Sometimes life is hard...

[Guest Snake McClain]

So like...no one here knows this but i live with and help provide care for my grampa. Shave him, clip his nails get his groceries and make sure his meds are in order. In exchange I have a free place to live. cool. Also he and my dog have become best pals and that is super cool. The problem is I am constantly sort of wondering when the next big thing will be regarding his health and lately it has been him falling when no one is there to help. Usually he starts stumbling and makes it to the bed and sort of lands on it (usually late at night when he gets up to use the restroom) but today before I got up he was up. And he was in his chair watching tv and he got up for something (not sure what) and he fell into the entertainment center. It banged his arms up really bad. he seems to be okay but I think he is just sort of scared. Anyway that woke me up and i ran in there to see what was up. Sort of is bothering me as I had to come to work and i've been asking neighbors and family members to run by and check on him through the day. I don't really have a question here just needing a place to vent because it is hard to watch sometimes. Especially when there isn't anything that can be done.

[Guest guest4729]

So like...no one here knows this but i live with and help provide care for my grampa. Shave him, clip his nails get his groceries and make sure his meds are in order. In exchange I have a free place to live. cool. Also he and my dog have become best pals and that is super cool. The problem is I am constantly sort of wondering when the next big thing will be regarding his health and lately it has been him falling when no one is there to help. Usually he starts stumbling and makes it to the bed and sort of lands on it (usually late at night when he gets up to use the restroom) but today before I got up he was up. And he was in his chair watching tv and he got up for something (not sure what) and he fell into the entertainment center. It banged his arms up really bad. he seems to be okay but I think he is just sort of scared. Anyway that woke me up and i ran in there to see what was up. Sort of is bothering me as I had to come to work and i've been asking neighbors and family members to run by and check on him through the day. I don't really have a question here just needing a place to vent because it is hard to watch sometimes. Especially when there isn't anything that can be done.

It's probably not what you (or he) wants to here, but perhaps it's time for him to go into an assisted living home? If he's as risk for injury when nobody is home it's probably in the best interest for his health to have people around 24/7. A lot of these places have nurse call buttons around their rooms or apartments for people to go to if they fall or sit and can't get up. If that doesn't work, perhaps his medical (if he has it) will cover a nurse or two to come in during the day to help take care of him? A lot of medical programs will cover them to a certain point.

I do know a lot of what you're feeling though, as I experienced this a few times during my life. We had my Aunt living with us when I was child because she had cancer and was dying. My parents did the bulk of the work but I had to help her a lot when I was around even though I was only about 8.

Only a few years ago after my dad got diagnosed with cancer I basically had to care for him all the time, it's still quite painful to think about, so I won't get too in depth. Basically he couldn't do anything on his own after awhile and we put him in Hospice about a week before he passed away. It isn't an easy thing to deal with and it's even harder to watch when you're still young and healthy.

[Guest Snake McClain]

See the thing is my grampa is just weak. like his legs and arms which is why he cant shave and clip his nails and stuff. his vision is bad so he doesn't drive which is why i do the shopping for him. He is sound of mind and get does well to get around quite a bit. But his body is just getting worn and he isn't lasting like he was before. I think you may be right but I'm not the one that is going to tell him he can't be in his own house. And it would crush him to take my dog away from him. He'd be lonely. He spends enough time alone as it is. I don't know how he'd handle it.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

My wife's cousin has the same sort of thing with her grandmother. It can be scary and worrying, but you sound like you're handling it pretty much how I would and like her cousin does.

[ajdelaware]

Thats rough man. I can imagine how that would run you down and drain on you. Sadly though, I think awsd00 is right in saying that it might be time to start exploring some other options...nurses, assisted living, etc. While its nobel for you to be his caretaker at the moment, its ultimately not fair to either of you. From what you described, the state that he is in, he needs full time care. Sounds like he has been getting lucky so far, between landing on the bed, and just bruising his arms up in this mornings fall, but its just a matter of time until something more serious happens. Getting old fucking sucks, and I can't think of a more depressing subject to be honest, but I do applaud you on being an awesome dude. I know a lot of fellas that wouldn't be able to step up like that. Good luck.

[Rosie]

I've always felt that anyone who is a carer out of love deserves a freakin medal. I hope you can get things worked out so that you don't have to spend your whole time worrying that something will happen.

As an option, I've heard you can get a sort of alarm button that can be carried around so that if an elderly person has a fall they can notify the emergency services immediately. Perhaps for peace of mind you can look into that?

*Edit*

this is UK based but something like this

http://www.send4help.com/?_kk=elderly%20alert%20systems&_kt=5204362a-49df-433d-9eb5-7effd2b8b782&gclid=CKuMvtfY_60CFUYLtAod2jbBuA

[Guest Snake McClain]

Thats rough man. I can imagine how that would run you down and drain on you. Sadly though, I think awsd00 is right in saying that it might be time to start exploring some other options...nurses, assisted living, etc. While its nobel for you to be his caretaker at the moment, its ultimately not fair to either of you. From what you described, the state that he is in, he needs full time care. Sounds like he has been getting lucky so far, between landing on the bed, and just bruising his arms up in this mornings fall, but its just a matter of time until something more serious happens. Getting old fucking sucks, and I can't think of a more depressing subject to be honest, but I do applaud you on being an awesome dude. I know a lot of fellas that wouldn't be able to step up like that. Good luck.

Yeah sadly I think you're right. I'm going to get with my family and him and see what is next on the option list. I'm not going to be a very pleasant person during that conversation.

I've always felt that anyone who is a carer out of love deserves a freakin medal. I hope you can get things worked out so that you don't have to spend your whole time worrying that something will happen.

As an option, I've heard you can get a sort of alarm button that can be carried around so that if an elderly person has a fall they can notify the emergency services immediately. Perhaps for peace of mind you can look into that?

*Edit*

this is UK based but something like this

http://www.send4help.com/?_kk=elderly%20alert%20systems&_kt=5204362a-49df-433d-9eb5-7effd2b8b782&gclid=CKuMvtfY_60CFUYLtAod2jbBuA

Oh yes. I've seen these. we have them too and literally this morning we talked about it.

[oystergirl]

Sending a big hug. My mother-in-law is an independant woman and she lives alone at the age of 83 with limited mobility and hearing. She would sooner die than go into assisted living. My sister-in-laws call her daily to check up on her but they finally got her a life alert pendant because she fell outside trying to shovel snow and was in the snow for over 3 hours. A life alert could help you feel more comfortable leaving him alone.

that said, my gran lived with us until well into her 90's and kept having mini-strokes and my mother simply could not lift her off the floor anymore and eventually had to go into assisted living. We still visited her often (my mom did so daily) and we brought our parrots in to see her and her friends. Sometimes, if someone is a threat to their own survival, you have to make choices for them. not sure who is his power of attorney, but it is important that someone be appointed to help make decisions on his behalf.

It is so tough, but it is also very loving of you to be doing this.

[Morrigainz]

Does he have a lifeline? My grandma had one of those and I know she had to use it a couple of times.

Also I don't know if your grandpa is super independent like my grandma was, but she was so stubborn that she actually fell down the basement stairs. Soo...I dunno :/

I know taking care of a family member is hard. Best of luck to you.

[CalvinHobbes]

Wishing you the best luck, and I honestly give you an incredible amount of credit for doing all you can for him.

During school I've worked as an aide and I go in and spend time with elderly patients and help with care when their family can't. At the assisted living a lot of the residents lived like royalty--the aides are helpful but family would be there every day--one guy came in to see his mother three times a day and it was great for both of them.

I would suggest lifeline or another system like that. He could wear it around his wrist or as a necklace, and if there is a problem when you're not home he will just push the button and help will come.

Feel free to continue to vent--we will listen.

[Pat G]

BMac, i feel you pain sir. Independance is one thing everybody fears losing.

[Guest Snake McClain]

We are definitely looking into things like lifeline now. The whole thing just sucks.

[DustMite]

I'm in no place to give advice, but you have my empathy. It's not fun, and I hope things get better.

[Guest guest4729]

We are definitely looking into things like lifeline now. The whole thing just sucks.

Things like this are never easy, but there are many options. If his medical covers nurses, he could stay in his home and the nurses could come during the day. If he's in an assisted living home, he'll be around other elderly people who he could converse with. If the home is close enough you could visit almost daily. If they allow pets, you could also bring your dog to visit him and perhaps even get him a small pet of his own. Cats are pretty low maintenance and wouldn't be as far to care for. Plus he could put its food on the counter instead of bending over to put it on the floor to feed it.

If it isn't quite time for him to move to assisted living, a life alert is something he should DEFINITELY get, especially if he falls and breaks something since he sounds so frail. He could certainly use that in a time of need.

Also, just found this on Craigslist: http://elderhelpers.org/

[Nmetzler]

Nothing but respect for you doing that bud. Don't diminish what you're contributing because of free rent. What you are doing more than offsets the monetary benefits you're getting. It can be an emotion drain because of the worry that it can cause, but know that you are making a huge difference in the quality of your Grandpa's life.

Mad props to you bud. Keep on keepin on buddy. Whatever happens good or bad know that you're make a difference. You're not changing the world, but you helped change the world for your gramps!

[aj_rock]

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We're here for ya champ.