Men ONLY please...

[Church]

I really don't know what the fuck's up right now. Yesterday I was at the store to buy some milk, and I didn't even look the girl behind the counter in the eye. She wasn't particularly pretty and she didn't have anything special about her, you know, just a girl. But somehow all my confidence is just gone. I just wasn't comfortable. I mean, what the fuck. When I was on vacation, I had two nights just ruined. One because my friends just left me looking for there after I had to wait 15 minutes to get beer for all of us and another because one of my friends tried to bring me into contact with this girl and the first thing she said to me was: "Your shirt is a size too large". That absolutely turned every switch in my brain to rejection mode. If I don't like something, my first impulse is to grab a baseball bat and smash it to pieces. And that comment ended up pretty much fucking up my night. I just wasn't feeling it. Then the night after that a few of my friends just went off to play pool (there were a few pool tables at the place we were in), but didn't bother to ask me to go with them, despite knowing that I really enjoy playing pool. And just like that the night wasn't enjoyable to me anymore. And like the night before I just went off and found a nice quiet spot to be alone. I felt out of control, rejected. As if I couldn't be sociable. And now I'm definitely not some social butterfly that just talks to anyone as easily as to their mother, but I can handle myself and make it through a conversation without 'dropping my spaghetti', as it is known on a certain imageboard.

That and my injuries still not getting better (knee, elbow and shoulder all on the right side) have given a huge blow to my confidence. I was getting more awesome every day, and now I don't know what the fuck I am doing. I can't squat, I can't deadlift. I can't do RDLs anymore because my trap is fucking up as well. I can do a couple of chins, but can't really train them. Pushups hurt. Rows hurt. Everything but handstand, plank, arch, hollow, deadhang and PB support fucks me up in some way or another. And my program is good. My sleep is good. My nutrition is good. I'm nineteen. My abilities should improve easily, but instead I end up with pain. I seriously don't remember what it's like to not have pain anywhere.

And maybe worst of all is that I don't want to talk about it with others. If someone asks me how I'm doing, I'll answer honestly, but if they keep asking I just lock up and don't want to talk about it. Why, I don't really know. Maybe I'm afraid they won't understand. Because never have I met someone that understood me. Not even my bloody own mother gets what's going on and she's on top of the list of people who know me well.

So I tried to make a coherent post, but that didn't work out. I was going to joke that I had discovered where my swag went; that Atalan had stolen it. But I'm just not in the mood. So I ended up with this incoherent rambling.

Holy cow digits. That's rough. I know what you mean about ruined nights. Not long ago I went with a buddy to this club because a friend of his was DJing and almost the first thing anyone said to me was "why'd you wear that shirt? That's not the kind of shirt you wear to a place like this." I don't know what was wrong with the shirt, it was clean, reasonably nice and fit well, but that shot my whole night to hell. after about 20 minutes (and hearing about my shirt 40+ times) I ended up telling my buddy that I was leaving before I started killin' me some hipsters. I don't know why he though I'd like a hipster bar. No one likes hipsters.

The rest of my friends keep bringing me to clubs (clubs and hipster bars are two places where I don't fit in even a little bit. Why can't we find a place that plays music I know at a volume I can converse over?) and then they tell me that I'm antisocial and need to get out more. Of course I'm antisocial! You keep bringing me to places that are filled with all of the things and people I'd like removed from existence!

Not that I have anything against people who like those things. I'm grown up enough to accept that not everyone likes the things I do.

But I'm getting off topic. I think.

If you can afford it I'd look into physio for your injuries. My shoulder was in near-crippling pain until I got a Personal Trainer to organize a balanced program for me.

Also, don't be sorry abut ranting. Sometimes a dudes gotta vent. Venting helps keep you from deciding that its "bring a shotgun to work day" or something like that.

[Artinum]

Hey Phi. As an antisocial butterfly myself, I'd like you to know that you're not alone. Rant away! A good ramble is great for easing tension.

I hated being nineteen. I didn't start enjoying my life until my early twenties. These days I mourn the time I lost back then because I simply had no idea what I was supposed to do with it.

You sound a bit stuck at the moment. Injury is a pain - I seem plagued with colds and those stop me building up my exercises, so I can sort of relate. Other people are often thoughtless gits - screw them, stop socialising for a bit and do something just for you. Take a trip, start a new hobby, go on a cookery course and learn some new recipes... Something like that! Or treat yourself to, say, a day in bed with the Playstation or whatever you kids have these days. I remember the Atari 2600!

Unlike the balrog, it shall pass...

[leadchipmunk]

Well that was a new experience. The clerk in the grocery line started flirting with me. I was so surprised I got nervous and flubbed it, though.

What are you doing telling us this? Turn around, go back to the store. Look the clerk and say "You, me, dinner tomorrow, 8 o'clock." Then and only then can you report back.

I really don't know what the fuck's up right now.

Life sucks at time, but you are only 19, so there is time for you to work it out. I will second seeing a PT and rehabbing everything. Don't overdo anything that stresses your bad joints. And once you start getting back into it, your confidence will all come back in spades.

No one likes hipsters.

Quoted for truth. Not even hipsters like hipsters, too mainstream now.

And I absolutely hate clubbing. I'm right with you with keeping the music at a reasonable level and conversing.

[azsf]

And maybe worst of all is that I don't want to talk about it with others. If someone asks me how I'm doing, I'll answer honestly, but if they keep asking I just lock up and don't want to talk about it. Why, I don't really know. Maybe I'm afraid they won't understand.

My friends and i talk about fitness and our programs a fair amount, but it took us ages to get to a stage where we wouldn't start abusing each other over our choices. there's too much bro-science, too much mens health / live fitness style advice, and not enough knowledge of the actual body (if you don't know what the muscles in your back are called, you can't tell me how to change my program to increase back strength). This is even worse when you get someone with no fitness experience coming into the conversation. so yeh, don't be ashamed of locking up a conversation over your health.

Also, you're 19, and being a teenager sucks. obviously i cant speak to your exact situation, but the real world sucks at 19. best decision i ever made at 19 was moving out of the room i was renting in my family friends house, practically dropping out of uni, and moving into a bomb of a sharehouse with 2 good friends. we had this huge back room (converted patio) that we filled with computers, couches, guitars, drums, and amps and just went crazy. we didn't have huge house parties or anything, but mates were always just showing up to hang out at all times. we just took ourselves out of the world for a year or so.

[Waldo]

That and my injuries still not getting better (knee, elbow and shoulder all on the right side) have given a huge blow to my confidence. I was getting more awesome every day, and now I don't know what the fuck I am doing. I can't squat, I can't deadlift. I can't do RDLs anymore because my trap is fucking up as well. I can do a couple of chins, but can't really train them. Pushups hurt. Rows hurt. Everything but handstand, plank, arch, hollow, deadhang and PB support fucks me up in some way or another. And my program is good. My sleep is good. My nutrition is good. I'm nineteen. My abilities should improve easily, but instead I end up with pain. I seriously don't remember what it's like to not have pain anywhere.

That sucks.

I'm lucky that my injuries have been mostly managable. Yeah shoulder impingement / tendonitis sucks, but it is manageable. Same thing with knee tendonitis. Forearm splints suck, and have limited me a lot, but I can at least work with them, reinjuring it every time they heal up.

Fortunately the worst does seem behind me. I've fixed most of my shitty biomechanics now. From a positive POV, I've fixed most of my shitty biomechanics. My posture is awesome, my shoulder mobility is awesome, I really understand how my legs move in various ways.

The only injury that was really debilitating was my rather severely pulled pec minor. That sucked.

Being out of commission sucks. I can't believe how much stuff is pretty seriously injured for you. What's up with your knee and shoulder? Elbow is from overzealous back levering, correct?

Mmm being 19, a hazy time of Captain Morgan, guitars, bongs, and High Times. With class on occasion.

[Atalan]

What are you doing telling us this? Turn around, go back to the store. Look the clerk and say "You, me, dinner tomorrow, 8 o'clock." Then and only then can you report back.

So that I could know the depths of my screw up. Hey, I set myself a going out for the night minimum limit of girls flirted with and groups approached (with a girl I find cute in them) to exercise my socialability. I can proudly report that tonight I doubled it, at 2 groups successfully approached, and 11 women I tried to flirt with, without creeping any of those out (there were some I creeped out, though. Working on it).

[161803398874989]

Being out of commission sucks. I can't believe how much stuff is pretty seriously injured for you. What's up with your knee and shoulder?

Knee is patellar tendonitis, I'm fairly sure. That's coming along nicely now that I have added in some extra posterior chain work without knee flexion.

Shoulder is biceps tendonosis (diagnosed by a physio) and my right trapezius is very tight, probably as compensation.

Elbow is from overzealous back levering, correct?

Nope, I have actually no idea what the hell is up with that thing. It's lateral. Kind of smells like tendonitis, only that despite only having it for a week, rest did not clear it up. I've been doing some work to strengthen the triceps, but it's not helping.

Haven't done back lever in ages. Like 2 months, ever since my shoulder got f***ed up during PPP.

Thanks for the support guys. I will be calling my physio today.

[Church]

That's the best man. I know my PT was a life saver. I knew basically what the problem was and how to fix it (in a general sense) but what I didn't know was that my form was off. Incorrect form on the horizontal push/pull (along with inadequate pulling) left my muscles severely imbalances with the weaker ones (particularly my left trap) super tight and in utter agony. It comes back from time to time, as a dull ache, but I know what to do and how to fix it before it becomes crippling again.

I hope your physio can help you out as much as my PT helped me

[161803398874989]

Well, actually I just read through my log and see why I'm so hesitant to go back there: he recommended that I half squat and called it a 'full squat'. He was barely even hitting parallel. So I'm on the lookout for a new physio. Again. >.> Might try something a bit more local.

[67alecto]

Knee is patellar tendonitis, I'm fairly sure. .

I went to my doctor about soreness in my knees and he diagnosed me with patellar tendonitis. He recommended I start taking glucosamine chondroitin. After about 6 months, I suddenly remembered that and bought some. I have to say, I feel like it has really worked. I started taking it when I was training for warrior dash and I did not have that level of lingering soreness I had been used to.

I'm still taking it - many pharmacies will have 2-for-1 sales on vitamins, etc, and places like Sam's and Costco will bundle two for that same price.

[wildross]

Well, actually I just read through my log and see why I'm so hesitant to go back there: he recommended that I half squat and called it a 'full squat'. He was barely even hitting parallel. So I'm on the lookout for a new physio. Again. >.> Might try something a bit more local.

I don't see/miss a discussion of your diet. if all the pains are inflammationish take a look at paleo type diets. If you already are, ignore me. It has made a difference for me on ankle and shoulder pains.

wildross - warriors count tons, not reps

[aj_rock]

So that I could know the depths of my screw up. Hey, I set myself a going out for the night minimum limit of girls flirted with and groups approached (with a girl I find cute in them) to exercise my socialability. I can proudly report that tonight I doubled it, at 2 groups successfully approached, and 11 women I tried to flirt with, without creeping any of those out (there were some I creeped out, though. Working on it).

Do you know what it is you do that comes off as creepy?

[Atalan]

Do you know what it is you do that comes off as creepy?

Not until I analyze it afterwards. Generally it's hanging around too long after it's clear I got shot down, or accidentally cornering her.

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

Not until I analyze it afterwards. Generally it's hanging around too long after it's clear I got shot down, or accidentally cornering her.

As someone who works in the primary prevention of sexual assault, let me throw something out there.

Keep in mind that any women you approach is sociologically programmed to assume that you could possibly rape her until she knows for sure otherwise, which she never totally will. I know that sounds like a crap situation to be put in as a guy, but it's something we have to respect. Asking the question "if I were to attack this woman, would she have an escape route?" is a good way to avoid accidental cornering. You also want to pay attention to open or closed body language before you approach. If she's not giving open body language, don't bother- she's going to feel creeped out by anyone right then.

There are a lot of connections between ways to be a considerate dude (that we're never taught) and dating advice. It's just that the majority of the latter is crap anyway.

Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2

[CowboyMisterIndependent]

Also, I should be clear: I don't think that anyone on these boards in a sexual predator. I just meant to point out that the vast majority of women are socialized to assume that we are. It's a safety thing. I wasn't pointing that info at anyone in particular.

Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2

[aj_rock]

CMI tells the truth. Assume an unimposing posture where possible. Hell, talk to them over your shoulder if that helps. Gives you a quick out too, if you overstay your welcome

[Artinum]

When I first came out, I was worried it would make life more complicated. After some of the wonderful stories I hear about male/female relationships, I think I dodged a bullet there. It's not too late to join the other team! :-)

[realbrickwall]

After all the wonderful stories I hear about gay relationships, I think I'll stick where I am. Appreciate the invite, though.

[leadchipmunk]

I too shall pass. From the stories I've heard, there's too much drama in most M/M relationships. I'll stick to my usual M/F drama, I'm more used to it. Haha

[leadchipmunk]

Well gentlemen, I just wanted to say that Ol' Hippy is back! I should also clarify that I on occasion go by Ol' Hippy (usually when referring to myself), it is a name that I was given in high school and has kinda stuck even though I am almost, but not quite, entirely unlike hippies.

But anyway, all this previous talk of flirting made me want to say this. At the wedding rehearsal today, I had to keep reminding myself to be good and don't flirt with the girls. The bride heard me telling myself to be good and made me explain myself and then she gave me permission (loudly in front of everyone) to flirt with anyone I wanted to. So, that I did. And I do so believe that I am back in the groove with it too. None of it led anywhere, but that wasn't the point. All 5 of them are in relationships; one is engaged (I did leave her alone, I try to avoid pissing off husbands or fiances) and the other is the bride and getting married in 13 hours, one is an ex of mine, and one was chasing me for about a year before I set her up with her soon to be husband.

But damn, they were all good looking. All between 19 and 22, thin-ish (all around 100 to 120#), all but one had glasses (big sucker for that), and one had bright blue and black hair (never not been attracted to unnaturally dyed hair).

Also, I kinda pissed one guy off, he's been after one of the girls for a while now and when he found out that I carried her running up the steep driveway, he wasn't too pleased. Haha. He'll get over it though, he's one of my bros and she's already turned him down multiple times.

[Atalan]

Thank you everyone for the advice. However, I've already had it and work on that a lot.

[161803398874989]

I don't see/miss a discussion of your diet. if all the pains are inflammationish take a look at paleo type diets. If you already are, ignore me. It has made a difference for me on ankle and shoulder pains.

I know. I'm currently taking fish-oil to see if a more anti-inflammatory diet helps and how much. Not a perfect solution, I know, but changing up my diet is kind of a hassle right now as I still live with my parents.

I'm taking steps to deal with my injuries, taking control. Feels good.

[leadchipmunk]

Digits, manager of the man card, must I turn mine in? I was shaving/trimming for the wedding today, and my guard broke and took a big chunk out of my Van Dyke, so I had no choice but to get rid of it completely. My chin is cold... And I look weird...

First time it has seen the sun in probably over a year.

[161803398874989]

Digits, manager of the man card, must I turn mine in? I was shaving/trimming for the wedding today, and my guard broke and took a big chunk out of my Van Dyke, so I had no choice but to get rid of it completely. My chin is cold... And I look weird...

First time it has seen the sun in probably over a year.

It was an accident, so naturally, no, you don't have to hand it in.

[Church]

I feel your pain man. I've recently begun going clean shaven after almost 2 years. It's an odd feeling. I'm not sure if I like it. Lol