Men ONLY please...

[Jcannon98188]

The realist in me says this.

The hopeless romantic in me says this.

But in reality, Church, I know you are right. I need to take a step back and quit focusing on the big picture. I don't know what happened but something last week made me lose my mind over this woman and I can't seem to let the "drama" of it go and just enjoy and relax and have the fun we need. I'm trying to hit the reset button on myself.

Any one have any ideas?

No one likes a realist. Be a hopeless romantic. Does it hurt being a hopeless romantic? Sometimes, but it is far better to have loved and lost, then not to have loved at all. People in generations past have all managed to be believers in love, and the fact that you all are standing here today is a testament that their belief was well placed. I firmly believe that this whole "it takes a long time to fall in love" concept is due to a loss of social interaction in today's world. The world needs more hopeless romantics. More importantly, they need more MEN who are willing to act on their romantic thoughts, and not act like it really is hopeless.

[Jcannon98188]

*grins because I had a man card to hand over.*

Optimism ladies and gentlemen. Church has it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjWYbcbpiWA

[Church]

I firmly believe that this whole "it takes a long time to fall in love" concept is due to a loss of social interaction in today's world.

I agree wholeheartedly that's one thing that was abundant in generations past was face to face social interaction. I know it's a skill that I'm lacking. That's why it's included in my goals for this challenge, I NEED to get some real face to face interaction. Even if it's just sitting down for drinks with the guys. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm so starved for social interaction that it's pitiful.

I hate to say it, but I might need to kick my iPhone addiction and go talk to a real life human being. Besides, with the exception of the rebellion, usually, there's never anything worth having my phone for. No one ever texts or calls, there's never any emails worth reading, and no one ever posts anything relevant or worth while on Facebook. Lol

[Guest Snake McClain]

I'll just say that my plan was "slightly" thwarted. I didn't get to land the big kiss i was planning for but I still got one and had to run. She was in the living room, saw me pull up. opened the window, i leaned in to kiss her and she said, "I have to leave in five minutes to get my parents to the air port. I then said, "I wasn't coming to visit i just wanted this." *little kiss* (again not the big KABAM i was hoping for). Then said good bye and waved to her son. Then left. I'd say it was somewhat successful. i was hoping for one that would leave her in shock and staring mouth agape. didn't happen. oh well.

[Church]

Bad luck bro. But on the up side, your plan wasn't thwarted by another dude or something.

[leadchipmunk]

I'll cry a lot (yeah i'm a girl)

There is no problem with men crying, if there is then I will willingly turn in my man card.

See: http://artofmanliness.com/2008/06/19/when-is-it-okay-for-a-man-to-cry/

So next question of advice from my dudes here. I need to focus on not being so serious every time we are together. To get the serious stuff out of my head and get back to having lots of fun. How do you suggest I do this? What can I do to remind myself to wake up and get back to the right way of doing this and forget all this b.s.?

First off, glad to hear that things are going well. Women have a way of making guys freak out don't they?

And just start having fun again. Go play some minigolf, go dancing, do something fun. Date like teenagers. This shouldn't be too hard, because it sounds like this is what you guys were doing a month ago (or however long it has been). To be less serious, and to have fun, do fun things.

This. But also, date like kids. I'm serious. Go to the playground, chase her up the jungle gym and down the slide. Go to the zoo and just have fun looking at the animals.

Go visit a fun museum. If you can find a science museum catered more towards kids, it is awesome. Me and an ex went to the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh, and everything is set up for kids, and we pretty much spent the whole day playing there. It was awesome.

Sometimes I feel like strangling him, but there's still love there.

Ah, yes. The strangle with love. Where you stop just before they pass out. Every single one of us has experienced this emotion.

i was hoping for one that would leave her in shock and staring mouth agape. didn't happen. oh well.

Try

. Works every time.

[161803398874989]

There is no problem with men crying, if there is then I will willingly turn in my man card.

Nah, crying is okay.

..... *hangs head in shame* ........ *hands over man card*

.............. *grins because I had a man card to hand over.*

You can get it back, but you're going to have fix your error.

Phi, manager of man cards. Pleased to meet you.

[Church]

Nah, crying is okay.

You can get it back, but you're going to have fix your error.

Phi, manager of man cards. Pleased to meet you.

Nah. That's ok man. I'll find time to fab one up today sometime between the sweltering heat (they're calling for 37 celcius), climbing up ladders, over pipe, across steel, and dealing with an asshole foreman who seems to have it out for me just because I'm Canadian. He's in MY country on a work visa but f@*# him if he wants to try be superman, especially if he's gonna be a dick about it.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Bad luck bro. But on the up side, your plan wasn't thwarted by another dude or something.

I disagree. it wasn't bad luck at all. i was excited to do this and had fun with it. She told me later that night that she saw a spark in my eye that had been missing the past week and she loved it. So in other words....the fun switch has been flipped again and we can get back to normal. The kiss wasn't exactly what I hoped for. But that's okay. The point was made I think.

[Mordechaj]

Poison and parents were mentioned, so I'll just leave this here.

(Susan Forward's: Toxic Parents)

p.s. Bad intentions or not - they are still f*cking up you, your wife, and your kid.

[161803398874989]

p.s. Bad intentions or not - they are still f*cking up you, your wife, and your kid.

KILL THEM ALL!

...sorry, I've been too busy with Skyrim these days.

[smedly]

Saw this thread at the bottom of the page and decided to fix the problem. Now if I could just get TF2 to work...

[leadchipmunk]

Saw this thread at the bottom of the page and decided to fix the problem. Now if I could just get TF2 to work...

What information can you give? How long has it not been working? Have you looked to see if it is an update problem with TF2 or if this is a widespread problem? What are your specs? Has anything happened or changed recently that could have caused it to not work (install other software, possible virus, update of OS, update of TF2, mid-game crash, etc.)?

*NOTE* I don't play the game, I just like troubleshooting. I may not be able to help any further, but maybe I can spur someone else or yourself to figure it out.

[Jcannon98188]

Thank you! I was wanting to post something in this thread but couldn't think of anything manly to say, and didn't want it to sink off of the first page Maybe if we can get this stickied we won't have to worry about that? Mods???

[leadchipmunk]

Hey Smedly, I saw your picture and it reminded me of your question a while back (like 10 pages ago) about the girl who was away for the Summer. What ever happened with that? I know Summer isn't over yet, but have you talked to her any more? Just wondering how things are going.

While we're on that, Dawsy. How're things going with your family? Did you have the talk with them, or did you decide to wait it out?

Snake, with everything slowing down (in a good way) between you and your girl, are you still going to go hardcore with your schooling? Have you started working on pre-algebra? Understanding everything alright?

Anyone I missed, any new problems/updates or resolutions to old problems you have talked about here that you want to share?

I do have a new problem. Well, it isn't new to me but I haven't brought it up here before. How can I get back into talking with girls? I get a good amount of social anxiety around people and cannot start a conversation with others. If they happen to talk to me first, I can keep a conversation going for a while and usually keep people interested. Now, this problem also is around men too, but since I'm straight, I'm not too worried about hitting up random conversations with guys, if you catch my drift.

I know practice makes perfect, but I don't get many chances to practice where and how I live. For the where part, there isn't much to do around here. It is basically the country with nothing to do other than the occasional fireman's festival or other festival. For the how I live, I don't go out very often; when I do it is usually only to the stores (mainly grocery, books and clothing places). I don't drink and I dislike groups of people, so most forms of night life (what little there is around here) is out for me.

The reason I bring this up is because I went on over an hour's drive to get to Warped Tour today and had many MANY chances to hit up conversations with female perfect strangers that I may never see again in my life, but I just couldn't come around to doing it. Then I ended up kicking myself thinking about what I should have done/said instead of enjoying myself.

[Jcannon98188]

I do have a new problem. Well, it isn't new to me but I haven't brought it up here before. How can I get back into talking with girls? I get a good amount of social anxiety around people and cannot start a conversation with others. If they happen to talk to me first, I can keep a conversation going for a while and usually keep people interested. Now, this problem also is around men too, but since I'm straight, I'm not too worried about hitting up random conversations with guys, if you catch my drift.

I know practice makes perfect, but I don't get many chances to practice where and how I live. For the where part, there isn't much to do around here. It is basically the country with nothing to do other than the occasional fireman's festival or other festival. For the how I live, I don't go out very often; when I do it is usually only to the stores (mainly grocery, books and clothing places). I don't drink and I dislike groups of people, so most forms of night life (what little there is around here) is out for me.

The reason I bring this up is because I went on over an hour's drive to get to Warped Tour today and had many MANY chances to hit up conversations with female perfect strangers that I may never see again in my life, but I just couldn't come around to doing it. Then I ended up kicking myself thinking about what I should have done/said instead of enjoying myself.

As soon as you figure this out LC, make sure to let us all know?

So you all remember that girl I talked about a few weeks back. My best friend, the one I am in love with? Well things have been real weird between us since then. Like she has not talked to me at all since then, except for when we were both hanging out with a mutual friend. So I asked where what was up today, wanting to make sure I did not do/say something that upset her. She gave me a horrible ultimatum. Either fall in love with someone else, or stop being her friend. Apparently she can't stand the idea that one of her friends likes her, and until I fall out of love with her, our relationship will never go back to the way it was. This absolutely crushed me. She is the reason I even moved from my parents down to where I live now, because she asked me too. We have been best friends, and I have loved her, for 3 years last month. And now it's come to the point where we can't be friends like we used too. Great. So it is now midnight 30, my heart is pretty much crushed into itty bitty pieces, and I have work in 4.5 hours. I am curled up in bed with my teddy bear that I have had since I was 5, and I look like a mess. I figured maybe pushups would help, but could only do 2. Cool. So she and another friend of mine were the only friends I really had. Now I am left with just the one, which means I get to do the dreaded task of talking to new people. I can't stand talking to new people, I have no idea how too! I have had the same set of friends for the last 3 years, and I kind of organically met them through my last set of friends that I was friends with for 4 years before that. I was 13 the last time I actually talked to people I didn't know. And that was back in school. I guess I can't wait to go to school even more so now, since that will be a whole new batch of people to meet. But yeah, pity party is over. Time to curl up with Mr. Snuggles and go try and sleep. I am such a girl

[leadchipmunk]

As soon as you figure this out LC, make sure to let us all know?

So you all remember that girl I talked about a few weeks back. My best friend, the one I am in love with? Well things have been real weird between us since then. Like she has not talked to me at all since then, except for when we were both hanging out with a mutual friend. So I asked where what was up today, wanting to make sure I did not do/say something that upset her. She gave me a horrible ultimatum. Either fall in love with someone else, or stop being her friend. Apparently she can't stand the idea that one of her friends likes her, and until I fall out of love with her, our relationship will never go back to the way it was. This absolutely crushed me. She is the reason I even moved from my parents down to where I live now, because she asked me too. We have been best friends, and I have loved her, for 3 years last month. And now it's come to the point where we can't be friends like we used too. Great. So it is now midnight 30, my heart is pretty much crushed into itty bitty pieces, and I have work in 4.5 hours. I am curled up in bed with my teddy bear that I have had since I was 5, and I look like a mess. I figured maybe pushups would help, but could only do 2. Cool. So she and another friend of mine were the only friends I really had. Now I am left with just the one, which means I get to do the dreaded task of talking to new people. I can't stand talking to new people, I have no idea how too! I have had the same set of friends for the last 3 years, and I kind of organically met them through my last set of friends that I was friends with for 4 years before that. I was 13 the last time I actually talked to people I didn't know. And that was back in school. I guess I can't wait to go to school even more so now, since that will be a whole new batch of people to meet. But yeah, pity party is over. Time to curl up with Mr. Snuggles and go try and sleep. I am such a girl

Damn bro... You really like her (as is pretty obvious), but you seem to cherish her friendship even more. So, I'll try to give you 3 options.

1. If you cherish her friendship more than your love for her talk it out with her. Tell her that. Discuss it, let her know you are willing to be friend-zoned, you just needed to let your feelings be known in case there was a chance. It may not work, but is the honest and the 2nd most manly way to do this.

2. The most manly way would be Gypsy Wedding. Ok, not manly per se, but the most machismo method.

3. The final option that I can give. I would not give this advice out in a million years, and I would hope you don't follow it, but I cannot see any other option. If you love her more than you cherish the friendship. Which makes it a self centered love (where you value your happiness more than hers), then lie. Tell her that have found someone else, or that you are willing to pursue other options. Maybe someday you will see that she wasn't worth this hassle and you will laugh at Mr. Snuggles when you decide to wash the salty residue of dried tears from his stuffing.

Also, you have the Mr. Snuggles. That doesn't make you a girl. I'm sure we all have cried over a girl before (I have too many times for me to count). I just wish I had someone like Mr. Snuggles to curl up with in those times.

[azsf]

She gave me a horrible ultimatum. Either fall in love with someone else, or stop being her friend.

Or you know, lie. If she doesn't share your feelings, then it makes sense that she'd feel uncomfortable hanging around you. it colours everything that goes on between you two; every hug, every comment, every msg asking what's up. So if you want to keep this friendship, lie. Tell her you just needed to get it off your chest, and now you can move on (even if you can't). Take things down a notch even on a friendship level, and bury those feelings. eventually those feelings will fade, you'll find someone new, and the way you feel about your friend will change.

before you start getting on about "being true to yourself and your desires", remember that being her friend is still something you want. so you need to change your behaviour to keep her as a friend. the same would be true with genders reversed, or even people of the same genders. if one party oversteps the boundaries of a friendship, it either breaks, elevates, or the person who stepped apologizes and things return to the status quo.

How can I get back into talking with girls?

stop thinking of "girls" as some crazy weird being who are completely seperate from you. they're people, that girl in the bar is a person just like you. so talk to them like you would anyone else. casual comments, have a reason and a topic to talk about. i know this seems hard because we tie up a win/lose outcome to "talking to girls", but we really need to get past that. presuming you want someone who likes/wants you, if you get rejected, that person is not someone you want.

generally speaking, having something to talk about is the key. you might have heard "girls like to talk about themselves", and yeh some people do, they're mostly boring. a better maxim might be "people like to talk about how they feel/think about things". as such, have a topic, an idea, or just something to say, that gives them an opportunity to talk back. a yes/no question like "can i buy you a drink?" is just gonna boil down to looks, and either you'll measure up to their standards or you won't, but either way you've put the power in their hands and let them decide how you feel about yourself (good or bad based on rejection).

[leadchipmunk]

stop thinking of "girls" as some crazy weird being who are completely seperate from you. they're people, that girl in the bar is a person just like you. so talk to them like you would anyone else. casual comments, have a reason and a topic to talk about. i know this seems hard because we tie up a win/lose outcome to "talking to girls", but we really need to get past that. presuming you want someone who likes/wants you, if you get rejected, that person is not someone you want.

generally speaking, having something to talk about is the key. you might have heard "girls like to talk about themselves", and yeh some people do, they're mostly boring. a better maxim might be "people like to talk about how they feel/think about things". as such, have a topic, an idea, or just something to say, that gives them an opportunity to talk back. a yes/no question like "can i buy you a drink?" is just gonna boil down to looks, and either you'll measure up to their standards or you won't, but either way you've put the power in their hands and let them decide how you feel about yourself (good or bad based on rejection).

Ok, my statement came off wrong. I'll clarify a little. I'm not particularly looking for a relationship, I tend to fall naturally into those. I'm just looking for conversation and a possible friendship. I just habitually associate with women more than guys. Guys get on my nerves so much quicker (probably because all of the ones I know save like 4 or 5 are d-bags (a natural alignment around here)) and make me want to punch them on a daily basis. Seriously there are guys that I see and

pops into my head. My problem is being unable to start conversations with other people (with an emphasis towards those of a female persuasion).

You do have good advice though. I remember hearing about the whole letting them decide if you are a pass/fail by asking a yes or no question. The one I've always heard was don't ask "Can I give you my number (or get your number)?," but make it so the answer is yes by asking "Do you have a phone that I could reach you on?" Who doesn't have a phone? She can't in all honesty say no, though that wouldn't stop a lot of people.

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

Yo, JCan. That's a rough situation. However. Here's the skinny. She's the sort of person that would give you a horrible ultimatum because you dig her. Is that really the sort of person you would want to be with? Because if that happened to me, I'd consider it a character issue and my opinion of that person would drop big time.

So do you really love her, or do you love who she's been in your head for the past three years? The two are easily confused, by which I mean I've been there.

I dunno if that helps or is just frustrating, but it's six am here and I'm on four hours of sleep.

Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2

[Church]

Heavy issues all around, holy cow. I have no valid input, but if we come up with a "Complete idiots guide to conversation and social interaction" I'd love to hear about it. I have no problem getting to know people through work or something. Spend 11 hours a day working with someone that you have to trust to have your back and look out for you (while doing the same for them) is bound to strike up conversation and such. But I want to widen my circle of fiends to include people I DON'T work with, hopefully from my geographic area, and possibly women some day as well.

[161803398874989]

Yo, JCan. That's a rough situation. However. Here's the skinny. She's the sort of person that would give you a horrible ultimatum because you dig her. Is that really the sort of person you would want to be with? Because if that happened to me, I'd consider it a character issue and my opinion of that person would drop big time.

So do you really love her, or do you love who she's been in your head for the past three years? The two are easily confused, by which I mean I've been there.

THIS.

Leadchipmunk, don't you have friends? Call up some old buddies, have a few parties. When there, make it your goal to have a conversation with a couple of new people. Ask them where they are from, what they do, what they thought of the latest Celtics game, or whatever team you have there. The thing with making conversation is, it's pretty damn easy. And before you make excuses, this is coming from a guy who had trouble buying a bread and not because he didn't have the money or couldn't carry the bread.

And, for the love of god, don't become one of those guys who always ask others what to do, who say: "I don't care what we do, so you can decide". No, you do care. You're just afraid that what you like, others won't like. Well, news flash: not everyone is going to like you. And to be honest, you shouldn't be able to give less of a shit. You work your ass off every day to become more awesome, others can go fuck themselves.

People call this attitude egoistical and narcissistic, but they fail to realize that this attitude provides the most powerful type of motivation. Why become more awesome? BECAUSE BEING AWESOME IS FUCKING AWESOME. I

Oh, and if you start bragging about how awesome you are, you completely missed the point. Bragging isn't awesome, because that means you only want to be awesome for others. Be awesome for yourself and for yourself only. The rest is secondary.

[Jcannon98188]

Thanks guys for your comments.

Unfortunately, I cannot do the "tell her you are over her" bit. 1.) That would be rebuilding our "friendship" on the foundation of a lie, which is hardly a foundation to build off of. 2.) I literally have her, and this other girl. Those are my two friends (like I said, I really don't like meeting new people) and they would figure out pretty quickly that I was lying, you know?

@Cowboy,

Well you are right. Is that the person I would want to be with? No. That is what makes this whole thing worse for me. I would have never expected her to do something like this. Do I still love her? Obviously. Am I strongly debating whether or not she is the type of person I even want to be friends with? Definitely. And I feel you on the 4 hours of sleep bit. Today is going to be interesting at work, running on less than 4 myself. I really hope nothing stressful comes up today. PLEASE let it be a normal friday. PLEASE.

[Jcannon98188]

Also, I am doing a little better than last night.... I am atleast able to do more than 2 pushups now

[KillerGriller]

When it comes to just TALKING to women, not ulterior motives involved, I found it helpful to mentally unic-ize yourself. AS soon as you remove all sexual tension/pressure/expectations you realize they are just people. Moving on from that, probably more than half the people you meet will be dicks (read: your personality and theirs won't jive), expect that and move on. Most people are so wrapped up in their own...stuff...that they keep people at a distance. It's very rare when two people meet and become fast friends, it's usually a long drawn out process of mutual experiences and slowly opening yourself to more and more potentially perilous personal interactions (read: hope/fears, this one time at band camp, etc.). That being said, some people will ALWAYS be acquaintances no matter how much work you put into trying to make it more. Little steps, and let things develop organically (no, I don't mean fertilize it with manure )

Jcannon: 1.) I agree with Cowboy and Digits, ultimatums are calls to action. She wants you to lie or leave, that's a shitty thing to ask anyone to do, let alone your best friend.

2.) When I was in a similar situation (moved to where my girlfriend lived, she moved on, I only knew HER friends and a couple of d-bags at work) I spent a few months dealing with things on my own, but occasionally immersing myself in "safe" work-related outings. I still felt like shit, but at least I was attempting to reach other people. When I was ready I tried a new sport (rock climbing) where I eventually met my wife and current circle of friends. After your grieving period, try taking a step to something completely outside your normal scope of reality, something you've always wanted to do, if it's a one off...well then you had a great experience, if not...then you may have found a new niche. This is your call to action.

I don't want to sound trite but I always liked this quote from Fight Club: "It's only when you've lost everything that you are free to do anything"