I mean, many students go to the university thinking about a career they find interesting, but they don't look farther: which kind of job will they do afterwards? Will they enjoy it? Will they feel fulfilled? Do they see themselves doing that for a lifetime? He looked puzzled at me when I asked him all this and he told me he felt he could not spend his life sitting on a desk in an enclosed space and that he would reflect on that. Yesterday, four months later, he told me he has decided to prepare the public examinations to be a fireman. He told me it suits better his nature: he likes to exercise (he is fit and muscular), he likes the open air, he could maybe work with the forest squads or even become a ranger. Wow, that is a big shift from business administration!

- Had a lot of fun with one of the youngest students while writing a new song.

- Wind!

 

Positive things today:

 

- Free time.

- Running with the last warm rays of the sun.

- The smell of the bone broth I am making.

[Lara]

Today was the first tapdance lesson of the year. To my surprise, I've been put in the class of the "advanced beginners", although I only attended lessons for 5 months last year instead of the 10 months everybody else did. So wow! The best thing of it is I have a new teacher, and oh my, how he dances! He must be around 60 but, what an energy! He killed us on the first day! He seems to go a bit farther than the other teacher in that he not only explains the movement but how to make it sound better and he goes more into detail.

 

Positive things today:

 

- Tap.

- Tap.

- Tap.

- And tap, of course.

 

------

 

28.09.14

 

Third week over. I feel pretty proud of it. I've been reading and writing about anxiety, working on self-talk, I've been exercising everyday (two walks, two runs, two tap sessions), and I've found everyday some time to just rest. Meditation could be better, because I meditated only 3 times this week, 4 if I do it today, and I'd like it to be at least 5 days a week, because the effects will be more noticeable.

 

For this next week there will be no new activities added, I only have to make everything going on. If I succeed, later on I could think on adding a bodyweight or dumbbells workout. I would like to alternate it with the days I run, but at the same time I need running to be less energy consuming, because if not I won't have any real resting day and I guess that won't be good for my body. So I'll let myself become accustomed to running first.

 

Positive things:

 

- Fresh day.

- Lazing around. I've decided this to be a rest day. I will only go for a walk in the afternoon.

- Bone broth!

- I've covered 10% of my trip to Mordor!

[IronGlider]

Excellent week indeed!

Yeah, it's definitely all experimenting on what workout/running regime works out best for you. I use to workout Tue/Thu/Sat and Jog Mon/Wed/Fri, but then I flipped them as I usually fasted on workout days, which would usually dampen the quality and efforts. It's only now that I've switched days and found myself to be more optimised. So yeah, essentially remembering to be flexible helps is what I was trying to say *derp* :-p

Hope you have a great day tomorrow! :-D

[Barfly]

2 day a week running, maybe? Or alternate walking and running, 1 minute of each, to conserve energy.

[Lara]

Excellent week indeed!

Yeah, it's definitely all experimenting on what workout/running regime works out best for you. I use to workout Tue/Thu/Sat and Jog Mon/Wed/Fri, but then I flipped them as I usually fasted on workout days, which would usually dampen the quality and efforts. It's only now that I've switched days and found myself to be more optimised. So yeah, essentially remembering to be flexible helps is what I was trying to say *derp* :-p

Hope you have a great day tomorrow! :-D

 

Thanks Iggy! Good day to you too!

Yes, what you say it's what I'd like to do. 3 days for running, 3 days for workout, 1 rest day. And yes, flexibility if I don't want to be burned out soon

 

2 day a week running, maybe? Or alternate walking and running, 1 minute of each, to conserve energy.

 

With C25K is what I do: I run 90 seconds, I walk 2 minutes (started with 60/90 seconds). I hope that with some more weeks of practice the combination of running-walking will not be so tough and I'll be able to incorporate workouts. And yes, good idea, when I finish the program I could run 2 days instead of 3 to leave more space for other activities.

 

We'll see!

Thank you, guys! Always nice to see you here!!

[Barfly]

Always a pleasure

[Lara]

Yesterday had a killing C25K session, because I chose a trail with more slopes than usual, and they were always upwards! But did it til the end like a big girl.

And now today, well, it was supposed to be a walking day, a rest day, but, you see, I had this odd dream tonight -this is going to be freaky, I warn you- where civilization had been destroyed by giant dinosaurs -I know, I know- and then the surviving humans lived gathered in nerdfitness camps :lol: And I was kind of a ranger: I could hunt with a bow, I run through the woods, I swam in the river, I was full of energy and power! And it felt SO real -I love my brain when does things like this-. By the way, Barfly, you were there too. Must have been the californian nerdfitness camp... The thing is, as you will understand, I woke up hypermotivated for a workout, so decided to dust off my strength movements and try. The result is a bit disappointing in that I've lost a lot of strength these months, but I don't feel discouraged. This will come back.

 

- Roll up to squat 10x10x10

- Push-ups. Ayayay. I had to do them on the couch's armrest, and couldn't barely go the full way down. I also tried negative ones in the floor, horrible. BUT, I also tried to lie on the floor and push up and I was able to get my body off the ground a few cm. That's new, that's good. 3x3x3 negatives; 3x3x3 inclined.

- Chair dips with straight legs: 2x2x3. I used to be at 4, so a bit low but not too far from my mark.

- Elbow plank. 40 seconds and with a lot of effort, while my usual mark was at 60. Hmm.

- Side plank. 30 seconds each side. Used to be at 45, so rather good.

- Tried plank with arm raises, just for fun. I can hold one of my arms in the air for 10 seconds twice.

- Crow pose. Of course!    I only got 20 seconds after many trials, BUT, I could place my legs higher in my arms so got a very solid pose with a good balance. I couldn't keep it because of lack of strength.

Then I cooled down by doing a slow review of last saturday's tapdance lesson.

I feel high!!!!

 

Positive things yesterday:

 

- Last student of the evening got sick so I was able to come home one hour earlier.

- Got to do every item on my to-do list.

- Not every student has been lazy during summer.

- Sun has come back.

 

Positive things today:

 

- Workout!

- Trying to do push-ups.

- There is only one thing left in my to-do list and it's only midday.

- I can perceive anxiety is getting lower.

- Another sick student, again one hour earlier at home.

[Barfly]

It's your subconscious telling you to come join the rangers!

[IronGlider]

Ummm, can I come join you in your dreams #totallynotcreepy xD

Great to hear you having another great and positive day! :-) And I bow down to the students who have a productive summer, that was never me! I always had intentions, but as we know here @NF, it's not good enough xD

Excellent work on the crow pose too! And for pushing yourself with the C25K session! :-)

[Lara]

It's your subconscious telling you to come join the rangers!

 

Hmmmm... The fact is I have accepted that I am far from being an assassin because I really lack the strength and endurance I need to do those acrobacies. And aren't strength and endurance the realms of rangers? Should I be a ranger before I retake assassin training? Although what I am working on right now would be more in the druids' expertise... And as I am trying to get bigger and stronger, would I better fit with the warriors? Do petite warriors exist?

Ouh-la, the more I think about it the more complicated it looks.

 

Ummm, can I come join you in your dreams #totallynotcreepy xD

Great to hear you having another great and positive day! :-) And I bow down to the students who have a productive summer, that was never me! I always had intentions, but as we know here @NF, it's not good enough xD

Excellent work on the crow pose too! And for pushing yourself with the C25K session! :-)

 

Nonono... My students MUST work in summer and they know. Musical practice is very similar to sports. Worst, because embouchure muscles are small, and theirs are not well trained yet: 3 months without playing means they lose a lot of skill and strength. Imagine you train during 9 months to run an obstacle race, and then you stop for 3 months all physical activity and you only watch tv in your couch. You don't even go for a walk in the evenings. And after those 3 months your trainer tells you, well we are back on training, I hope you kept on training during summer as I told you, let's go for a run. Guess what would happen.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!!

[IronGlider]

Nonono... My students MUST work in summer and they know. Musical practice is very similar to sports. Worst, because embouchure muscles are small, and theirs are not well trained yet: 3 months without playing means they lose a lot of skill and strength. Imagine you train during 9 months to run an obstacle race, and then you stop for 3 months all physical activity and you only watch tv in your couch. You don't even go for a walk in the evenings. And after those 3 months your trainer tells you, well we are back on training, I hope you kept on training during summer as I told you, let's go for a run. Guess what would happen.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!!

 

Hahaha I do NOT want to be in that position (of skipping training for 3 months and returning to school) xD

[Barfly]

Hmmmm... The fact is I have accepted that I am far from being an assassin because I really lack the strength and endurance I need to do those acrobacies. And aren't strength and endurance the realms of rangers? Should I be a ranger before I retake assassin training? Although what I am working on right now would be more in the druids' expertise... And as I am trying to get bigger and stronger, would I better fit with the warriors? Do petite warriors exist?

Ouh-la, the more I think about it the more complicated it looks.

 

You can be whatever you want to be. The more interested you are in something, the easier it is to stick with.

[Lara]

Today I couldn't use the car to go to my usual running trails and I don't like to run in the city with the traffic and so, but instead of accept there was going to be no exercise today, I decided to jump up into another strength workout:

 

Squat with dumbbells (4kg, have to put on more weight next time) 5x5x5

Deadlift with dumbbells (4kg, needs more weight, too easy) 5x5x5

Overhead press (4kg) 3x3x3

Bench press (4kg) 5x5x5

Dumbbell rows (6kg) 5x5x5

Elbow plank 40 seconds

Stretching

 

Positive things yesterday:

 

- The state-agency called to tell me they've found new tenants for the appartment, which has been empty since july. Good news, although I have to take the car -6 hr driving and back- and go there to do all the paperwork.

- Reading.

- Respecting my rest time.

- Fun thing: how much it annoys my cat when someone sits on "his" chair.

- The "no procrastination" attitude seems to work, I am up to date on almost everything. On the other side, being so responsible with my daily duties makes it easier to accept the days where I have no time and I'm forced to do less things.

- Slept extremely well.

[IronGlider]

Excellent, productive day indeed!

 

the cat thing genuinely made me lol! xD Hilarity!

[SymphonicDan]

Yay, nice to come back to your thread and see you doing well What dumbbells do you have?

[Lara]

Yay, nice to come back to your thread and see you doing well What dumbbells do you have?

 

Nice to hear from you, too! I see your trip is around the corner

 

Got the cheapest ones from decathlon... Up to 20 kilos for 45 euros.

[SymphonicDan]

Got the cheapest ones from decathlon... Up to 20 kilos for 45 euros.

 

Wow, so are they the adjustable ones where you can add/remove plates to determine the weight? Otherwise surely you'd need about 20 dumbbells

 

In my house there are some random non-adjustable ones left by a previous tenant but they only go up to 4.5kg so they're not so useful lol.

[Lara]

Wow, so are they the adjustable ones where you can add/remove plates to determine the weight? Otherwise surely you'd need about 20 dumbbells

 

In my house there are some random non-adjustable ones left by a previous tenant but they only go up to 4.5kg so they're not so useful lol.

 

Yes, I have several one kilo dumbbells and four two kilos ones. Plus the bars which weight 2 kilos each. So now that I think of it they are up to 10 kilos each, not 20. What I told you this morning was the total weight. For me is more than enough, as I can take only 4-6 kg on each hand depending on the exercise.

[Barfly]

I like the no procrastination rule. I wish I could be more consistent with that.

[Lara]

Celebration day!

 

A month ago I retired to the peacefulness of my battle log, to work on my anxiety levels. A month later, I discover I am making real progress. The big confirmation, yesterday evening. For the last years, sunday afternoon has been one of my blackest moments, because I used to spend them thinking about going back to work on monday and stressing about it. There is nothing stressing about my job, but simply the idea of facing a monday made my anxiety ramp up. Yesterday, we went to have lunch with my boyfriend's parents. We ate in the porch, and the day was splendid, like a late spring day. We stayed there for the afternoon, chatting and messing with the vegetable garden, and when we arrived home for dinner my boyfriend mentioned something about work, and then I realised I hadn't thought about it in the whole day, and more, when it finally came to my mind because of my boyfriend's comment, my reaction was "ok, tomorrow I work, it's nice". At that very moment I felt how big that was. And I have to thank it to all the work I've been doing this month:

 

- Exercise. In 28 days, I've exercised 20 of them, which I consider is a very good number. Some days I even went for a walk twice or did 2 different activities in the same session. Walking: 11 times. Running: 5 times. Workout: twice. Tap: 4 times. Considering that for the first 2 weeks I only walked and then started adding more activities, these are very good numbers.

- Breathing: everyday.

- Writing and reading afirmations: everyday.

- Time to rest: everyday.

- No procrastination: days I completed ALL tasks in my to-do list: 8. Days I completed MOST of the tasks: 10. I have to say that on the first days I tended to put too many things on the list, and now I am measuring better my time.

- Meditation: 14 sessions in 28 days. Which makes it one every other day, not bad at all.

 

I bought myself a little box of raspberries yesterday for the celebration Maybe I deserve something more, because I've been doing a lot of work, but I am a bit short on money right now, so this will have to do. Also, I will maybe start reading Kanehman's book I got for my last challenge.

 

And what now?

 

Well, as we are still in the beginning of the scholar year, and there are always extra-working hours, I'm going to stay like this at least for one more week. I'll exercise 4 times a week: one tap lesson, 2 running days, another running day or a strength workout, and 2 days of rest: walking and/or stretching. When things will return to normal, I will focus on my musical practice, which has been a mess this month. Also, I would like to progress a bit in my anxiety book exercises, want to increase variety. So:

 

Week 1: everything stays in place. Exercise, meditation, breathing, rest time, no-procrastination. I try to do new exercises from the anxiety book and to go from 4 meditation sessions a week to 5.

Week 2: I re-organize my musical practice. Maybe I try to wake up half an hour earlier.

Week 3: everything stays in place. I fix a practice time for icelandic, which has been a bit irregular this month.

Week 4: I consider whether I am ready for a new challenge or I need to stay here for another while.