Kind of a "before pic", long term goals

[Shamus36]

Not sure if this is in the correct part of the forum, so please feel free to move it if it is not.

 

Partly as a base point for my new attempt at personal evolution, but mainly for therapy reasons, I decided to post a "before pic".  I put that in quotes, because I don't have a picture from back when I was at my peak weight of 186 two years ago (I tended to try and stay out of photos), so really this is a before pic to represent my work starting here (currently at 160).

 

The therapy part of it relates to showing myself in public without a shirt on, something I have not done for several years.  That includes no longer taking my son to the pool, because I am too embarrassed (I do take him to the beach with a shirt on).  It is in large part due to my depression and anxiety, as I know from a logical standpoint that I shouldn't care what other people think, nor are they necessarily thinking anything about me at all.  I think it speaks to the images men are bombarded with in the media, when someone who weighs what I do, still feels too fat to show themselves in that way.

 

At this point the changes in outward appearance will hopefully come with my new goals in physical change.  Mainly, I want to work towards the physicality I had in high school.  Specifically, the attitude I used to have that lead to my nickname of "Junior Tank", referring both to the fact that I was smaller that most guys, but on out trips would load myself with more than twice as much gear as anyone else and then jog a several kilometre portage.  That, and I want to work on my pecs - I've always had small pecs.

 

I have about 6 months until it gets warm enough outside to go shirtless, so I am hoping to get myself to that emotional space in that timeframe. 

 

Cheers

 

PS, apologies for the photo quality, my phone is old and focuses on everything, except what I want it to.

 

 

[ladymorella]

I don't think you need to worry so much. Honestly if I were to see you on the beach I wouldn't think anything of it. I would think you were an average guy. Wanting to gain strength and fitness is an admirable goal though. Good luck on your journey and welcome!

[Shamus36]

Thank you for replying.  I was worried no one would - especially after taking a few weeks to build up the nerve to register and post the photo.  I figured that most people would see it, and wonder what I'm "whining" about.  It is unfortunately the same pushback I get from people who can't seem to understand why I can't handle things like crowds, even when it is a bunch of people I know.  While I know on a logical level that I'm not the kind of weight I used to be (it was not that long ago I had a gut and man boobs), the nagging voice of doubt that comes with my depression, has never gone away.

[Kes]

Getting fit is always a worthwhile goal, but are you doing anything else to address the underlying issues with respect to social anxiety and depression? Are you talking to anybody, figuring out how you can adapt to alter the negative self-talk and instead obtain true confidence?

 

It is possible to break anxiety/depression down, come out the other side, and become stronger, more confident, and cool-headed as a result of the experiences.

 

*hugs*

[PoppaScotty]

Congrats on the progress so far!

 

I'm newer than you, and have further to go with my fitness goals which are very different than your's.  That's not to dismiss your efforts, but rather to make the point that you can definitely make the transition in the time you've set.

 

Being almost twice your size, I wouldn't think twice about seeing you without your shirt.  Heck, I might even be a little jealous.  

 

I look forward to seeing your progress over time and hearing your success stories!

[Shamus36]

Getting fit is always a worthwhile goal, but are you doing anything else to address the underlying issues with respect to social anxiety and depression? Are you talking to anybody, figuring out how you can adapt to alter the negative self-talk and instead obtain true confidence?

 

It is possible to break anxiety/depression down, come out the other side, and become stronger, more confident, and cool-headed as a result of the experiences.

 

*hugs*

 

I am currently on medication, which helps.  A few years ago a family member helped me pay for a psychologist, but at $100 a session, could only keep that up for so long.  I also engage in mindfulness based cognitive therapy which helps me with breaking down negative emotions, and to recognize my triggers before they overwhelm me.  It's a little like plugging holes on a sinking ship, you have to stay focused, otherwise it's easy to get swamped.  Thankfully I have people like my wife and son who help with the bailing, and to remind me that it is ok to embrace positive emotions.

 

The more I exercise and get in shape, the easier things will get - more of those positive hormones floating through my system. 

 

 

Congrats on the progress so far!

 

I'm newer than you, and have further to go with my fitness goals which are very different than your's.  That's not to dismiss your efforts, but rather to make the point that you can definitely make the transition in the time you've set.

 

Being almost twice your size, I wouldn't think twice about seeing you without your shirt.  Heck, I might even be a little jealous.  

 

I look forward to seeing your progress over time and hearing your success stories!

 

Thank you for the positive comments.     I must admit I have been a bit lucky in the last few months.  Six months ago I landed an (almost full time) job at a new cold-press juice business.  It turns out that shaking the water out of batch after batch of lettuce, kale, carrots and the like, over and over, helps out with toning (I still had a pot belly at the start of things).  The owners also allow the employees (all two of us) to drink a bottle of juice each day, on the house.  I've had more raw veggies in the last half year than the couple of years before, combined.

[ladymorella]

Thank you for replying.  I was worried no one would - especially after taking a few weeks to build up the nerve to register and post the photo.  I figured that most people would see it, and wonder what I'm "whining" about.  It is unfortunately the same pushback I get from people who can't seem to understand why I can't handle things like crowds, even when it is a bunch of people I know.  While I know on a logical level that I'm not the kind of weight I used to be (it was not that long ago I had a gut and man boobs), the nagging voice of doubt that comes with my depression, has never gone away.

 

I think I get where you are coming from. I am at my heaviest weight ever. I have been having a lot of problems with depression, stress, and I think some anxiety over the last two years and the last year especially. I too have been having a lot of problems lately in crowds almost especially in groups with people I know.

 

Weight is a bit of a funny thing. Looks aren't a necessarily the best measure and certainly the number on the scale doesn't mean whole lot. It's more about body composition, that isn't easily measured. A person themself knows better than anyone else about where they should be, but it is easy to lose perspective so it is good to have outside input. Bit of a catch 22.

 

 

It's a little like plugging holes on a sinking ship, you have to stay focused, otherwise it's easy to get swamped

I like this. It really illustrates what it is like for me. I also like to think of it sometimes of being shot with arrows in non-critical places. I get upset that I'm not making much progress, but I sometimes forget what all I am dealing with.