Why is trying to be healthy a bad thing?

[Snuffleupagusish]

Grrrrr. I've been exercising less than a week and I'm already getting a bit disheartened. Telling people that I am trying to get fit has only generated variations of the following responses:

"Why, you aren't fat?" - I know, that's why I said get fit not lose weight

"Don't be stupid" - errr, what?

"Just eat some cake" - again, what?

Plus I've had people just look at me as if I'm some sort of weird creature they've never seen before and a long rambling explanation from an overweight relative that she is fit 'cos she walks "everywhere" and so I don't need to worry about exercising.

Honestly if one of my friends had told me they were trying to get fit I'd support them 100%. Admittedly I do get a bit bored by the friend who only talks about running, but I never tell him not to be stupid!!!

Do a lot of you get this sort of thing or are all my friends and co-workers just weird? Should I just keep it to myself in future like a dirty little secret??

[Timmy M]

keep it to yourself unless someone asks or is doing the same as yourself, on the odd occasions i go further into detail than that which is obvious then i do get some funny responses (especially where paleo and the fact that i don't really want to get that much bigger yet still get stronger is concerned)

[StrengthIsBeauty]

Strange, isn't it? I could psychoanalyze this type of reaction from others all day, but it doesn't change the thought process out there. It's one of the reasons I love the NF community so much 8^) It's safe here ;^)

[Naturally]

I think in general people's negative reactions to anyone wanting to get fit, slim down, muscle up whatever is because it draws their own attention to their own weaknesses.

[scott82962]

Weaknesses, fears, ignorance, jealousy, envy...

They all come up. I'm 49 and the most come negative response has to do with me having mixed up priorities/shouldn't my time be spend with my family/shouldn't my time be more devoted to work/etc. But for the most part I try to spend my free time - lunch periods and such - with people who are on board and/or cheerleaders.

You're one week in. Don't let yourself become disheartened. Rock on for 6 months and you will never want to look back. And I'm guessing you'll have a combination of new friends and old friends with new attitudes!

[bprime]

People are stupid.

But if you workout, eat all the cake you want. I do.

[Corbab]

I've found there are two distinct groups of people within the health world: people who want to fix things, and people who want to be awesome.

The Fixers will go on a diet for a month to get ready for a vacation, then forget about it. They'll eat some ridiculous combination of "magic" foods they read about in a magazine. They'll switch from cream in their coffee to some nasty non-fat thing. They're trying to think about being healthy, but their heart isn't in it.

The Awesome People are the ones who don't like "just okay" and really improve their lives. They like making progress, and know what they need to do to do it. The gym, track, or field is a retreat, not a torture chamber. They want to be better, so they are

You're obviously Awesome, but unfortunately a lot of the world isn't. Don't let anyone's ideas about being healthy get in the way of what you want.

[ZenGwen]

Yep, this bit sums it up:

a long rambling explanation from an overweight relative that she is fit 'cos she walks "everywhere" and so I don't need to worry about exercising.

Why is she telling you about how she is fit (which she isn't) when you tell her you're going to get fit? Because she doesn't hear "I'm going to get fit". She hears "I don't want to be a fatass like you any more". So they tell you that you don't need to, or to eat something, so that you don't get better and they don't feel bad in comparison to you.

Tons of people react like that. It's really annoying. I do kind of keep quiet about it now.

[Mb82]

Just had it out with Mom recently about this. She kept telling me to stop because I was going to end up being too muscular( like steroid helped body builder). Apparently the wrong thing to say is " I just don't want to end up like you" yep basically I called her fat. Didn't mean to, or at least was not intending to. But she is, Dad is no better. She wants me to be like her because my older sister is still is good shape and in better shape then my mother at my sisters age.

Most of my friends are behind me and understand why I feel the need to get myself back into the same shape I was when I was 16. Really I don't listen to the person/people who is/are against me trying to get into shape. Heck I really don't listen to the people who are backing me on it either. Guess I am not a good listener.

[empeg9000]

keep it to yourself unless someone asks or is doing the same as yourself, on the odd occasions i go further into detail than that which is obvious then i do get some funny responses (especially where paleo and the fact that i don't really want to get that much bigger yet still get stronger is concerned)

This is what I do. I am still pretty big but I've lost a lot. When I tell someone I am trying to be healthy and that I work out they look at me very skeptically. SO I just keep it to myself. Now that I have lost a bit people are starting to notice and just ask if I've lost weight. I just say "thank you, yes I have." I leave it at that.

[wildross]

I got this a bit when I started too, so I shut up about it except here. I don't care about "being in great shape for your age" (compared to what??). I know I have more shaping up to do. A lot more. Most "conventional wisdom" today is really just the distillation of the current "average". But a) who wants to be average? who says today's average is what we should aim for?

You ever look at an 8th grade test from the 1800's? Your "average" college kid today will flunk (and it won't be close). Or look at "average" fitness tests from around the same time.

[Book]

Pfaw. We're already nerds. I don't know about you, but my family and peers have always looked strangely at me for various things my whole life. Why not just own it? You're trying to get fit to make your overall quality of life better. If they can't handle it, that's okay with me, I'll go with the people who *do* support it, like the people here.

[Top Boss Ultra]

You ever look at an 8th grade test from the 1800's? Your "average" college kid today will flunk (and it won't be close).

I believe this is the test you're talking about: http://www.snopes.com/language/document/1895exam.asp

[Sydnie]

Just had it out with Mom recently about this. She kept telling me to stop because I was going to end up being too muscular( like steroid helped body builder).

My mom was the same way about it. I worked with very very light weights when I was in high school and did a lot of situps, crunches, pushups, etc. She kept saying I needed to stop or I'd have "man arms." It's what made me shy away from the gym for a very long time. It also made me afraid of weights and all of that. She also told me that running would destroy my body. Basically, I was screwed. =\ Now I don't listen to any of that and do what makes me happy. Lifting makes me feel amazing and running... well... Running and I aren't friends yet but we need to be. Haha! But keep it up and you'll prove to yourself that you only need YOUR acceptance!

I feel lucky that most of my friends are very accepting because most of my friends are military so they understand the "get swole" attitude that I've recently acquired. They're mostly excited that I stopped the fad diet and crazy phases that I've gone through. I'm actually focused on health and fitness, not the scale.

[wildross]

I believe this is the test you're talking about: http://www.snopes.com/language/document/1895exam.asp

Nope.

[sashi]

I believe this is the test you're talking about: http://www.snopes.com/language/document/1895exam.asp

Although I agree with Snopes' analysis of those tests, I do have to say that flipping through some late 19th century grammar school readers was an enlightening experience. (There were some readings that could possibly challenge some of my college students.) [Yes, I have a thing about really old books. I'm actually very sad I didn't buy these when I saw them.]

[Book]

...they understand the "get swole" attitude that I've recently acquired.

I must be getting really old... even a google search didn't help me understand "get swole". I'll just hope I've got it right with the context

[oystergirl]

LOL seriously, keep it a secret. I visited with my family today, my sister and brother and their families were there. I mentioned not a thing. It only causes personal reactions that have nothing to do with you. YOU and your actions point out their inaction or fear....this isn't a bout you....its about them!!!

[doc_brietz]

Every time you make a life change, you will have this. When I joined the Army, I had to ditch the old ways and I lost a few friends. It is just like you can't be clean of drugs and hang around users and expect to stay that way. Now, you shouldn't disown your family, but you may have to look for new places for cheerleaders or people of like mind to help keep you on the right path. This is why people who believe in God go to a church (like minded people who share your values), and why sick folks see the doctor (the gym is your hospital and good food is your medicine). If you are out there in the world all on your own on this, unless you have a steel will, you are likely to faulter. This is what a good support group is for. No one in their right mind can sit here and say getting fit is a bad thing. As my buddy would say, "They don't be understandin' me. They all is hatin'!"

Email or post anytime. I got your back. I think we all have the same basic goal here.

[alice-on]

Negativity towards those of us that choose to lead a healthier life is something that will always be around, and it's so sad. You might have already heard this story, but fishermen have observed that when they catch a net of crabs, the crabs with grab those that are free and pull them back into the bag. My advice? Eat healthy, work out, and don't even say anything about it to the people that you know are gonna just hate. I know it's something that we all want to share, but in these cases it's better to just look fine and let them be the ones to say "Hey, you look great, what are you doing?"

[shutterpillar]

People seem to have this same reaction to me as well. Its like they group "getting fit" and "losing weight" in the same category because I hear all the time "OMG you don't need to lose weight! you look great for having two kids!" (that last little bit gets to me. LOL). And I calmly tell them that I am not trying to lose weight, in fact I would like to gain some muscle mass, which in turn leads them to say "OMG you aren't going to look like a bodybuilder are you?!"

It's like they go from one extreme to the next. So I just keep my fitness goals to myself. My husband has nearly the same goals, so if I need someone to talk to I either come here or talk with him.

[Guest guest4729]

Weaknesses, fears, ignorance, jealousy, envy...

All of this and then some! I came across the same thing when I started.

A lot of people telling me I'm not fat. A lot of people telling me I don't need to work out. A lot of people telling me that I should just run. Anddd a lot of people telling me as much B.S. as possible.

I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this to be healthy. I'm doing to to look better and feel better.

And like a lot of others, I just stopped telling people. People always have something to say about how I don't need to do it. Or how weight lifting for girls is silly, etc. etc.

[Corbab]

Its like they group "getting fit" and "losing weight" in the same category because I hear all the time "OMG you don't need to lose weight! you look great for having two kids!" (that last little bit gets to me. LOL). And I calmly tell them that I am not trying to lose weight, in fact I would like to gain some muscle mass, which in turn leads them to say "OMG you aren't going to look like a bodybuilder are you?!"

Sometimes it seems like all that anyone cares about is how you look on the outside. I used to be jealous of the super-skinny kids who could eat all day and practically disappear when they turned sideways. Now I'm much happier knowing that I could pick them up and toss them around for a bit. There's something great about knowing you have some power in you.

[AKLulu]

I don't think you should have to keep it a secret (You should be able to be proud of your effort!), but maybe you can think of a different way to state it that is less off-putting to people. It sucks that you would have to worry about other people judging you for wanting to be fit, but maybe you could say something like "I want to make sure I stay strong" or "Being active is good for my mental health" instead? Try some different things and see how people react. I can't really say that I've ever had this problem. I've been overweight since I was 8, so most people are impressed and proud when I say I'm trying to get fit. I definitely have experience with trying to use the right words though!

[Top Boss Ultra]

Nope.

I still think Snopes' analysis applies to pretty much any test. Many college students now couldn't pass the tests they were given in 8th grade because "just about any test looks difficult to those who haven't recently been steeped in the material it covers." I want to see an example of the kind of test you're talking about, as I in no way believe that the average American is less educated than the average American in the 19th century, which is what you were implying.