Advice please!

[AlexandraAnn]

My boyfriend and I are planning to start dieting and working out in the new year, but the only problem is it's very hard for us to decide how to proceed with each other since we have such different goals for ourselves. He has weight to lose and wants to gain muscle where as I have very little weight I want to lose, I just want to replace that with muscle. Is there any diet we could do together where he loses weight and I don't loose too much and become too skinny before I can put on muscle or are we forced to do our separate things and just support each other as we go?

[Guest guest4729]

No need to do separate things! Have you two looked into the Paleo diet at all? I'm no expert on it, but it's something you should both look into for health reasons.

Since you both want to build up muscle you should certainly look into protein shakes if you're not getting enough protein. Just eat lean and eat right. Cut out sodas and other liquid calories. Cut out grains and a lot of cards and any junk food you might be consuming. If you don't go full Paleo at least do it as often as possible. I've eliminated almost all dairy this week except for yogurt which I might even cut out even though I love it. As for grains and such...I've eliminated most of that and the rest I'll be getting rid of the night before trash day. I cut down my intake of breads, pastas and rice by like 95% and eat a lot more veggies now.

Snack on fruit instead of cookies. Don't use heaps of sauces, dressings or spreads. Eat a healthy breakfast. Drink a lot of water. The list goes on.

But whatever you do DON'T significantly cut down your calorie intakes to dangerously low levels. Some people think that if they give their body the bare minimum that they'll lose fat - nope! Sending your body into starvation mode makes it hold onto all the fat it possible can and has the reverse effect that you want. Give your body the nutrition it needs and treat it right.

[AlexandraAnn]

No, we haven't looked into that, but we certainly will! The cutting out dairy bit would be fantastic for me seeing as I'm lactose intolerant haha. I'll be sure to do my research and try to set up a plan for us. Thanks so much for your response, it was very helpful in pointing me in a direction!

[Guest guest4729]

No, we haven't looked into that, but we certainly will! The cutting out dairy bit would be fantastic for me seeing as I'm lactose intolerant haha. I'll be sure to do my research and try to set up a plan for us. Thanks so much for your response, it was very helpful in pointing me in a direction!

It's basically everything I've learned in the past 2 weeks or so since I joined this forum all summed up. Make sure you eat right, give your body the fuel you need and make sure you drink lots of water. Make sure you're also checking serving sizes for everything you buy! One Coke is like 2 or 2.5 servings which is a ridiculous amount of sugar and calories. Compare that to water which has none. Also - you could eat one or two cookies for almost two calories or have a baby spinach salad which (according to mine) takes 3 cups of the spinach to even be 30 calories. Can you tell which one will fill you up more? Hehe.

Just watch what you eat and watch your portions. Don't starve yourself and be conscious of what you put in your body.

[Hermione Gainser]

Paleo could definitely be a really good option for both of you... or primal. There's a ton of info on the boards about both.

For both of you: strength training+lots of protein+good fats (olive oil, almonds, avocado, etc)+mostly carbs from veggie sources then fruits. Since you don't want to lose weight you'll need to eat quite a bit. Since he wants to lose, he'll need to eat a little less. For him, eat when he's hungry, and don't when he's not (another part of the paleo thing). For you, you may want to keep track of your intake if you start a more primal style so that you have an idea of how much you're eating (if you under eat you can't gain muscle). He may also want to add in some cardio. Intervals are great for fat burning and more efficient than long ass treadmill runs.

[AlexandraAnn]

I will certainly watch my intake to make sure I'm eating enough to keep from dropping a ton of weight haha I've suffered being way too skinny for a large majority of my life and I don't want to fall into that again, but I don't want to be incredibly out of shape either. I will shoot all this past my boyfriend and see what he thinks.

I'll look into both of those diets and see which one we think will work better for us. I'm leaning towards Paleo but he's like "My dairy :(" haha

Thanks both of you for the great responses! You've both been incredibly helpful.

[Hermione Gainser]

He may like primal then... I believe primal allows dairy. I can't blame him. I made some bacon cheeseburgers the other day and I wanted to slap my mother they were so good. Cheese <3 But I digress... Really, primal gets lumped in with paleo though there are pretty big differences. For the sake of ease it's a less strict paleo...so to speak (allows dairy..maybe some other stuff).

And remember y'all don't need to jump right in. Most people take these things in steps by removing items piece by piece. Any change for the better is likely to make a difference.

[Guest guest4729]

And remember y'all don't need to jump right in. Most people take these things in steps by removing items piece by piece. Any change for the better is likely to make a difference.

Agreed. I'm slowly transitioning to a more Paleo friendly diet. I originally wasn't going to remove yogurt but then I had a yogurt this morning and realized that it actually makes me feel bloated and not so wonderful. I was like "Hrm, why have I never noticed this before?" but then I realized that I've just been ignoring it because I love the taste of yogurt.

But is taste really that important when it comes to health? You can always find new favorites or something to replace it. Or you can just have it as something you indulge in every now and then.

[ebm1224]

my bf and i are embarking on fitness as a couple in the new year. well, we have started a bit already but are planning to change our diet a bit more come january. we joined a gym and have committed to going together mwf after work. here's what i have learned so far (i'm sure i'll learn more since it's only been a couple weeks but maybe you can avoid some of my mistakes).

1) agree on how long you want to be in the gym if you drive together. and bring something to do/read in case you are done before the other person. also you have to stick to this schedule to be nice. i can't just decide i want to stay an extra hour.

2) offer help but don't push. let each other know you are there to give suggestions...but don't force him to do your workout.

3) if you are working out separately, stay separate. at first, i was worried if my bf was "having an ok time" since he's never been much of a gym person and i like that environment...but i've realized i can't be worried about him because it detracts from my focus on my workout.

the fact that you have different goals shouldn't be a huge thing diet-wise because really we should all be eating about the same anyway. try to cook healthy meals at home more and bring lunches to work...and grocery shop together...or at least with an agreed-upon list.

good luck!

[AlexandraAnn]

My idea was to go all out right off, but I think he's kind of wavering on that idea, so we'll take it as it comes, or maybe even start at different speeds. I certainly won't force him to do anything, but he's always saying how he wants to be healthier and in shape so I do plan to nudge him in the right direction haha.

ebm1224, let me start by saying my bf and I just had a pretty good laugh about the fact that you and I look so much alike. Kind of crazy! But yeah, I totally agree with all that. We don't know what days we plan to do things yet because neither one of us really has a set in stone schedule with work, so we'll have to work around that. Hopefully everything works out so that we can workout together, but if nothing else we can go to the small gym in our apartment complex, if it really is 24 hours like it says it is. That's one other downfall of ours is that if we do decide to commit to a gym, we'd have to fork out a bit more to go to a 24 hour gym because that's the only time we really have to workout, and we are both night owls.

[Guest guest4729]

My idea was to go all out right off, but I think he's kind of wavering on that idea, so we'll take it as it comes, or maybe even start at different speeds. I certainly won't force him to do anything, but he's always saying how he wants to be healthier and in shape so I do plan to nudge him in the right direction haha.

ebm1224, let me start by saying my bf and I just had a pretty good laugh about the fact that you and I look so much alike. Kind of crazy! But yeah, I totally agree with all that. We don't know what days we plan to do things yet because neither one of us really has a set in stone schedule with work, so we'll have to work around that. Hopefully everything works out so that we can workout together, but if nothing else we can go to the small gym in our apartment complex, if it really is 24 hours like it says it is. That's one other downfall of ours is that if we do decide to commit to a gym, we'd have to fork out a bit more to go to a 24 hour gym because that's the only time we really have to workout, and we are both night owls.

Do what you have to do to get to the gym and remember one thing: NO EXCUSES. The number one thing I hear from my friends is excuses. "I want to get into better shape" I hear all the time, yet when I ask them to come to the gym with me all I hear is excuses. If you're going to sit and make excuses you might as well quit now because you don't have proper motivation. If you're going to do anything half-assed you might as well not do it. Make sure you're in the right frame of mind for this and set yourself up for success, not failure - you'll do yourself a big favor! Do whatever it is you have to do - make goals, reward yourself (food should not be a reward) and get yourself pumped up to work out. If you're not excited to go then you aren't going to give your all. You've already got your support system and you should be his. You should be getting each other excited about getting into better shape. If he doesn't want to go, do everything you can to force him to go and tell him to do the same for you. Until going to the gym is a habit it's going to be rough seas, but you'll get the hang of it if you're truly determined.

[AlexandraAnn]

Absolutely. I've fallen into the "I'm tired today" slump way too many times that kicks you right off the trail you're going down. Not this time. I'm fully committed to doing what I have to do for both of us to be healthy and happy. I'm certainly excited about it, but it's really hard to tell if he is or not haha He's sick right now so he has the emotional expression of a wall right about now. But yeah, I certainly plan to talk to him about it so we can get things set the way they need to be and then we'll go for it and hope for the best. I know we can do it, we just have to push each other along.

[Lachy]

I'm thinking if you both eat a clean diet (you know, cut out the sugars, bad carbs, fast food, etc), and if you eat normal portions to eat at your maintenance calories, and he eats the same size portion as you do, he'll be eating the same calories as you, but it'll be less than his maintenance levels. He'll start to loose weight, you'll stay around the same, and you'll be eating the same food so there is no extra effort involved.

Good luck with it guys!

[positivelyrob]

I also think, in general, it is easier for men to lose weight. If he adds some bonus cardio you'll probably both get where you want. Maybe this advice isn't right for anyone but don't spend time at the gym criticizing each other's form unless that is absolutely what you want to do. Especially avoid it if you aren't doing the same workout. Having your SO tell you that your form is wrong can be frustrating for no good reason.

[AlexandraAnn]

Lachy: We have considered that, but getting him to not go for a second plate can be a pain on most days. The hunger becomes too much. Neither one of us wants to be hungry all the time.

positivelyrob: I'm sure we won't be doing that. Neither one of us is a fitness pro, so I suppose that helps out haha

[chammy]

Lachy: We have considered that, but getting him to not go for a second plate can be a pain on most days. The hunger becomes too much. Neither one of us wants to be hungry all the time.

Second plates? Either you guys have tiny plates or voracious appetites.

Try eating more nutrient dense food and more protein to start out with. It'll help you feel more full without eating too much.

[Ryan Sannar]

Aim for high intensity work outs (like low rep high weight weight lifting and interval sprints) they require less time and build more muscle. Don't worry about long term cardio (though if that's all you can do then do it) because if you only do that its easier to plateu. All in all though just move, eat right, and get lots of sleep.

Supplementing Fish oil and vitamin D can help you loose weight as they reduce inflamation.

[Hermione Gainser]

Second plates? Either you guys have tiny plates or voracious appetites.

Try eating more nutrient dense food and more protein to start out with. It'll help you feel more full without eating too much.

For sure on the protein. When I started lifting I was insatiably hungry. Protein helped the most.

[Lachy]

Lachy: We have considered that, but getting him to not go for a second plate can be a pain on most days. The hunger becomes too much. Neither one of us wants to be hungry all the time.

I understand that urge, but in order to make progress he's going to have to be disciplined and not go for a second plate. After a week or so it won't be a challenge or an issue. Nutrient dense foods like chammy suggested are a good idea too.

[ebm1224]

secret twins! i love it also, i absolutely love penguins - i have a little penguin collection at home

[AlexandraAnn]

chammy: Protein shakes are certainly going to be a large part of all that we do from now on haha

Ryan: Thanks for the info. We'll certainly be sure to try all that out!

emb: Haha wow, we have to be the doppelgangers of each other or something! I have a collection too.