Depression

[Taajsgpm]

Definitely not a taboo topic here. Much like you, it doesn't take much for me to slip back into a depressed state, and getting back to a place where I'm "normal" and "functioning" again takes so much time. I don't have an answer yet, but I'm hoping the little things will help. Trying to reframe things, accomplishing one small thing a day, it adds up eventually.

Agreed Jess , nothing is taboo, especially depression, it is something that millions suffer from alone without treament due to shame or embarrassment, good for you , fitness is one of the best combatants as is happiness, try to reduce stress wherever you can and keep posting thanks goood luck

[K-Prime]

I've been so used to being miserable that I kind of miss it right now. It's not like I'm feeling motivated at the moment or anything, but without having a reason to be sad, it just feels empty. Lonely. At least with something to fight against my mind can get to work.

 

Misery is easy. Happiness takes effort.

 

For a long time I thought I was the only person who would periodically feel this way. Then I read the Hyperbole and a Half post Allie Brosh wrote on depression. It really hit home with me. 

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

She just did a podcast interview on WTF with Marc Maron that got posted last week, and they spend a lot of time addressing her depression. It's so refreshing when people speak openly about their mental health, and help take away the stigmatism. 

[kaelvan]

Can't tell if it is my depression or just me, but I don't want to continue college anymore. I took more than a year off before to work (because of a really bad relationship). And this is my first semester back and I seriously just want to be done with it now. I'm already hearing from my parents what I should and shouldn't be doing. Also, I should have my Associates right now (totally like I didn't have my depression to deal with...lucky I push myself enough to graduation high school with that baggage). I just recently (because of lack of sleep dealing with my college work and stressful job of dealing with huge alcoholic for a boss), got in car accident and my parents kicked me off my insurance.

All I really want to do is travel (like a nomad) and do my art. Why can't I just do that? I seriously be more happier.

[Candace Koller]

I know the feeling. College was a huge deal to my parents but never to me and eventually I did choose not to go back (after a massive breakdown that ended with me in the psych ward). The pressure is still on from parents but I've learned to tune it out now. This is my life and not theirs. I think if you want to travel and art all over the place you should. You can go back to college any time (or not go back at all) but you don't always have the option to just drop everything and travel. Relationships, jobs, houses, pets, finances...there's a million things that can stop you in the future. If the opportunity is there now it would be a shame to miss it.

[AlterStephen]

Guys, I don't know what to do anymore. I smoked for the first time the other day -- took two hits, threw the pack away, then realized I liked the resulted feeling and retrieved it. I can't tell you why I did it. Maybe I was just trying to hurt myself, but I don't know. And I've had suicide on my mind for the last couple of months now, but every once in a while it gets really, really bad. And it's getting very overwhelming. It's not really a consideration of doing it, just a reminder that it's an option, but it's getting stronger lately and I'm starting to get scared -- too scared to ask my parents for their support in seeing a therapist (I'm under 26 so still on their health insurance plan), because I've been to therapy for other reasons when I was a kid and nothing came of it, so I'm afraid they won't take it seriously or tell me to just "get over it" (they wouldn't say it like that, obviously, but that would likely be the gist of their response). I just don't really know what to do right now and I'm feeling very upset. If anything, an official diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I'm about 90% sure I have it) would put my mind at ease and help explain some things about why I act, think, and feel the way I do sometimes.

 

Not sure why I posted this. But there you go.

[Toxophilite]

Ah yes, the 'get over it', 'snap out of it', 'pull yourself together' school of mental health advice. I've been on the receiving end of that more times than I can remember. I'd say you need to find someone to talk to about it, whether it's a doctor or not, I don't know what's best for you but finding someone who actually understands can really help.

 

On the suicide thing, don't worry too much. Lots of people go through phases of this thinking but if it gets any further than that please do talk to someone about it. It's far too easy to let this kind of thing escalate if you keep it all inside your head.

 

If talking on here helps then feel free to do so. There are plenty of people here who understand some of what you're going through and I for one find it a great place to vent my thoughts.

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

If you last saw a therapist when you were a kid then it stands to reason that you are a very different person now. Hopefully they'd realize that and not hold previous therapy against you. And if they don't, then screw them. You deserve access to mental health care. You know what you need better than they do. You shouldn't have to go without help just because THEY don't think you need it. If they give you those responses, keep advocating for it. Disclosing how long you've been feeling like you need help may help persuade them that it's not just a sudden, impulsive thing. I don't know if you have access to any sort of free counseling resources. I am totally willing to help you find some in your state via Google if you'd like. Just let me know. Since you ARE an adult you might be able to find a therapist on your own, just to get a diagnosis. (Depends on money and transportation.)

 

I feel pretty strongly on this issue because nobody would believe that I needed help until I finally told my parents that I was self-harming and suicidal and, despite what everyone thought, I REALLY needed help. Before then I always got the responses you're worried about. That conversation was absolutely terrifying and one of the hardest things I've done, but in the long run it is one of the best things I've done. In the short run it was also miserable, in some ways that were a different kind of miserable than before. The new frustrations came from my parents trying to cope with the fact that there WAS something wrong with their daughter. All of this stuff is one of the reasons that I no longer trust my parents.

 

Before I got medicated I perpetually felt that if I were to die that day I'd be pretty happy about it. I didn't actively seek death, but I wished it would happen. While this is scary, I think that it is maybe not as worrisome as it sounds if one definitely doesn't have plans to act on it. I'm bipolar--before I got medicated I'd have mild or zero highs and REALLY low lows. During the lows I would try to come up with a suicide plan, but I couldn't come up with a plan that would not result in cleanup for whoever found me. I think my feelings of self-worthlessness actually saved me there. Apparently normal people do occasionally feel like they wouldn't mind if they die, but when it persists it's a sign that something is going on.

 

And I've finished my tea and need to get ready for work, but I'll check back here as soon as I get home.

 

Edited to add later: If something is causing you distress or interfering with your quality of life then it is a problem, regardless of whether or not other people think it should be, regardless of whether or not other people can even perceive the problem. I find that other people often have trouble understanding this.

[Candace Koller]

Do you have anyone you feel safe going to? Maybe a grandparent or uncle or close family friend that can help you talk with your parents? It's very important that you get help. This kind of feeling and thinking can be overcome but usually not alone.

I remember the first time I told my dad I needed help. It was probably the scariest thing I ever did in my life. He is very religious and usually of the "God will heal it all" mentality and I was terrified he would not only not support me but also not allow me to get help. It ended up being an irrational fear. In the end he was more concerned about me than he was about anything else.

I can't promise your parents will be the same and I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I know how scary this is. But it is so so important to get help. I know I wouldn't be here without it.

[kaelvan]

Guys, I don't know what to do anymore. I smoked for the first time the other day -- took two hits, threw the pack away, then realized I liked the resulted feeling and retrieved it. I can't tell you why I did it. Maybe I was just trying to hurt myself, but I don't know. And I've had suicide on my mind for the last couple of months now, but every once in a while it gets really, really bad. And it's getting very overwhelming. It's not really a consideration of doing it, just a reminder that it's an option, but it's getting stronger lately and I'm starting to get scared -- too scared to ask my parents for their support in seeing a therapist (I'm under 26 so still on their health insurance plan), because I've been to therapy for other reasons when I was a kid and nothing came of it, so I'm afraid they won't take it seriously or tell me to just "get over it" (they wouldn't say it like that, obviously, but that would likely be the gist of their response). I just don't really know what to do right now and I'm feeling very upset. If anything, an official diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I'm about 90% sure I have it) would put my mind at ease and help explain some things about why I act, think, and feel the way I do sometimes.

 

Not sure why I posted this. But there you go.

Oh jumping beans. I've dealt with that. Trust me get it over with it and tell them now because keeping it to yourself will just make it even worst (you could end up like me trying to end your life before even really told anyone about it). Trust me you don't want that. You will end up in a mental hospital or two (or three in my case). And they aren't really fun. Or cheap for that matter (actually had my insurance stop paying for mine on me).

 

So please do it. *hug* Because mental health is just as serious as any of any other illness (and you won't ignore those, would you?).

[Glacier]

AlterStephen-- Most of what I'd say has been said. Except: If you can find a therapist in a place that offers DBT, you stand a little better chance of being understood if you believe you're borderline.

Kaelvan: If you want to be a gypsy for a bit, coolworks.com is worth a look. I've worked at Yellowstone, Denali and Big Bend national parks through there.

[AlterStephen]

You are all wonderful people. The support here is overwhelming. Thank you all.

[kaelvan]

You are all wonderful people. The support here is overwhelming. Thank you all.

No problem. Good luck on finding great therapist.

[Machete]

[MariahSnow]

 

I've seen this all over facebook lately and it's so helpful because I often beat myself up about wanting to lie in bed all day. I need to treat myself more like this is a serious condition, like the flu, and not expect myself to just get up and deal with it day in and day out.

[cracked_belle]

I compiled wonderful sites and comics about what's it's like to have a disorder (depression, bipolar, etc.). it's all here. (and yes, this is also a plug for my blog, lol!! )

 

but seriously, I have links to lots of papers, comics, sites, and other things that I use to show people when they ask about my mental illnesses.

[Candace Koller]

Isn't blogging great? I've found it helps me a lot and I try to use it to help others too.

Good stuff on there. I love a lot of stuff Cracked does on mental illness. The humor makes it a little more approachable.

[Artinum]

I've read the first of those Hyperbole and a Half comics before. I did not know there was a second part.

The scary thing is, they pretty much tell the first twenty years of my life...

 

Except for the corn. I laughed like a drain over some weird things, but never corn.

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

I can relate to so many of those. It's really validating. (Even though I've got official diagnoses and everything, validation is always helpful.)

[Stonie]

I've read the first of those Hyperbole and a Half comics before. I did not know there was a second part.

The scary thing is, they pretty much tell the first twenty years of my life...

 

Except for the corn. I laughed like a drain over some weird things, but never corn.

 

The way she described herself in those comics was pretty much the last 2 years of high school and a few years after that (and they make you make potentially life-ruining career decisions - sheesh!) That crying/laughing feeling is how I know I'm starting to feel a bit better, like the other day I spent 20 minutes at work cry-laughing over a "whisk-y business" pun I made at work. Also the fact that no one else appreciated the joke's beauty made me laugh even harder. 

 

Like the corn piece in pun-form, I guess. xD

[Artinum]

It's when you find something funny, and then start laughing over the fact you're laughing about it, and the more baffled everyone else gets, the funnier your inappropriate laughter becomes. I once confused the hell out of my partner when I had a fit of hysterics over a joke we'd heard several months earlier. It was several minutes before I could explain what I was laughing about.

[Stonie]

I'll take any excuse for a good belly-laugh, these days. xD

[kaelvan]

Well laughter does add years to your life

[Machete]

Well laughter does add years to your life

 

And depression takes some away. So if we don't smoke or eat like crap and keep ourselves in tip-top shape, we eventually break even.

 

Interestingly, melancholy used to be considered a "sin".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHFE3VVObgs

[kaelvan]

And depression takes some away. So if we don't smoke or eat like crap and keep ourselves in tip-top shape, we eventually break even.

 

Interestingly, melancholy used to be considered a "sin".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHFE3VVObgs

Well great to know my depression took some off my life. And doesn't help being surrounded by second handed smoke at work.

 

I'm going to cry in a corner now if you need.

[Machete]

I've probably tearlessly cried quite a few years of my life away.