Men ONLY please...

[Maledictus]

I was told yesterday by someone close to me that they can tell I am insecure. That really cut me down. Pretty bad. I thought I'd improved a lot. What's the secret here? What am I missing?

When I interview people if I think they're a little cocky I just say "look, you're out of your depth and you've obviously been able to fool most people up to this point but lets face it, it's only a matter of time before you get found out". 90% of people crumple at that point (my favourite was the guy who just sat head in hands who asked "how did you know?" ... I didn't but it's a safe bet they felt that way. The people who don't react like that have their own issues believe me

So non related gym story from years back I thought I'd share ... I'm on the treadmill a s some woman gets on the stepper directly in front of me. Obviously works out a lot but also pretty curvy everywhere you'd think to look I was doing ok until she started readjusting the leotard she had on over leggings (it had ridden up and gotten very thong like). I kind of lost focus for a minute at this point and my foot came down on the frame of the treadmill rather than the track .. You know, the stationary part? My other foot went flying back, I smashed head first into the console and then fell down onto the fast moving track that spat me out at great speed with enough noise EVERYBODY turned to look, including the woman in front ... She wasn't amused although was also pretty stunning from the front.

The BEST bit? This was a company gym and I started in a new department that day .. Guess who my new co-worker was? luckily once I explained I REALLY hate running and the only thing that could keep me moving forward at that point was the thing I was following (tongue very firmly in cheek) she saw the funny side.

[161803398874989]

Confidence: fake it until you make it.

Women at the gym: I generally don't pay much attention to them; I'm there to workout.

High school girls: nearing 19 now, so it's still okay. Not sure if want, though.

[jjhatch]

I wish I could be some help, but I am one of the most insecure people I know, and I'm really shy/antisocial to boot, so I either come off looking depressed or pissed in public. Neither are a good look for upping your confidence. Red and Dawsy have some really good points though.

I am the same way. Really shy/antisocial, and while it would be nice to come out of my shell a little bit (and actually, since I started working in retail that has helped, since you can't really be antisocial when you deal with customers in-person all day, haha), I've come to realize that I really don't give a shit what other people think of me. I really don't. It wasn't really an "Aha!" moment though, I've sorta always been that way.

Granted, I do have days where I'm a little more aware of the people around me, but they're few and far between.

[Mordechaj]

I'm not in the least shy but I'm still an antisocial introvert.

You don't have to be party animal to be confident. (They most often aren't)

[Guest Snake McClain]

It's several factors, really. It's in how you stand, how you speak, how closed up you are, how open you are, and what you know. This is very vague, so allow me to clarify:

How you stand: If you look at someone with their chest out, their head held high, wide strides, when they walk, this is a man of confidence, even if the man himself isn't aware of it, just having others think he's confident is enough to empower him, if you see another man with his shoulders slumping, his head low, his feet shuffling, then he'll seem depressed regardless of what happens afterwards and every interaction he has, it'll be made with people thinking the guy is depress/apathetic/sad the entire time - So now I refer you to Charlie Brown: “This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.†Like this, you'll get comments like, "You look like you're moving with a purpose"

How you speak: A confident man doesn't stutter, speaks in a full solid voice and is heard, He isn't too loud so that his voice kills ear cells, but he is clear, a master of his language. I have no quote but I have this AoM article that should help you out: http://artofmanliness.com/2011/11/13/masculine-voice/

How closed/open you are: This is the manner in which one speaks to others, does he provide short, quick, one-word answers, or long, thorough answers? Are you able to entertain thoughts, argue/debate without putting personal emotion into it? This is more towards spoken and unspoken interaction, when you look at people, do you throw daggers at them, or are your eyes windows of compassion or are your eyes full of excitement and life? The eyes are windows into the soul, so if your soul is dead, what does that say about your eyes? If your life has purpose it will reflect in your eyes, as well as everything else you do.

What you know: Where are you on your path in life? What are you plans? Your goals? Your dreams? If you're enjoying life, if you like what you do, or have an activity that gives you joy and pleasure in life, if you have something to fight for, all these things will grant you confidence. What makes you move. If you have nothing to live for, then you're merely going through the motions, but if you have something to encourage you, that puts passion in your step, that gives you a reason to keep moving, then this will be seen by others (I know I'm talking about others, but I'll get to why soon). If you know that there's a reason for You to keep living, and moving, then that desire to fulfill your goals will be seen as confidence, even though they don't know why.

Now, it's not important others think, however, if you can get others to think that you are a confident person, in one way or another, then people will treat you like you are a confident man, it doesn't matter whether or not you really are, because you will be reflecting off that for lack of a better word 'vibe' that says, "You are a confident person" if you're an open person, then you'll get these vibes, and start 'acting' confident.

These are just one of MANY ways to obtain confidence, These are just what I am "confident" (saw what I did there? ) are ways to get confidence. Good luck to you, Bruce!

It seems it's that last bit that is getting me. i'm only passionate about a few things. like...wildly passionate about. but it seems i'm stuck in life and not getting forward and i think that is what is killing my confidence. I feel as if I could hit something and succeed at something I care about and maybe make a little profit this would change. Or just move to a third world country and build a house for someone. that would make me feel accomplished. as it stands I'm doing nothing with myself. starting school this year sure...Was supposed to be August but now I have some med bills to pay (man cancer scare if you catch my drift) and now I'm pushed back until next semester. Just sucks. I can never get my footing and get going.

[aj_rock]

Surprised that no one has mentioned this yet, but a big part of appearing confident is appearing/being relaxed. If you're all tense and worried and serious, it makes it seem like you're overwhelmed, like you can't handle the situation surrounding you. When you relax, you just seem like you have things under control, vis-a-vis, confident.

Personally, I always felt unconfident for the longest time. Then I pretty much just told myself to chill the fuck out (after many heart to heart conversations with a couple close friends), and ever since people seem to have found me a pretty confident guy. Even if I am actually overwhelmed, my reaction isn't so much OMG IM FUCKED L:AKDGJDJADJS and more LOL I HAVE NO IDEA WUT IM DOIN. It's just not something to stress about. Even if it seems like something worth stressing over, it's almost never worth the side-effects of actually feeling stressed.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Surprised that no one has mentioned this yet, but a big part of appearing confident is appearing/being relaxed. If you're all tense and worried and serious, it makes it seem like you're overwhelmed, like you can't handle the situation surrounding you. When you relax, you just seem like you have things under control, vis-a-vis, confident.

Personally, I always felt unconfident for the longest time. Then I pretty much just told myself to chill the fuck out (after many heart to heart conversations with a couple close friends), and ever since people seem to have found me a pretty confident guy. Even if I am actually overwhelmed, my reaction isn't so much OMG IM FUCKED L:AKDGJDJADJS and more LOL I HAVE NO IDEA WUT IM DOIN. It's just not something to stress about. Even if it seems like something worth stressing over, it's almost never worth the side-effects of actually feeling stressed.

no joke i had this hit me today as i was driving to work. I was thinking "man i am an awesome driver. Fast, smooth, confident and relaxed. If you were to look it me right now you'd think i was watching tv just laid back in the seat and chill but in reality i am in complete control of this vehicle and what i am doing with it." truth is I am a great driver and i always have been and it occurred to me that if i could take that attitude i have while driving and apply it somehow into every other area of my life then i would be doing pretty damn well. I also think i have missed my calling as a race car driver. that isn't a joke.

but yeah i get it. looking/feeling/being relaxed says a lot.

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

Confidence: "I know that I am a worthwhile human being, and anyone who doesn't recognize that can kindly go kick rocks."

Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2

[Damy]

I feel as if I could hit something and succeed at something I care about and maybe make a little profit this would change. Or just move to a third world country and build a house for someone. that would make me feel accomplished. as it stands I'm doing nothing with myself.

What about creativity? I think it's important to do something creative, like drawing, playing an instrument or something to feel inner peace. Didn't you say you are a (hobby-)writer? Well, you could use your free time to cultivate your skills and to learn new skills, to talk about them and to get involved with other people who share the same passion. (like you are doing here with us)

And you don't have to move to a third world country to build someone a house. I'm pretty sure there are people in need in your own neighborhood.

[The Shogun]

And you don't have to move to a third world country to build someone a house. I'm pretty sure there are people in need in your own neighborhood.

Shut up, I live in a third world country and I need a house! =D

[Guest Snake McClain]

What about creativity? I think it's important to do something creative, like drawing, playing an instrument or something to feel inner peace. Didn't you say you are a (hobby-)writer? Well, you could use your free time to cultivate your skills and to learn new skills, to talk about them and to get involved with other people who share the same passion. (like you are doing here with us)

And you don't have to move to a third world country to build someone a house. I'm pretty sure there are people in need in your own neighborhood.

all true. i do write. i love it. it's hard to feel accomplished because specifically i write comics and have no artist. and i can't draw. nope. but yes i've done habitat for humanity. i love it.

Shut up, I live in a third world country and I need a house! =D

Come on gang let's get together! Get this man a home!

[Jcannon98188]

all true. i do write. i love it. it's hard to feel accomplished because specifically i write comics and have no artist. and i can't draw. nope. but yes i've done habitat for humanity. i love it.

Have you tried Machinimas? I guess that would be the word. Take pictures of a game, and dub it with your own stuff. It could work. Kinda.

Come on gang let's get together! Get this man a home!

I have a cardboard box I can donate to the cause

[Damy]

Or you make a novel based on the story of your comic scripts

[161803398874989]

no joke i had this hit me today as i was driving to work. I was thinking "man i am an awesome driver. Fast, smooth, confident and relaxed. If you were to look it me right now you'd think i was watching tv just laid back in the seat and chill but in reality i am in complete control of this vehicle and what i am doing with it." truth is I am a great driver and i always have been and it occurred to me that if i could take that attitude i have while driving and apply it somehow into every other area of my life then i would be doing pretty damn well. I also think i have missed my calling as a race car driver. that isn't a joke.

but yeah i get it. looking/feeling/being relaxed says a lot.

Being a good driver isn't about being in total control of the vehicle. It's about insight in the situation, knowing how to deal with other drivers and their mistakes or quirks, knowing when to take it slow because the situation isn't safe, even though it appears to be on first sight. That kind of stuff. Of course you have to have a good control of the vehicle, but just knowing how to operate a car does not make you a good driver.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Or you make a novel based on the story of your comic scripts

the difference in writing is pretty different. though i probably could write a book. i just like the comic medium

Being a good driver isn't about being in total control of the vehicle. It's about insight in the situation, knowing how to deal with other drivers and their mistakes or quirks, knowing when to take it slow because the situation isn't safe, even though it appears to be on first sight. That kind of stuff. .

I have that too. seriously. i'm a great driver. but i agree. there is that "sixth sense" about knowing when something is about to happen or when someone is about to do something stupid.

[Denny]

Thanks for the AoM article on how to speak. Language and vocabulary has always been my biggest culprit.

[Artinum]

Have you tried Machinimas? I guess that would be the word. Take pictures of a game, and dub it with your own stuff. It could work. Kinda.

Sounds like what I did with my cat. I can't draw either...

[ATTACH=CONFIG]3636[/ATTACH]

[Guest Snake McClain]

Well gentleman she has a boyfriend. Brought him to crossfit tonight.

[Red1263]

Well gentleman she has a boyfriend. Brought him to crossfit tonight.

Oh man! That sucks, dude! My condolences, friend............ Heh, at least we can stop pestering you.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Oh man! That sucks, dude! My condolences, friend............ Heh, at least we can stop pestering you.

Lol. Its not really a big deal. I don't care all that much.

[leadchipmunk]

That sucks bro. Are you sure it was a boyfriend? Maybe it was a close brother, like REALLY close...

[The Shogun]

I'm sorry! I know that feeling... it sucks =/

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

Wait. So she had a boyfriend. But wasn't the deal that we have to ask out the women we're interested in? So, did you still ask her out? At least give her the opportunity to dump her boyfriend on the spot in favor of you...

Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2

[Guest Snake McClain]

Wait. So she had a boyfriend. But wasn't the deal that we have to ask out the women we're interested in? So, did you still ask her out? At least give her the opportunity to dump her boyfriend on the spot in favor of you...

Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2

I would never ever do that.

[BarefootDawsy]

Oh well can't win em all Snakey. You've got a week to find a new one before you get Seussed again though