a WOOT and an ARGH

[ZenGwen]

ARGHHRAGGH

Okay. I really need to have a rant. I think I will have a somewhat sympathetic audience here, but mostly I just need to get this out of my system.

I was a fat kid. I've always carried around at LEAST 20 extra pounds. I'm now 23 and still carrying around more weight than I like. But over the last year or so, I've been really cleaning up. I've cut enormous amounts of junk food out of my diet. I stopped drinking soda and fruit juice altogether. I have very few refined carbs any more. Very little refined ANYTHING any more. Mostly I eat just meat and vegetables. I lift weights three times a week. I do cardio three other days - swimming, or running, or hitting things with swords. I go to a lunchtime pilates class. I haven't just dieted, I've changed my lifestyle.

It's been incredibly difficult, but I've stuck with it. I've lost about 25 pounds, even though I've put on a lot of muscle. I'm down 2-3 dress sizes. I'm never out of breath any more. I'm running a 5k event next month. I'm running an obstacle filled 10k in October. I don't get sick as much. I don't sweat as much. Going shopping for clothes doesn't make me anxious. I don't feel self-conscious and judged if I'm eating food in public, or when I'm at the checkout in the grocery store. I can see those little signs of fitness in my body - my hips have hollows. I can see my collarbones, and muscle definition in my legs and arms. My tummy is still bigger than I'd like, but it's not saggy. My boyfriend can pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. And I can pick him up! In an emergency, I could bodily remove anyone in my family from the house. That feels so good.

One of the things that always plagued me when I was a fat teenage girl was BMI. I was always in the obese category. And even though I knew it was a crappy measurement which doesn't take much account of muscle mass and (I think) classes people as obese much too easily, it sucked. I felt horrible about myself.

Every once in a while over the last year I've just checked up on it. Today I did again, on a whim, and...

I'm a normal weight. I am finally, officially, in a normal BMI range. First time I can remember. Certainly first time since I was like 10. I'm right at the outer edge, but I'm there. Healthy BMI. Queue the Hallelujah Chorus.

I was kind of freaking out a little bit. This is awesome. I wanted to celebrate a little, but I'm at work. I posted it to facebook. I said it in an IRC channel I'm always hanging out in. "Yay, I'm at a healthy BMI for the first time I can remember!"

This is a very hippie geek IRC channel. It is full of lots of very liberal, very intelligent, very PC people. For the most part I agree with them on everything. That's why I hang out there. And they know me. They know that I would never, ever be disrespectful of someone who is heavier than I am. Different things work for different people. People can be active and heavier and be pretty healthy. Plus, I've been there. If you're happy, I'm happy for you, and that's the end of it. This is a given. We know this. But I wasn't happy, and I wasn't healthy, so I've been working really hard to change my own situation.

The response I got in this IRC channel was "I really really wish you wouldn't use the terms "healthy" and "BMI" together."

I... seriously? I restated everything I thought was a given. I respect everyone. People are happy with different bodies. That's great. And I know the BMI isn't the best measurement. But it's a milestone for me anyway. (And frankly, having cleaned up my eating and become so much more active, I feel pretty justified in saying that I'm objectively more healthy than I was when I was eating whole packets of cookies and not leaving my house for days on end. I didn't say that part, though.)

"But I'm still sitting here crying because of something you said," and it hurts even more when comments like this come from people who "know better," like me.

What the hell. I have met this person in real life and everything I said above absolutely applies. They are somewhat heavier than the norm, but they carry it really well. They are active and healthy and seem pretty happy. And they look great. But apparently, me thinking those things make it even worse that I would dare to publicly celebrate that I am now "healthy" by an arguably objective measurement. This devalues their body and lifestyle. Even when I didn't direct the comment at them. Even when it had nothing to do with them and they knew all these things about my attitudes. Apparently.

I am sorry that they are upset. I will keep this in mind in the future when I'm speaking with this person, obviously. It upsets them. Okay. I won't say it. I'll treat it like a trigger for them, which apparently it is. I feel bad that they can get so deeply upset about something that minor - it must be difficult to get through life like that. But I'm not sorry for having said it, because I just don't think it's somehow unreasonable and insensitive to say "I'm healthy". Hell, it's unreasonable and insensitive to get upset at me for saying that.

And god damn it, I hit a big milestone today.

Freaking killjoy hippies.

[Morrigainz]

In response to the ARGH: Huh? Why couldn't this person just be happy for you and help you celebrate your success? Why does it have to be something that is derogatory towards them? They were CRYING? Good lord, grow some balls. (no offense intended, this is my gut reaction)

In response to the woot: WAY TO GO! That's awesome. One of these days I will get there...one of these days. Congratulations!

[ZenGwen]

In response to the ARGH: Huh? Why couldn't this person just be happy for you and help you celebrate your success? Why does it have to be something that is derogatory towards them? They were CRYING? Good lord, grow some balls. (no offense intended, this is my gut reaction)

In response to the woot: WAY TO GO! That's awesome. One of these days I will get there...one of these days. Congratulations!

That was exactly my respone too. So I left the channel, because otherwise I was just going to upset them even more. It made me really angry though. Anyway!

Thanks. You'll get there! I still have a long way to go after this, too.

[aj_rock]

for 99% of the population, BMI is a perfectly acceptable method of determining the healthiness of your weight. I say this because I doubt that more than 1 in a 100 people actually carry enough muscle mass to push them from a normal BMI to an overweight BMI.

At the same time, sounds like someone is just a little sensitive about that. I had no idea hippies could be cry-babies

Congrats on your achievement though!

[demonslayer]

/amateur shrink hat on

Sounds like she was happy to have a friend that she could "overweight together with," someone who "understood," and now that you're no longer overweight (by an admittedly flawed measurement, but close enough), she suddenly realizes that she can't blame her own weight on external forces anymore, that she COULD weigh less if she put in the effort, but she doesn't necessarily want to, and she's afraid you'll think less of her if she doesn't. From your post, I know you WOULDN'T think less of her, but I suspect she's afraid you would regardless. People often feel threatened when someone close to them makes a positive change because it makes them re-examine their own lives and the things they could be doing better, and a lot of the time, people don't like being confronted with that.

/amateur shrink hat off

She really should have at least pretended to be happy for you, though, and GO YOU for reaching that great milestone! :)

[SusieBlu]

WOOT to your WOOT.

I'll agree with the point that the BMI is not a great way to measure someone's overall heath. I have met people that the BMI says are overweight but they are mostly muscle and can max every other fitness matrix and are way more healthy then someone that is way low on the scale.

Unfortunately, there are people in the world that are overly sensitive to comments about health, diet, lifestyle, etc. Stay positive. It is not about other people it is about you and your accomplishments. Don’t be afraid to let people know you have reach a goal (personally or professionally) because you don’t want to upset them.

We all control how we react to situations. They choose to react negative to a positive. Keep choosing to be positive.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

for 99% of the population, BMI is a perfectly acceptable method of determining the healthiness of your weight. I say this because I doubt that more than 1 in a 100 people actually carry enough muscle mass to push them from a normal BMI to an overweight BMI.

Completely not true. I'm 6' 1/2" and 245 lb, 25% body fat (182 lb lean mass). That classifies me with about a 32.5 BMI, which is class 1 obese. In order to get to "normal" BMI, I would have to weigh 187 lb max. That would be 2.7% bodyfat. BMI is terrible for a lot more than 1% of people.

[Rosie]

Sounds like demonslayer is spot on. People dont like their own flaws and insecurities to be highlighted by someone who is making a positive change. You succseeding in your goals may make her feel like she's not doing anything to achieve her own but she cant be bothered to do something about it.

well done you though, in the future share your woots here where everyone will be cheering you on ;-)

[ZenGwen]

Thanks for all the comments guys! I really appreciate it. The rant and these comments (and a nice talk with my sympathetic and angry-on-my-behalf boyfriend) helped. I feel much better now. She's being silly. It's not my problem. I feel really good! I let myself have a beer tonight to celebrate, and still stayed spot on my goals, plenty of protein, very little carbs and just about 1200 cals.

On the BMI stuff - yeah, I know it's totally flawed for a lot of people. When I was in my tweens, we had a lady who lived with us and did a lot of childcare for me in return for free housing. The reason she needed free housing was that she was on the USA Olympic Women's Crew! (They don't pay those women nearly what they're worth.) She was an amazon. Still is. Since signing off the team she's coached a couple of prestigious university teams. Well over six feet, pure muscle. And by the BMI, she should've keeled over YEARS ago.

I do think it's pretty accurate for me though. It maybe puts me up a little bit because I'm so short, but overall, I think it's a decent measure for me.

[aj_rock]

Completely not true. I'm 6' 1/2" and 245 lb, 25% body fat (182 lb lean mass). That classifies me with about a 32.5 BMI, which is class 1 obese. In order to get to "normal" BMI, I would have to weigh 187 lb max. That would be 2.7% bodyfat. BMI is terrible for a lot more than 1% of people.

You also have much higher than normal muscle mass. What I'm saying is that, for the ENTIRE human population, chances are less than 1 in 100 people have muscle mass high enough to make the BMI invalid.

Obviously, on a fitness forum such as NF you'll get skewed data, because we attract people aiming for above average musculature... walk down the street and see how many people look like they're BMI prediction is incorrect.