husband frustrations

[Morrigainz]

I know I talked a little bit about this in another post, but I just do not know what to do with my husband. I was showing off my bicep tonight, being all proud, and he was all "mm-hmm." I said something about his marked indifference and he said, "I don't want to be married to a man." O.O

Sooooo then a minute later I was like, "You wouldn't want a wife who could deadlift 300 lbs?" And he was all, "No." HE SAID NO! Obviously he doesn't understand...he has the same impression as so many other people, that I'll get crazy muscles like a bodybuilder. And I just don't know what to do. He doesn't support what I do, he has no interest in it, and so I obviously can't share my successes or my frustrations with him. Whenever I try to educate him, he completely stonewalls me, saying he's not interested in "that stuff." I want to show him Spezzy's transformation but you know what? I think if I sent him the link, he wouldn't read it. And I don't want to get shot down...again. I wish he would even PRETEND to be interested, just because it's something that interests and excites me, you know?

Really, really frustrated right now. :/

Sorry to be ranting and gloomy all the time...just in one of those kinds of places right now I guess.

P.S. And my bicep isn't even that great looking yet.

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[Loren Wade]

He's jealous he can't deadlift 300 lbs and thinks you're going to get buff. He's falling for the same stereotype the world believes: if you life heavy, you get bulky. Which isn't really true.

Make him read this:

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2012/02/14/conventional-wisdom/

That said, I'm sorry to hear your husband doesn't want his wife to be fit. That sucks. Definitely send him Spezzy's transformation.

[ebm1224]

this sucks, girl! i wish i had more insight but it's a little late so my brain isn't completely on. but just know that i feel for you. and your bicep looks awesome!

[babycakes1970]

I understand. Even though my husband certainly likes the results of my weight loss he has not been as supportive as I would like him to be of my attempts at better nutrition. To him "better" means more expensive and a bigger grocery bill.

[amandolin]

My bf is the same way, I showed him Spezzy and he just looked at me and said "Don't ever get that muscular, I like your pudge" :-/. Also more recently he tried telling me all I really needed to do was cardio "since Im a girl". I honestly think he is irritated by my motivation, and would prefer I got overweight and lazy with him....

[jediknightingale]

Just let his indifference motivate you to work harder and be better. Then one day when you're super hot as hell the veil will drop and he will see the truth. Fit chicks>regular chicks.

[mcdrew]

Just tell him that YOU want to be married to a man.. maybe he will start deadlifting?

[oystergirl]

dude, seriously you are not getting it. It has nothing to do with you being FIT, it has to do with you changing and then maybe just maybe looking way better and then outgrowing him.

It happened to my sister. When she was "fat and happy" her husband was fine with her having friends and doing whatever she wanted...the minute she got back into shape he freaked out and tried everything to get her back to being fat and happy. It took a long time for him to realize she wasn't going to leave him when she got fit and that being fit was important to her.

I DID lose a ton of weight and lift very very heavy about 15 years ago and did it in an unhealthy manner and seriously, I did look like a 15 year old boy. My husband told me that. AFTER I had lost all my weight and he has supported me in it. I gained 10 pounds back and we were both happy.

That said, we have been together for almost 30 years and we support each other but also support each other's freedom to have different interests, different friends, sometimes even different vacations. What is important to me is not always important to my husband.

If you talking about how great you are doing is making him feel insecure then just do what is good for you. YOU do not need his approval to do what feels right to you, nor do you need his encouragement! YOU know you rock! WE know you rock! Why deal with the discussion in the first place? BIG HUGS!

[jediknightingale]

Bahahahah Right on McDrew! Seriously though, people Will always criticize. My sister used to make comments about my needing to lose weight and now that I have she feels the need to be food patrol and stalk my every bite. Some people just won't get it, as long as you can celebrate with yourself (and other cool kids on this forum) you will do great!

[demonslayer]

Oh, that seriously sucks. But I'm sure that once he sees that you do not, indeed, look like a man, and begins to understand the advantages of having a wife who is extremely fit (if you know what I mean wink nudge ), then I'm sure he'll come around. I was really worried my husband would react the same way but he's actually been really supportive, so I'm really fortunate in that respect.

[Elastigirl]

Sorry. My hubby doesn't really get it either. It's not that he's not supportive. It's just that when I start to talk about it his eys glaze over. Kind of like when he talks about football to me. And my friends don't get it either. That's why I like this board.

And I do inwardly laugh now when I can out hike my husband or when we come back from a walk and he's winded and I'm not.

[Rosie]

I think Oystergirl is right on the money on this. Its possible he's worried that you'll start looking super fine and get loads of attention that he wont be able to handle. Or it could be one of those things where you're new lifestyle of health and fitness is making him look at his own bad habits, he feels like crap compared to you but can't be bothered making the change.

[shutterpillar]

I'm another that agrees with Oystergirl. And does he exercise at all? because i think Rosie took the words right out of my mouth as well.

[Morrigainz]

Thanks for the support everyone...it's SO nice to know that I'm not actually alone.

Re: him working out, we just bought a treadmill (he doesn't have/won't buy proper gear for running outside) so he's been doing that, but he hasn't changed his eating habits and he doesn't really lift weights....his idea of "lifting" is to do like 40 reps on the bench at 95 lbs or whatever.

Actually it was funny..shortly after I posted that, he went downstairs to do his "weight training" and ran for about 20 minutes.

I hope you guys are right and he will come around when he sees how awesome I am.

@Mcdrew....oh how I wish I had the guts to! I think that would spark a fight though This did make me LOL though!

[spatzcat]

Maybe it's a primal male thing....i think boys naturally want to believe they know more about certain things than girls do. it's that caveman look after woman thing. So, if it comes to being fit, and having muscle, and lifting heavy things, he should know more about than you. It's sort of like cooking -- i'm okay with my husband knowing more about bbq'n than me, but if he went in the kitchen and baked a cake to die for, would I be happy for him? no, I wouldn't. It's my nature to be jealous as sh1t.

Just another spin on it....my husband is supportive, but slightly sarcastic...he'll throw out the odd "you like a man" comment, but I ignore him. He sort of a silent supporter....I don't push the envelope though, I don't flaunt it, he doesn't criticize....i don't mess with his bbq, he doesn't mess with my cake.

lol.

[Morrigainz]

Lol! Personally I would be THRILLED if he would step up in the kitchen! I'll hand him a recipe and he'll be like, "What do I do?"

And once I was making mashed potatoes and I had to run out suddenly and he totally flipped out because he didn't know what to do with them. Luckily his mother was there to save him Ahahahahahahaha.

[m00se]

he didn't know what to do with them

No offence, but speaking as a man, allow me to say that's fully retarded. The clue's in the name. Mashed. Potatoes. It's honestly not complicated. Bit like 'boiled egg' or 'grilled bacon'. Jesus.

#fail

[Rosie]

Haha MirGSS my ex was like that - totally useless in the kitchen. If he parents went on holiday he lived on Pot Noodles for the entire time they were gone. If I handed him a raw potato he wouldn't have a clue what to do to make it edible. Boil, mash, baked, cut up and made into chips- nothing. He probably would have eaten it raw.

[Morrigainz]

No offence, but speaking as a man, allow me to say that's fully retarded.

None taken. I thought it was pretty bad. Oh! He also contends that he doesn't know how to make scrambled eggs.....

.....

.......

REALLY?

@Rosie...now I have the mental image of my husband trying to eat a raw potato....lol!

[m00se]

He also contends that he doesn't know how to make scrambled eggs.....

:facepalm:

95% of men are culinary (and emotional) retards. That is all.

[Philociraptor]

:facepalm:

95% of men are culinary (and emotional) retards. That is all.

I sure hope I'm not in this... Scrambled eggs = heat pan, add fat, break eggs into pan, add salt and pepper, scramble. I win!

When I started worrying about exercise and getting my diet fixed up my girlfriend kept telling me "haven't I been telling you all this for the past few years now?". Of course, now that I've adopted Paleo and she's tried it out she loves it, so I get to say "I informed you thusly" for once =)

[m00se]

I sure hope I'm not in this... Scrambled eggs = heat pan, add fat, break eggs into pan, add salt and pepper, scramble. I win!

It's amazing how people really don't understand anything cooking-related. In short, you just make something hot for a while. Then it's cooked. I think if you told people who 'can't cook' this simple fact it would probably make life a lot easier for them.

Saying that, when I was in university I lived with a guy who was unable to cook packet noodles because he didn't understand how to boil water. The mind boggles.

[jdanger]

Where reason and logic fail perhaps we can appeal to his.. baser instincts?

Hulking she-beasts the lot of them.

[SusieBlu]

I have to stay in shape because of my job. He understands that me working out equal job retention. Once I got into crossfit, going to a private gym, working out on my own he is now going to the gym. This is after two year of him complaining about his weight and appearances. So I would say that ignore him but if he makes any comments about how isn't achieving his fitness goals you can casually add in comments about during full body weight lifts or focusing on his diet of a little while.

In terms of his ego. If he is scared of you running off with a gym jock make other comments about how he is "the love of your life because....". If all else fails have the discussion, whether it is civil or not, about what you need out of your relationship. You may not leave him for a gym jock but if he doesn't support you in other areas of your life your relationship is in for some tough times.

As for cooking mines can at least follow the directions off the box and grill.

[StrengthIsBeauty]

MirGSS... I am glad to see a post where you mentioned he got off the couch 8^) I have been in relationships where I ran into the same issue... that is why I am here, to get support from healthy fit women and men when I start to get a little nervous that I'll run into this again (so far my bf is supportive, and actually hitting the gym with me, but not as active as I am). Any guy with a response like that is just insecure. I hope he contineues to work on himself or can learn to accept that you guys just have different interests.... maybe there is something he is into that you could care less about? Remind him how supportive you are of that ;^)