Dealing With Loss and Grief

[Quicksilver14]

Hi guys, I don't really know how to put this cheerfully so I won't. My great grandmother died today, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I have never experienced loss before, and I really just don't know what to make of it. Despite the 80 year age difference, we were pretty close, our whole family was close to her really. She was one of the sweetest ladies I've ever known, and though I miss her dearly, it is comforting to know that she is finally with her husband again in heaven.

 

It feels selfish to try and focus on my health goals at a time like this, but I don't think she would have wanted me or anyone else in our family to neglect themselves because of her - she was always so selfless in that way. Does anyone have advice on how to stay on track while still honoring and remembering her?

[Guzzi]

Hope this helps...

"Loss is the hardest thing, but it's also the teacher that's the most difficult to ignore. Grief can destroy you - or focus you. You can decided relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and with you alone. Or you can realise that every moment of it had more meaning than you dare to recognise at the time, so much meaning that it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see that it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together, or worrying over a high electricity bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by the gratitude for what proceeded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life." - Dean Koontz

[Red1263]

When my Father died, it hit my whole family hard, he was the Leader, the Rock, the Go-to Guy, my par for what it means to be a man, I loved him as any boy could love their father, and when he passed, I let myself mourn him, You have to give yourself that opportunity, to come to terms to what has happened. But you cannot allow yourself to wallow in your grief, because in the end that's not what they would want us to do. Your Great-Grandmother, my Father, they'd want us to keep our heads up, and to keep moving forward, they wouldn't want us to focus on their passing, but to look at the times spent together with fondness. They'd want us to remember their love for us, and everything they've given us: Lessons on Life, Patience, Kindness, etc. To see it as, "being selfish" isn't how they'd want you to see this. They'd want you to enjoy every moment of your life, because this is the only lesson Death can teach us: To enjoy what we have, not dwell on the small things, but to make the most of our time here, because it will end. This isn't meant to discourage you, it's meant to open your eyes to a universal truth, to not waste all of your time on pointless things, but on the things in life that matter. 

 

If your Great-Grandmother supported your efforts in her life, who's to say that she has stopped supporting you in spirit? I know what it means to lose someone dear to you, give yourself some time to mourn her, and when you're ready to pick yourself up again, then you can come back here. If you need someone to talk to more about this, feel free to message me. You have my condolences.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

I do things in honor of Jake; I ran a half marathon that raised money for cancer research, we do a mud run every spring which he would have loved that also donates money to the local Ronald McDonald house and on a un-healthy note every year on his b-day we make a ton of bacon and have fun. Because honestly I believe that he would rather us have fun in his memory rather than sit around and mope.

[ChristArtist]

Like the others said- you will learn to celebrate her life,but first You will grieve

Like Frost Said, in honor Of MY mom,October is pink month and, I have walked and hosted breast Cancer 5ks. You will find a way. We all walk this path. You are not alone.

Sent from my GT-N8013 using Tapatalk

[Timmy M]

the only surety in life is death, miss the person, think of them, grieve the loss of them, BUT KEEP LIVING

[ytterbium]

As long as you are there for yourself, and for the others who were close to your great grandmother, what you're going to do is probably right. Health-wise, you may not feel like working out for a few days (or whatever your specific goals may entail), and that's okay. Delaying your quest for a little while to mourn properly is very, very, very different from abandoning it.

 

Or, you may also feel like a good workout will provide you some comfort, and that's okay too. Grieving is natural and useful and necessary, but it's also miserable and draining, and you may find that having a bit of a break here and there may make the whole process work better. As long as you're not abandoning others to do it, you don't need to feel guilty about taking care of yourself--in fact, by taking care of yourself, you will be better able to help others.

 

I think "not knowing what to make of it" is pretty typical in this kind of situation. Do what you need to do for yourself, and what you can do for others, and you'll be handling the situation right.

 

All the best to you and your family.

[Quicksilver14]

Thank you all so much for the love and support! You brought me to tears! I will keep your advice in mind over the next few weeks. Luckily I will be spending a lot of time with my family, so that should make everything a little bit easier. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful support group, and hope that I will eventually get to the point where I can be a source of comfort to others. Thanks again for everything guys!

[Red1263]

When we came home from the Funeral, you know what I did to prevent myself from moping around? I did the dishes. I kid you not, I kept myself pre-occupied and that indirectly helped my grieving

[IrishMartian]

When we came home from the Funeral, you know what I did to prevent myself from moping around? I did the dishes. I kid you not, I kept myself pre-occupied and that indirectly helped my grieving

 

That's very normal. The morning after my dad's funeral my wife and I were up cleaning my mums house from top to bottom and doing all laundry.

 

There's never a right way to feel or a right way to act. The day of my dad's funeral I had to give the eulogy, I was barely keeping it together and when I got up in front of this huge crowd of people and my first inexplicable reaction was anger. I wanted to shout at all these people to fuck off and get out and tell them they didn't understand, they didn't know who he was and what he meant to me and their grief was nothing compared to mine. It was about 10 seconds of insanity. Then I took a big steadying breath and read what I wrote.

 

I spoke to some people afterwards at the wake about it and they said it was very normal and in fact I shouldn't be offended but it's entirely typical of the stages of grief everyone goes through. And that's it, there's no easy way to do it and no right way, you just go through the annoyingly typical stages and know it takes time but you feel better. And if someone else offers to do the dishes let them help.